Fabulous

Had a fabulous, wonderful evening. I said this last time, and it was even more so the case last night – I have never been treated so well, welcomed with such warmth and been so impressed as I was last night, and last time in Cape Town. I am sure there are not-so-nice Jews out there, but wow! The 450 Jewish I was with last night were so awesome. I admire and respect them enormously, and it makes me really sad that I have lost this part of my heritage. I felt such a kinship to these people. Even Marko was blown away, and he is very hard to impress. Of course it might have helped that everyone came up to him after my speech and said what an amazing guy he is. 

The Malka Ella Foundation funds infertility procedures for those who are unable to fund it themselves. The fund says that no Jewish couple will not have a baby due to a lack of funds. Since their inception a few years back, 50 babies have been born with their assistance – whether through IUI, IVF, adoption, surrogacy. What am amazing bunch of people, what an amazing religion, what a wonderful cause.

I would consider converting…. but Oh My WORD, they have THE most revolting wine I’ve ever tasted ;-) In the end, I was forced to drink Vodka tonics. And you know how true I am to my wine. It was a necessary yet heart wrenching betrayal.

One small, teeny, tiny little thing…. I appreciate you helping with what to wear (looked v demure) and what not to say (didn’t use the F word once), BUT DO YOU THINK YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME NOT TO SHAKE HANDS WITH THE RABBIS!!!

The other keynote speaker was a very orthodox looking chap called Rabbi Fox. An exceptionally clever chap (expert in the Jewish laws around fertility), and a surprisingly dynamic speaker. I was introduced to him before the speeches and like a big poop I stuck out my hand to shake his. And then we both stood there, staring at each other, my hand hovering in midair, his hands at his sides until luckily the person with us said “oh, we wont shake your hand”. Beautiful. I felt SO embarrassed. I was already so on my nerves about doing something offensive (these are religious Jews) and here I am, wanting to shake this RABBI’s hand. I learnt afterwards that orthodox (any?) Jewish men aren’t supposed to touch any other woman except their wife. Nice of you guys to warn me! He was actually cool about it.

Of course, afterwards I twice winked at another rabbi. I didn’t realize that I have a habit of winking at people when I talk to them. You know, in a joking kind of way. Men and women. So, I winked at the rabbi. Twice. AAARRGGHHHHH! At least by then I knew not to try and hug him or grab his hand. Or stick my tongue in his mouth. 

Anyway, besides the horrible wine, the handshaking incident and the inappropriate winking, I had a fabulous time. It was an honour and a privilege to be part of their evening and to be part of such a noble cause.

(And I met the coolest blog reader ever, K. She spent lots of time chatting to us and Marko thought she was fantastic. Not sure if that had anything to do with the fact that she is flipping gorgeous. Smooches to you K!)

Comments

[Jazz]

Sounds like you had an awesome time! Besides the hotel bed. You are becoming such a pro at this!

[Char]

When are you going to do a talk in Durbs? We won't even mind if you wink at us! c",)

[Bianca W]

I second Char - please make Durbs next on your list. And dont forget to tell us you are talking here, so we can make sure we go along. I would LOVE to hear one of your talks.

You sound like you were G&D and I am sure even the Rabbi thought so, even though he could not shake your hand. (Jeeze - I didn't know that either.) Well done!

XX
B

[RainbowW]

i call those guys mechitza-wielding frummies, and their insistence on living in the 12th century makes my teeth itch.

[Camille]

LMAO! How funny. So not so much groping, eh?!

Glad it went well. I'm sure you were fantastic!

[Amy]

Good friends of ours got married - she's Christian, with a Southern Baptist preacher grandpa, and he's Jewish.

She was very careful to learn all the subtleties of Judaism before the wedding, so that they could incorporate both traditions (the preacher and the Rabbi stood side by side for the ceremony) into the wedding. At the reception, she was so relieved that all had gone according to plan.

Then the rabbi looked at her, on the dance floor during the reception, and yelled, "GREAT FUCKING PARTY!!" and she realized that he probably wasn't the easily-offended type. :)

[En]

At least by then I knew not to try and hug him or grab his hand. Or stick my tongue in his mouth.

Omigosh, just about almost spat my morning coffee out, I was laughing so hard. Thanks for sharing Tertia, I had an idea Jewish orthodox, were well, orthodox, but I think I was confusing it with Amish men. Oh well, will stop before I start sounding ignorant. Start?! HAH!

[Timi]

Hee hee. Pretty funny. I doubt the Rabbi was offended, probably just felt bad because he knew he was going to make you feel uncomfortable. Any orthodox jew who ventures out of their community I'm sure has to deal with it (women are also not allowed to touch other men, not just men women).

[thrice]

Well, you wouldn't be going through the proper rite of passage, if you hadn't tried to shake the Rabbi's hand. Ha Ha. While the orthodox to the right definitely don't shake women's hands, many modern-orthodox do, some might even hug as-well-as wink. So I usually wait for the man to present his hand before shaking it.

I must say that I thought you would actually like this no-shaking quasi rule. Y'know less germs, and all? No?

[Nicole]

Tertia - I just love posts like these. They make me laugh, inform me and give a great peek into who you are and how you are with people (just darling)! Thanks for sharing - sounds like you had a great time.

[June]

The shaking hand thing is because of their rules over touching a woman during her period (unclean). A man knows his wife's cycle, but any other woman's cycle is really none of his business (obviously, Orthodox Jewish men haven't seen our infertility blogs where we post our cycle dates!)

This used to weird me out, I'm a realtor in Miami Beach, and I found it strange to work with the many orthodox men who buy and sell real estate on the beach. After learning about why they wouldn't shake my hand, I find the niddah rules facinating, and for most women, the rules are timed for couples to start "touching" just before ovulation. If you don't know about it, google niddah, it's so interesting.

I wouldn't worry about the winking. I'm sure you were a hit.

[obabe]

June- its not about niddah. an orthodox jewish man cant touch another woman except his wife, plain and simple. niddah has to do with a man and his wife touching (or not touching) during certain points in her cycle. but they dont care about anyone elses!

not that all orthodox jews hold by this, especially in work related situations dealing with those that are not jewish, but those are just the facts.

[sweetisu]

I haven't laughed this hard for a long while. Thank you! I about fell over in my chair!!!!!!!!! HAHHAHAHHAHAA

I'm sure you were fantastic, despite the handshake and the winking incidences.

[Wendy]

To echo, most rabbis will gladly shake your hand, and the more traditionally observant ones who won't cannot expect non-Jews to automatically know that they won't. No one was offended, and if they were they are silly. And lets not forget that women are rabbis too (although not in the more traditional movements).

I grew up in a Reform congregation with a rabbi I adored, and he hugged me regularly. I wish everyone could have such a positive experience with a clergyperson - I'm not a religious Jew but I strongly identify with the culture, partially because of this lovely man.

Anyway good for you for being yourself and not being intimidated! Yay Tertia.

[amy]

These comments are fascinating. I had no idea. I would have been doing the same out of 'politeness'! Glad you had such a good time and love the shots of the kids dressed up, adorable.

[margalit]

You know I'm Modern Orthodox, and the last time you spoke in front of a Jewish crowd, I TOLD you not to shake hands. See, it's not just my kids...nobody listens to me. :-( This has nothing to do with niddah, as another poster postulated. It has to do with the rule of men, meaning any male over 13, not touching any female that they are not married to. Very frum (religious) Jews tend to take it more seriously than the Modern O, and the more liberal AMERICAN facets of Judaism don't follow it at all. But in SA, Jews are Orthodox. There really isn't a liberal movement like in the US (nor is there in most of Europe, Israel, and other countries where Jews reside) so the rule is to always be cautious.

You didn't offend. They understand that you're not Jewish and may not be up to the moment with the rules of halacha (Jewish law). It's fine.

As for the wine, there are a TON of excellent Kosher wines out there. You probably got stuck with some horrid grape wine, but believe me, there are some excellent Kosher meshuval wines out there. I have plenty in my collection.

[kab]

There are great kosher wines in SA but they generally cost a small fortune! :-)

[Bevc]

A Jewish friend of mine once told me that the REALLY strict Jewish men (he did mention the name, but I forget now) don't even touch their wifes whilst they are having sex. They use a sheet with a hole in it so that their skin doesn't touch.... Was he pulling my leg or is this true?

[Mindy]

Bevc, that's a myth perpetuated by the movie "A Price Above Rubies." Believe me - during martial relations, both parties are completely nude. DOnt worry.

Tertia, I missed your post about going to speak for the Jewish community. DOnt freak out about trying to shake the Rabbi's hand - theyre used to it. I've had doctors trying to shake my hand and I'd stammer that I can't shake their hands - it happens on both sides.

As for feeling sad about losing your Jewish heritage, dont worry. Youre not considered Jewish by Jewish law, so you're not obligated to be Jewish. Being a friend of the JEws like you are, is just perfect - youre doing your part of the obligation.

I always love reading your posts because you love My People :).

Mindy, proud Chassidic Jew

[Bevc]

Thanks Mindy! I really felt quite sad for them - so glad that it's not true! Sjoe!

[Irndly]

I am not one to correct, normally, but must respond to some huge misinformation given here. Margalit wrote that there is not a liberal Jewish movement in Israel? I beg to differ. In fact, over 70% of the country is made up of secular Jews that identify themselves as Conservative/Reform/Reconstructionist. And as for Europe, Modern Orthodoxy has it's roots in 1930's Pre-War Germany, which then gave rise to the Conservative movement throughout Europe - before it travelled to North America. Reform Judaism does have it's roots in the USA, specifically in Santa Monica California, where the first Reform Congregation of Beth Shalom formed. I think it unwise to generalize about what Jews are where, don't you?
Tertia, I am certain the Rabbi simply thought you were a sweet and flirtatious girl. They have long since learned how to duck the handshake. And they are practiced at it. My general take on it is that they hope you aren't embarassed by it. I am always shocked to see an Orthodox man on mass transit here during rush hour, as it is inevitable that a woman will end up squeezed up next to you.

[Robin from Israel]

I don't want to drag this off topic, but as one of those 70% here in Israel I just wanted to add another viewpoint:

"over 70% of the country is made up of secular Jews that identify themselves as Conservative/Reform/Reconstructionist"

Actually, most of that 70% self-identifies as "secular" or less often "traditional", not as conservative/reform/reconstructionist. Those three movements are in fact quite small in Israel, whereas secular (non-observant) Jews are the majority.

Shutting back up now ;-).

PS Everyone's got a "tried to shake their hand" story, don't give it another moment's thought.

[angel]

sounds marvellous mel, it sounds like you and marko made good impressions all round!

[Irndly]

Robin
Thanks for the clarification. I appreciate it.