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don't hang those b@lls on the Christmas tree just yet bebe....these parenting predicaments are just beginning i suspect.

sounds like you and nina were models of maturity. just the sort of examples you want your gorgeous and divine twins in training to be seeing.


Could I really be first? Glad your talk went well, and poof! issue fixed. Sometimes I think we work things up so big in our heads, and turns out not to be so bad. Hope you have a lovely HOLIDAY! I'm assuming you mean you are on vacation, if you were speaking American, that is! Smooches.....

Well, you DID say that you needed a "kick in the pants" yesterday (according to your Facebook Status). I thought perhaps it was some kind of SA Holiday ritual...

Seriously though, I'm glad the talk with Nina went well. Just sorry the realization was an "ouch" for you. Certainly better than letting things continue as they were, and having hurt feeling all around though.

Enjoy your sunny Holiday, T!

Hey Tertia,

I'm sorry you got your balls kicked in. Really, when toddlers get together, related or not, this is totally normal stuff. We've got friends with a boy just about 8 months older than the twins, and it's always a 'mine mine mine' fest over there. Over here, the twins get together and just play with something shoulder to shoulder so A can't get in. (they don't usually 'mine' about their stuff, since they only just learned the word ;)It requires much stepping in, and frequent naughty time in both houses. Toddlers just aren't wired to get along.

Enjoy your holiday, and I think your whole family is gorgeous. You've got some good genes there :)

T - I never fail to be impressed by your level of maturity in handling these things. It indeed takes a big person to put the things out there that you do, to be able to hear that others may not 100% agree with you (or, OK, to think you're totally off your rocker), and then to incorporate that feedback into your daily life. I think all the rest of us onlookers, not just your kids, have a LOT to learn from your example, in a very good way. Now get out there and have some fun!

I have huge admiration for the way you handled this. It was a minor hiccup, you identified the problem early, you wrote non-defensively about it, you solicited advice. You got the advice, responded in a graceful and very mature manner, and made preparations to remedy the situation. And then you got more advice, in the same vein but a bit less um ah thoughtfully put, and then two things were going to happen: 1, comments would get more and more gung-ho, and you would feel as though a family of giraffe were repeatedly kicking you in the balls (dammit, you'd already taken the info on board - even though it was painful to do), and 2) some of your readers were going to post along the lines of 'steady on girls, we've all been here and she's got the message, quit going on and on' and then the previous commenters would write in their defence how Hitler was only the way he was because HIS mother didn't make him share his toys, and before you know it we're all back in the bath again.

So yes, good call, old girl.

You and your family are amazing. If my sister did something that annoyed me I would fume, steam, bitch about it to my friends and never mention it to my sister. You were so open and honest and you and Nina sorted things so maturely. Sigh. I want to be like that!

Ice is good for sore balls. And please know that while we your commentors love to sound all knowledgeable we all f*ck up on a daily basis ;) You just never get to see it because we tuck our balls away like Sumo wrestlers while you let yours hang out. Good for you! And yay for Adam and Kate catching on so quickly. Wow! I would have thought that was months / years off but they are obviously mature like their mother.

Oh, and I hope you saw most of the comments yesterday as polite and constructive. I thought people were, on the whole, kind..?

You are fabulous, indeed, for the way you handled the situation. Good on ya' mate. :-)

That picture is too perfect - should say, "Wish you were here," and be on a postcard or something.

Oh, well done, Tertia. I really admire your ability to handle things like this. And the open relationship you have with your sisters.

Uh, I mean "open relationship" in terms of you all seem really good at discussing things with great honesty and love, not "open relationship" in terms of you all swap partners, 'cos jeez, I probably don't want to know about it if you do that! I mean, you can if you want, it's your lives, but I don't really want to know, any more than I'd tell you bizarre personal things that I do...

...I'll shut up now.

That does sound easy. Do you suppose Kate and Adam were just testing the limits?


Yay for A & K & Lily for having a sweet time together as cousins. Yay for holiday too. We have 6 inches of snow and I'm longing for some warm weather.

I may never wrap my head around the notion of Christmas in the summertime. Of course, I say this having had to scrape yet more frost off my windshield and trudge through crunchy hardpack snow to get from my bus to my workplace.

Suddenly, it doesn't seem like such a bad idea, what you've got going on there.

Fantastic! Good for you for being able to ask for advice, take the advice without getting defensive, talk openly with your sister... that's another good set of traits that you're modeling for your kids. Most people wouldn't have even asked, much less listened and then adjusted so quickly.

Where is Adam in the picture?

Cape Town must be hectic by now. You've got gorgeous weather, Jhb's weather is really crap, no wonder the coast gets all the Vaalies.

Enjoy your holiday!

WHY DON'T YOU REIN IN THOSE PESKY BRATS OF Y--oh, wait, that was yesterday's topic.

Yay for your kids taking the lesson so very well. Mama is the Queen and they shall obey her commands.

I think you should take a month or two before you ask for reader assvice -
go on an assvice holiday!

I think sharing is over-rated.


How brave of you to ask for an opinion and THEN, change your own mind on a parenting issue, especially in such a public forum. Do you realize how HUGE that is? Unfortunately, self introspection and discovery often come with bruised and bloody balls. Good thing as mothers, we HAVE to carry a big ol' set of 'em or we'd never make it through our children's toddlerhoods.

I was just talking about something similar with a friend of mine; about how we had a completely different idea of what kind of mothers we would be and what our parenting style would be, prior to having children and then how it all goes out the window once these little individuals show up and ruin our lovely plans of perfect parenting. It takes a wise and smart woman to be able to change her mind on what she THOUGHT she would do, into what she should do. Kudos to you Tertia and enjoy your holiday! That photo of Kate at the water is yummy.

Emme Bea

You know why I adore you? Because you know what you are about to expose yourself to when you ask questions that you might not like the answers to and you still do it.

Every child needs to know that the ones they love aren't infallible - that is how they realize it is ok to try things and fail or succeed.

I think your writing is sometimes your inner voice whispering to you and trying to come through. You know that something is amiss, but you aren't quite sure where or how to sort it out.

It is your prerogative to decide if you are willing to hear the answer 10, 50 or 400 times - whether unanimous or a healthy debate.


Glad it all worked out! Your family is lovely...


You closed the comments before I could get my kick in. So, kick kick kick! LOL Just kidding. Enjoy your holiday!

I admit I was a little worried yesterday when you closed the comments section that it was such a unanimous response it had upset you too far.

But, the way you have handled it all is just bloody great. You're a first time mum of toddlers Tertia, you have never had to go through all this before. And you werent sure the best way to handle it all. So you asked.

And then you put the answer into practise.

It just shows what a great mum you are. It takes a really strong brave person to blog the way you do, and then take everything on board so much. I really do take my hat off to you.

Just think of all those people who dont know how to, or who to ask about these kinds of things. Their kids get right up to school age and beyond before any bull busting is done - and thats way too late for a lot of kids.

Adam and Kate are great kids - and thats becuase of you (and the zillions of us bull busters in the sidewings!)

Hey, Brainy Girl called you "old girl".
I would be offended by that...

I just wanted to let you know that even when I disagree with something you've written (e.g. the subject you wrote yesterday), I very much admire you willingness to post it and then to consider the opinions of others in a genuine way. We ALL have situations where we've done/said/believe something most people would disagree with, but very few of us have the balls to put it online, allow others to comment, and then have a chat about it with ourselves (let alone others like your sister). Putting it out there is both admirable and requires exceptional bravery. So while you may feel bruised, know that your ability to do this will only benefit your children. Kudos to you for that!

Never mind being 'man enough'. Anyone who knows men knows they are not paragons of strength - they are wimps.

You are a woman and damned fine one at that. Balls just make people whiny as in "Oh darling - I have the sniffles. Could you be dear and make me some tea and ask nothing of me? I need some man couch time and pampering. Oh - the kids kept you up all night and you are exhausted because you worked all day and then did the grocery shopping on the way home and made everyone dinner? So sorry - I'm SICK! Please take care of me."

You know I'm right!!! :-)

Good job, mama. Well done. And thanks for posting that and allowing comments. Maybe I need to start a blog of my own to help me through all those difficult parenting moments!

Tertia - you rock as a blogger - but even more so as a parent. You handled the latest issue with intelligence, maturity and empathy. If K&A inherit even half of your qualities - they will be truly exceptional.

I don't think any of us would say that we have this parenting stuff sorted. Who the hell knows what they are doing anyhow???

No, in this case (as in mine) you need ovaries (even though they may not function as well as you would wish them to...).

Way to go Tertia! Especially for closing the comments when it became clear that the opinion was unanimous. Getting feedback is one thing- I think it shows a lot of grace and strength to realize when further responses are only going to upset you (which no one really wants to do) and close them off.

Glad the issue was so easy to solve as well! Hopefully the rest of your holiday is easy breezy and problem free :-)

It was a lesson you probably needed to learn, but we've all been there. If I could have a nickel for every time sometime had to/needed to give me a few swift kicks in the bum, I'd have my dream home by now.

I think you handled it beautifully, but I"m so sorry if I made you feel bad. I didn't mean to. And in no way did I think Adam and Kate were/are bratty. I just think that you reach a certain age where you are developmentally able to learn new concepts, and they'd reached this one.

I'm really sorry.

Tertia, I am so glad it ended up being no big deal! And, like everyone else today, I give you many kudos for having the guts to put yourself out there, take a response that wasn't easy to hear, and then go ahead and make a change. It was also nice to see so many tactful and kindly put comments. And, today, your post is hilarious and the comments are just as good. Not to mention that many of them put what I was thinking so well. So, this is a long-winded way of patting everyone on the back!

wow, do you need special undies to hang those mammoth balls in??? or a sling? or a CRANE? smooth mothering baby - real smooth. rock on . . .

Trying (and succeeding) to be such a good mum is seldom easy! You rock!

I agree you are brave to put yourself out there, admit struggles, failings and weaknesses and take honest criticism and accept it and further go on to implement it. That can NOT be easy!

p.s. I see there is at least one other Jane commenting. It's not me unless it links to my blog mkay!?

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