Surrogate Mother

Did I tell you I was bitten by a 16 foot man-eating Tarantula? Spiders love me. Clearly.

I saw a small red bump on my ankle last week, but I thought it was a mozzie bite. I didn’t scratch it, even though it itched like a motherfucker, because I know if you scratch it then it spreads the poison and you die. Or it makes it even itchier. Something like that. Scratching = bad.

I first put some calamine lotion on it, helped not one bit. Then some itchy bite stuff. Nothing. Then I tried some other stuff. Also nothing. The bump got bigger and it had this scary looking red mark around it.

By Friday I was convinced that a spider had laid eggs in my leg, the bump would erupt and I would be awakened at night by the pitter-patter of tiny baby spider feet, all 1000 x 8 of them.

Marko of course was completely unsympathetic to my plight*. Even after my leg fell off on Saturday morning and I had to reattach it with craft glue and old bits of string, I got not one ounce of sympathy from him. Unfeeling bastard.

Of course I feel totally vindicated now. I went to the doctor who confirmed that it was indeed a spider (a tiny spider) that bit me and gave me some antibiotic and cortisone cream. Apparently the babies are doing well and their due date is the 27^th of October.

*Which is why he is not getting it 3.2 times a week! Perhaps if he was a little more sympathetic, he would get luckier. 

Edited to add: SHIT! Just realized I forgot to put on more cream this morning. Bloody useless. But it is Kate’s fault. I took the old Band-Aid off with the intention of putting on some more cream and replacing it with a new one. But then Kate fished the old Band-Aid out the rubbish bin while I was busy getting dressed and INSISTED on putting it back on my ankle “Because you have an eina Mama, you fall down and hurt yourself”. I’ve just had a look down and sure as Bob, there is the old Band-Aid hanging lopsidedly off my ankle. Rats! It will never heal at this rate.

Comments

[Veronica]

You must be tasty! Hope it heals soon :)

[Geohde]

At least the bite in on an area safe for public consumption. A polite spider, perhaps?

J

[jodie]

I knew South Africa was a dodgy place. You can get savaged by lions and bitten by huge bit-me-on-the-leg spiders. Australia is much safer. Except for the stingrays. And snakes. And other spiders. Oh, and those pesky sharks. Serial killers. Cricketers.

[Dominique]

Hahahaha. You have a great sense of humour. Been away awhile and had no internet access. Missed reading your blog.

Take care of that bite

Dom x

[A]

Oh dear. Spiders clearly find you yummy. Either that or they think you want to have their babies..

[N]

Jodie, too funny! Are your cricketers scary good or scary bad? Tertia, clearly you are now famous among spiders for being a very good spideymom. One word or two? Spideymom Spidey Mom. Oh well, they have spread the word to all their spidey friends about your super spideyfriendliness and endowed you with spidey powers. I feel a great script coming on, Hollywood listening?

[GiftGuru]

Hahaha...you are a trip girl !!! You should write a book on the day to day events of your life. I would buy it !!!

[Orange]

Where are the infertile spiders, dammit?

[MIssicat]

Erupting spider eggs....thanks for reminding me of one of my worst nightmares. AAAHHHHHHH!!!!! *thunk*

[Dani]

No pictures?? If you want sympathy from us, we need proof of the affliction. Hmph.

[Kathleen]

That will slowly your healing process down but how sweet of Kate to want to help.

[Ashlee]

Do spiders like RUN your country? They do don't they! They're the ones that let the giraffes live in your backyard and make the toddlers take care of the lions! Whenever you get sassy they respond with forced incubator duty. Those damn spider monarchs and their lack of humour.

Because seriously, no one woman should have such horrible spider bites. Twice!

[diana]

OMG- the same thing just happened to me and a woman I work with. Both of us were bit on the arm and had to get antibiotics. The infections just kept growing. And of course, I was so paranoid after reading about your last experience. So, I have you to thank for getting me to the doctor and getting me on the antibiotic before the infection took over my entire body and turned me into some type of spideymom, too. Either that or the poison would have started eating away at my muscle tissue (unlikely, said the doctor). Pleasant dreams :)

[wookie]

I am so relieved that I am not the only one who has a deep, neurotic belief that spider bites will hatch into thousands of baby spiders while I sleep.

My husband, bless his black heart, said as we were camping one night "Don't worry about the bugs that will bite you dear, worry about what is going to lay it's EGGS in you."

Asshole.

[angel]

aaw poor tertia! i hope it gets better quick-like...