I decided on Friday (after your prompting) to give the teacher the info on Adam’s sensory issues and after reading it (printed from my blog) she spent most of Monday doing one on one time with Adam. She did a great job with him. When I came to fetch Adam and Kate from school on Monday, the teacher told me what a good day they both had. Especially Adam. I told them how very proud I was of them and I could see Adam visibly puffing out his chest. He kept telling me the rest of the day what a big boy he is. “Adam is a big, big boy”. Yes he is!
But, I know that not every day will be as good as Monday and so I was prepared for a few tears today, but this morning started amazingly well. As we arrived outside the school gates, Adam said “School is fun. Adam says ‘bye mommy’ and then mommy comes to fetch us later” I said that school was definitely fun and that I would always come fetch them later. And with that, the two of them skipped into school and Adam gave the teacher a big hug when he saw her.
Yay, I thought! I can’t believe how much easier this is going than I expected.
Unfortunately when I came to fetch them today, the teacher said that Adam had bitten another little boy. Quite hard. I felt embarrassed and also very sad for Adam, because I could see how hard he was trying, but the strain of being a ‘big, big boy’ was just too much for him. And so he gave into his frustration and bit. Thank goodness the child he bit was my cousin’s child (hopefully family is more forgiving), coincidentally a bad previous biter himself. But still, biting is not on.
I can see how hard he is trying. It’s been a big few weeks for him. After spending LOADS of one on one time with me over my December break, he has gone straight into me working again, then starting school, and then starting OT again. Lots of changes and transitions, his worst type of things! He is trying hard to control his insides. And so I can’t be too cross with him, but I am going to have to be firm with him. Biting is not acceptable. End of story.
But, besides the biting incident, they are doing very well, and all in all, I am very pleased and very proud at how well they are doing.
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Right, as for the rest of my hectic life, I am under huge pressure at work, so I haven’t been able to answer all of your emails. Sorry! I will get an update from my sister-in-law re the funds for Masande’s reg fees later today. As for the South Africans who want to help, please email me and I will give you my bank details. I can’t think of another way to do it, to be honest. Such a pain that there isn’t a local version of Paypal. Grrr.
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UPDATED: Thank you! We have more than enough for the registration fees. Any additional monies will be given to him to pay for books etc. Thank you so very much for your generosity, it is much appreciated. Next step, organizing a grant!! I think that is going to be an administrative pain in the proverbial, but we can cope with that. Thanks a million, thanks to you he can register tomorrow and start classes on Monday. Thank you! (I know I keep saying 'thank you', but it feels so inadequate to express my gratitude. So, thank you.) Ok, going to end this now because am feeling really emotional. xxx
PS: Thank you.
One might think "Such a pain that there isn’t a local version of Paypal. Grrr. "
An other might think of it as an opportunity for a lucrative new business. Think big dreams, my friend. You have lots of contacts!
Posted by: thrice | 30 January 2008 at 04:47 PM
OTs here have chewy tubes for kids who benefit from extra muscle input. I've seen clear tubing, about 1.5 to 2 cm in diameter; this site has colored ones. Not sure if having that in his pocket or attached to his shirt by a cord would be useful for Adam. Now, convincing him to target a tube rather than a kid who's frustrating him is another story.
Posted by: Orange | 30 January 2008 at 04:53 PM
Yikes. I've been on both ends of the preschool biting incidents. Neither side is fun. First days of school are hard. You're all trying to work the newness out - teacher, kids and parents. It sounds like the teacher is a "team player" though and that should make this year go smoother.
I'm dealing this year with a know it all teacher who isn't receptive to MY child's needs and it's very frustrating. It's the first time I've had this experience with a teacher but I'm sure it won't be the last.
Hey, did I miss something. Is Rose still with you? I don't think we've heard about her in a while??
Posted by: Tricia | 30 January 2008 at 05:31 PM
Sorry to hear about the biting incident. NOT unusual at preschools, with this age group! Still it sounds like school is a positive environment for Adam, and the teacher is interested in getting to know him and how to support him. (How did she manage to spend so much time with him one on one? That's amazing.) Adam is happy to go to school, so things will probably continue to go very well. I hope you and the teacher can find the best ways to teach Adam that while his biting behaviour was not acceptable, he himself is a wonderful and special child who is very welcome at school. Yes, this is one setback, but the big picture looks excellent for both Adam and Kate.
best wishes,
Posted by: Sheila | 30 January 2008 at 06:02 PM
Great that you had already discussed Adam's sensitivities with her so she had more necessary information when the biting incident occurred!
Posted by: Megan | 30 January 2008 at 07:14 PM
pleasepleaseplease remember that biting is pretty common - with our without sensory issues. My boys have bitten and been bitten and while I was ashamed when they bit, I tried to put things in perspective when they were bitten.
Posted by: blackbird | 30 January 2008 at 08:03 PM
biting is not acceptable, that ist true. but it is also true that it is very normal. my son has no sensory issues, was in a crèche since he was very little. BUT: he was a really bad biter when he was about 2 years old and did it again between 2.5 and 3 years, but not so often. and i know many oder kids that bite or did bite, especially boys. so, be firm, but don't be to anxious about that.
Posted by: v | 30 January 2008 at 08:09 PM
If you search the archives at Ask Moxie, one of her boys went through a biting phase and I think she gave him something he actually *could* bite. I think she used a puppy chew toy but perhaps, as another commenter mentioned above, they actually make things for kids for this use now. :-)
Posted by: Carla Hinkle | 30 January 2008 at 08:28 PM
T - awesome news about the school registration fees being all set. So very proud of you in how you've used your blog to help this family, and hope you will give us more opportunities to help.
Posted by: samiam | 30 January 2008 at 09:39 PM
Back to the issue of Masande's registration fees: my dear friend, one of my (and many others') favourite people in the whole world, Mr Nelson Mandela once said "a good head combined with a good heart is always a formidible combination". You truly are a shining example of this. If Masande ever struggle with anything in his studies, please let me know and I may be able arrange some help, as I have contacts and friends in the ChemEng dept at UCT who may be able to help/explain/tutor etc. Good luck to him for a brilliant future.
TT
Posted by: TT | 30 January 2008 at 09:43 PM
I am so glad that Masande's fees are covered - and sorry that I missed out on donating this time. Best of luck to him in his studies!!
Posted by: silene | 30 January 2008 at 10:12 PM
Another tidbit of input on the biting...many kids this age will resort to biting because they don't have the words yet to say what they feel. They may know the words, but conveying them when they feel the emotion that is setting them off is a huge step. Many of my speech kids bite until they are 5 or 6, simply because they can't form the words for the emotions they are feeling. Still not acceptable, but perhaps another way to look at it?
Posted by: Judy | 30 January 2008 at 10:53 PM
Have you read Aletha Solter "helping young children flourish"? Not a quick, easy or simple solution, but a real one.
Posted by: Je'anna Clements | 30 January 2008 at 11:29 PM
i think the most important thing to remember about children who bite(most children) is to focus NOT on the biting but on the emotion that causes the biting. frustration. .often it is something they dont want to happen(toy being taken away,someone coming to close,talking over them..)give the child the words to use when they feel frustrated
look them in the eye, confirm the feeling "adam, you are feeling frustrated"
"adam,you need to use your words" say to child and get him to repeat- "stop!(use hand signal) i dont like that " this can be used in any situation, fights with sister etc.
give him a hug, and reasure him, he is probably upset about what he has done.
children at this age are still trying to name emotions, and work out how to deal with them.
my son bit for quite a few months between 2-3, it is hard..
he would bite whenever overcome with emotion, upon greeting his best friend, big hug - big bite! frustration, etc.
Posted by: robyn | 31 January 2008 at 01:26 AM
This is a bit of a weird thing to say but we had similar problems with our foster kid and found that what worked best for us is to accept the naughtiness and help her accept it.
She would do really well and be trying so hard to be a good kid but then it would all get too much and she'd do something that she knew was wrong. Usually it was pushing another kid or saying something mean or she'd just break down in tears and try to hurt herself. After fighting this with time outs and apologies we found that just talking to her and telling her that she was okay worked best.
She was under so much pressure, but telling her that we knew sometimes she'd be naughty because everyone is naughty sometimes really helped. She still had consequences but rather than talking to her about the bad thing she'd done we talk to her about how she was feeling when she did the bad thing. It helped her a lot to know that she wasn't expected to be perfect.
She's five and has a lot of trouble dealing with other kids due to her background so I know it's not the same with Adam, but you might want to try it, it might help him feel calmer knowing that sometimes it will be hard and he will make mistakes.
Posted by: Sassy | 31 January 2008 at 05:06 AM
YEAH!!! So glad to hear that all monies have been collected! Well done!
Posted by: Bev | 31 January 2008 at 12:05 PM
Tertia, I use setcom.com for my business - there is a donate button too and you can put a minumum.
If you want to see how it's set up, you can go to http://tinyurl.com/2bncn2 to have a look at my shopping cart.
Maybe set up something like this for next time, and then you can withdraw funds into your local bank account after you're FICA'd, of course. Not a big issue - you just have to fax the usual stuff (ID, copy of bank statement, utility bill)
their staff are excellent - helps that they're South African so you can phone them up during our office hours.
Hope this helps
~Marcia
Posted by: Marcia Francois | 31 January 2008 at 01:57 PM
sorry, I am curious: how much has been collected? or is there a reason, why you do not tell? anyway, I'm very happy for masande and wish him all the best. and thank you!
Posted by: v | 02 February 2008 at 01:09 PM