I am not allowed to be in a bad mood

 I am not often in a bad mood. I do get irritated fairly quickly, or I might feel a little down, but I am not often in an out and out bad mood. You know those moods where even you can see the black thunder clouds above your own head? But when I am in a bad mood, I like to warn people in advance. I say “I am just warning you that I am in a bad mood. It has nothing to do with you or anything you have done wrong; I am just in a bad mood”. I do this so that they know to leave me alone and let me get over it on my own. Which I usually do fairly quickly. At least the other person knows that it is not them, it is me and if they leave me alone to wallow in my misery, I will be fine in a while.

Simple, right?

Not for Marko and Rose. They can’t handle it if I am in a bad mood. Or rather, if I tell them I am in a bad mood. They hover. They want to know why. And even though I have explicitly told both of them that it has nothing to do with either of them, they can’t seem to let it go. I am not allowed to be in a bad mood. I must have a reason. It drives me crazy!

I was in a bad mood on Friday night. I told Marko when he got home “I am in a bad mood. It has nothing to do with you, you’ve done nothing wrong, nothing has happened, I am just in a bad mood”. I could see he was dying to ask me more questions (‘but there must be a reason why’) but he let it go. Rose however hasn’t been around as long, so she still has to learn.

I told her the same thing. She hovered, she um’ed and ah’ed. Eventually she couldn’t help herself. “I know you said you were in a bad mood, but I just want to know whether I can ask you something when you are ok”.

Sigh.

“It’s fine Rose, you can ask me now”.
“No, you said you were in a bad mood, I will ask you another time”
“Rose, it is fine. What do you want to know?”
“No, don’t worry. I just wanted to know whether I could ask you something when you were feeling better”

SIGH. Has she ever not been able to ask me anything? Never. The two of us are usually jabbering on all day, we talk about anything and everything.

“Rose, it really is fine. Ask me. How can I help you?”
“No, it’s fine. It is not important. I will ask you another time”

Somehow it is worse for Rose and Marko if I tell them I am in a bad mood. I can’t understand that. If they tell me they are in a bad mood (they don’t, they just get moody), then I respect that and I leave them alone. I don’t pick fights, I don’t try and have deep and meaningful talks, I just let them be. It is too much to ask that they just let me be in a bad mood???

Luckily (for all of us) I woke up on Saturday morning in a far better mood. Perhaps next time I will just be in a bad mood and not say it out loud.

Don’t you think it is much better to admit to being in a bad mood rather than just being moody and blaming everyone else? Would it also drive you crazy if I warned you I was in a bad mood? Would you also hover? Would you want to know ‘why’?

(I am usually better at concluding my blog posts but I've had that last glass of champagne and it was either the sudden ending or no post at all.)

Comments

[Bump Fairy]

If you don't intend to do or say anything to them because they aren't the cause of your bad mood, what's the point in telling them you're grumpy? They will SEE that you're grumpy! Just be grumpy, and thank them when you're feeling all happy for understanding. The warning before, to me, is just begging for a happy intervention and annoying egg-shell walking.

My two cents. No refund.

;-)

[Orange]

There are people who understand that perfectly and like to withdraw from society when they're in a bad mood. Me, I don't get it at all. If I'm in a bad mood, yes, it's best to leave me be until it passes, but I don't make a habit of announcing it. And I'll answer the phone. A few of my friends just disappear when they're in a bad mood, and I'll find out days later that when I'd tried phoning, she wasn't in the mood to talk and thus didn't answer the phone. But I am charming! I will break you out of that bad mood! Talk to me!

[Bump Fairy]

Oh my god, I was first....

That never happens!! Woo hoo for obsessive refresh!

[Merideth]

I do the same thing. I tell people I'm cranky, that it has nothing to do with them and to just back away slowly. It really does feel like the right thing to do. I don't want people to think I'm in a bad mood because of something they did. I'm in a bad mood because I am. It also feels a little like I'm giving myself permission to just be cranky and then I seem to get over it easier. I also will laugh a little when I'm telling people I'm in a bad mood because at the same time I'm saying it it seems a bit ridiculous.

[Spoiled Only Child]

Can I marry you? My husband will never admit to being in a bad mood, no matter how f-ing miserable he is. He keeps insisting that he's fine, that he doesn't know what I'm talking about, that it must be me who's in a bad mood, and he's sorry if he's making my life so miserable. AAARGH! I always say it would just be better if he could at least admit it, even if he's not going to tell me why he's in a mood. That said, maybe you should wait until they ask you if something's wrong to tell them that you're in a bad mood and you don't feel like talking about it. Perhaps announcing it up front makes them unsure what to do. Are you saying you want them to ask you what's wrong? To try and comfort you? Or to leave you alone? Maybe they just don't know.

[Andrea]

So, I could have written this post. No one in my family understands this about me, but it is so true. I feel like it would just be better to say that I'm in a bad mood than to be rude to people. My husband will ask, "well, what made you that way? How can I help? Did I do something wrong?" etc. etc. etc., and it drives me nuts! It typically has nothing to do with anyone; I just have a bad day, feel overwhelmed with a job I'm working on, am overly tired...you know the drill.

Bottom line: I am the type of person who, with a little space, will get over the mood and be happier. Talking about it does not always fix it; sometimes I just need to be alone!

[Jan]

So what did Rose want to ask you?

My husband and I are in agreement that a simple, "I'm cranky today" (when it's true) works wonders for our relationship.

My favorite thing about working with a bunch of men is that they are much more likely as a group to accept that a person can be cranky without there being a particular reason. I worked one job with all women and I made the mistake of saying once that everybody would do well to avoid me because I was out of sorts and I swear to you WEEKS later there were still women coming up to me all, "how are you doing today?"

[Lisa]

I'm afraid I am Rose and Marko in my relationship, but I have FINALLY gotten it through my (apparently thick) head that if I just leave my boyfriend of over three years alone, he will get over it and come to me when he is ready. In the past, he would be in a bad mood, I would pick up on that and become nervous, thinking it was something I did, I would hover, we would get into a fight, and then I would hover asking him when he was ready to make up. I can see how that would be annoying, and he repeatedly would ask to be left alone, and when I finally decided to try that, miraculously it worked! Now, when he is in a bad mood, I steer clear of him and do something fun on my own. When he is ready to be in a good mood again, I am happy to spend time with him again.

[Judy]

I'd definitely tell. I get into trouble if I don't preface my bad moodiness by saying, "Don't mess with me; I'm in a bad mood." Hubster has just learned to deal with it and let it go, poor thing. However, if I don't tell him and I AM in a bad mood? Stand back, it ain't pretty.

[Kay]

I'm not allowed to be in a bad mood - whether I announce it or not. I *am* however, expected to just "leave it alone" when my husband announces that he is in a bad mood. Which I don't mind doing at all. It's the double standard I hate.

[tess]

i think it is thoughtful of you to let them know that the source of your mood is not them. maybe have marco sacrifice a few of his 800 words a day (you can pay him back in a very thoughtful way when you are feeling better) and have him take rose aside and say, "when tertia is in a bad mood just smile and avoid her. it's not about you."

[blackbird]

Don't you find it fascinating that we could be so far away and so different yet cut from the same cloth?

Don't bother me about it - I'm in a bad mood.

[Suzie-Q.]

What is it about people that they don't want to believe you when you tell them the truth in an attempt to be honest and fair about your bad mood?
If you told me you were in a bad mood i'd respect you and leave you alone. After you were clearly over it, i would ask if you were okay, and, probably want to know what your issue was.
I prefer to hear it when someone is in a bad mood and wants to be left alone rather than have to guess whether it is a passing moment of foul mood, or, it will be an extended period of foul mood and i can avoid it altogether.

[WendyP]

I hear you. Whenever I'm in a mood or have something bothering/troubling me, I sometimes need to talk about it but have to preface things with my husband, as it is in his nature to "fix" things. If something is going on guys often want to fix it and make it better. Sweet, really. Great with a blocked toilet, not so much when my boss is being a pill. Often, I find myself first telling hubby that I'm not asking him to fix this or make it better, just to hear me out.

[jenny]

I do the same thing. Sometimes I tell my husband that I'm in a bad mood so he'll leave me alone. Sometimes he tries to make it better (which just makes it worse) but he's pretty good at listening. Your doing the right thing - better to tell them then to bite their heads off for no reason.

[Shannon]

Thank you! I cannot tell you how often I walk away from someone in a bad mood wondering what I had done. Telling people that it just is what it is...beautiful.

Shannon

[Mary]

I will sometimes warn my family if I'm in a bad mood. Or especially if I know I'm about to start crying. This only happens about twice a year, but is fairly monumental when it gets going. I tell them, this has nothing to do with you, but I just really need you to leave me alone right now. They do. They've learned.

If you told me that you were in a bad mood and it wasn't my fault, I would of course leave you alone. No questions asked. No hovering needed. But I'm a bit older than your group, and am willing to take your word for it that it's not my problem.

[Lauraszoo]

Just warning you, my husband, the love of my life, and the father of our 5 kids, was killed on Tuesday a today was the funeral. I'M in A VERY BAD MOOD.

(it's strange how fitting your post is today)

[vanessa]

It is probably better to warn them.In my case I usually say nothing and then my husband will pipe up and tell the kids "oh dear mom is in a bad mood today" and THAT make my mood ten times worse...Why should he acknowledge it when I don't???Poor guy can't win either way,i curse my hormones sometimes!

[Flicka]

I tell my husband when I am in a bad mood, just like you do. Lucky for me, he gets it and goes away, sometimes tossing a six-pack of Hershey bars behind him to distract me from ripping him limb from limb (kind of the way you'd throw a steak to a viscious dog to distract him while you run away.) It took a while for him to understand that but with training it finally sank in!

[Lila]

I'm dying to know what Rose wanted to ask you!!!!! But I will ask you about it only when you're in a better mood.

[Bev]

Condolences to Lauraszoo...

If I tell my hubby that I'm feeling grumpy or in a black mood - without saying a word, he backs away slowly and goes to the furthest corner of the house. He will then proceed to avoid me at all costs until I show signs of happiness again.... Ostrich Syndrome

[Dawn]

It's that conversation with Rose that would have driven me over the edge of bad-mood-ness stgraight into spit-it-out-already-woman! LOL

[tom]

My wife is in a bad mood right now...and gave me fair warning, but... since she can not tell me WHY she is feeling so down, I get VERY frustrated. Bad moods with no logical reasons are extremely selfish. It's like saying "no offense but...(and then saying something extremely offensive). Just cause you admit to being a "crab apple" before hand doesn't give you a free pass to ruin someone elses day. Take a nap, go to the park, listen to your ipod, do something that will put you in a better mood...just don't bring me down.