So Close

Surrogate Mother

Did I tell you I was bitten by a 16 foot man-eating Tarantula? Spiders love me. Clearly.

I saw a small red bump on my ankle last week, but I thought it was a mozzie bite. I didn’t scratch it, even though it itched like a motherfucker, because I know if you scratch it then it spreads the poison and you die. Or it makes it even itchier. Something like that. Scratching = bad.

I first put some calamine lotion on it, helped not one bit. Then some itchy bite stuff. Nothing. Then I tried some other stuff. Also nothing. The bump got bigger and it had this scary looking red mark around it.

By Friday I was convinced that a spider had laid eggs in my leg, the bump would erupt and I would be awakened at night by the pitter-patter of tiny baby spider feet, all 1000 x 8 of them.

Marko of course was completely unsympathetic to my plight*. Even after my leg fell off on Saturday morning and I had to reattach it with craft glue and old bits of string, I got not one ounce of sympathy from him. Unfeeling bastard.

Of course I feel totally vindicated now. I went to the doctor who confirmed that it was indeed a spider (a tiny spider) that bit me and gave me some antibiotic and cortisone cream. Apparently the babies are doing well and their due date is the 27^th of October.

*Which is why he is not getting it 3.2 times a week! Perhaps if he was a little more sympathetic, he would get luckier. 

Edited to add: SHIT! Just realized I forgot to put on more cream this morning. Bloody useless. But it is Kate’s fault. I took the old Band-Aid off with the intention of putting on some more cream and replacing it with a new one. But then Kate fished the old Band-Aid out the rubbish bin while I was busy getting dressed and INSISTED on putting it back on my ankle “Because you have an eina Mama, you fall down and hurt yourself”. I’ve just had a look down and sure as Bob, there is the old Band-Aid hanging lopsidedly off my ankle. Rats! It will never heal at this rate.

Parenting Workshop

Yo, fellow Cape Town and Jhb parents, want to attend a really cool parenting workshop?  Sam has extended a special offer to my blog readers - 150 ront! Normal price is R225. That is like a 20% 30% 38.7% 225/150 x 100/1 divided by 150 seventy five rand off!!  Wina wena.  I will be at the CPT workshop, which is reason enough to pay like a MILLION RONT on its own, but besides that, there will be goodie bags and parenting experts (clearly not me) etc. Come. It will be fun.  Details below or click here.   

 

• Got children between 3 and 9?
• How do other South African parents do it?
• Ask SA's top parenting experts.

Come to our parenting workshop!

Sam Wilson invites you to Womens24's 2007 Parenting Workshop

You'll get to:

• enjoy a delicious brunch
• hear the results of the 2007 Women24 Parenting Survey
• chat to SA's top parenting experts (including Anne Cawood and Ann Richardson)
• discuss your issues with like-minded mothers
• win brilliantly useful how-to books
• take home a goodie bag!

Could you think of any more rewarding way to spend a Saturday morning?
No, we didn't think so.

Book Now for Joburg!

The Westcliff Hotel, Johannesburg, on 17th November from 10h00 to 13h00. Contact us at [email protected] or call Roxanne on 021 468 8305 Cost of attendance only R225.

Book Now for Cape Town!

The Peninsula Hotel, Cape Town, on the 27th October, from 10h00 to 13h00.Contact us at [email protected] or call Roxanne on 021 468 8305 Cost of attendance only R225.

Looking forward to seeing you there!

Sam Wilson
(Women24 Editor-in-chief)

Seen and not heard?

I have a question for parents and non-parents.

Let’s say, for example, you have friends over for a visit. The kids are playing and you are chatting to one of the guests. Your child comes up to the two of you while you are mid-sentence and starts tugging on your leg and trying to tell you something. Nothing serious or life threatening. But important in that typical urgent, young child kind of way. What do you do?

Do you stop your conversation to hear what the child wants to say?  Do you pause to tell the child to wait until you are finished talking? Do you reprimand the child for interrupting adult conversation? Or do you just ignore the “mama mama mama mama” and carry on talking as if they aren’t there? What do you do? What should one do?

I am interested to hear from you what you think is the correct thing to do, both from a social perspective and from the child’s perspective. And from the parent and the non-parent’s perspective. Because I am not sure whether my response is the correct one.

Because I am sensory defensive, especially with auditory sensitivity, I can not continue my conversation if a child, any child is tugging on the leg, wanting to speak. It makes me overload and become anxious (fight / flight response) and I have to stop talking, listen to what the child wants to say, and then continue my conversation. In my opinion (and I am fully aware I could be wrong, which is why I am polling you), the child’s concept of time is not like ours, and it takes two seconds to stop your conversation, listen to what they want to say and respond appropriately, and then carry on. “Ok my darling; I can hear you want some juice. Let mommy finish talking and I will make some for you”.

But I know other people don’t agree. And so they will ignore the “mama mama mama” while we are talking, until it gets louder and louder and my heart starts beating faster and my anxiety levels rise until I can’t hear what the person is saying anymore. All I can hear is “mama mama MAMA!!!” and I want to scream “ANSWER THE CHILD, PLEASE!!”

Men seem especially good at this. Marko can continue his conversation with no hesitation while one of the kids is just about jumping in his face, going “DADDY! DADDY! DAAAADDDEEEEE!”

Am I wrong? Should they wait? Should they learn not interrupt adult conversation? Is it really wrong to interrupt your conversation for two seconds to hear what they want to say?  And what does it feel like to be on the receiving end of this disjointed conversation with me? Is it impolite if my conversation with you is peppered with mid sentence breaks to hear what my child wants? I can imagine it must be frustrating not to have more than a few uninterrupted sentences in a row, but if I don’t stop and listen to what they want to tell me, I am not going to hear what you are saying anyway.  But I can imagine what it must be like, especially for those who don't have kids (even those who do) to have a conversation with me.  Talk pause talk pause talk pause. 

Your thoughts?

Proudly South African

The team hoists President Mbeki high with the Rugby World Cup - Picture: Reuters


Celebrations in Cape Town as the team wins - Picture: Reuters


A fan celebrates the Bok victory in Pretoria - Picture: Reuters

For excellent commentary on the game read here.

(Pictures taken from the same blog)

Go Bokke!!!

Please win. Because the entire country is going to be in mourning if you lose.  And I am staying up past my bedtime to watch the game. I don't just do that for anyone.  So ja, bring that trophy home. Asseblief.

Lazy, hazy summer days

It has been a loooong winter, but it looks like summer has arrived, thank bloody goodness. Of course, give me about 10 days or so and I will be complaining about the heat.


Too poor to afford a swimming pool, the kids cool off in the road outside my mom's house.

A road!  Luxury. 

If you are in Cape Town and outraged at the water running down the road... my dad has a borehole.  Is that one word or two? Bore hole. Borehole.  Non-potable water. 

Then, how gorgeous is this mountain of ours?  Taken from my car with my trusty Nokia N73, down the road from my shrink who I love and adore. I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Lucky me.

BTW, I've run out of "mental health benefits" for the year. Nice. So now I have to go insane on my own money. I Think Not. Will save mental breakdown for new financial year. Am crazy, but not stupid.

(Are you getting to get all worked up because the kids were nekkid in public? Or is that ok? I am a little gun shy about posting kid stuff now.)

Calling all graphic designers

Any graphic designers out there who are willing to donate some of their time and expertise to a worthy cause?  My sister's charity are* is looking for a new logo.  She writes about it here.  I don't think it is a complicated job, and they really would appreciate your help.

* Huh? Where the fark** did "are" come from?  Was I drunk? Of course now that apostrophe looks wrong. And we all now how you feel about incorrect apostrophe placement. Almost as strongly as you feel about the b______g***.

** Notice - am not specifically not using the F word in the same post as I mention my sister's lordy charity. Am model of restraint.  Halo shining brightly; one x free pass to the front of the queue.

*** Notice too that I am unable to let go of the jesting. Am highly immature model of restraint.

My Secret Garden: Your sexual fantasies

Have any of you read “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday? Here is a quick blurb from Wikipedia:

My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies is a 1973 book compiled by Nancy Friday, who collected women's fantasies through letters and taped and personal interviews. She organized these narratives into "rooms". The book revealed that women fantasize, just as men do, and that the content of the fantasies can be as transgressive, or not, as men's. The book refuted many previously accepted notions of female sexuality.

It is a very interesting read, but I am not going to get into the psychology behind sexual fantasies. I am going to assume that we all have them, whether we hardly ever take them out the closet or whether they are like favourite movies, played over and over again. (I am wondering whether that is a safe assumption, now that I look at the results of the poll)

(Got to love that bell curve!!)

The author talks about a metaphorical ‘house of fantasy’, in which there are 16 ‘rooms’, each one representing a different theme (some overlap does exist). She says that while there are as many different variations of fantasies as there are women out there, there are 16 central ‘themes’ in these fantasies which are common to each ‘room’.

It would take me too long to describe to you exactly what is in each room but was interesting for me was to find out which of the rooms I like to visit, and which leave me unmoved, or unturned on to be exact.

I was rather disappointed to realize that I had never visited Room Fifteen: Other Women. This disappoints me because I love and adore women and while I am not a ‘girly girl’, I am definitely a woman’s woman. I have deep affection and respect for women and some of my best flirts are lesbians, yet I have never had lesbian fantasies. How sad. (Not that just because one loves women, you have to be a lesbian or have lesbian fantasies, but you know…. I am just a little disappointed). But not to worry, will carry on flirting regardless.

So, let me do a little polls (multiple choice allowed, because many of us have more than one room we like to visit) to find out what moves you. Which rooms do you like to visit? And if your answer is none, why not?

(You should get the book, it really is an interesting read, and for those who haven’t explored this part of their psyche, it can be a very liberating read.)

Here are the names of the rooms. I am going to simplify them in the poll. (I’ve tried to add a line in italics that might explain the ‘theme’ a little more)

Room One: Anonymity, or “Taken by the Faceless Stranger”
Room Two: The Audience (doing the deed in front of an audience)
Room Three: Rape, or “Don’t Just Stand There, Force Me”
Room Four: Pain and Masochism, or “Ouch, Don’t Stop”
Room Five: Domination, or “How Humiliating, Thank You”
Room Six: The Sexuality of Terror, or “Help, I’m Out of Control, Thank God”
Room Seven: The Thrill of The Forbidden, or “No, You Must Not! … Here, Let Me Help You”
Room Eight: The Transformation Room, or “Life Can Be Beautiful” (Being transformed into someone really beautiful in your fantasies)
Room Nine: The Earth Mother Room
Room Ten: Incest
Room Eleven: The Zoo (doing it with animals)
Room Twelve: Big Black Men
Room Thirteen: Young Boys
Room Fourteen: The Fetishists
Room Fifteen: Other Women
Room Sixteen: Prostitution or “Sadie Thompson doesn’t live her anymore” 

(I haven’t gone into this topic as deeply as I would have liked to, apologies. I have a million things on my plate at the moment. It is a pity because it is a deeply fascinating topic. I’ll leave it up to you to take it to the next level.)

Oh, and Jodie... your room would either be four or five. Depending on how what flavour spanking you like ;-)

Driving lessons

Before I do the sex post, I have a quick driving lesson question.

Rose just passed her learners license (YAY!!!) and so now it is time for the fun stuff, driving! 

I want to do a combination of formal lessons (expensive but necessary) and Tertia lessons. Thing is, where do I start? What is the best way to teach someone to drive? Some people say to first let them learn in an automatic (to get used to driving), then tackle the changing gears thing? Or do that first? Any advice?

Back to the sexual fantasies shortly. Jodie wants to tell us how she likes to be spanked.

Sexual fantasies and used car sales

Ok, so you want to talk about the sexual fantasies?  Fine. But before I do, I need to find out how many of you fantasize while doing 'the deed'.  So go do this poll.

Then, while we wait for the results, who would like to buy a second hand car from me?  It is a Mercedes Benz.  Owned by Sergeant-Major Anal-tyn  - in other words, in immaculate condition, better than 'only one owner: Little old lady, driven to church and back'.  The little old lady WISHES her car looked as good as Marko's did. Go here and put in this reference number: 37745b. (2004 MERCEDES-BENZ C200K AVANTGARDE A/T)

Buy the car!  We can't afford the repayments!  I'll talk about sexual fantasies if you do!  Ok, I'll talk about it anyway, but someone buy the damn car.