And of course, there is that

One day I will tell you about my appalling memory.  If I remember.  Luckily my sister can remember both of our childhood.  She sheds further light on the 'first day at first school' jitters:

"Maybe some of this paranoia is cos you were such a pain and your 1st experience was bad with clinging on Mom's leg and the teacher trying to pry you off?"

That 'you were a pain' thing was obviously a mistake on her part (no idea WHAT she is talking about), but I do now remember how traumatic my first experience of nursery school was. I was two years old and THEY MADE US SLEEP ON THE FLOOR!!  THERE IS DIRT ON THE FLOOR AND THEY MADE US SLEEP ON (MATTRESSES) ON THE FLOOR!!

Yes, I remember now.  It was traumatic.  I was crying hysterically, the teacher pulling on my leg.  *Shudder*  (Dirt! On the floor!)

Um, I wonder where Adam gets his foibles from........

Add to the mix that today is the day my first born died, well it is no wonder I am having an anxious week. 

Comments

[Jazz]

No wonder - funny how things fall in place and begin to make more sense.

Thinking of you!

[Kez]

Thinking of you on the anniversary of Ben's passing.

[charne]

Thinking of you today

so much going on in your life at the moment that i think anyone would be anxious

[Boulder]

January 14ths aren't the easiest place from which to see the good in life.

Remember, darling, you've never been alone. We've all been here sending good thoughts (at the very least), suggestions (take them or leave them), and what else you can come up with or need.

You'll make it. Each day is a step in a new direction. Not bad. Just new.

xoxo

[Nattie]

Thinking special thoughts of you today T...

Hope the review went well

xxxx

[Gem]

The children will be fine. You have so much going on, please be kind to yourself and we will all be thinking of Ben

[V]

Thinking of you today.

[Dominique]

Hi Tertia

Thinking of you.

Take care
Dom x

[Ann Johannesburg, South Africa]

Lots of love
xx

[tess]

isn't it amazing how ben's too short time here on earth has impacted so many people.

xo

[Lulu]

Delurking from across the Atlantic to say thinking of you and Ben today.

Good luck with your review, I'm sure you'll kick corporate butt.

And don't worry - Kate and Adam will do great in preschool, they seem to have their mom's moxie. ;-)

[Woody's Girl]

First, on nursery memories...

Obviously your kiddos have NO such concerns about dirt. LOL But it's amazing how incidents from our own childhoods (and other parts of our lives) have such an impact on how we function as parents! Remember, too, dirt or not... you survived nursery, and are totally G&D today. So how bad could it have been, really? And you apparently still LOVE your mom, so it didn't ruin your relationship with her. ;-)

Secondly, Ben...

I will never understand WHY you "had" to have that awful experience. Why Ben had to die. Do any of us have those kinds of answers? At the very least, his short life fueled your determination to find happiness, and helped bring A&K into the world.

Much love to you, T, today and always.

[Leggy/Clover]

Thinking about you on this sad day.

[sheilah]

Thinking of you and Ben today.

Peeked at Ben's page again. Shouldn't do that at work. The picture of you holding him always makes me blubber.

[Sheila]

Thinking of you, and Marko, and Ben. So sorry for your loss, it's so unfair.
Hope your week gets better.
Also sorry that you had a difficult time starting playschool yourself; that sounds very likely to be feeding your anxiety and mommy-guilt at this time. Remember that K and A are different people, and it's a different school and different (very nice) teacher, so things will probably go much better for them.
Be kind to yourself this week, with your schedule and your expectations of yourself. Best wishes,

[Lindsay]

Thinking of you and Marko today- what a week!
From the teacher side of things- we also get anxious, new children, new parents, new everything. Relationships must be built again and that involves trust, from the teacher that the parents will do their best to support them and from the parents that the teacher has the best interests of every child. It's never an easy time for all three parties involved. Children adapt and adjust the best, they may be a little emotional in the beginning but they realise that it's a great place to be. By the sounds of your childrens school, I have no doubt they will love it, how special to have the teacher around for tea. The fact that she made that effort is wonderful and shows that she is a loving, caring, nuturing person, who really has Adam and Kate's best interests at heart. It's only normal to feel anxious about such a big day but try to remember that this is a place for them to grow and really come into their own. I think from a professional point of view that it'll be good for them to go this week, even if it's just for a day and it'll put you at ease because you would be filled with anticipation all weekend.
Thinking of you, only if ALL parents loved their little ones so much!

[Minna]

(((BIG HUGS))) T. Thinking of you.

[Stefanie]

Thinking of you and Ben, today, also.

Please do reminds those kiddos they can not poop in the sand box at school! And you go in, say bye and make like a banana and peel!

[Sheena Gates]

Tannie T,

I went through Bens page tonight and found my original comment to you - on the 21 May 2004. Long time to follow someone online, hey?

Love to you today
xoxox

[Lauraszoo]

Thinking of you. Death really does suck!

[Kathy]

HUGS to you on this sad anniversary.

[Peggy]

Thinking of you and Marko today

[Jenn]

*hugs*

[Aurelia]

Thinking of you T. I'm sorry it's a tough day and a tough week.

[Lynnette]

I hope you're doing alright (yesterday mostly...) Also, for what it's worth, I was a pain the first day of school, too. And I'm petrified to even think about nursery school for the twins. Kindergarten, at age five will be hard enough. Ugh. Throw up...puke...barf...

[Bev]

My son's first day of high school... grrr.... it's hard. End of an era. Thinking of you often Tertia... :)