When are you too old to have a baby?

When are you too old to have a baby? How old is too old?

I’ve been thinking about this lately as I consider what to do about having another child. Even though I am incredibly gorgeous and divine, I am not in the first flush of my youth. Or my second, or third probably. In fact, I am bloody ancient and completely decrepit. I have limbs and joints falling out as I walk. ‘Oops, sorry! That was my hip joint, here, let me move it out your way.’ Or I feel that way at least. These kids of mine age me terribly. Buggers. SLEEP ALREADY!!

The last few weeks have left me feeling quite exhausted, and although many of the younger moms have assured me they feel as tired too, I can’t help but feel that at almost 39, I don’t quite have the energy I had at 29. 

Julie and I were talking about this the other day. About how old is too old. We both feel 60 is too old, especially with newborn twins. However, I don’t feel that a maximum age should be enforced in any way. I feel that if a woman feels that she is able to raise children in an adequate and loving way, then who is to say she shouldn’t be allowed to follow her own reproductive choices?

SIDE NOTE: 99% OF PREGNANCIES TO WOMEN OVER 45 ARE FROM DONOR EGGS!!! NOT FROM THEIR OWN EGGS.

I mention that not because it matters whether the baby is a result of donor eggs, or bio eggs, but because let’s not fool ourselves, and especially others less in the know, that one’s fertility is ever lasting.  If you are older than 45, the chances are 99% good that you will have to use eggs other than your own. Ok? 

So, while I feel that we shouldn’t legislate or enforce a maximum cut off age, I do feel that there is a point where you are just too old to be a new mom. But what is that point? 

It is impossible for me to say what that point should be for anyone else. I do feel 60 is too old but not 50. So what about 52? Ok. So what is another 3 years? 55. Well, ok. Then why not 57? 60? It is really difficult, and perhaps none of our business really.

Instead, I will tell you what I think my personal cut off age is. And that is 40. For my own situation, I don’t think I could handle having a child after 40. Not because I think it is unfair on the child – I really don’t buy that, sorry. Why is a loving 45 year old new mom not ok and a distant, reluctant 18 year old who didn’t want the baby in the first place ok? No, my age 40 cut off has more to do with me and my own personal energy and strength levels. I am not sure *I* would cope with newborns too much longer after 40. But then again, it could just be that I am feeling ancient today after a bad night.

What are your thoughts? What is your personal cut off age?

(Please be respectful, and mindful of the fact that many of my readers only became first time moms way after 40. Remember they often did so not out of choice, but out of circumstance. Don’t be hurtful. Speak about yourself rather than passing judgement on others. Thanks!)

Comments

[Hilda]

I am 48 years old. Yes I would die for another chance to have a baby. If your healthy I say 60 cut off.You can dedicate more time and hopefully you have learned by your mistakes. Unfortunately menopause set in 7 months ago. Any suggestions on what to take and how to get pregnant?

[kitschen pink]

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all your comments. I woke up this morning with the bleakest, blackest heart. For 11 years my husband and I have tried to have babies. By 34 we were so lucky to have our beautiful son. By 42 I have had 4 miscarriages and I ask myself so often "When will I have to accept that there will not be another child, when is it too late?". This morning I woke to the vivid thought that maybe I had already passed that point and just missed the moment. The sinking feeling was utterly deflating. I could barely move out of bed. So, kicking myself, I turned to google and arrived here. 'When am I too old to have a baby" I asked google. And all you lovely ladies responded with openness and optimism and stories of twins over 40. I think there is always so much pressure on what and when and how of pregnancy and babies. It is so very hard to know what we genuinely feel is right for ourselves. And of course, at the end of the day, it seems to be all down to mother nature anyway. But thank-you for lifting my mood and giving me a window of hope. xx

[Carol]

I find all of this so interesting. And real for each person. I have a close friend who just this past year had twin boys (conceived naturally) at the age of 46! She did end up having a c-section but ran a marathon the same month. Amazing! It's individual preference, health, life-style and beliefs, etc...My own Grandmother had 12 children from the age of 16 to 43, last one born in 1939. Had them all in her own house. She lived to be 103. I think children keep you young and I think we all try and figure things out too much. Live and let live as wisely as possible. Having children is life and most women find that it satisfies them like nothing else. Look at all of the women celebrities, for example. You'd think fame and fortune would make you happy but even Madonna said nothing in the world compared with her having a baby. And now she's trying to adopt a 2nd Malawan child...a girl. With that being said, 60 is too old to have babies, esp. when you can't on your own. That I think for sure. :)

[Tina Ann]

I have 4 grown up children from a previous marriage and now at the age of 46 I am in a strong relationship with a man aged 55.. he has no children of his own and I would love to have at least one child with him.. would it be wrong of us to try?