Not my finest moment(s)

May I just say again, how much respect I have for you SAHMs. You deserve a bloody medal. And several days at the spa! And a few really large glasses of wine! I take my hat off to you, really I do. It sucks to be a working mom, but Oh My WORD! Being with the kids ALL day, every day….. How do you not end up wringing their gorgeous little whiny, ungrateful necks?

Rose had to go away at short notice so I took a day’s leave today to look after the kids (Marko is taking a day’s leave tomorrow, HA!) By mid-morning I had several incidents that would not be described as my finest mothering moments.

I called my sister to share one particular incident with her (and to tell her how much I admire her for doing this everyday) and she said that perhaps I shouldn’t share that specific story with my blog readers. It was bad, very bad.

So after a day of whining / fighting / biting / crying / riotous mutiny and general assholiness, I was not exactly thrilled when Marko phoned to say he would be home late. “Fine” I sulked, “But don’t expect the house to be tidy.” What a winner wife.

It gets worse though.

When Marko called to say that he placed his job and his employer above the needs of his family even though they made him work slavishly long hours for a pittance he would be late, he asked whether he should pick something up for supper on the way home (poor bastard. Last time he got a home cooked meal was when he lived with his mom). I said not to worry; I have something in the fridge for him. When he got home and asked what was for supper, I hauled out a microwave TV dinner and said “Here is your supper. It expired two days ago, but I am sure it still fine”.

Um yes. Even I had to admit that perhaps that wasn’t my finest wifely moment. (In my defence, I didn’t know it had expired!!)

Between the “heat it up and let’s hope you won’t die” and the “___insert terrible mothering moment here___” incident, I probably won’t be winning any Wife and / or Mother of the Year awards.

All I can say is thank god I am so incredibly good looking and charming. Because today I pretty much sucked at everything else.

Comments

[Jen @ amazingtrips]

Please Tertia - do share what happened. Send me a private e-mail, if need be. Since I'm still on maternity leave, I'm currently a full-time SAHM to 3-year old triplets and 3-month old baby. I would like ... no LOVE ... to see if your idea of a bad day is in the same ballpark as my idea of a bad day. I'm feeling down and could really use a pick me up. And some wine. A lot of wine. Intravenously, perhaps.

[Kathy]

Awww don't worry. Everyone has bad days. I'm just about to end this bad one I have had myself. Not my finest example of stellar wifedom over here. Not even close.

[Sheri]

jeez... we've all been there. More wine for you. :-)

[amy]

Staying home and doing full time mothering is HARD! And boring, and for a few hours or moments a day really enjoyable. I did it with all three of my kids and would not change a thing.

But was it stressful, boring, and monotonous? You bet!

But would not trade the experience for anything.

[glittersmama]

Are they both still alive? With all major limbs still attached? I'd say it was a good day.

[Lisa]

I'm ashamed to say I could write a book. I won't though...probably for the same reason(s) as you.

It has gotten better though, or at least I think it has, as I have learned to better control my temper, my hormones are back to normal, and the little guys are growing up. But there are still days...

Have another wine for me. :)

[Meg]

Hahahahaha, poor Tertia.

I've had a few moments I wouldn't dare to put online, too. More than a few.

I read somewhere, as long as there are no trips to jail or hospital, the day should be counted as a win. I think that's a good philosophy.

[Ann]

Yep, I also would not be able to do the SAHM thing, even though I greatly envy the moms who does this and feel guilty about dropping my kids at daycare every day. I run out of ideas as to how to keep them busy by mid-morning during the week-end, so how will I cope if I have to do it everyday! For me the ideal would be some kind of 3/4 day work. I hope to be able to go there in a few years time. Also, thanks to all for admitting that they have bad days as a mother - now I don't feel so bad about my irrate days.

[Tripsmom]

After a weekend with our 3-year old triplets my husband and I look forward to going to work on a Monday - so don't feel bad.

[elzabe]

I'm sure you know, at the back of your mind, that a husband who has a wife with such great boobs, does not realy need dinner....

[ShellBell]

I too have the UTMOST respect for SAHM - and could not do it even if I tried. My son turns 3 in January - and OMG is he hard work when behaving badly...

So - hell I'm with the others - tell us what you did, its why we read your blog after all, we all relate to what you're going through.. Tell us please!

[Bevc]

LOL! What happened?

[Dido]

OMG. a full stay-at-home day with twins! triplets!!! triplets and a baby!!!!!
...i have just one two-year old, whom i adore of course (hehe don't we all have the need to stress that every now and then! poor mums... always hurrying to justify what they say...), and no, i couldn't be a SAHM even if i tried!
as i went on my maternity leave before giving birth, i thought i wouldn't return to work, but quite honestly, in 6 months i was quite thrilled to be back! (in particular knowing that i was leaving my baby with the best daycare he could imagine - his grandparents...!)
and YES, they/you all deserve a medal... and so do my parents ;-)

[Judy]

Of course, we're all dying to know what happened, but I know that feeling. There are things that happen with my kids that I simply cannot share. The relatives would lynch me for such behavior with the golden grandkids.

Thank goodness for good looks, girl...lifesaver it is!

[Chickenpig]

You are not a bad mom. If you want to hear a bad mother moment... My mother works as a pre school teacher, and in her class is a wonderful little girl, who has a two year old brother in the toddler room next door. Both of the children were placed in foster care a few months ago. The school learned from the girl on Wed that both of them spent the weekend in the hospital because their foster mother left her meds, including anti histamines and Tylenol PM within their reach, which they ingested unknown quantities of because they weren't being supervised. When the department of child protective services showed up, both children were still not being supervised, and her meds were still on the counter where she had them before. Needless to say, both of these sweet kids are now in yet another foster home. You don't want to know what these kids went through to get into foster care in the first place.

Anytime you think that you've done something terrible, that you have really lost it and that you are an awful wife and mother, remember this post. Your kids are loved and well treated, they are fed, hugged, fussed over, talked to and played with. They don't spend days in their own filth, have broken bones and broken spirits.

Every mom has bad mom moments, but being a bad mother is a whole other thing entirely.

[liz]

I just admitted on my blog that my youngest was discovered in the bathroom with my toothbrush in the toilet and was then brushing his teeth with it.

So SURELY you can share with us what happened?!? We're all dying to know!!! But I can guarantee that no matter how bad it was, one of us out here in Blogland have had the same thing happen.

Please Please Please!?!?!?

[N]

Tertia, please please share the incident. I have a 2 year old, and am a sahm, I could use a good laugh. I spend all day long with a (right now phase) whiny, cranky 2 year old angel. All day long, I imagine my head exploding, I gave up smoking a while ago, (the day he watched me light up about 10 months ago, and pointed to the cigarette wanting to know what it was), and all day long I CRAVE CRAVE CRAVE a cigarette, and ask myself, for this you wanted to live longer? Why the heck didn't I wait to quit till he went to preschool?! As someone said, they are alive, clean, fed, hugged kissed and told they are loved at the end of the day, you are world's best Mom. Please don't worry about the parenting police, aka bath people. Don't go changing your blog/who you are for that, please, (if that is the reason). I know how hard it is to be told you're doing something wrong, and like agony if it is as a mother, I want to crawl in a hole/snap her head off, everytime my M-I-L says he's a very strange little boy, because doesn't run into her arms and greet her, Nana, Nana, Nana, though the other grandkids do. Anyways am digressing, just stuff, just life, we're all working hard, all doing our best, all trying to raise happy, balanced, intelligent little people. End of lecture am sitting down and shutting up now, lol.

[Megan]

I have yet to see a mother - SAH, working, whatever - who hasn't had many, many days of totally shitty motherness. Anyone who tells you differently is in deep denial and probably is a hell of a lot worse mum than any of us (yup, I totally believe that). I had to tell my not-little-at-all angels last night that I was going to my room and would not be out again because I simply could not cope with the bickering one more minute. Bless 'em, not only did they NOT knock on the door for more umpiring of the sibling rivalry world finals, they also beautifully cleaned both the living room and the kitchen. They just might live another day.

[Kari]

Thank you chickenpig, for your comment. I am a struggling SAHM, with a husband who works obnoxious hours for an employer who feels they own him. (Medical residency in U.S.) I often find myself wondering what sort of damage I am doing by yelling "What's wrong with you??"at my 3.5 year old...she did just kick her 16 month old sister in the face! Have had 2 crying visits with OB/GYN musing over whether I am depressed. But I think it is just that being a SAHM can be really hard, monotonous, frustrating and lonely. Please tell your story, because I'm sure it is no worse than what has gone on at my house.

[Kelly]

Don't post what happened! If your anything like me, you're already beating yourself. No need to let the internet beat you up too. If you feel like you must "confess" I suggest you do it on www.truemomconfessions.com

We all have shit days.

[Amy]

One time I yelled, "Stop being such a baby!" at my daughter.

She was 6 months old. :)

We all have our moments. Zoloft helps. Hahaha...

[Cakes]

That is a riot! Poor Marko. I am still laughing at his dinner!

[Spacemom]

Tertia,

We all have bad mommy moments. Besides, what could be worse than letting your kids take a bath with out you in the room ? ;)

[Suzie-Q.]

T.~
I find that keeping my kids out and about ALOT keeps them too busy to be assholes. Yes, it is tiring, but, worth it if they are too engaged to act like little shits. They usually do that out of boredom in my house.

[amy]

oh my word, we ALL have days like this. Days like this reinforced my desire to be working outside of the home. I usually spent my entire weekends in shock that I allowed someone to put up with my children's shit all week, as I could hardly stand them for the two days before it went back to school/work/daycare.

But then they got older and omifuckingawd so much better.

[LaurieC]

Thank you for this post. I am a SAHM, actually I also work from home(!) on contract. Right now my house is FILTHY. I have 3, one whom is in school (thank goodness), but I also have 2 wrecking balls, age 3 and 18 months. It's hard to work out of the home, but it's also hard to put up with children all day. Oh yes, and dh just started a new job, thank goodness; before he would work 13 hours a day, easily and wonder why I was so strung out when he came home. I am not kidding when I say that some days when he comes home I go to the store so that I can go to the bathroom by myself.

[Jo in Utah]

You are charming? When?
Hee hee is it so fun to poke someone when they are down.

[Wyliekat]

Ah - frozen dinners. Right up there with scrambled eggs or a peanut butter sandwich as *Failure Food* - the term that popped into my head the other day to describe the "I really can't be arsed to do anything remotely "square" as a meal, so this is the thing I hope you'll shovel down without complaint so I can cuddle up to this giant bottle of wine and stare at the television in a mommy-stupor".

Not that I ever do these sorts of things. Just make the words to go along with it. ;-}

[kristylynne]

I want to know what happened too!

I'm a part-time stay at home mom of a 2-year-old, and let me tell you, there are times when it's all I can do to not just run screaming outside and slam the door behind me, leaving my toddler to do god knows what in my absence. And I only have ONE kid. Parenting is the toughest job in the world. Everyone needs a break now and then, and it's OK to not feel guilty about that. That's why my kid goes to mother's day out two days a week, so I can keep my sanity as well as a little of my income.

And as for frozen dinners, sometimes that's all you can do. Let Marko have his day tomorrow, and then he'll understand.

[Menita]

Do tell!

[Missie]

I was a full time working mom with a 5yo, 2yo and 1yo. I quit my job this past spring to stay home with them. Man, has it been an adjustment! I missed work in the beginning a lot, but that has gotten less and less. But never has a week gone by where we haven't had a day where I just feel like the absolute worst mother/wife. I usually take their nap time to cry a little bit on those days. But the good days are very good, and I'm learning to shrug a lot more off (who knew toddlers would be so good at pushing buttons) and no one's been to the hospial or jail, so success all around! I know in 10 years I'll be wishing for these carefree toddler days!

[Heather]

I was actually going to do a post specifically about being a SAHM - not about superiority over working moms, or any other "we're the best!" angle, just what it means FOR ME - what it entails, what I "give up," and what I get in return, etc. PLEASE share what happened! One of the things I wanted to post about was the wonderful things people don't tell you about being at home with children all day. So many moms I know never share their "bad mommy" moments for fear of being chastised or being made to feel inferior. We all have "bad" moments, etc. The more we share, the less taboo they become, and the more secure we can all feel about our abilities to mother and our choices as mothers. That's just my 2 cents. :-) You're not a bad mom - they survived, they don't hate you, you didn't damage them irrepairably. Promise. :-)

[Missie]

Kari- I just read your post. My husband just finished his residency. I had 2 babies while he was a resident, and our oldest was 18 months when he started. Holy crap, being a spouse to a resident sucks! And with kids, all the suckier! My OB witnessed several breakdowns of mine (pregnancy hormones didn't help I'm sure). You are so not alone with the struggling. Email me ([email protected]) if you want to talk. It does get better post-residency.

[Tertia]

Ok, so I’ll tell you. But if you hold it against me, I will never tell you anything ever again. I really do feel bad about.

After working really hard for weeks with Adam about the hitting thing, yesterday he bashed his metal bulldozer in Kate’s face. She had a huge bleeding scratch on the side of her face. I was SO fucking cross with him. I scooped her up and screamed at him “IF YOU HURT YOUR SISTER AGAIN, I AM GOING TO HIT YOU UNTIL IT BLEEDS”

Nice. I just told my son I would hit him until it bleeds. Winner mother. Lock me up now.

Fuck. I was really cross though.

Later on in the day, after whining about the same thing for the 75th million time, I told Kate to “Just.SHUT.UP!!”

Perfect. Just perfect.

If my kids make it to 21 without some serious psychological trauma, then they must be built a lot tougher than I thought.

As I said, it wasn’t my finest day yesterday.

[stephanie]

Oh, that's all? I can't imagine there's a mother here who wouldn't be able to relate to your day, or the things you said.

Heck, you didn't even have "the fuck" in the middle of your "shut up." That's restraint!

Sure, we're not proud of these moments, and we do our best to avoid them, but sometimes precious children are just not very nice people.

[jette]

*sigh* us moms keep beating ourselves up about our "failures", don't we?

the first time i ever told one of mine to shut up, i felt terrible, horrible, aweful!! i felt like the most horrible person ever.... couldn't believe i could be so mean!

that was way back then though....looking back now it seems so silly. its such a common word in the house now (they're much older now though).

was a sahm until recently (youngest is 7). it was the hardest thing i'd ever done, but i had to 'cos i wasn't gonna let anyone else raise my kids! although i put my life on hold in a way, i wouldn't change it if i could... would have regretted it otherwise.

[N]

Thanks for sharing T, I agree, some days are just worse button pushing days than others. I've gotten really good at making myself a cup of coffee, and putting a big ole slug of Baileys in it, right after one of those moments.

[Suzie-Q.]

I agree with Stephanie... it's not really "bad" unless you drop the "f-bomb"! (*note: something i routinely do).
And, I am a big spanker. So, nobody flame me here, please, but, yes... i do spank my little shits if need be. I usually feel awful afterwards, but, i get over it quick enough ;)
Have you used the ever popular, "If you don't stop crying right now i'll really give you something to fucking cry about?"... you really must try it some time Tertia, it really HELPS!!! (then pour a big glass of wine).

[amy]

I hope sharing it helps get it out of your head Tertia, cause I'll almost (*almost*) guarantee the kids have already forgotten. The bulldozer thing? I would have FLIPPED MY LID ABSOLUTELY and probably screamed a whole string of incoherent obsceneties at said child. Seriously. And I, also, have told my children to Just.Shut.(the FUCK).Up!!

It's not rocket science to figure out that spending very short amounts of times with the people you love the most can wear you down to shreds very easily. But they also seem to bounce back quickly when you love them this much.

Big Hugs Tertia, things could be much, much worse. And I reiterate, that we ALL have been to that place, and will probably visit there many times again before we can complete the journey of motherhood. Wait... oh dear it never ends....ahhhh...

[Kathy B]

If that's the worst that I ever did as a parent, I'd be happy!

We all are human and we all reach a breaking point at one time or another. I cannot tell you how many times I sent my daughter to her room -- not to punish her per se, but to keep me from hurting her!

[Jen @ amazingtrips]

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THAT'S IT??? Tertia, cut yourself some slack. Why, I think I've used those exact same words before and yes, they made me feel badly. Really badly. But worse than that is when my beautiful 3-year old daughter looked at her brother just this morning and yelled "WHAT DA BUCK?!" Ah, but I know what she was TRYING to say.

Here I am trying to be this great role model and I have overwhelming moments of weakness. And then, it seems that the kids latch on to the things I do wrong and use them, themselves. Which makes me feel like even MORE of a screw up mother. It's so difficult to be *great* all the time. Why, I think it's impossible. Just keep trying to do your best. Hug them and tell them you love them. And drink more wine.

[Menita]

The real question is: did it work?

[Anne]

I've lost count of the number of times I have *won* the Mother of the Year award. There isn't a mother alive who hasn't lost it with their kids...sometimes we lose it on a daily (or hourly) basis. Mothering is really really hard and really really thankless. We've all said things that don't come out so good in the cold light of day, but we're human beings. No one doubts that you absolutely love your kids to bits. You are doing the best you can and that is all anyone can ask of us.

[Heather]

Dude, I was waiting for something so much more heinous than that. Feel bad for a bit, then forgive yourself and let it go, sweets!

It is certainly true that we all have a breaking point and children have a very unique radar for it. :-)

WINE INDEED!

[Jodie]

LOL T, is that it? Hell I'm sure we've all done that and worse. I tell my kids that I'm going to "kick their butt into next week" (and I've never hit them ever). I tell my 3 year old I'm going to put him in the wheelie bin. I've also said "You know I used to have a life and do things I wanted to do". Childish. My daughter once asked how I even managed to do a scary voice like that. Like one of the other commenters I have used nap times to cry. I've been a SAHM for 6 years and I'm almost at the end of my rope. Most days are pretty great and I've enjoyed a lot of it, but it can get too much for anyone - even after one day.

I think it's great for kids to see us lose it sometimes. They need to know we are human and have limits.

As for TV dinners, it's still food. My husband comes home most days and meekly asks "Is there something for dinner, or do you want me to organise something?". I think I bit his head off once when he looked into an empty oven to see what delight I'd cooked up in all that spare time.

You're a great mother. Oh you know, except for the bath thing and hating cyclists. ;)

[Ellen B.]

If Adam and Kate are both still alive at the end of the day you are doing a good job! I only had one at a time and that is hard enough! Can't imagine two!

[amy]

Thank you for the kudo's! I stayed home with my three kids until they were all safely in school (8 years). A singleton son and twin girls. But you know what? I loved being home as frustrating and boring as it was at times. To each their own and that is what is great about present day. We can choose what we want to do!

[Angela]

Feel compelled to comment today. It's been said before, but I think your reaction was just a human one. I had a similar day with my 3 year old yesterday. He was kicking at the bathroom door (where I was trying to just have a moment of privacy) and I yelled at him to stop that - I don't want you! I've been beating myself up over that one. Some days, they just get to you.

[kathleen999]

I have had very few moments like that, but I think that's because my whole thing is distraction. I'm not giving you assvice, just telling what helps me cope. And I am not a SAHM, although I wish I were.

Like someone else said, lots of activities keep them from being total brats. They get bored. I take them out and we do lots of stuff, then I take them home and we do lots of stuff. I don't get anything else done. Otherwise they are naughty little boys and it's constant time-outs and struggles. I think if I did this all day every day I would have more meltdowns, although maybe not...I have had them for a couple weeks at a time and did okay. But there are moments where you just have to pause so you don't yell or spank them. Because omg, that impulse to scream at them is right below the surface. It is very hard not to let it out. I try really hard not to, as I am sure you do too, because seeing that little hurt face is worse than the frustration. I really *can't* yell at Zack or he will burst into tears. He is so sensitive. Nicky will out-stubborn his mama, and that is pretty stubborn. So the distraction is actually easier on all of us.

My babysitter is actually even better at the distraction thing than I am. That's where I learned it. She is a grandmother and knows what to do.

And give yourself a break. I think the amazing thing about being a mom is how much you learn about yourself, and how many ways you find to improve your own behavior. Even someone as G&D with PB (Perfect Boobs) like you.

[taz]

Ok Tertia and all other moms- this should make you feel better( or at least in good company)
Last friday my son lost his front tooth. Well- his dad and I had a huuuuge party on Friday night and
a little something again on Saturday night( we have not partied in years people) By Sunday evening we were
like two vegetables on the couch. On Monday my son comes to me and asks me to help him write a letter( I write
it and he copies as he is learning to write) This is what he asked me to write:
"Dear tooth-fairy
I have been waiting for 3 nights- please come!"
BAD,BAD,BAD,BAD MOTHER- certainly not my proudest parenting moment!!!

[Nattie]

Oh T that's not bad! Your kids have forgotten that already!

Taz, lol! That is so funny...Just make sure Father Christmas doesn't forget to stop by on 24 Dec! Lol! Just kidding :)

[V]

Oh TG for your blog and all the wonderful comments. I shrieked like a wild woman at my kids (2.8 years and 10 months) this morning (the f-word and all) and was feeling like a complete failure who would have psychologically damaged kids etc etc etc. Then I read your blog and the comments and realised that I'm just a normal mom. I still feel bad and will try harder not to lose it quite so spectacularly, but at least I no longer think I need to be carted off to the loony bin in a straight jacket.

[Dana]

My 2.5 year old daughter a) is terrified by Halloween masks, and b) is going through a NOT. STAYING. IN. HER. BED. ROOM. come about 5 am, and at nap time and I was SO. TIRED. the other day (and was ill also) that I yelled at her that if she didn't "get back in your bed and STAY there I will get the scariest mask I can find and wear it outside your room forever!"

Can I join your bad mothers club?

[liz]

Tertia -- I hope sharing has made you feel a little better, especially considering the reaction you've gottne from everyone ("Oh, that's all?!?").

The other day my 3 year old grabbed a metal car away from my 20 month old. The younger one, in return, grabbed another metal car and clocked his brother in the eye with it. He has a black eye and a scratch on his eyelid. My immediate response was "Well, maybe that'll teach you not to take things from your brother."

We have all been exactly where you were the other day -- No worries!

(Oh -- and I even went to far to post a picture of the black on my blog...see, I think that makes me a much worse mom!)

[Camille]

Well, the good thing about your "mother of the year" nominated performance is that they won't remember it at all. Sounds like you had a doozy of a day. Hang in there! After all, isn't it Marko's turn today?

[Kelly]

There are people that actually hit their children until they bleed, lock them in closets, starve them, burn them, etc. You would never ever ever do that. Loosing your patience doesn't make you a horrible mother, it makes you a REAL one. We all make mistakes.

[summer]

Tertia Hunny realx......
There is nothing to worry about, things could have gotten much worse.
I think you are feeling guilty for nothing and I am sure your kids have forgotten and forgiven you for it. Just carry on loving them, you are doing a good job!
Sometimes you just need to take drastic measures to make someone listen (and what you did was not drastic at all)
Relax, have a glass of wine, smile and cuddle with your babies....

[cooler*doula]

Woman.

Kiddies are wonderful, amazing, and totally relentless little fuckers. It's amazing we don't all lose our minds.

And sometimes, we do, just a little. Thing is, you didn't hit him until he bled. Hooray. Score one for mum.

Seriously - we all have ghastly days.

[vaptor]

Tertia: your blog is fantastic reading - mainly because you are honest and funny as hell. Please ontinue to write about all of the things that every one of us mothers goes through. My boy/girl twins are almost 5 1/2 and I am occasionally embarrased and ashamed by how angry and frustrated I can get with them. Just last night we were sitting at the table doing kindergarten homework (what a freakin' joy), and my daughter was much more concerned about "helping" her brother with his homework than she was in finishing hers. After the 20th time of saying "you need to work on your own homework", I lost my temper and grabbed her papers and markers and told her that 'SHE would have to explain to her teacher why she couldn't get her homework done'. She, of course, burst into tears and ran into her room. I felt like a complete jerk, since I knew that she was really just trying to help her brother, but I was just soooo over dealing with them and I needed them to Go - To - Bed!!!!!
You are in no way alone when you dissapoint yourself with how you handle certain situations with your kids. We all learn from these situations - that way, we can feel twice as shitty the next time we behave poorly! ;)

[Stefanie]

It's ok! You are NOT a bad mom! Sometimes, they need to know we've hit our limit. It's really ok.

[terri c]

Good heavens T, *that's it???* Relax. You're normal. My mother used to tell us 3 that if we didn't stop whatever we were doing that was driving her nuts, she would cut off our arms and wipe the bloody ends in our faces. Turns out that it must be something of a Celtic curse because I had a college friend whose mother used to say, "cut off your arms and beat you with the bloody stumps." Don't worry T. You have not destroyed them at all, at all.

[21stCenturyMom]

Let me know if you need any more 'worst mother ever' stories because I have a whole book full. I also have 3 adult children who are lovely and productive and smart and capable and just the best 3 people in the world.

[Jillian]

A friend of mine has absolutely out of control children. They do not listen to her one bit. She's been a SAHM for a looooong time. Anyways, one day, when her children were being particularly bad, and she was having a screaming fit at them, I asked her why she didn't spank them. Her response was that she was afraid she wouldn't stop. It happens. We all have our bad days. In fact, today I got to clean up 2 year old poop from one end of the house to the other because mommy fell the fuck asleep. So, believe me, you're not the only one in the running for the award!

[Melanie]

Like many others have said, don't worry about it, the kids will be fine. Once, while grocery shopping, I yelled at my kids that if they didn't stop misbehaving in the grocery store I would "beat you in front of God and everybody here!!!" (I didn't but I'd just had enough that day.) They're all adults now and sometimes bring it up for a laugh and to tease me.

[Amy]

Tertia,

Delurking to give my own mother of the year story. Last summer I had to have a mini-conference with my 2-year old's preschool teacher. He had done the following during free play: got into a cozy couple (little red and yellow car with hole for feet, they drive it Flintstone-style), slammed the door, turned around and said "Damnit, just be quiet", then proceeded to drive all over the gym. That's right, on more than one occassion I have turned around and said "Damn it, just be quiet" to my children in the car. Oddly, I've since found that "SHUT UP!" is much more effective. That phrase is banned at preschool so when I say it they say "you said a bad word" and I say "that's right, you're driving me so nuts I had to say a bad word to get you to be quiet". Works like a charm. Not my finest parenting tip, but, we all do what we have to.

[Helen Hopper]

All the stories really have me laughing and nodding ruefully, and reminded me of my Dad's approach. He would put on his "very stern" voice and say (in a Lancashire accent) "We'll have less of that, or physical violence will ensue." At the age of 2 and a half I had no idea what "physical violence" was, but I knew those long words meant trouble. Incidentally I can't actually remember being smacked (or spanked, as you say) so the threat must have been enough!

[Mindy]

I'm a Sahm to a beautiful 2 year old, born after 9 years of infertility. What saves my sanity is letting him watch videos a lot during the day. You can let them watch TV if you really have no choice. I also take him for walks and errands daily, and he has a 2 hour nap. I manage to cook dinner every day - or cook in large quantities and freeze so I dont have to cook every day - and work 1 - 2 hours a day at a computer job. Also, in my community 3 year olds go to preschool. Why dont you send them yet?

[M]

LOL, just read what you buried in here. This morning I told me daughter (also 3 in Jan) that if she didn't stop whining I was going to kill myself. Her reply: "Don't kill yourself Mommy, kill me." I swear, those were her exact words. No idea where she got them...

[C.]

My goodness, that's it! When my older sister was about 5 she bit my mother, my mother bit her back. And I can't count how many times she told us to shut up, we all turned out fine. No offense to anyone, however here in the US, many parent coddle their children (not saying you are), a little anger isn't going to send them off shooting kids in high school. It taught us lessons - do you think my sister ever bit anyone every again?

[teki]

One of my personal favorite threats (which makes my kid laugh and breaks the tension) is "Don't make me beat you with a hammer". It sounds horrid, but it is so silly, it gets her to laugh and stop whatever annoying thing she's doing.

[Jo]

Oh my, Tertia dear ... if THAT was the offense whose name must not be spoken, I have only one word for you:

AMATEUR!

Seriously, hon, you have a long way to go before winning "Worst Mother of the Year" Award.

We all lose our cool and say things we'd like to take back the moment it leaves our lips. All of us, I guarantee. Cut yourself some slack, dear!

[Serina]

I remember telling my son "If you bite your sister again, I will bite YOU until all your blood comes out and you will need an AMBULANCE!" He was shocked enough to remember it all his life and he's almost 16 now. He never bit her again.
It's called 'parenting' so don't feel bad about it! Threats are designed to have an impact, and every mother uses them.

[angel]

oh i have had soooo many bad mommy moments... but mine and damien's shrink says i have not screwed him up entirely yet!

[D]

Aww... I think your a good mom... At least you didnt hit him and make him bleed right??? That would have been bad...