He should be thanking his lucky stars

I was sitting in the lounge tonight in my exceptionally unsexy towelling bathrobe and my fluffy slippers, sipping on my wine and tapping away at my laptop when Marko pipes up, "I can't believe I ended up with someone like you"

WHAT, I said, WHAT!  What do you mean?

What the fuck is that thing against your nose, he asked.

It's a piece of tissue paper, I replied piously. My glasses are broken and the metal thing is poking into my nose.  And you should be SO LUCKY that you are married to someone like me!

And so he should.  Where else is he going to get a slightly older, barren, undomesticated goddess like me!  The ungrateful little fucker.

On a positive note, I am feeling quite strong. Am feeling all zen about this almost pregnancy. What's meant to be is meant to be and all that shit.  All my pregnancy symptoms have disappeared, making me rather hopeful that tomorrow's beta will reveal a neatly falling HCG count, indicative of things like natural miscarriages and unruined holidays. 

On an even more positive, I am featured in the New York Times today.  I'm practically famous!

PS Please don't be alarmed at the size of the crevices on my forehead.  All donations to the Give That Woman Some Botox fund gratefully accepted.

PPS Thanks for all your supportive comments. You make me feel all warm inside. Like wine.

Comments

[Wyliekat]

Oh, for men to have a little Jiminy Cricket on their shoulders, to whisper 'REPHRASE, REPRHASE!' before things actually come out of their mouths.

[blackbird]

I heart you.

[jenty]

Glad you're feeling ok about it.
Fab news about the NY Times!!
And LOL at the tissue!

[margalit]

I'm very glad to hear that I am insightful and have very good taste. I've always thought that about myself! :-)

[Andria]

lol...lucky man indeed!

[zenoma]

You have gorgeous eyes! But, I'm thinking you should do an eyebrow wax. Besides, all the famous girls so it. Love you!

[Roberta]

What amazing blue eyes you have. Wow! But I'm concerned about the slippers: what happened to the bare feet?

[Chicago]

Practically famous? You are big time, I tell you, big time! The flippin' New York Times! Oh my!

I am so . . . oh I don't know . . . sorry? . . . that you are on this fertility rollercoaster . . . again. I hope it's OK with you if I hope just a little because that would be just about the coolest pregnancy story ever. If not, you have not only your wonderful friends and family (even the TP-commenting Marko) for comfort but all of your faithful readers, too.

If you don't want to go on the pill, keep in mind the toilet tissue on the side of the nose. It could be just the birth control you'd be looking for without any of the side effects!

[Trish]

Whaddya' mean, practically? You are TOTALLY famous!

Sorry about the mindfuck pg.

[sheridan]

Perfect line to end that column! You're a star, even with the broken glasses.

[Eliza]

Bwahahahaa...love that last line. A slap to the back of the bald head for Marko! My husband is a great maker of Infamous Remarks. Like that time he compared the doctor confirming my first pregnancy (already checked with two peesticks so in my mind that meant PREGNANT, but when I got home clutching my dating u/s pic and bottle of sample maternity vitamins he asked urgently "WELL WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY???" and then after some confusion where I said something about vitamins and no raw meats said "NO, NO, DID SHE SAY YOU WERE PREGNANT OR NOT???") to "like finding out you have CANCER!" When I tried to throw him a lifeline and asked if he wanted to...elaborate...he said "well, you know, it's like if you find a lump where it doesn't belong, of course you THINK it might be cancer, but hearing it from a DOCTOR is another thing entirely!"

He now says that if I ever tell our firstborn that story he'll kill me. But joke's on him--looks like he'll outlive me by a LOT, and when I'm gone who will lie around costing him as much money as the rent on a small apartment to keep in drugs and doctor's visits every month, HMMM??? Ungrateful! These men don't know how good they've got it...

[Orange]

I think slippers are hot. Can we get a picture of your feet in slippers, accompanied by a detailed description of how your feet feel in them?

Oh, sorry. I forgot I wasn't Weird Foot Guy.

I mean, your closing line is classic Tertia.

Maybe I can glue a piece of tissue to that giant and persistent zit on my neck. I'm torn between calling it "my Adam's apple" or "my cyst." It's ginormous. Maybe I should do a poll! Okay, I have put up a Blogger poll. My first poll evah!

['wishIknew']

Tertia,

Just have to pipe in again re: betas
My pregnancy symptoms went away too but that darn beta kept creeping up and I found it very frustrating.
As I mentioned it was a "blighted ovum".
My guess is that is what you might have too assuming you don't have any remaining pain on one side that could mean ectopic.
I really think you should have an u/s in addition to the blood draw.
The day after my scan, when I found out the number had still gone up, I had a 'talk' with my sad little sac and thanked it for what it was trying to do but explained there was no baby so it needed to stop trying to grow. My bleeding started later that day.
I truly hope you can get this all behind you before you go away.

Very impressed with the New York Times mention. (maybe that will help you find a publisher for your book over here)
Hang in there re: the first topic,
'wishIknew'

[Alex]

Oh, geez, Tertia, I think I love you (in a non-stalkery, non-foot-fetishy way, do understand). You are perfect in the Times (and here too of course).

Too funny about Marko. My hubbie likes to say that he doesn't deserve me, and I always tell him he's right about that -- a little unclear between us whether it's because I'm too lovely or not lovely enough (DH did once come home to tell me that one of his friends thought I was "drop dead gorgeous," the clear implication being that said friend was nuts -- let's just say that "Drop dead" has become another oft-repeated line in our marriage...).

[Flicka]

We ARE extremely insightful and have excellent taste! Well, I know I do, anyway.

Sorry your glasses are broken but glad you're feeling Zen. Still thinking of you....

[Bec]

Tertia Tertia Tertia! :shaking head: you get a mention in the New York Freaking Times, people will flock here to get a gander at those bigger breasts she mentioned and what's the first thing they will see? You, with toilet paper stuck to your face!

Well, I'm sorry to hear the about the pg thing. Just when you think you've taken your last ride on that ole IF roller coaster, eh? I wish it had turned out differently for you.

[Melissa]

I think that you are one of the most noble souls I've ever "met". We are so very different, but I love your spirit. Thank you for always being honest.

[JuliaKB]

I am just reading now. Damn, this is so freaking unfair. I am so sorry.

And Marko really should thank his lucky stars-- a less perfect wife might've thrown her laptop at his head, and then he would've had to shell out both to have his head stitched up and to buy his wife a new laptop. Just saying.

[Kim]

Its an all about comfort look Muriel. Funny guy Marko.

[Krishawn]

I love you! Where have you been all my life? Just stumbled across your blog and I have been reading for hours. I am so, so sorry to read about your betas. My heart goes out to you.

[robyn]

tertia,
thanks for making me laugh, and laugh, and laugh!

[Hanlie]

Marko needs to work on his taste and insight!

[Bianca W]

Just a little bit off the topic here, but have you been for a blood test today?

I know I am not the only one waiting with a small little lingering hope........(and saying a prayer - becuase that's what I do)

[Veronica]

We're better than wine though, we don't make you feel headachey the next day.

At least, I hope we don't...

[BrooklynGirl]

You are famous! Rock on brave lady1

[Wobs]

Should we start a "New Glasses" fund? :)

[Angela Goff]

Hi Tertia,
Love your blog. I'm sad to hear of your troubles. Sounds like you battle them well with humor. I do that, at least on the surface, heehee. Yes, sometimes people (men) say the "cutest things"! I have very long, bushy, frustrating hair, and one day I was bloated...not nice when you are past childbearing age, or can't have kids, but still get to experience the joy of menstrating...and he said to me, giggling at my adorable discomfort, "You look like a troll doll!"

[kristylynne]

Damn, you are funny. I am sure my husband thinks the same thing about me, but doesn't have the balls to come out and say it. When I do dress up (which happens, like, almost never) he says "I remember you! I used to date this hot chick that just looked like you!" Dickhead.

Your quotes in the NYT are divine.

[HeatherN3Boys]

LOVED the NYT article. Your responses - divine. Hee hee...

[angel]

holy crap... i also wanna be in he new york times!!!
glad you're feeling okay t.