The (lack of) sleep thing

Well, the sleep thing has gone from bad to completely fucking terrible. Adam is being an industrial strength enema about the sleeping thing. He insists on having me (and only me!) next to him when he sleeps.

Sigh.

When he goes to sleep, he asks that I sit with him for a while. The sitting thing is a compromise. He wants: “Mama lie with Adam” and I want: “go to sleep on your own, you little bugger” and so we’ve settled on: “Mama fetch ‘puter and sit with Adam”. I put him into bed and then I fetch my laptop and sit with my back to him on the edge of the bed for around 20 minutes while he falls asleep. I don’t mind terribly much because I use the time to catch up with blogs etc. Of course when I am not there during the day (ie with Rose) he goes to sleep just fine on his own. Little bugger.

It is during the night that is a problem. He wakes up and comes to find me. I don’t want to get him into the habit of getting into bed with us, so I take him back to his bed and lie next to him (in the extra single bed! LOVE that extra bed!) while he falls asleep. But by that time I’ve fallen asleep as well. Only to be woken up by his grunting / dummy sucking / snoring etc. He is such a restless, noisy sleeper. I am not getting much sleep at all. I’ve tried swapping with Marko but Adam wants me there. No one else.

The problem is, the more tired I get, the harder it is for me to do the right thing. It is far easier following the path of least resistance. I don’t really mind sleeping next to him, I have more than enough space etc, the problem is that he is so restless that I end up having a super shitty sleep and waking up at least 6 times a night. I am starting to have newborn flashbacks and it ain’t pleasant.

I am not quite sure what to do. The only solution I can see is to do CIO by locking the door. And that doesn’t sit well with me. He will go crazy. But I am going to have to make some kind of plan because Miss Muffet (aka Kate) is not going to stay in her cot forever.

I can’t actually believe she hasn’t cottoned on to the fact that Adam is in the big bed. He LOVES his new bed and duvet and is always making a big fuss about it, and yet when you ask her to show you her bed, she skips happily to her room and points to the cot. Poor thing, I almost feel guilty* about fooling her like that. Almost. But then I think of the two of them on the loose and I get over it very quickly.

That Adam child of mine. He is something else. Sigh. Luckily his mommy loves him so.

*I am scrupulously fair, almost to a fault. When ever the one gets something, the other one will get something too. So it is killing me that Adam has a new duvet (that he ADORES) and Kate’s one is still in the cupboard. It eats me that I haven’t given it to her yet, especially because I know how much she will love it (it is a Princess one), but that will be the final nail in the cot coffin. She will realize that duvets = big beds = NO MORE COT. And I am not yet ready for that. One child (albeit the one that is a bigger enema at night) on the loose is enough.

PS I even have matching Princess curtains, she is going to LOVE IT!!! Can’t wait to give it to her. Later though. Later.

Updated to say: WORST NIGHT EVER!  He is so restless. He lies half awake for hours, tossing and turning.  He eventually falls into a deep sleep at about 2'ish.  There must be something wrong. I am taking him to the doctor.  Arrgghhh!  I had about 3 hours sleep last night. Can't carry on like this.  Am exhausted. Do you think its the nap? They still nap for two hours a day, but they really seem to need their naps. 

Comments

[Bianca]

I have no advice to offer, just to say I hear your pain. My 2 and a half year old son has only JUST moved from OUR bed to his big boy bed, and I am back to getting up in the middle of the night to go to him. (I too am having new-born flashbacks). I also end up falling asleep next to him, on a single bed, with a huge 7 month pregnant belly hanging off the edge of the bed, while DH sleeps IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR QUEEN SIZE BED! I am very bitter!!!!!
(What the hell am I going to do in 10 weeks time when her majesty makes her appearance - aaaahhhhh! I dont know how you do it with Twins. RESPECT!)
Bianca

[Shellbell]

Nope its not the naps Tertia - he will be restless regardless of how long he sleeps during the day (can you imagine them NOT having their nap - god thats almost too much to contemplate!) My two and a bit year old terrorist (bless his sweet self) loves his nap too, but come night time is a complete hell! I am up 3 or 4 times EVERY night... only now he has cottoned on to the fact that his Mom also chooses the path of least resistancel, and just gives him some milk to keep him quiet!! So the two hour nap may be the only thing keeping us sane at the moment!!

Good luck xxx

[Melany aka Supermom]

Don't take the nap away. My almost 5 year old still naps in the afternoon - sometimes for 2 hours. He is just a bad sleeper but I totally agree that he needs to get over it.

[Loren]

I feel your pain. My nearly 2 yr old is a horrible sleeper, has been since he was a few mths old.
Please please please post about any improvements/success/ideas that you have that the rest of us can try!!!
Good luck!!
Loren.

[Bev]

Hi can i give my 2c worth. Don't stop the napping, they need. My youngest is now 9 but he also walked at night. What i found worked with him is having a bed waiting in the room (not made up but conveniently close by). As he got older he even made the bed himself and i would find him in the morning sleeping. I hate to loose sleep so this really worked because he knew i was there and we would hold hands. I found that if i put them to bed before they became 'overtired' they did sleep a bit better. All 2 somethings generally don't sleep through so i am afraid you are in for the long haul! This too shall pass and i am sure he won't be doing this when he is 21!!!. I think as far as little Kate goes leave her be as you have enough on your plate!!!. I feel there is not hard and fast rules with children, you do what works for you and if it is not in the book, so what. I have three wonderful, well behaved and unspoiled children (well according to me) and i did not follow the rules. I did what made us happy. Best of luck

Love
Bev

[Gayle]

Have you watched Supernanny? She says you put the child back in their bed the first time telling them it's time for bed and that's where they are meant to be. The second time is a warning. After that, no talking, no eye contact, nothing, just a firm plonk back in bed. Some of those moms do it 30 times a night (sometimes ten times an hour!), but it seems that it takes about 3 nights and it's all happiness. I'm not sure one should believe everything you see on TV, but I reckon they get tired of coming out, not getting any response and getting put straight back in bed, so I guess it's worth a try. I just think he's got you wrapped around his finger (he sleeps for Rose) and you must be firm. Believe me you will feel guilty, but it's for his and your own good (so he can have a happy mommy). And when he's sleeping well, you can let Kate go into her own bed and give her her Princess goodies and not feel guilty about her! Also, what if you make a time (say 20min) at bed time that is "Adam and Mommy" time (read a book, do a puzzle, prayers, whatever) and then explain that it's now "Mommy and Daddy" time. I'm sure he's old enough to understand? Nothing is easy when you're so exhausted. Every problem seems insurmountable. Why not take 2 hrs and go sleep at your Mom's for a few hours just to get some good rest? One other thing: my child (4yo) does not like to be taken by surprise, so I tell him he has another 5 minutes to play then it's bed time. But then I must do what I say and not extend that and be firm about it, otherwise he can be difficult. So he is prepared and knows what is going to happen when. Works for us... Good luck!

[Tripsmom]

Maybe it will help if both sleep in one room then they have company and are more reassured at night? My trips sleep in one room and so far 2 are sleeping through, only one gets up at night to look for me, some nights at 12 some good nights only at 5am. You must be firm (easier said than done, especially if you are tired)- Adam, as little as he is, knows that he is controling the situation. I started by sitting on a bed, then on the floor and each evening I moved closer to the door. I never made eye contact or replied when they called me(they could just see me in the room). Sounds crazy but it works - takes about 10 days. Now I walk them to their room - tuck them in, give hugs and kisses and its sleep time. Of course we do occasionally have a bad night where tempers are lost and there is quite a lot of crying but it is getting better.

[Nicole]

I definitely think it will be worth it to see a doctor about this. Maybe there is something for toddlers that is the equivalent of swaddling for newborns. Also its not a long term solution, I don't think, but in France there is a homeopathic medicine called Quietude (with camomile, etc) that really helps Ella sleep through when suffering from jetlag. Maybe you could use something like this for a few nights to see if it helps? I can't imagine how you get through your days with so little sleep. Good luck!!

[Maddy]

Ugh, very difficult. My son had a terrible problem with waking up (and wanting me, also). Finally, out of desperation, we just sent my husband in only. My son did not like it, but eventually it worked. My husband did not like going in over and over for many nights, but I was at the end of my rope in terms of sleep deprivation. It took awhile to take effect. Whatever you do (or don't do), good luck. It is very stressful not sleeping well. It is very hard on the body (and soul!).

[jodie]

OK, just to contradict everyone els...

I say try giving up the nap. It might be that he needs the nap because he's having such a crappy sleep at night...then he's awake from his nap and doesn't get a good night's sleep and so on. When my daughter was almost 3 she woudn't go to sleep until around 10pm if she'd had a nap. My son is now the same age as your two, and with a nap he goes to sleep at around 9. The days he skips the day sleep he's crashed out, great night sleep, at 7pm. It sucks not having those hours in the afternoon, but heaven when they are so ready for bed at night at an early hour (which means more time for you and Marko...or just you!). My son goes about 3 days without a nap, then seems to need a catch up one. You could also try waking Adam up after an hour (but I always felt awful doing that - I'd hate having that done to me! Oh wait, I DO hate having that done to me. By a 2 year old).

As for sleeping arrangments, I'm for absolutely anything that works. But it sounds like this really isn't right for you, and I think you need to change things. It will be hard and you need to be in the right frame of mind to do it. And you need some help the next day so you can catch up on some sleep.

As for Kate's cot, don't feel guilty!!! She's perfectly happy in it, and I say leave her there as long as she likes (or as long as you like!). You bought her a cute duvet, she hasn't missed out.

Good luck, sleep deprivation sucks and you really are doing the hard yards. Adam is lucky to have such a wonderful Mummy!

[Auntie Mel]

He will never cope with no nap. Unfortunately the little fartbag has got into some bad habits you will just have to break. You will kak-off for a few nights while you keep on taking him back but later will be better.
Sofia slept the whole night at mom, irritating hey! Rebeka only slept through at 4 but sleeps amazing now and asks to go to bed. This too shall pass!

[Kate]

I have been through this! My child napped just fine. At night, he was restless, and I had to be with him. For one week, at odd times during the day, and especially at bedtime, I explained what we were going to do. At bedtime, for 30 minutes, we will lie down in my bed together and watch TV. When 30 minutes are over, I am going to leave, but you can lie on my pillows, and wrap up in my blankets, and fall asleep. I would literally wait a couple of hours before moving him to his own bed. Of course sometimes he would wake up, then I would just lie with him for a few minutes, and find some excuse to leave. I would say I would be back in a few minutes, and I hoped he would fall asleep. I would say within a couple of weeks of him getting used to the TV thing with me, I started escaping with excuses to ween him from me in there.

Now my son is 6 1/2. He still watches 30 minutes of TV at bedtime, its like a downtime, relaxing time before he has to go lie down in his bed.
It was a long, sometimes difficult struggle, but so worth it. Good luck to you, dear, I feel your pain.

[thrice]

Take Adam to an ENT.
The snoring might be a big clue.
Then take Marko to the ENT.

[Amy]

I feel your pain. No it's not the naps.

[Tracey]

I know this isnt everyones cuppa tea, why don't you go buy a cheap 40cm tv and a dvd player?. But my son is just a few months younger than your two. We have a set routine at home, between 6 and 7 oçlock its dinner and bath time. 7:30 its into bed, I put his favourite dvd on,I only let him watch for 30 min or until the dvd is done, which ever is shorter and 8 pm its lights out. the dvd, especially Barney calms him down completely.He learn that this is HIS Quiet time, and he KNOWS that if he is naughty or doesnt listen, then there is NO DVD BEFORE bed. I never let him watch any later than 8 and never for more than 30 mins.

[Rayne of Terror]

We don't lock the door, we leave it open but we put up a gate. We can gave a kiss & hug over the gate, but he can't leave the room. Only once has he fallen asleep on the floor. And after a couple weeks he only cries for a minute or two then he gets a book or babydoll and gets into bed and goes to sleep on his own.

[jodie]

Tracey, we do the DVD thing with our daughter too.Contraversial, but wow works like a treat. We do dinner, bath, stories then DVD. I get a few things done during the DVD (tidy up the kitchen or just sit on my arse) and then one more story, lights out. Completely calms her down, and we can control what she watches.

[colicmommy]

He's playing you, T.

To be safe, get him checked by the ENT, because snoring could mean enlarged tonsils or adenoids. If the ENT clears him, then you KNOW he's playing you.

You have two choices to actually solve the problem. 1) gate in the doorway and let him scream. 2) "silent return to sleep". This is written about in the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child book, but it sounds like the supernanny thing too (haven't seen the show). You sit with him for a few minutes to fall asleep, but tell him that during the night, he sleeps alone in his bed. When he gets up to find you, you don't look at him, talk to him, or interact. You pick him up, put him in his bed, and close the door. He will get up again. You do it again. And again and again and again and again.

You won't sleep for maybe 3-4 nights. Do this on a weekend or take time off from work. But after this time, he'll get the point and will stay in bed.

Personally? I had trouble with Colicboy at this age, and I chose option 1 (gate and scream). It worked.

Hang in there!

[Sarah]

Tertia,

If you haven't already, you must go out and buy the book, HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS, HAPPY CHILD by Dr. Weisbluth (or something like that). IMMEDIATELY.

IT. WILL. SAVE. YOUR. LIFE.

Adam's poor sleep is, sorry to say this, a result of your response to his sleep. Sorry to say it, Tertia, but it's true. It's YOU, not him, at this point. When I was able to accept the same thing about myself in regard to my son's poor sleep habits, a lot changed (this book helps you dig into it all). By not wanting to upset Adam at night, you bend to his whims, do not set boundaries, and you are instilling poor sleep habits, and in the end, hurting him with poor quality/amount of sleep, which affects his whole day. Falling asleep on one's own is a LEARNED thing, which shocked the hell out of me when I first realized it with my son. It's our job as parents to teach our children how to do it, despite their persistent wish not to.

I know you think that he's just a child now, that he'll eventually grow out of this and not want you there. This is true. He'll eventually not want you there on the bed. But that doesn't mean he'll be able to fall asleep any easier or stay asleep soundly. These bad habits could follow Adam way into adulthood.

Go, girl! Get the book. It saved us.

[Wyliekat]

Pick up/put down has always worked with the Rosebud. Even though "worked" often meant three to four nights of sheer hell to get it done. But we're about to transition her into a big bed, so we may soon be eating our own words. Our plan is to just keep going in, not making eye contact and putting her back into bed as many times as it takes. Not negotiating, not talking, not soothing, just repeating. That way, she's not being abandoned, but she's not getting the attention she wants.

I've always heard that the less sleep they get, the less they want to sleep, starting a spiral of sleepless nights. It's proved true with our daughter - the times she's gone without sleep, the harder she's been to get into it again.

[jennifer]

What if you got him a baby of his own to take care of? Not a real one of course, but a stuffed animal or a doll or something like that. Tell him he has to put the baby to bed with him and if he wakes up he needs to rock the baby back to sleep? The whole "teach the baby how" thing was the only thing that got our younger son potty trained. Maybe it would work for sleeping too.

[Just Me]

Are you still using his weighted blanket? Is it possible to add more weight? I know that for me I need the entire possible weight plus 1-2 heavy blankets and I need to be wrapped up in all of this.

Also, have you tried white noise? A fan, or static, or something like that? Sometimes SID includes noise sensitivity that make sleeping hard.

How about aromatherapy lotions/bedtime formula baby soaps? I use one of those on my worst nights too and it helps some.

I've slept like Adam my whole life until the last year. Poor baby. Poor you.

[Joanne]

totally non expert - stab in the dark thought - does adam have sleep apnea?
good luck!

[Anne]

Just a thought, my daughter was a horrible sleeper. We discovered she had sleep apnea, and that is why she woke up so many times at night. We removed her tonsils and adenoids, and she has been a great sleeper since beacuse now she breathes so much better!

Anne

[J]

Same problem here. Have twins, age 2 3/4. One sleeps (in a bed) all through the night. A hurricane would not wake him. The other (still in a cot) wakes up 1 or 2 times a night calling "Mummy NOW NOW!". I go in and he says "I want THIS" and puts my hand on his back and makes me pat it. Bossy little bugger!!! When I try to leave, he screams in such a tormented fashion.

If my husband goes in to calm him down, he says to him "OK stop crying please, be a good boy - Mummy and Daddy want to sleep" - the hitherto 'inconsolable' monster just drops off without a murmur! UNbelievable!

It's me. It's definitely me. He is playing me, and I know it. I just hate to hear him cry while I sit there ignoring him.

So yeah - I agree with those who say you have to tough it out. I know that's what I have to do too. It works when I do it (I have been ill these last 2 weeks, and so HAD to ignore him - and wow, it DOES work). Not easy, but honestly, just try. They are clever little things, and know how to get what they want. So break the habit ASAP!

[Both my boys still nap for 2 to 2 1/2 hours a day. They wake at 7am and we put their bedtime back to 8.30pm recently.]

Best of luck x
PS - We lock them in their bedroom at night. Only because one of them can now climb out of bed, open the door and climb over the 'childproof' gate! So my big worry is that he will fall down the stairs at night by accident and break his neck. So I would much rather lock him in (no fire hazard as room is next door to ours and fitted with loud smoke detectors). But it stops them coming to our room at night. Much as I love having them in bed with us, it is so NOY conducive to a good night's sleep - when you have to go to work the next day and they don't!

[Shandra]

I still recommend Sleepless in America.

I'm going to buck the trend here and say that I'm not sure leaving him to cry is a good answer (the quick return sounds interesting, if you think it would work). It seems to me that you did that when it was right and it worked, and your gut seems to be saying no this time, and I would respect that. Different children have different needs at different times in their lives.

If you want an armchair diagnosis, I am guessing that Adam got overtired when he was sick and he's still not caught up on his deficit, and he may be having a growth spurt cognitively too, which disrupts sleep.

We read the Sleepless book and tweaked a few things in our house - no stimulating screen time after 3 pm (I know ppl above have recommended DVDs but for us it was the reverse; my son is pretty sensitive to those kinds of things); no roughousing before bed; mealtimes at the same time every day, and bingo, my son started sleeping through the night on his own again (after about 2 wks).

[E]

If you could get more say wine everytime you threw a fit and came to Adam's room would you not do it? If you let him manipulate the situation, he will. He is a little guy and wants what he wants and by giving in repeatedly he'll never learn to sleep alone. Can you get supernanny there? She has a great system that doesn't involve the heartwrenching cio for anyone! You keep taking them back to their room repeatedly and putting them in bed sitting by the door not talking/looking at them etc. It would mean a rough few nights but, then sleep, for all! If he can do it for Rose he "can" do it for you. Hang in there! Try the supernanny!

[E]

If you could get more say wine everytime you threw a fit and came to Adam's room would you not do it? If you let him manipulate the situation, he will. He is a little guy and wants what he wants and by giving in repeatedly he'll never learn to sleep alone. Can you get supernanny there? She has a great system that doesn't involve the heartwrenching cio for anyone! You keep taking them back to their room repeatedly and putting them in bed sitting by the door not talking/looking at them etc. It would mean a rough few nights but, then sleep, for all! If he can do it for Rose he "can" do it for you. Hang in there! Try the supernanny!

[BrooklynGirl]

Just wanted to convey my sympathies. I thought we had licked our sleeping issues, but The Boy was up again last night, and I was reminded (again) of just how horrible the sleeplessness is. As if you ever really forget.

Hang in there.

[Erin]

I am also wondering if this has to do with his sensory issues. Obviously, some of this is learned behavior -- he wants Mama and is playing to that. BUT, there is an underlying issue that caused the problems in the first place and is continuing the restless sleep, etc. I agree with another poster about the weighted blanket -- are you using it? I def think that you should look into anything having to do with sensory issues -- a pressure vest, some swinging or high pressure before bed, white noise, or whatever your occupational therapist and pediatrician recommend!

Erin

[dawna]

I think it's just another phase. My son goes through these often. I switched him to his toddler bed(he'll be 3 in october) because I was tired of going upstairs to see what he was fussing about, then coming back down to get diapers or whatever it was he wanted, then back up. Right now, some nights he sleeps through, other nights he comes down, and I put him on the couch and he goes back to sleep. It will pass, as all things do. I do think that as long as you have that extra bed in there he's going to think that it is mommy's bed and she should be sleeping in it, rather than in the bed with daddy.

[Rachel H.]

You've got plenty of advice on the sleep front .... so I wanted to say something about siblings and being "fair." I'm a big follower of the theories in "Siblings Without Rivalry" -- and one of the things they talk about is that equal isn't fair, and "the same" isn't fair. What *IS* fair is giving each child what they need, when they need it. Being fake-fair can actually lead to more rivalry and fighting in the long run, as the children become obsessed with tallying up posessions, gifts, attention, etc. Being truly fair -- giving each child what he or she needs -- makes children feel safer in the long run. Just something to think about!

[heather]

i think you are making a rod for your own back, he knows if he screams enough mummy is going to come to bed with him, do you want to be doing this when he is 8 or if you did have another baby can you imagine it then

i know its not easy but id pick a time when you have a few days off work and do the super nanny thing, pick him up and back to bed, they do eventually get it and its woth it in the long run

i love my bed lol and its for me and thats whare i sleep as much as i love my kids sometimes i think i love my bed more lol

[akeeyu]

Maybe he won't grow out of the restlessness thing. My husband is thirtyeight and sleeps like the blades of a blender. It's just how he is.

Then again, my husband also has apnea, but it's very mild.

[mumtoboo]

De-lurking to say - you've gotten some good assvice from all the ladies - I would go with whatever YOU feel would work the best to try first.
( there's a LOT to be said for going with your gut instinct ! )

[Rivka]

You don't have to lock the door if he still can't get over a gate. We put a gate at both my sons doors so they couldn't wander around if they woke up at night. When you put them in the bed, they do go to the door and scream for you to come back, but they need to learn that bedtime is bedtime and the parents make the rules and they are just not negotiable. I know it sounds harsh, but in the mind of your son, if you make him think screaming=rule change, than he'll apply that to everything. Go back to the gate every few minutes to get him back in bed, but don't stay. He might even fall asleep on the floor a couple nights, just put him back in the bed. You'll remember it--he won't.

Do check with an ENT also.

[Jennifer]

I just wanted to chime in with another book recommendation. I was going crazy and got "The No Cry Sleep Solution" It is one of the least judgemental books I've heard of and it was short and an easy read. A lot of it is about young babies but the chapter on toddlers is really good and easy to find so you don't have to read the whole book. I highly recommend doing her quiz though - it helped me figure out the problem and what my priorities were. I know you don't have a lot of time but finding a solution for me made my life SO much better. Whatever you decide to do - good luck, you're a good mom.

Jen

[Sarah]

I second the gate thing, I have seen it work. Also, if you must sleep next to him, take some Nyquil(sp?) cold medicine first. You'll sleep like a rock even if he doesn't.

[Susan]

Okay people who say "your response is encouraging him" don't have a child with Sensory issues. ie, they're saying the same kind of thing I said before child #2. I think the gate is a great idea - gets him into the "oh darn I don't get to get out of here" routine, but some SI kids have terrible trouble settling down at night. My son is one of them. One summer when he was 5 we put a fan in his room for the night and he has slept with it ever since - fan blowing straight on him, and he literally cocoons himself in blankets. I think it's the white noise that appeals to him. I would strongly suggest approaching this from a SI sleep problem angle before trying other things. I'm sure there are ideas out there (weighted blankets, white noise, etc)

He's only a pain now when we're on holidays, because he doesn't have all the things he's used to, and then he wants ...Mom. But it's a few weeks out of the year, not every night. When he gets up at night now, it's usually to ask a question, because details nag him when he lies down, and so I answer it pleasantly, and then say "good night now" and off he goes.

good luck, girl. You'll get there.

[cooler*doula]

Ag, arme ding.

Listen. Here's the thing... There really is NO one right way to do the sleep thing. Such a pity, I know, but you need to figure out what will work for him, by trying different thing.

I would say keep the nap, as in my experience sleep begats more sleep, but my neighbor's kid is just the opposite.

In the absence of any other issues, which the doctor may find, it seems very likely that he's playing you. I mean if he'll sleep for Rose... That's a sign.

Whatever you decide to do, if it's something a little tough on the soul, like CIO or going in and putting him back to bed... Make sure you're absolutely ready to do it unflinchingly and unfailingly, because backing down half way through for a hollering toddler will fuel the behaviour.

Little sadists. And yet... We love them so.

One good night of sleep for you will also make this more managable. Go stay with your ma... For real...

[Jen M]

One word: earplugs. Seriously, I sleep so much better / deeper when I sleep with earplugs in even though I've no kids in my room. DH is bad enough.

[Friend]

My 4 year old sleeps in our bed a couple nights a week. I don't mind it all. With that said, the only reason he sleeps in our room is because we (Dad & I) are okay with it. If we weren't, he'd be in his room.

Tertia, you are the boss! Adam is not in charge of your family but it appears that he is in charge of your emotions. Adam needs to do what he is told to do. Period. You've decided that you want your child to sleep in his own bed all night alone. Now make that happen and don't give in.

During the day, when Adam isn't stressed out about bedtime, tell him that tonight he'll be sleeping in his bed all by himself. Follow your betime routine - bath, snuggles, books, etc. - and help Adam into bed. Turn the light off, walk out, close the door. When Adam comes out of his room, and he will, pick him up and tell him that he must go to bed (do NOT reason with him - keep your voice firm and calm). When he comes out again, don't talk to him. Carry him back into his room, put him in his bed, and close the door. Repeat until he gives up and he WILL give up. It's going to be MISERABLE night for both of you - if I'm being honest it will be a miserable week. I promise you that if you are consistant Adam will go to bed in his room. If you do this, you MUST MUST MUST stick with it - otherwise all of Adam's suffering and yours will be in vain.

Just remember, you LOVE Adam but you have to be the boss in your house. You aren't just getting him to sleep in his room, you are laying the frame work for his life. You want him to respect you and obey you. It's important for his safety and his future.

[Friend]

One more thing, I suspect the reason Adam stirs all night is because he is stressed out that you are going to leave his bed/room. I have a feeling that he will sleep much better once you assert your authority.

Two year olds need naps.

[Friend]

One more thing, I suspect the reason Adam stirs all night is because he is stressed out that you are going to leave his bed/room. I have a feeling that he will sleep much better once you assert your authority.

Two year olds need naps.

[Wenchy]

:o(

Sorry babe

[Adeleida]

Ah man, I don't know what is worse, the sleepless nights or wondering what bit of advice to follow... It's like having hundreds of mother-in-laws. By choice! All I can say is big hugs, it sounds like a really, really hard time.

[Elle]

I also could never bring myself to lock my kids in their room. There is just something about it that doesn't sit well with me. I can't help but think how much I would hate to be locked in my room in the dark, even as an adult. You could put a gate in his doorway, or else switch the regular door for a screen door and put a hook and eye latch on it if you are concerned about his (or Kate's, eventually) wandering. For our family, this kind of thing has always been a phase. But Adam is your child not just any child. I'm sure you can tell the difference between his "manipulating" yells and his genuinely distressed yells, and will do what's right for your family.

[legalmama]

Late chiming in here.

We switched both of our girls from cribs to big girl beds on the same day. We did it because they were both climbing out, and one night simply refused to get in their cribs any more. The next day, we had beds delivered by 1-800-mattres (a company that delivers mattresses within hours). Then hell began. It literally took weeks to make the transition to them sleeping in their beds without having them get up and wander and beg for us to sleep with them, etc. I honestly thought at one point I would actually lose my mind. And my kids have absolutely no sensory issues that I know of. They were just girls who were not quite 2, with too much power on their hands. It was a total shock to me, because with my son, we got his big boy bed, he hopped in proudly the first night, posed for a picture pretending to read a book, with a big boy grin on his face, and he slept all night that night and every night.

My husband is much tougher than I am, and at some point he decided to put his foot down and lock the girls in their room until they went to sleep. I would never have done it, and I think he actually did it while I was working late the first few times. Eventually they would fall asleep on the floor, sometimes by the door, after a while they would get in their beds, and finally, after I honestly-don't-remember-how-long, we could put them in bed at night, and they would stay there and go to sleep. I do feel bad about locking them in, because now we can't close the door to their room without them getting upset. One of my girls was clearly traumatized by being locked in. But if she likes to sleep with her door open a crack for the rest of her life, but is a good sleeper, I'll take it.

Anyway, my point is, it is not at all unusual from what I know to have a tough time making the transition to a real bed. It may not have a thing to do with any of Adam's issues at all (not to say he doesn't have any, but lots of kids with no issues have problems making the transition). My husband has always been much tougher than I have been about enforcing good sleep habits, and I'm glad he has been, because once you get through the rough patches, everyone is happier and healthier, including the children. Especially the children.

If you can't do it, leave the house, stay at your moms, put Marko in charge. But the issue won't cure itself, but it will pass. I'm sure we went on with the nightmare for weeks at least, but it passed, it really did. I have friends who won't get tough with their kids, and they have their kids in their beds every night, and have for years. And not because the parents really want it, it has just gone on for so long there is no stopping it. I do not think that is good for anyone.

Take control. Or let Marko take control. Take back the night. You and Adam both need it.

[RainbowW]

noisy snoring in a child that age isn't normal. take him to see an ear-nose-throat doc, say he's snoring. doc will check his tonsils and may recommend removal. my younger boy's tonsils are coming out this coming friday.

[daysgoby]

Tertia -

I didn't read the 49 comments before mine, but could Rose stay for a few nights if Adam goes down easier with her there?

I have no idea how much are his issues (and won't speculate, since I have no way of knowing!) and how much is his (totally age-appropriate) yanking you - because seriously, even little 'uns know who they can get away with stuff with. My husband is the big softy here and my 2 1/2 year old has cottoned on to that and it takes him an hour to put her to bed. She will wail for forty minutes if he doesn't give in to her.

Maybe that's it? Think? Please stop beating yourself up, though. You're not bad, just a Mum living in the moment.

[tanyetta]

stopping by to say hello!

my son still wakes up in the middle of the night, busts into our room, jumps in the middle of us in the bed and goes right back to sleep. snoring and all. all under 2 minutes! *hugs to you* hope things get better soon. you are NOT a bad MOM ever.

[Michelle]

Please ask the doctor about possible sleep apnea...my cousin suffered through 3 years of her son not sleeping and a simple nasal spray stopped it all. All the need to do to check for it is video tape them sleeping for the night...any good ENT can diagnose it. All the noise you say he makes is a good indication of lots of interrupted sleep. Good Luck!

[Trisha]

I realize I'm a day late, and I don't have time to read through the other responses -- but have you had his tonsils/adenoids checked? If either are enlarged, it can cause sleep apena and horrible snoring.

We had my now seven year old's tonsils/adenoids removed when he was five. Best Decision Ever.

It's definitely something to look into.

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