Pooping in the Agapanthus

On Thursday I took Rose to the traffic department to book a drivers licence appointment. Now, as I am sure some of you will have read in that recent New York Times article, getting a driver’s licence in South Africa is no easy task. You have to stand in a queue to get the appropriate form, fill it in. Stand in another queue and pay your fees. Stand in another queue and do an eye test, and then stand in another queue to book a date and time. And this can only be done during the licensing department’s office hours which are Tuesdays and Thursday, 09:00 to 09:05am. That is when the new traffic system is actually online. Which might or might not happen.

Actually, it is not as bad as that. Put it this way, it has got A LOT better. You used to have to wait for a year for an appointment. Rose got an appointment for March 2008, which is only five months away. Better than in the past.  Although passing the K53 test is still an absolute bitch.

The plan was to drop Rose off at the traffic department while I took the kids to the shop and come fetch her afterwards. Didn’t quite work out that way.

I went in with Rose to see that everything was ok and then as we were walking back to the car, Kate started pulling down her pants. “What are you doing!” I yelled at her. Making a wee she says. She had pants, socks and shoes on so I ran over to help her pull them off and she made a wee in the car park, next to my car. Luckily it was fairly quiet at the licensing department. Then she says she needs to poo. Now weeing in the car park is one thing, pooping is another so I told her to hold it in and the three of us ran back into the building, passing Rose in the queue. “WE GOING TO THE TOILET ROSE, SISTER* MAKING A POOPIES” Adam informs the rest of the hopeful applicants in the queue and the 1.5 officials on duty. Pants off, on the toilet. (“Adam! Do not touch that! Don’t lick that! DON’T TOUCH OR LICK ANYTHING”) False alarm. Pants back on, outside again.

(*Adam calls Kate "sister". V Afrikaans, I know)

The next thing I hear Adam saying is “I made a wee wee Mama”. WHERE! “In my pants”. Sigh.  (The time between Adam recognizing he needs to wee and the wee coming is 0,05 seconds.)  Off with the wet pants and shoes. Wait there, I tell him, I am fetching some dry clothes from the car. Just then Kate yells “poopies is coming!” WAIT!!! I yell, stopping dead in my tracks, grab the pant-less Adam and a squirming Kate and run back through the building to the loo. I WEE IN MY PANTS ROSE! ROSE!!! I WEE IN MY PANTS!! Poor Rose.

This time it was for real. Wipe, applaud (“clap your hands Mama”), wash hands, outside again.

I stand outside, trying to decide whether it is worth it to leave for the shop or to just wait it out.

“I MADE A POOPIES MAMA!!” from Adam. WHERE?? “IN THE GARDEN MAMA, I MADE A POOPIES IN THE GARDEN”. OMG, the child has just pooped in the beautifully manicured gardens of the licensing department. Please dear God let no one have seen us. WAIT, DON’T MOVE, DON’T TOUCH YOUR BUM AND DON’T TOUCH THE POOPIES!! I run back to the car to the get wipes and a plastic bag. Wipe his butt, fish the damn poop out of the Agapanthus, and march them both back to the car.

Thank goodness by this time Rose had finished and we could go home. Yes, yes, I know. I should keep a potty in the car. I keep meaning to do it and I keep forgetting.

They say when bird shits on you; it is supposed to be good luck. Let’s hope pooping in the traffic department’s garden means Rose will pass her license first time.

This potty training business is not for the fainthearted, that’s for sure.  

PS If you do go to the traffic department, avoid the Agapanthus bushes on the left hand side.

Comments

[Marius]

Now this was a good laugh on a Sunday afternoon .. thanks for cheering me up. BTW I am back in the same building where we worked together, hmmm was it in 2001 or somewhere around then.

[Angie]

ROFL! Way to go Adam, you show em!

[Amy]

Just started potty training around here. Suddenle seeing things like this in my future. Hahahahaha (when it happens to you, at least).

[Camille]

OMG... that had me nearly in tears. How funny and how awful all at once!

[blackbird]

You couldn't possibly WRITE this - it's such a good story...

[HeatherN3Boys]

Aww! At least he didn't poop in his pants and/or play in it, right?! They're getting there! YEAH Adam and Kate! POOR Mommy! LOL Hopefully, once it clicks, they will have it. Mega had only one accident after he was trained and it was my fault - he could't unbutton his pants. ;-)

[Michelle]

That may well be the funniest thing I have read in a long long time!

I loved Adam's color commentary! Way to give Rose the play-by-play there little buddy!

[jane]

OMG that is just hysterical!! Great way to start my morning. Really, I'm laughing out loud here!

[Jeanne]

Oh that is just too much fun for words. Reminds me of a video clip I watched on Facebook the other day. I can't seem to find it now but someone may have seen it and now how to find it. The one about the woman who wakes up in the guys bed and he leaves for work telling her to just pull the door closed when she goes. Things go wrong when the toilet overflows..... It's a total scream!!! And not far from you fishing poop out of the flower-bed, only with worse results. Please someone, track it down for us...

[Jeanne]

Ah, I found it! Search on Facebook for Billy Allan, in the South African network. It's the only video he has added. Hilarious!

[kristylynne]

OMG, that may be the funniest thing I have ever read!

[Lisa]

Funniest. Post. Ever.

[Donna]

How I love this post. So funny. Thank you, I needed that.

[Martie]

ROFLMAO!! This was so funny!! I was laughing out loud when I read it. Excellent!! Isn't it fun potty training B/G twins?! (NOT!) Sounds SOOO familiar. Daniel once poo-ed on the Grade R playground at Kobus & Isabel's previous primary school (while I was busy consoling Isabel after a terrible day at school)!! How embarrasing! But I was so pissed off about the swimming pool's gates (both) standing wide open with no school employee / any adult in sight when I found D, that the poo episode almost became insignificant. And the pool is situated right next to the Gr R playground. And that wasn't the first time that it happened (that I found the gates standing wide open with no-one watching the pool) - thus one of the many reasons why I moved them to another school. But getting back to the poo-ing & potty-training - as I've said before, that was the worst part of raising our 2 sets of twins & please do not ask me any advice on the subject as I was totally lost about it. I still don't know how to properly potty-train a child. Thank goodness mine are through that now. Now it's how to teach them (the older two) how to study for exams!! Exams start on Wednesday. Poor me! But thank you for making my Sunday evening! It was an excellent read. And good luck to Rose with the Driver's License. I hope you've registered her for a course at a Driving School - because of K53. And I hope that she'll pass it first time. Keep well!

[Tava]

I nearly lost my breath laughing as I read this. SO funny!!!

[victoria]

"You used to have to wait for a year for an appointment."??? That is just insane. That is Third World-level dysfunction. I didn't realize South Africa was so desperately poor and so pervasively broken. I thought it was a relatively wealthy country. Is it really this bad or is drivers licensing an aberration?

[Julia]

How very "I Love Lucy"!

[Bump Fairy]

Oh my God, I haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time. Thank you so much for brightening up my day!!

[Jodie]

Ah, Victoria is back on form!

That was hysterical. You poor thing!!! I've got to say when I toilet trained my first child she was in pull ups for public outings until after she was 3. I just wasn't that brave. Now pooping in the garden, I think that shows initiative. "OK, I can't poop in my pants and the toilet is too far and mum is busy...oh look! Nature! Perfect!". What a smart boy :)

As for licensing, it is similar in Australia (can I say "Here in Australia?" ;) ). You have to book to do your learners permit, and it takes months to get an appointment for the actual practical test. At one point it was about 7 or 8 months. Then you do some driving on a log book with an instructor / other licensed person then you do a computer test. If you don't get your licence you wait another few months for a retest. And getting your car inspected is a nightmare. Where I live we had to queue up, sitting in the car in the stinking heat, for 5 hours to have it inspected so we could change licence plates.

Good luck to Rose, I hope it goes well for her. I'm sure the poop is a good sign!!

[Geohde]

Oh my g-d.

Hilarious!

Although, probably not so at the time....

J

[Stefanie]

Ha ha!! Ok - only funny because it was you and not me.

[ksmaybe]

OMG!! Absolutely hysterical.

[Jazz]

A great Monday morning start. Thanks!

[Suzie-Q.]

Thanks for the laugh! I am getting ready to potty train one of my twins. I think my daughter is ready, although, she thinks otherwise!!
Perhaps now i will wait a bit longer...
;)

[Flicka]

LOL!!!

[Emmie (Better Make It A Double)]

Too funny, and I can totally relate. One of my boys will say loudly to his brother as we go into a public bathroom: "Never, never touch the little box!" Not sure if it's available in SA, but this product changed my life:
http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/Travel-Potty-Chair-z.html

[Bevc]

Too funny for words.... I instantly got a mental picture of the whole scene! I love that about little children, they have to give you the details blow by blow regardless of who is around!

[Nicole]

That is sooo funny I almost wee'd my pants!!!!!

[midlife mommy]

Thank you for the laugh, though I'm sorry it was at your expense. My daughter just pooped on the potty for the first time last week. The first thing I did was order a portable potty for my husband and I. Because I can see into the future, and it looks a lot like your day . . .

[louise]

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[Bec]

Bwahahaha! There are days I long for more than one babe. Not twins, but just wish I could have another. And then I read stories like these and the laughter is salve on my IF wound. Thanks!

[Sheila]

Great story. Whatever an kind of ugly thing an Agapanthus is, I think it deserved nothing more than a gift from your twins.
Is that potty in your car yet? With lots of wipes, hand sanitizer and some garbage bags?
Now that you are prepared, maybe the kids will suddenly train themselves and you won't even need it for months! Here's hoping...

[Sheila]

PS - Remember we have triplets? We went through many similar situations at home and away, and guess what the third kid would be doing while I was frantically trying to clean up the first two? You got it...
Fun times! I have repressed a lot of memories of that year.

[laura Strickler]

I have tears streaming down my face...thank your children for the wonderful laughs. I really can picture this chaotic scene , poop everywhere!

[louise]

I love this post. Sorry for all the running that you had to do, I'm sure the garden will be better for the fertilizer in the long run. Thanks again for the giggles.

[K]

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but is Naked Ovary getting a new baby? Do you have an update on her and her gorgeous little girl?

['wishIknew']

Very very funny Tertia!
You deserve a medal for all that running around and poo fishing!

'wishIknew'

[Hannah]

Hmmm...I really should read the titles more carefully so I know to go to the bathroom before reading it. I think I peed in my pants laughing so hard. Damn childbirth!!

My brother calls me "sister" still. He's 21 and I'm 24 and we live in middle-America. So maybe it's not so Afrikaans.

[Cindi]

At least you didn't get clean pants on him before he had to Poopies. Right? Mine were always good at peeing in their pants, me cleaning and changing. Then they were pooping in the clean ones, and then I was short a third set of clothes. Or my favorites were the blowouts which soaked the carseat too, on your way to one of those appointments you had to wait 5 months to get. Nothing like jumping on the parenting wagon. I would stop at that moment and say "You went through infertility for years and years to be able to call yourself a Mama so NO BITCHING"

Cindi

And my kids call each other brother and sister almost exclusively unless they are yelling at each other out in the neighborhood. Who knew my working and working to find the perfect name would be thrown aside so easily.

[Chicago]

You have hands-down some of the best kid stories out there! You can't make this stuff up, it's so priceless. Thanks for a good laugh on a day when I needed one.

[Wonder Woman]

I don't find myself laughing out loud much when reading blogs, but this one was the exception. Hilarious.

[Karyn]

Laughter is the best medicine!!! LMAO!!! Thanks for posting this!!!

[Becky]

That was so much fun to read - thank you!

[mar]

Oh gosh, I remember those days. When my son was 4, we arrived at the parking lot of a car race. It had been a 2 1/2 hour trip, and I announced as we shut off the car - "The first thing I need to do is pee!". My son says, hopping out of the car, "Me too!". Next thing I hear is the sound of running water - turn to find his pants around his ankles, peeing right in the middle of the parking lot, with an audience of all of those who were also arriving for the car race. Oh, yes, I was crimson with embarrassment! Kept hoping we weren't going to be sitting near any of those people - although I'm sure they were thinking the exact same thing!

Kids - never dull!

[sarah]

This made me laugh so hard! And at work no less.