Got the call. It's negative, as I expected. There is definitely something to be said for being prepared for the bad news. Didn't even cry. Really am ok. Would have been nice, but oh well. Onwards and forwards we go. Crack open that bottle Sheila, it is time for a drinkie poo.
As my kids* would say, "Beee End!"
*Was in Toys r Us, buying my kids presents** (just because) when I got the call. I thought to myself, 'how fucking lucky am I, to be here in this store, buying presents for MY KIDS'. Hard to be to be too tearful when I am so lucky. Perspective.
**Clearly the 'not spending so much money' part of my To Do list hasn't started yet.
![Medsitters Au pairs](<a href="http://medsitter.com/" title="Medsitters"><img src=" http://www.tertia.org/medsitter.png" /></a> ){kind=link}
Oh hell. I'm sorry. Go enjoy that wine.
Posted by: marion | 02 July 2007 at 03:02 PM
Bugger-rama! So sorry!
Posted by: jazz | 02 July 2007 at 03:04 PM
That sucks T - it is so not fair that you went through the whole FET thing only to get a negative. I wish you had fallen on the right side of the statistics this time, just the once, is that too much to ask.........apparently! Have a drink, hell have the whole bottle and give A & K an extra hug.
Posted by: Trish | 02 July 2007 at 03:05 PM
Love, hugs and white wine
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted by: Ann Johannesburg, South Africa | 02 July 2007 at 03:05 PM
I'll toast you with a big glass of wine - to beee end. Hugs T.
Camille
Posted by: camille | 02 July 2007 at 03:06 PM
I'm sorry dear. Forward, onward, etc.
Posted by: Andrea | 02 July 2007 at 03:11 PM
Oh, shit!
So sorry.
Wine sounds about right. Lots and lots of wine.
Posted by: JuliaKB | 02 July 2007 at 03:12 PM
So sorry, but glad you are able to keep a positive outlook on things. Hug A & K extra tight!
Posted by: Whitney | 02 July 2007 at 03:23 PM
Well done for being so brave!!! Will have a glass as well on you.
Posted by: Tripsmom | 02 July 2007 at 03:24 PM
So very sorry. Hugs to you.
Posted by: Amy | 02 July 2007 at 03:25 PM
Thinking of you... you and your husband need a romantic getaway, you might as well up the credit card, what the hell... just go and relax a bit.
Posted by: Annemarie Jutte | 02 July 2007 at 03:26 PM
i am having massive wine of glass.
wait
i am having massive glass of wine for you right now.
sending much love xxx
Posted by: Catherine | 02 July 2007 at 03:26 PM
I raise my glass to you for being such a strong, brave soul.
xoxo
Posted by: Dani | 02 July 2007 at 03:28 PM
sigh!! so sorry T.
Posted by: Meriel | 02 July 2007 at 03:32 PM
So sorry hon. I know you will give your two miracles extra big hugs today.
Posted by: puppermom | 02 July 2007 at 03:39 PM
Here's to (((you))) & your twins. Prost!
Posted by: Ute | 02 July 2007 at 03:41 PM
My offer still stands. Punch me in the face. ;-) Enjoy those twins and who cares if you shopped "just because". It's only money. can't take it with us.
Posted by: Incognito | 02 July 2007 at 03:45 PM
I'm sorry Tertia. Really sorry.
I'll be opening up a bottle of good red wine this evening to drink to lift my glass to you.
Posted by: Robin from Israel | 02 July 2007 at 03:47 PM
So, so sorry Tertia. With love to you, your twins, and your husband,
-snickollet
Posted by: snickollet | 02 July 2007 at 03:54 PM
Oh, Tertia, I'm so very sorry this all didn't go the way you want. It sucks sometimes how unfair life can be.
Posted by: Jan | 02 July 2007 at 03:55 PM
I'm sorry, Tertia.
Make sure and enjoy your family tonight. They will help you through the sadder moments.
Posted by: Andrea | 02 July 2007 at 03:55 PM
Hi Tertia = retail therapy, even if it is for your kids, is soothing. Good for you! I totally agree that you should be kind to yourself in financially creative ways. Cute clothes, massages or showing some love to the hOOters. Be it enhancement, lifted, or actually having some relaxing post-wine free-for-all hOOter shakin' sex with the husband... be fabulous and do it!!!!!!!! 40 is the new 30, ya know. *wink*
Posted by: Les | 02 July 2007 at 04:00 PM
dang.
Posted by: Amber | 02 July 2007 at 04:24 PM
What a bummer. I'm glad that you received the news in the best place possible. The only thing that would have made it better was if Toys-R-Us had a wine bar in the back...
Posted by: TexMex | 02 July 2007 at 04:25 PM
Tertia, I'm so sorry. I wish I could rewrite the story and give it a different ending.
But you say that your 40's are your decade to be fabulous? Babe, you've already got a head start, I think you're pretty fabulous now.
Posted by: Summer | 02 July 2007 at 04:32 PM
Raising my glass to you!
Posted by: kay | 02 July 2007 at 04:38 PM
perspective. you've got it.
love and admire you so much for keeping it.
Posted by: tess | 02 July 2007 at 04:55 PM
Tertia -- Wish I was serving you a nice cold double martini and giving you a big hug.
It's a small consolation, I know, but you did get pregnant on your own within the past year and it JUST might happen again. Lightning sometimes strikes twice. Just keep rockin' Marko's world and you never know. (That's what I tell myself, too. I found myself pregnant after 8 IVFs last spring, only to miscarry, then went on to a an FET which resulted in a dangerous cervical ectopic where I almost hemmorhaged to death. We have 4 frozen embies, but my husband doesn't even want to hear about it at this point. So I "kind of" get a sense for my cycle and my husband gets his brains f**ked out for a solid week every month in the hope that I get pregnant naturally again -- not terribly likely at 42, but hey, it's fun for me, too.) As you said, having Kate and Adam waiting at home for their recently purchased toys is the best consolation!!
Hope the alcohol helps -- maybe some prescription painkillers you put away for a rainy day? You'll get through this . . . but I'm so, so sorry that you have to.
The biggest hugs to you -- Stacey
Posted by: Stacey | 02 July 2007 at 05:01 PM
i'm so sorry - i've been checking in daily for updates.
Posted by: LoriAnne | 02 July 2007 at 05:01 PM
Shit, I am so sorry. I am glad you are handling it well but I am sure it stings a bit. Infertility sucks.
Posted by: jenny | 02 July 2007 at 05:03 PM
Oh I just cried when I read this. Perspective, it's ok to be sad but perspective is good. It doesn't mean you didn't want it to be different and I so badly wish it could have been for you. It sucks totally. I hate IF!! It is SO unfair! ((hugs)) Have some wine and enjoy your family tonight.
Posted by: Charmaine | 02 July 2007 at 05:11 PM
So sorry, T. Give K&A a big hug and say thank god for them.
You are a terrific mom.
Posted by: sheilah | 02 July 2007 at 05:21 PM
Awe, so sorry Tertia! You're right - its all about perspective. Don't lose hope just yet ;)
Enjoy the wine!
Posted by: Dizzy Dee | 02 July 2007 at 05:26 PM
I was hoping it'd work out for you but I'm really glad that you are okay. It's never easy but I know having Adam and Kate buffers the pain a little.
xo
Posted by: Flicka | 02 July 2007 at 05:30 PM
So sorry, sweetie.
Posted by: Susan aka Accidental Poet | 02 July 2007 at 05:38 PM
HUGS. I am so sorry. I am glad you are able to be in TRU buying your precious wonderful kids some toys but this is still sad. It is ok to bad sad about this. I am sorry this did not work out for you. I is ok to be mad that this door did not open for you again. Yes there are worse things but that does not make this less hurtful.
Posted by: Gina | 02 July 2007 at 06:00 PM
Hey...I am sad it didn't work too. I think although you know you are lucky--it's still ok to be sad!
You are a great person, really great.
Thanks for all that you do.
Posted by: Rachel | 02 July 2007 at 06:09 PM
Oh Tertia, I'm sorry. Your perspective sounds great but it's OK to be sad that you aren't pregnant. Enjoy the wine.
Posted by: Erin | 02 July 2007 at 06:14 PM
Sorry.
Posted by: Boliath | 02 July 2007 at 06:15 PM
Good girl ... on the perspective ... and for trying even though it hurts.
Posted by: Sue | 02 July 2007 at 06:38 PM
I am sorry, Tertia. When I get my official BFN on Wednesday, I will raise my enormous glass of wine in a toast to you.
Posted by: kristylynne | 02 July 2007 at 06:43 PM
Oh nuts. That is...closure. I suppose.
I raise a glass to you.
Posted by: e | 02 July 2007 at 06:51 PM
Oh, Tertia. That sucks. I'm sorry.
Posted by: Karly | 02 July 2007 at 07:02 PM
I'm sorry Tertia.
Posted by: Samiam | 02 July 2007 at 07:02 PM
Tertia,
I'm so sorry this didn't work. God this just sucks....
Posted by: Aurelia | 02 July 2007 at 07:04 PM
I am glad you were able to handle this so well. Massage, a bit of retail therapy, and some quiet time - sounds like the best way to let it go.
Cheers, mama.
Posted by: Heather | 02 July 2007 at 07:09 PM
That was supposed to end, "Have some 'wine and snaps' with the twins and enjoy. Cheers, mama."
Posted by: Heather | 02 July 2007 at 07:11 PM
Fuckity fuck! Drink up, girlie.
Posted by: Pamplemousse | 02 July 2007 at 07:12 PM
I'm so sorry Tertia. I am glad you have your beautiful miracles to hug today!
Posted by: Dana | 02 July 2007 at 07:19 PM
oof, so sorry Tertia...
Posted by: sarah | 02 July 2007 at 07:20 PM
so sorry to hear that, raising my glass of chilled white to ya! xx
Posted by: annash | 02 July 2007 at 07:37 PM
So very sorry :(
Posted by: Julie | 02 July 2007 at 07:43 PM
I am so sorry, Tertia. I'm thankful for you that, everything considered, you're doing o.k.. Adam and Kate are the best perspective-bringers I imagine you could ever have. What blessings. That being said, please do a little stomping as needed. We're here for you!
Posted by: Rebekah | 02 July 2007 at 07:59 PM
Sorry to hear that. It does suck and its not fair. I've been there done that. Mini tantrum more than acceptable. I'll have one for you in fact
take care
G
Posted by: Gina | 02 July 2007 at 08:10 PM
Sorry Tertia, Hugs from afar...and we will drink for you tonight. You have given me good perspective for an upcoming FET. Thank you,
Louise
Posted by: louise | 02 July 2007 at 08:13 PM
So sorry.
Posted by: Wenchy | 02 July 2007 at 08:39 PM
So sorry! I was really hoping you'd get a positive. I'm sorry Tertia, really sorry.
Posted by: E | 02 July 2007 at 08:49 PM
I'm sorry, Tertia.
Posted by: Menita | 02 July 2007 at 10:20 PM
As I read through these comments, I realize how truly supported we all are. You've got a group of people who wish you the best and would love to see this work out. I'm sorry for all of us, but today, especially sorry for you.
Thank you for sharing your cycle with us. If only it had tured out differently... ho-hum...
Posted by: Jenna | 02 July 2007 at 10:44 PM
I have come to the conclusion that with this infertility shite, we run on adrenalin (sp - haven't a clue!) for a bit post bad news.
So, for when the grief hits my friend, I send you the hugest hugs ever, and lots of love. I am so very sorry.
xoxo S
Posted by: Simonne | 02 July 2007 at 11:01 PM
Here,s hoping you can feel the moment fully and then let it fly!
Much love
Posted by: Jeanne | 02 July 2007 at 11:12 PM
I'm glad you were in a good place when the call came, but I'll still be here if you need to rant some more at some point. (Ps it TOTALLY sucks)
Posted by: binkytown | 02 July 2007 at 11:15 PM
big hugs t...
Posted by: angel | 03 July 2007 at 12:14 AM
kiss those two precious babies and do exactly what you are doing anyway, soaking up every mad crazy dramatic frustrating painful annoying embarrassing hilarious sweet cute sickly disgusting harrassing quiet noisy raucous scarey terrifying dizzying boring (. . . well, you make the rest up) moment of their lives. they are blessed in that they have a mum who appreciates their value, in that it goes so deep beyond $$$ to the visceral fury of the human heart. they will grow up to be fierce and feisty lovers of life, thanks to you and marvellous marko. YOUR love aint a fairytale, its way much better than that.
i am sad you have a negative, but know you are blessed because of what you have already thanks to your bloody minded determination not to quit.
hugs, buckets of wine and hours and hours of worry free shagging, and many many more pairs of sex-on-a-stick-boots.
Ruth x
and in due course, GRANDCHILDREN!!!!
Posted by: Ruth | 03 July 2007 at 01:31 AM
Well, fuck. I'm so sorry.
I hope you enjoyed a glass or two of post-negative-result wine. I don't know about you, but I always found the first glass of wine after a negative to be a little bitter -- no matter how sweet the vintage.
Posted by: Anne | 03 July 2007 at 02:34 AM
Damn- enjoy the wine. Too bad it has to be a bittersweet glass. Thinking of you.
Posted by: Leggy | 03 July 2007 at 02:47 AM
:(
Sucks.
Posted by: Susan | 03 July 2007 at 04:00 AM
I'm sorry. But I'm glad you're ok. Enjoy that drink. ;o)
Posted by: Carrie Jo | 03 July 2007 at 05:35 AM
Dammit :(
Posted by: MollieBee | 03 July 2007 at 05:52 AM
I'm so sorry. Onwards and onwards.
Posted by: millie | 03 July 2007 at 06:10 AM
I'm so very sorry. No words are enough...
I bought some wine today, as it happens, so will lift a glass in your direction... Here's to better days to come. And here's to Kate and Adam, and their big smiles when they play with the new toys.
Perspective doesn't take away the pain of infertility, but it does help me get through it.
Posted by: SheilaC | 03 July 2007 at 06:18 AM
So sorry Tertia. Lots of love to you and Marko and the kids.
Posted by: sweetisu | 03 July 2007 at 06:53 AM
Tertia,
I am truly sorry. This totally sucks.
CariP
Posted by: CariP | 03 July 2007 at 12:57 PM
So sorry it didn't work out. I was really hoping for you.
Posted by: Heather | 03 July 2007 at 03:59 PM
Fuckity fuck fuckeroo.
Oh, and, me thinks it's time for you and Marko to hit the couch again.
;)
Posted by: Suzie-Q. | 04 July 2007 at 04:18 AM
thinking of you....
karen
Posted by: another karen | 04 July 2007 at 04:18 AM