Searching for an alternative to the Thatched Roof look

Vicki Iovine in her book “The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy” says that you shouldn’t cut your hair when you are pregnant. Women are tempted to cut their hair because they feel fat and ugly and they think getting their hair cut will make them feel better.  Instead they will still feel fat and ugly, just with shorter hair.  I wonder if the same applies to that stage in your life called “The start of the New Year of the Year You Turn 40”. I really, really want to cut my hair but I am scared I will still feel fat, ugly and old, just with short hair. 

Actually, I don’t want to have my hair cut because I feel fat, ugly and old. I do feel not-so-thin, and not-so-pretty at the moment, but I am not all miserable about it. I am actually ok, surprisingly ok. Perhaps middle age comes with more body-acceptance.  

Anyway, I want to cut my hair because it is making me HOT! It is long and thick and a big pain in the arse. The problem is that I have very badly behaved hair, and lots of it. My hair naturally looks like a grown out perm, all the time. Kind of flat on the top, wavy at the ends. Think thatched roof. 

Wearing my hair long has its advantages, not just because I can tie it up all the time, but because it weighs the wavy bits down. I am scared if I cut it, the end bits will spring up and instead of thatched roof, I will be sporting the ‘round ‘fro’ look. Think Lionel Ritchie. Or Julie’s bush. Same thing.

I need a hair style that will work with ‘semi-grown out, old perm’ type of hair, that requires no maintenance (I have blow-dried my hair exactly ONCE in 10 years, no lie), that I can tie up (can’t have bits of hair in my face, makes me itchy and drives me mad), that wont frizz, that wont look like a cross between a ‘fro and a thatched roof and that also makes me look pretty, young and thin. Is that too much to ask?????

My hair looks v v nice once I’ve had a blowjob at the hairdresser, but I can’t do that all the time. I really can’t do it myself (no time, and very little desire) and I can’t go to the hairdresser every second day. My hair also doesn’t look too bad if it is left to its own devices (i.e. wash, mousse and leave), but it makes me hot and it gets in my face if it is loose. Which means I am always tying my hair up. Pretty pointless to have the long hair and never wear it loose. See here for pics of the straight vs curly look. 

Any suggestions? Bear in mind I have a long face, a big nose and rather protruding ears.  I am thinking of having it cut into a longish bob. Shoulder length. I’ll wear it curly and tie it up when it drives me crazy. What do you think? Is cutting my hair a sign of an impending middle age crisis? What next? A Porsche and an affair with my secretary???? Where will all of this end??? WHAT IF MY NEW HAIR CUT ENDS UP LOOKING LIKE JULIE’S PUBIC HAIR?? 

Actually, looking back at the photos I realize that I did have my hair cut in a longish bob in April this past year. Just after the MC. When I had it dyed black. Sigh. Perhaps I should just accept that fact that semi-curly, half-frizzy hair doesn’t have a style that suits it and is best left alone – long enough to tie up, short enough to mousse and scrunch occasionally. Either that, or chop it all off. No, not brave enough for that. Yet. Oh bugger, what to do, what to do…..

Comments

[wookie]

Hair grows back. If you want to go for short, go short!

And from those pics, you can go quite a bit shorter before you hit 'too short to tie back' territory.

[Kira]

EMBRACE the waves! It makes life so much easier. Find a hairdresser who can help you figure out how to work with your hair texture, and let it BE what it IS. Cutting it shorter will help.
p.s. Your hair is gorgeous. Straight or wavy. Simply gorgeous.

[Photographer Lori]

Go see this website:

http://whoorl.com/archives/category/hair-thursday

Whoorl is great at picking hairstyles for people. Then everyone votes on the ones she chooses. :)

[Babybound]

I have similar hair to you and I can assure you that it is really more about the products you use in your hair then the cut itself. You need a good curl enhancing product that can make your lovely curls even springier. If you cut your hair (even 5 or 6 inches) shorter, you are still far from the danger zone of short that neither you or I want to become residents. I am just like you with the pulling back. Its a requirement so make sure the hair stylist is just beaten into submission about this and you should be fine. Then, get good product (no mouse)!! And you will have a fantastic head of locks that will make people hate you. In a good way of course.

[MamaPajama]

I have a nice round face and wavy hair, I've worn it the same way for 40 years.

You have a long face and should consider layers. I think you're quite attractive as is, but I understand the length is hot. Take it up to your shoulders with a layered cut and keep it blondish. The darker colors didn't suit you so well.

[Kristen]

Straight on top? Check. Curly at bottom? Check. I have thatched roof hair too! I actually went to a hairdresser once who asked me if I was growing out a perm. As soon as the words left her mouth she looked at my forehead, saw the curls sprouting at the temples and said, "No, your hair is just bipolar!"

I keep my hair shortish and layered. Most of the time my hair just brushes my shoulders. I've had it shorter (when I met my husband it was no longer than 1.5 inches long anywhere on my head) and much longer (10 years ago it was long enough to touch my butt). I do use shampoo/conditioner that is made for curly hair because I do not enjoy the frizz, but I don't do anything with my hair 99% of the time. I won't wear my hair up outside the house anymore due to the really bad psoriasis that is in and around my ears. (I do not enjoy the stares and comments.)

If you want to be able to put it up, make sure that you tell the hairdresser you want long layers. I've had hairdressers who have cut my layers so short that I end up with entire portions of my hair that will not stay in a ponytail.

[TheLuckyGal]

" ... blowjob at the hairdresser ... " heh heh heh ...
And the funnier thing is that I think you KNOW that here in the states a blowjob is not that which is done to our hair, but ... Anyway. I am 11 today. I thin shoulder-length layers and let it be wavy. I have thick straight hair and envy waves.

[Stef]

cut it! although you have stunning hair...
oy...
what to do indeed!
i had long hair like yours and also had the same problems... i was also scared that i would look like a gollywog with short hair...then i cut it uber short...and... I AM LOVIN IT!!!!
i still envy woman with long stunning hair but then i run my fingers through my short hair and notice the film of sweat on the other woman's top lip...LOL... i'm never hot anymore... my hair takes 5 seconds to style in the morning...let's just say my quality of life has improved hugely! DO IT!!!

[Lindsay]

Okay- I'm a hair girl (with no children yet!) I blow dry it every time I wash it- every 2nd day! It takes about 30 minutes which is why when I do have children, I've made my husband promise I can have it chemically straightened- no blow drying required!
I think your hair is beautiful but if you going to go the short/shoulder bob you might want to consider have it chemically straightened but it is a little pricey!

[kristylynne]

I think we have the same hair. Mine is also straight but wavy on the ends, so unless I blow dry it straight, my head ends up looking like an inverted V. I have cut it short many times but always hate it and grow it out again. I have found that the best style for me is long (2-3 inches past my shoulders) with layering on the bottom 6 inches or so. And I also have the hairdresser thin it out by randomly snipping into it all over. That really helps with the bulk at the bottom. I do wear a ponytail a lot, but I am OK with that. So no advice here really, other than to say that if you have had it short in the past and hated it, you will hate it again. If you had it short and liked it, go for it!

[DB]

The book Curly Girl by Lorraine Massey is here to save your hair's life. Babybound and Kira are spot-on: One, it really is about the products you use and not your hair itself; two, *embrace your waves*. Embracing your natural hair texture and treating your wavy hair for what it is will make your life infinitely easier. I've gone "cone-free" on Curly Girl (using only hair products without silicone-based ingredients) and my hair looks amazing!

[Carla Hinkle]

I like the waves better than the straight -- I think the straight looks a bit severe. And you have such long hair, you could cut 6 inches off and not have short hair, so don't worry about that. Get a good trim and get better products for your waves.

Also, do check out Whoorl's site. Maybe you can do a special guest appearance!

[Stephanie]

When i'm uncertain, I take it to the experts :-). Talk to your hairdresser, get their opinion. if yours is good, they'll probably have some great ideas!
Personally i like your hair wavy & with body- i think it softens your features a lot.

[Shelly]

I have similar hair. I get major headaches if my hair is too long. I have it layered and just mousse it and go. I can put it up when I need to, which is about every day. If I want to blow dry it, which is maybe twice a year, I can and it straightens a bit. But like Stephanie, talk to your hairdresser. Mine is awesome and I don't have mass of curls sticking out a mile.

Happy New Year! I love reading your blog, but never comment.

[Carolyn]

Hi Tertia:

I think your hair is beautiful, no need to blow it dry... I completely agree, embrace your curls - just with a better and shorter cut.

You may already have one.... but you just need a good hairdresser who really knows how to add layers in...

Then cut it at your shoulders, add in some golden highlights and then using good curl enhancing creme based product, scrunch until dry. This will give you minimal frizz, bigger more manageable shiny curls, and the layers will help soften and round out your face.

[Patti]

oh Tertia, don't start with the "blowjob at the hairdresser" stuff again! Makes all us immature american readers start giggling madly. LOL!!!

[teki]

While I personally do not feel you are old, or look even a hint of old, shorter hair does make a person look younger in the face. I have seen it time and again. All of my hair dressers agree. As the very first post stated, it is just hair and it will grow back, really! I am living testament to that. I have dyed, bleached, shaved, grown, permed, and straighted my hair for 20 years now and it keeps chugging along! Good luck, I hope you find something you like.

[Rebecca]

I wish I had some advice for you.. mine is the exact same!! :(

[Rachel H.]

Sorry, I had to stop reading when you said you had a blowjob at the hairdresser. :) :) :)

I think a longish bob would look good on you, and echo the advice to embrace the hair you have, as well as the patience you have. I'm with you in the "hairdryerwhatsthatfor" camp :).

[Amy in BC]

My hair sounds like yours. And whenever I cut it I love it. For about an hour.

Now it is just past shoulder length with lots of layers which let the natural wave do it's thing. A little curl spray or creme and I am good to go. No blow drying. And have the advantage of being able to still put it up..

[Jodie]

Got the shock of my life a few weeks ago. One of the mums at my daughter's school came in with this full, wavy do. It looked great, I assumed she'd had a body wave or something put in it, or maybe curled it and tousled it a bit. Anyway, when I commented she looked REALLY embarrassed and said she straightened it EVERY DAY but she'd has some sort of crisis that morning and hadn't done it. Her hair looked great straightened, esp for formal type things, but in her jeans the wavy hair looked HOT! So I say embrace it - mousse away.

As for cutting, do what I do. I just tell the hairdresser that at my stage in life I MUST be able to tie my hair back so he cuts it to around my shoulders, layers the very ends and it works for both of us. When I've got more time and energy I'll go for a shorter funky do. I think with your face (gorgeous by the way) a longer style suits you. So, so lucky to have thick hair. I'm so jealous!!

[Kinky Boots]

Cut it shorter, to about shoulder level. And if you like it you can always go next time that little bit shorter, inch by inch. Just tell the hairdresser that it must be long enough to tie back. I always have a clip handy if any bits fall in my face, which irritate me.

[Sassy]

Have your tried a longish layered bob with a bit of side fringe? That gives your waves some shape and the fringe softens your face which can help you look younger and less worn out (which I think everyone needs). Here are some pics -

http://glamourmag.typepad.com/fashionbeauty__insider/images/bty070626-2.jpg
http://www.hairstylescut.com/images/celebrity-hairstyles/Ashley_Olsen.jpg

Also, I buy straightener or shine serum from the supermarket that I rub through when I get out the shower and it's the best thing I do. It makes such a big difference and it's so cheap compared to other treatments.

[Orange]

Americans can't get blow jobs at the hairdresser. We have to go to brothels.

[Janine]

Chop chop chop! It's v liberating. Take it from someone who's been there, done that.

[margalit]

I vote for entering yourself in Whoorl's site for Hair Thursday. I like your hair with the natural wave in it, and I wouldn't cut it shorter than shoulder length. I have similar hair and short it kinda looks really butch and clownlike. Which is a terrible combination.

[Chantal]

Shoulder length won't make a difference to the heat. If you want to go short, go really short. I have a lot less hair than you and it's kinda shoulder length...... and it MAKES ME SOOOO HOT!!!

[Carmen]

Grow it even longer! And embrace your waves. Don't let anyone tell you that short hair is easier than long hair, it's simply not true. Mine is down to my bum and it's the easiest style I've ever had. You just air dry it and it looks perfect. I wear it in lots of pretty updos every day (much easier than blowdrying, moussing,wondering what to do with it, etc) and leave it loose occasionally for the stun effect. I have saved thousands on hairdressers too.

Trust me, there is nothing sexier and more alluring than long hair on an "older" woman. (oh, and I'm almost 43). It also makes you look younger in spite of what the short hair fans will tell you. Think about it: who wears short hair? Answer;older women. Who wears long hair usually? Answer: young women. Don't buy into this whole idea of having to chop off your hair at the age of 40. Soccer mom cuts aren't sexy, IMO.

The advantages of long hair: If it's hot, then you wear it up, it's so much easier than fighting with it. I can get it into an elegant, professional updo in 30 seconds flat. You'll forget ponytails ever existed if you learn how to use hairsticks and hairforks. Why not go the other way and be original? You certainly have the hair for it. Long hair rocks!

[Molly Chase]

I just cut off my mid-back-length, tired, sort of colorless, medium wavy on one side and just barely curly on the other side, all one length hair to chin length with longish bangs swept to the side, longer in front and shorter in back, layered bob blown out straight (it seriously takes me like five minutes to style, from wet to dry; it's much less fuss than it was when it was long.) I also had it colored sort of an auburn with a few strawberry-blond highlights in it. I am in LOVE with my new hair--it's edgy without making me look like I'm trying to look inappropriately young for my age, which is 32.

I recommend a website called Makeoversolutions.com. You can upload a photo of yourself and try on about sixty hairstyles for free, or for a smallish charge of something like $15US, you can try on about 6000 hairstyles--in every imaginable color.

I say cut it off--it's freeing, and your kids' reaction will be so worth it. My two-and-a-half year old took one look at me and said, "Mama, head cut!"

[Molly Chase]

I just cut off my mid-back-length, tired, sort of colorless, medium wavy on one side and just barely curly on the other side, all one length hair to chin length with longish bangs swept to the side, longer in front and shorter in back, layered bob blown out straight (it seriously takes me like five minutes to style, from wet to dry; it's much less fuss than it was when it was long.) I also had it colored sort of an auburn with a few strawberry-blond highlights in it. I am in LOVE with my new hair--it's edgy without making me look like I'm trying to look inappropriately young for my age, which is 32.

I recommend a website called Makeoversolutions.com. You can upload a photo of yourself and try on about sixty hairstyles for free, or for a smallish charge of something like $15US, you can try on about 6000 hairstyles--in every imaginable color.

I say cut it off--it's freeing, and your kids' reaction will be so worth it. My two-and-a-half year old took one look at me and said, "Mama, head cut!"

[Molly Chase]

I just cut off my mid-back-length, tired, sort of colorless, medium wavy on one side and just barely curly on the other side, all one length hair to chin length with longish bangs swept to the side, longer in front and shorter in back, layered bob blown out straight (it seriously takes me like five minutes to style, from wet to dry; it's much less fuss than it was when it was long.) I also had it colored sort of an auburn with a few strawberry-blond highlights in it. I am in LOVE with my new hair--it's edgy without making me look like I'm trying to look inappropriately young for my age, which is 32.

I recommend a website called Makeoversolutions.com. You can upload a photo of yourself and try on about sixty hairstyles for free, or for a smallish charge of something like $15US, you can try on about 6000 hairstyles--in every imaginable color.

I say cut it off--it's freeing, and your kids' reaction will be so worth it. My two-and-a-half year old took one look at me and said, "Mama, head cut!"

[Andrea]

Work with your face shape. It is the best way to be satisfied with the cut you get. Too many women get an idea for a cut, but once it's actually on their head they realize it looks horrible on them! Judging from your pictures, I think you have an oblong face, which generally means you can do a couple of great things: a sexy bob, curly styles that are a little wider on the sides, and a great side-swept bang. For you, I would vote something like an A-line hair cut (Such as: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jennynguy/2040994198/, but tailored to your face shape/neck of course!) with a simple side-swept bang. Anything but a "mommy cut" and TOTALLY easy to manage!

[Bump Fairy]

In my inexpert opinion.. you either have to keep it long-ish or you need to chop it all off. I mean ALL of it. I have a friend who also has your "grown out perm" kind of hair and that is her issue. LONG.. or SHORT. Everything in-between looks like your hair is... in-between. I say go short. I mean really short. Think Pixie. Think 1-2 inch length.. just imagine what your hair will do with just the littlest styling! Some hair wax/texture product messily rubbed onto the ends, open palmed... your "bangs" and other front pieces pulled down and accross your forehead... Oh yah. I loved my short hair. Unfortunately, my husband VERY much didn't. Nor did my extra chins. So it's long for me from now on.
Good luck!

[21stCenturyMom]

I cut my long hair super short when my daugther was about 5. When I got home she burst in to tears and said "You don't even look like my MOM!!"

It was pretty funny. She got over it soon enough and I rather enjoyed the short hair.

If you decide to cut more than 10 inches see if you can donate it to an organization that makes wigs. http://www.locksoflove.org/ is one such organization but I don't know if they are international.

[cooler*doula]

I've had v. short and v. long - and... There's nothing in the world easier than long hair... When it's short, esp pixie short you have to cut it every 6 weeks and you lose a lot of the interesting color variations you get from the sun. So it really becomes monochromatic, which may inspire coloring, which also needs very regular fixing when it's short. And then there's the bed head wake up look - geez. I have similar hair to you, and I looked so BAD in the mornings. Truly - I think almost EVERYONE looks better wit short hair, but, oh the work and expense involved.

It's hard to decide what to do. I generally get it long, go back to Pixie, enjoy, endure a year of looking like crap as it grows out, get it long, and then... Repeat!

Find a good hairdresser and DISCUSS!

And, as other's have said, I say EMBRACE THE WAVE. I have a slight wave, wish it was more pronounced.

[thrice]

I cut off my hair once and once I grew it back out, everyone said don't ever do that again. I think one needs a VERY pretty face to make short hair work and I just don't have it. Oh, and I think one needs a very pretty and young face for black hair. Again I don't have that either.

Hair pins are my answer. Heavy duty ones that the ballerinas use. That way once I'm out of the shower, I can french twist, pin and go.

[beth]

Take it off! I've had a good look at the photos. You are an attractive woman, but your hair doesn't do anything for you. At this point, it makes you look older. If you have a good stylist, put yourself in his/her hands and go for it. If you hate it, remember it will grow back. I think it's worth the risk.

[Bev]

Go for it! It will grow back...

[Dannielle]

Hey T, I reakon you should 1) go to the hair dressers and get some layers to enhance your natural waves/curls... Ask them to make some really chunky layers in there BUT DO NOT LET THEM RAZOR/FEATHER YOUR HAIR (especially if its thick and tends to frizz like mine, it will look scary!) I would also recommend buying a straightener (hair iron?) like a GHD or something... Great for the days you want a 'blow dry' look without the fuss, once you get used to it you can make your whole head of hair dead straight in around 10 mins (mine is thick/long/wavy too). Go short if you want, but I always always alwayssss find that you regret it! And when you hate a hairstyle its almost like the hair wont grow.
Also! Dont worry about having long hair and always tying it back, think of how sexy it looks when you go out, and its the most simple way to feel feminine! Plus short hair is so much harder to tie back/control. I dont know, just giving you some advice, sounds like you have as much hair drama as I do!
I still reakon the hair iron is a good idea, that way you have the option of going straight, plus if you get the layers done it will look awesome, and you also have the option of wearing it curlyish... BAH!
All that said, I'm sure you will look young and beautiful regardless!
xo

[Natachia]

Hi, I have very "naughty" hair and as they say in Cape Town "it goes home with the weather". Anyway my hubby gave me the best xmas pressie ever, I had my hair Bio Ionic'ed its a japanese technology that puts moisture back into your hair. They have a wedsite etc, but I used to go to the hairdresser twice a week, now I just wash and leave, no fizz and its dead straight.

[terri c]

No advice on length but I think the very straight look on you is not as sexy as the loose with waves and curls.

[meg]

Let me precede this comment by saying that you look great with wavy hair.

That having been said, my attitude toward hair is similar to yours - the less time I have to spend on it, the better. So, here's my solution. My hair is long - past my shoulders. Twice a year, I head to a salon and hand over a few hundred dollars; in return, they put powerful chemicals on my hair, do various straightening things to it, wash out the chemicals, and voila! Straight, soft hair for several months. (This is commonly known as the Japanese hair-straightening process...in the U.S., anyway.) It gets a bit straighter if I blow it dry, but I've gone swimming in the sea and had the hair air-dry straight enough to show the public. I am guessing that if your hair is wavy, it's not delicate. This might be your solution - think of it as like a permanent blowout, and since your hair doesn't start waving until it grows out past a certain length, you'd probably not even suffer the dreaded it's-grown-out-just-enough-to-frizz-at-the-roots burden. All you'd have to do would be to wash it, spritz some stuff on it for a second, and then let it dry.

Anyway, just a suggestion to add to the many good ones here. I look forward to hearing your choice.

[Robert]

Wanna look younger and sexier? Keep your hair long or even longer forever! Now with everyone getting Posh cuts (bleah!), you will stand out even more. And most men agree with me.

[Timothy Jones]

You have lots of options, here are the
http://www.allhaircut.com/
http://www.atozhair.com/
http://www.azhairstyles.com/
http://www.hair-style-salon.org/