So Close

My brother and his wife on why communication is so important in a marriage

Play dates: A bit like a blind date?

So cute! My kids are starting to want to be friends with a child other than the one they shared a womb with. Next thing they will be asking for the car keys and beer money. *Sob* They grow up so quickly. 

Which brings me to my point. Dudes, what’s the deal with play dates? Apparently some kids go to other kid’s houses after school for a play date.  Sounds like fun, except who gets to choose the play date? I assume the moms have to come too? Now, the problem is, if these play mates come in pairs (one kid + one mom), who gets to pick? Because it does not necessarily follow that fun kid = fun mom.

Only joking of course, my kids are allowed to pick their own friends (after I’ve vetted them and interrogated their parents for half a day), but how do you handle the date with the mom? Must be a bit like a blind date. “So, tell me a bit more about yourself….” 

I don’t think my kids are quite ready to be on their own at someone’s house for a play date, although I would be more than willing to have one of their little friends come to play at our house, with or without their moms. I just hope the friends they pick have cool moms too. Or even better! Handsome dads! Yeah! Now THAT’s my kind of fun play date. Only joking Marko! Haha, funny old me. (Rats! Must stop husband from reading my blog)

Do you think its ok to serve alcohol at these play dates? And to the mothers? Oh, I am so funny. I think I am delirious actually. Over worked and under slept. So dudes, share a little more about this new phenomenon called ‘The Play Date’. I need rules, guidelines, etiquette and potential pitfalls to look out for.

Outsourced Parenting

I was thinking about celebrity parents recently, and I wondered how different their lives were from mine and yours. One of the biggest things I’ve always envied about celebs is their staff compliment. I fantasize about having personal chefs, and 24 on call masseuses. A personal stylist and your own shopper. Imagine outsourcing all the drudge work to paid help.

And then I wondered about their other paid help, the nannies, au pairs and other child helpers. I wondered which of the parenting drudge work they outsourced to others. (Lets face it, parenting is not exactly all sunshine and roses all the time, there is a LOT of pretty routine work involved!)

I wonder what parenting drudgery I would outsource to others if I could….

Not too much, to be honest. The taking and fetching from school I love doing. My mom offers to do it sometimes and I have to force myself to say yes. I LOVE taking them to and from school.

As for the night-time wakings (few and far in between as they are now), no, not that either. When they were newborns I hired a night nurse who lasted exactly two nights. There was no way on earth that I could lie there and not attend to my children at night. It was a total waste of money. I like being there for my children at night.

Hmm, what else? Doctors appointments….like doing it. Trips to the park…..like doing it. Walks? Like doing it. Games, playing, puzzles….I like doing it.  In fact, even with the routine drudgery, I like doing almost all of it.

However, the one thing I would DEFINITELY outsource if I could (because I really, really hate it), is the feeding thing. I would outsource that in a heartbeat. But for the rest of it, I can’t really think what I would rather not do myself.

If you are wondering what the hell I am talking about as I have a nanny… Rose does all of that when I am working, but when I am there, I do it. Perhaps the celebs do that too. Perhaps when they are there, they all do all the drudge work too.  What do you think really happens behind their closed doors and what would you outsource if you could?

Xenophobic attacks in South Africa

By now you will have heard about the terrible xenophobic attacks happening in South Africa. I haven’t spoken about it yet because I have been so ashamed. So very ashamed and so deeply disappointed in my countrymen. For the first time since those dark days of apartheid, I was ashamed to be South African.

But over the last few days my dark despair is lifting, and once again my faith in my fellow South Africans is being restored. The xenophobic attacks and blatant criminal acts are still deeply disturbing, but what is coming to light is that the majority of South Africans are warm, caring people who will open their hearts and their homes to people from all cultures and all nations across the world. In the midst of this terrible crisis ordinary South Africans have not only expressed their feelings in their words, but in their actions as well.  My best friend and Nurture Egg Donor partner Melany has started her own blanket and baby food drive, my sister Melanie has spent the entire weekend handing out food and supplies to refugees (see here and here) and my dear young friend Rafiq (the “if only I was 17 years younger” one) has put together an amazing site called United for Africa where ordinary people like you and me can keep up to date with what is happening on the ground, and see how we can help the poor victims of this humanitarian crisis. Please click here to view.

To the ordinary South African who have extended their hands in help, thank you. To the criminal element who have perpetuated these terrible attacks, SHAME ON YOU. To my brothers and sisters from Africa, I am so terribly sorry. Please know that to the majority of South Africans you are our brothers and sisters, and you are always welcome in our home.

The Princess and I

This morning, as I was getting dressed, I put my foot into my shoe and I immediately sensed something was amiss. Something was poking into me. It wasn’t the seam (my feet know about seams, they have an understanding), and it wasn’t the shoe. It was something new. I squiggled my toes around to see whether it would go away, but it was still there. I took my shoe off and shook it. Ah HA! There’s the culprit! A tiny piece of a label that I had cut off a shirt earlier (can’t remember if it was from my shirt or from Adam’s) had fallen into my shoe. My first reaction was “I can’t believe I can feel a tiny piece of soft cloth in the bottom of my shoe and my second thought was “That poor princess in the ‘The Princess and the Pea’ was quite clearly sensory defensive, which is why she could feel the pea through the 20 mattresses and 20 feather beds.”

I am so bad at this sensory stuff that I can’t even stand pokey scratchy things on others. My dogs have never worn collars, unless of course if they go for a walk. The thought that the collar might poke and scratch without them being able to tell me drives me crazy.  But when I took the puppies to puppy classes, the teacher said the puppies must wear collars to get used to them. So I put collars on them. For about 3 weeks. I drove Marko crazy. “Do you think they are too tight? I’m sure they are too tight. Do you think they are too heavy? Perhaps the collars are irritating them. Do you think they are ok?” Eventually I just gave in and took them off. MUUUUCH better.

So, I can relate to the Princess. I bet she also wears her panties inside out so that the seams don’t poke into her and I bet her husband, the prince, also gets a little put out the she never wears any of his jewelry (jewelry is horrible and pokey scratchy, can’t wear it). I bet she hardly ever wears make up and ties her hair up all the time. And I bet she’d also feel a tiny piece of cloth at the bottom of her trainers.

You know, you should feel sorry for the Princess and I. It isn’t easy being so full of shit for so much of the time.

Ageing from the outside in

I am wearing make up today, the second time IN A WEEK (can you cope!) I can’t wait to get to 6pm when I can take it off. I could take it off now, but that would be a waste. I might as well look gorgeous for a bit longer, seeing as I already have this gunk on my face.

Anyway, I was peering in the mirror, checking to see that my mascara hadn’t smudged further than my top lip when I noticed that my eyebrow pencil had smudged a little (have very little body hair, need to colour in eyebrows). I leant forward (eyes failing) to rub the smudge line away and took a step back again to admire my handiwork. Lo and behold, the bloody line was still there. Leant forward, rubbed harder. Still there.

O.M.G It isn’t a smudge line, it’s a fucking wrinkle! I have wrinkly eyebrows. Shoot me now, my life is officially over.

It’s quite fascinating really, watching my body degenerate before my very (wrinkly) eyes.  What the hell happened? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was young, taut and wrinkle free? I now have wrinkly eyebrows and wrinkly feet. It would appear I am ageing from the extremities inwards. Thank god between my youthful vagina (hardly used, still in original packaging) and fake 20-something year old boobs, my middle is positively pubescent. If I wear a balaclava and ankle boots I could pass for a 25 year old any day.

Sigh. This ageing business is a bitch.   

I wish I had..….(insert assvice here)

I don’t believe in regrets. Even though I haven’t exactly lived a very saintly life (one could in fact, argue for the complete opposite), I still don’t believe in regrets. Sure, I have done some things I am not very proud of (times when I’ve hurt people, like my sister during my infertility years and my parents during my druggy years), but I don’t spend time agonising about the past. It happened; I can’t go back and change it.

But while I don’t believe in living in the past, I do think you can learn an enormous amount from the past experiences of other people, good and bad. I absolutely love reading articles and stories written by older, more experienced people where they reminisce about their lives and share some of the life lessons they have learnt. And as you know, I am not afraid to ask for assvice, opinion and experiences from others. I know some people don’t like it, but I really love it. Why not learn from others? Sure, not all of it will be relevant, not all of it will resonate with me. For every 10 pieces of (often conflicting) assvice I get, I will perhaps only internalise one. But some of those ones that do resonate with me are extremely powerful. My mother is especially brilliant at handing out little gems of advice and past experiences. Especially about marriage and raising children. As someone who has been married for 40 years and who has raised four children (and helped to raise 7 grandchildren), I learn a huge amount of her.

In actual fact, I believe you can learn from just about anyone. Even if it is only to say “that it something I would never do”.

So, with that in mind, I am keen to learn from you. Looking back at last week, last month, last year, the last decade, the past lifetime, what is it that you wished you had done or not done that you would pass on as a piece of advice to others who might follow your path. About marriage, parenting, work, life in general. I am not talking about regrets; I am talking about opportunities to learn.

Here is mine, for what it is worth:

• I wish I had established good eating behaviour in my children right from the start. Fed them a variety of different foods. I wish I had realized that if they refused to eat a meal, they wouldn’t starve.

That would be my one piece of assvice I would pass on to any new parents: establish good eating patterns early on – feed them what you eat or else you will create fussy, painful eaters who refuse to try anything new.  Feeding my children (balanced meals) is the absolute BANE of my life.

As for the rest of it, I am still learning all the time!

What do you wish you had done or not done, a piece of assvice that you would pass on to others?

A special book for new Dads

My dear friend Jennifer and her husband have put together a really sweet book that makes the perfect gift for first time fathers, just in time for Father's Day!

While some men are absolute ‘naturals’ when it comes to tiny babies, there are many, like my husband, who were complete novices when their first little baby arrives. So much of the ‘fuss’ pre and post birth is around the mom (as it should be!) that the poor dads often get totally forgotten about and their introduction to babies is a baptism by fire.

This beautiful little book is a the perfect ‘baby shower’ gift for all new dads and besides the stunning photos it contains, it also has some pretty insightful tips and advice from the author (James, Jennifer’s husband) who is a father of three himself. Newborn bonding, carrying, skin-to-skin contact, diapering, going places, napping, playing, exercising, reading to baby etc is all covered in a lighthearted and informative way.

You can read more about the book here and buy it here.

   

It is cool to be Coloured in South Africa

I recently posted a note on Twitter saying that we are looking for Black and Coloured egg donors for our egg donor program, and I got quite a few notes from blog readers telling me that ‘coloured’ is an offensive term in the USA. Well, being called “Coloured” in South Africa is not offensive; in fact, it is damn cool to be coloured!

I’ve chatted about this before, but those who are new’ish or missed it the first time, I thought I would chat about it again. 

‘Coloured’ is one of the four main racial classifications in South Africa: Black, White, Coloured and Indian. Coloured people in South Africa make up around 10% of the population and have a very strong cultural identity. Most coloured people are proud to be coloured (except for the few who prefer to go by the label 'so called Coloured').  The Coloured culture seems to have inherited all the best aspects of both white and black culture and the are a damn fun bunch of people.   Ek is baie lief vir die bruin mense.

I don’t have time to go into a lengthy discussion, but check Wikipedia for a bit of an explanation. It  doesn’t do it enough justice, but it will have to do for now – any South African coloured readers willing to give it a bash? What does the term ‘coloured’ mean to you? What about the term ‘so called coloured’. I personally don’t get that one.  Neil, Rafiq, you want to give it a go? Anyone else?

PS If you are a black or coloured young woman who might be interested in becoming an egg donor, we would love to hear from you! We have so many black and coloured couples who are longing for the opportunity to become parents. Please have a look at our website for more info.

Look! I can do something 'naturally'!

Beta is 10! Am giddy with relief.

(for those who don't know what that means, it means that the miscarriage is happening naturally and that I am very, very close to being unpregnant! all by myself!)