So Close

You underestimate him

I get the feeling that in light of my recent posts, you are feeling a little sorry for Marko. Please don’t. You are seriously underestimating him if you do.

Up until I met Marko at the ripe old age of 29, my longest relationship was 10 months. All my other relationships (bar one) had fizzled out because they ended up with me dominating the relationship, and the man, in such a way that I lost total respect for the guy. Until I met Marko.

Even though Marko is five years younger than I am, he is the first guy I have ever been with that absolutely does not take my shit. I am an old fashioned girl at heart; I need my man to be a take charge kind of guy. I need a man who is strong enough to deal with my forceful personality, and gentle enough to look after my fragile soul. Marko is all of that, and more. 

That stuff about making him stand there and do that when he is picking the kids up from school? Please don’t think he listens to me when I say stuff like that. (The man NEVER listens to me about ANYTHING!) It doesn’t worry him in the slightest. He does his own thing, no matter what I say. He listens to me when he knows it is important to me, but Marko has a mind of his own, and he does what he feels is best. 

It makes me cross sometimes; how stubborn and unpliable he is, but I secretly love it. I love that he doesn’t take my crap. I love that he is his own man and I can’t walk all over him.  Even though I pretend to moan, I need him to be just the way he is. He is perfect for me and I hope that I am perfect for him.

So, don’t feel sorry for him, at all. That man is the strongest man I know. He has to be, with a wife like me.

PS you DO know that I write for effect and I obviously caricature myself in a way that is far worse than reality? Right? I am bad, but not that bad. 

Frighteningly scary watchdogs

Marko: Not a big chatter

On Monday the teacher mentioned that Thursday was baking day at school and all the kids were invited, even the Monday, Wed and Friday kids. Because I had already arranged to go to the Geek Girls lunch (which was very, very nice btw), I asked Marko to fetch them from school. First time he has done so. Which made me VERY nervous. (Anal / sensory / anxious part of me gets very nervous when things out of the ordinary happen. Must Not Deviate from The Plan. EVER.)

Because Marko had never been to the school before, I insisted we drive past the school the night before. “There is the school. This is where you park, and here is where you wait…”

I’ve been sending him reminders the whole week: Do NOT be late. Make sure you are waiting outside the gate at 12:05pm SHARP. The gates will open at 12:10pm, and you need to be right there, among the first to enter the school. (All the kids wait on their chairs for their moms or dads to fetch them, and it is very distressing for them if their moms are late) I told the kids in the morning that their dad was going to fetch them and how exciting it would be.

I reminded him via email, text message and telephone. I called him on the way there to make sure he was on his way (Oh my word, I am VERY painful). Totally unnecessary of course, as Marko is exceptionally reliable and as anal punctual as I am. I told him to call me once he had dropped them off at home to let me know how it went.

And I waited, and waited and eventually at 2, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I called him, “so! How did it go!” Fine, he says. “Well, what did they say? Were they excited? How did it go?” It went fine, he replies. 

FINE? Fine? It is like getting blood out of a bloody stone! I want to know everything. What he thought, how he felt, what he thought of the school, what he thought of the other mothers, what the teacher said, what the kids said, how they were….. It’s a big thing after all! The first time he has fetched his little babies from SCHOOL! “Fine, everything was fine.”

Aarrgghh! It is amazing how something can be so significant to me and so run of the mill to Marko. And how he is SO bad with telling me stuff. I have to DRAG things out of him. How was your day? ‘Fine’. What did they say at work about XYZ? ‘Not much’. 

You know, I am not expecting a 1000 word essay here, but you know, give me something! A few adjectives and a sentence with more than two words would be nice.

(If it was me, I would have set the scene, included various descriptions of how I was feeling, how the kids reacted, what they said, who was crying, if anyone, what I thought of the teacher, the school, what time I arrived, who I spoke to etc etc etc. I also probably would have been able to give a brief bio of at least 8 moms, including how many children they have, ages, what they do, how long they have been married, what their husbands do, where they went to school etc.) 

Can you imagine if Marko had a blog! “The kids went to school for the first time today.  It went fine. The end”

Men! Can’t live with them, can’t kill the little bastards without getting jail time.

Anyone with gently used baby clothes they would like to donate?

Instead of wasting money on naff Hallmark card for Valentines Day, why don't you help a mother in another country?

My sister, the happy clapper, needs some help with her charity: (copy and pasting from her email, too tired to edit. hope you can help)

I got divine clothes from some of my readers last time but they have all gone and we are once again desperate for clothing with almost nothing in the crates.  Sjoe, the temptation to give this up is huge at times!   
I want God to be proud of me and when I die one day, I don't want him to think.... great start, pity you didn't see this through.
Yip, sometimes tough being a clappy but once you know, you KNOW..
Anyhoo, please ask your readers if they have gently used clothing newborn, 0-3 and 3-6 months to send to this address in Georgia*.  Karla is a pastors wife and a whole mission team is coming out in 2 weeks time.  They would need to send by the end of the month. Is really urgent and we are down to nothing and I am off to see the Matron at Macasser Hospital next week to start up there soon. This is a huge faith test for me so I am trusting for tons of clothing from all over.
Thanks Bokkie for doing your war effort,
Lovely Me

Karla's details....[email protected]

* I know you lot are paranoid about privacy etc, so I deleted Karla's address. Please email her directly, or sister Mel to get the physical address to which to send the clothes.  Thanks for your help. I might not be a Jesus lover, but I do love my sister, and I know this means a lot to her.

Edited to add: As per Amy's suggestion, if you would like to donate a few bucks, my sister has a PayPal button on her site.  Click here to get to her site and then look at the right column. There is a 'Make a Donation' button that goes to Boulder's account and she will transfer the money across to my sister.

My life in bullet points

Hello hello. V v busy. No time for a proper post, so here is an update of my life, bullet point style:

Adam and OT – today was our last session for a while. Feeling ok about it.

Puppies – Gorgeous! Naughty! Busy! Good thing about getting two is that they keep each other company. No crying for mommy

Bruno and the puppies – He is being an absolute miserable old sod. He growls at them every time they come close. Miserable old fart.

Marko – Has resigned from his job. BIG change for him. He is moving out of the industry that he has been part of his whole working life and into something completely new. V exciting and also v scary for him.

Masande – has registered and is attending classes. Next step is organizing that bursary.

Nontobeko – have her CV now, busy sending it to a few contacts

Rose – Poor Rose has had quite rough time of late. Her sister died late last year leaving behind four children who now have no mother and no father.  Rose has taken on the responsibility for their care, which is obviously a big strain on her. She just has had a crappy few months. She hadn’t been to her JW meetings for ages; she got herself in all sorts of debt, and has generally been feeling pretty crappy. But we are working on a plan and things are already looking up.

My Great, Exciting New Project – Very exciting and still top secret, so can’t say a word. All will be revealed shortly.

The diet – blech. Seems to have stalled a little. Damn extra few kilos are HANGING on for dear life. But will continue trying. I might not be thinner, but I do feel a lot healthier, which is what counts, right?

The exercise routine – missed Sunday (hangover) and Monday (raining), but otherwise been really good. Thing is, it is taking me longer to build up a sweat. Which is a bit of a pain as I now have to work / walk harder.

Day job – very busy. That whole ‘work’ thing is exhausting.

Mother – remember I told you that my mother had a bad experience with her eye operation? Well, she is still suffering. Apparently 1 in 1000 cataract operations go wrong; she was the 1 in a 1000.  She hasn’t been able to drive her car since October last year.

Sister Mel – We went to a wedding on Saturday (not our own) and the person next to me asked my FAVOURITE question, “so, which one of you is the older one”. Love it! Love. Hehehe.

Sister Nina – She is leaving for Seoul, Korea shortly. Will miss her and the kids terribly. My drinking partner is leaving. Anyone stay in Seoul or have any contacts there?

Brother Paul and SIL Martina - Both still as gorgeous as ever.

School – Still going well. Monday wasn’t AS good as the previous days (we had a bit of a wobbly saying goodbye) but otherwise things are going along swimmingly.

Adam sleeping – Well. The last two nights have been ok, the previous four were not so ok. He is a crappy sleeper. That’s just how he is.

Adam and Kate’s eating – Better. I’ve become much stricter about it which seems to be working.

Me – Physically and mentally quite well. Very busy, but in a good space. Its all good.

That’s it for now I think. Anything I’ve forgotten off the list?

Calling all Cape Town Geek Girls

Max and I are having a girls lunch on Thurs.  Would love you to join us.  RSVP on Facebook

Up at sparrows fart this morning

They are GORGEOUS.  Bruno is a bit unsure of these whippersnappers and Tequila (our very fat cat) is completely unamused. He can't believe that it took him almost 8 years to train the last lot of dogs and here we punish him with a brand new set of uncultured philistines.

PS They look small in these pics, but they are actually HUGE. Big fat rolly polly dogs, they look like little Panda bears.  Too cute.

Kicked out the nest

I’m not sure whether I told you this, but we have been going to weekly OT sessions for the last year or so.  Adam has improved HUGELY; I can’t believe how much his insides have matured. 

As an example, you all know what the ‘moro reflex’ is, right? Also known as the startle reflex:  “This reflex is a response to unexpected loud noise or when the infant feels like it is falling. It is believed to be the only unlearned fear in human newborns.” Source Wikipedia

Adam used to have bad moro reflex when he was a baby, and it was only once I plucked up the courage to have him sleep on his tummy that he was able to sleep for any stretch of time. Before then he used to startle himself awake all the time. And unlike what Wikipedia says, Adam’s moro reflex stayed with him a long time. It was like his insides weren’t mature enough to relax / self regulate those feelings. Which is exactly what sensory processing disorder feels like.

But besides seeing how much better he is doing, and how well he has adapted to school, a sure sign, at least to me, that Adam’s insides are maturing, is that he is able to sleep on his back now, with his arms relaxed next to him, palms opened up and relaxed. No more moro. That’s huge. I went to check on him two nights ago and he was lying on his back, so peaceful and relaxed. He really has come a long way, like I knew he would. He still his moments, but they happen far fewer.

And so it shouldn’t have come as the big shock that it did when his OT said to me on Tuesday that she thinks it is time for Adam to stop his OT sessions, at least for now. She said that all the behaviour she is seeing from him is normal three year old behaviour, and nothing that is alarming or unusual. She said that children like Adam would always come back to OT at different times in their lives, for a ‘top up’ of sorts, but for now he was ready to be released.

I was caught completely unaware. “Stop the sessions? You mean not come anymore?? I am not sure I am ready for that. Can’t we rather taper off slowly than stop?” I asked. She nodded her head knowingly and said “ah yes, when I get that type of reaction from the parents, I know that we need to carry on a bit longer. You are welcome to come for as long as you feel comfortable”. And then I felt a bit silly. After all, this is not about me, it’s about him.

But you see, those weekly sessions were my crutch. As long as we were going to OT once a week, I felt like I had it under the control. Remember how I stopped going about a year ago, and how sorry I was afterwards? Well, remembering back on that time, I wasn’t sure I was ready to be kicked out the nest. 

But as the days have gone past since the Tuesday shock, I have had a chance to digest the news. I think perhaps we will stop going for a while. See how it goes. He is doing exceptionally well, and I know from my own experience that with time not only do your insides mature, but you learn how to control your insides (and outside) a lot better. So we will stop for a while. And if we need it again, I will be back there in a heartbeat. 

It’s scary, but I am quite sure we can do this together. As Adam says, “Adam is a big boy now”. He is a big boy, and he makes his mommy very very proud.

His turn: Cashing in

Marko and I have an old fashioned arrangement when it comes to child care. I do most of it. It works pretty well for us (which means I only get resentful some of the time and not all the time) and he does lots of other things around the house (although CLEARLY not at much I do). But most of the child care duties remain mine. 

When the kids were babies, I said I would do it all. He just couldn’t do it; the new baby thing completely overwhelmed him. I really didn’t mind, in fact I wanted to, and he supported me hugely by tidying up, making bottles etc. But all along I said that his turn would come as they got older. And that time has come; I am starting to cash in. The last THREE Sunday mornings he has (not terribly enthusiastically) taken them out ALL BY HIMSELF, giving me two glorious hours in which to work. Bliss.  (Note – I said ‘work’. Not play, do my nails, have a nap, but WORK. This is still however regarded as ‘time off’.)

But old habits die hard, and it is still easier for him to let me do the majority of the feeding, bathing, dressing, wiping butts etc. So I am gently easing him into it by offering him a choice of chores that need to be done, which apparently is VERY irritating. (Side note: everything, and everyone, irritates Marko). 

I actually think I am being really thoughtful and considerate:

As he plops himself in front of the TV: “Marko, you can either get their rooms ready for bed, or you can wash their face and brush their teeth” or as he sits down with his Car magazine, “Sweetheart, you can either make them a sandwich, or you can get them dressed”.

Note how I give him the option of choosing the least tiresome chore! What a giving wife I am. He HATES it when I do it. Which is entirely his fault because if he VOLUNTEERED for his choice of chore first, he wouldn’t get the ‘either or’ instruction, now would he??

I can’t wait for when the kids are even older, because Marko is going to go camping with them for the ENTIRE weekend and I am going to have HOURS and HOURS of alone time, during which I will not only work, but I will sleep in, paint my nails, lie in bed and read an entire book, from start to finish…...  Oh boy, I am so looking forward to cashing in even more. *Evil cackle*

(Note that Marko does 99% of the tidying up, plus he works really long hours, way longer than me. So he is not a lazy asshole, he is just an old fashioned one. And anyway, no one else is allowed to call him an asshole. As his wife, that is my job!)

 

Ants in my pants

We suddenly have ants everywhere, all over the house. Annoying little fuckers. I went for a bikini wax this morning and the (what does one call the person who waxes your bikini? waxing lady?) suddenly yelped out an 'OH!'

“What! What’s going on?” I asked nervously. One doesn’t want one’s waxing lady to give startled yelps whilst she is on the job.

“You have an ant! Crawling out your pants!”

Again, not one of my finest moments, but I suppose a stray ant crawling out my pants is a damn site better than a string of crabs scuttling single file out my newly trimmed bush.