The beautiful life behind bars

A few of you noticed in the last video clip that there were railings on the sliding doors in my lounge and asked what they were doing there.

Well, the reason they are on that particular sliding door and not on the outside is because we recently built an entertainment area (aka braai room) onto the lounge and couldn’t be bothered to move all the security bars and gates. But the reason they were there is the first place is the same reason why we have security bars built into the structure of every single window and door in our entire house. There isn’t an opening that doesn’t have high-level security bars across it.

Why? Because this is the reality of living where I live. In South Africa. In Africa.

South Africa is a wonderful country. Like many countries in Africa it is majestic in its beauty. Strong, vibrant, warm, earthy, alive. Magnificent. I love living here and I honestly don’t think I could live any where else. I love my motherland too much.

Yes there are things that are not so wonderful. The legacy of apartheid is still very much in evidence and poverty is widespread and often very dire. And yes, crime is a problem. A big problem. We have unacceptably high levels of crime and violent crime.

There are two reactions to living in a country with such high levels of crime: either you refuse to deal with it by leaving* or pretending it doesn’t exist, or you learn to live with it. You become acclimatized to the crime. It doesn’t mean that you condone it, or accept it, but you learn to live within the reality that it presents. You build walls around your property, you install security bars on all your windows and doors, you buy big gates and big dogs, you sign up with a 24 hour armed response. You install a vehicle tracking device in your car, you never drive with your doors unlocked or your window down. You don’t stop at stop signs or red traffic lights at night. In fact you don’t drive at night, if you can help it. You learn to be aware; you learn how to read the signs. You circle your street first if you notice unfamiliar people lurking near your gates. You buy a gun, or you get rid of your gun. You learn to live in this world.

I know that some of you must read this and say “I could never live like that”. I know there must be others who would even judge me a little for wanting to stay here. Mutterings of words like ‘children’ and ‘responsibility’ would surface.

But what if you were born here? What if your parents were still here? Your memories, your history? What if it felt like this was the place that gave birth to you, the place that feeds your soul. What if you felt like this place was the only place with just the right amount of air, sun and soil you needed to survive and thrive. What if you felt like being African was part of who you are, and to be anywhere else would always feel like you were incomplete? Would you still leave?

I do wish things were different. I do wish we didn’t have to have tall walls and bars across our windows. But I honestly can’t imagine living anywhere else than here in beautiful sunny hopeful South Africa.

"Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika"

(Added more stuff below)

*Shit. Yes. I worded that badly.  Apologies to those who chose to leave SA. What I meant to say is "refuse to have to live with it".  I understand why you left, it is just that there are many who don't understand why I choose to stay. Who knows.  Maybe I will leave one day.  Never say never. I truly hope that my answer to your question is never 'yes'.  Because if it was, I might be following in your footsteps. I really do understand why you chose to leave.

"My question to you is this...have you ever personally had your life threatened?I dont mean,house or car burglary as that has become standard but have you had a gun put to your back while dining in a family restuarant on a Sunday evening.Have you almost been shot by that gun because the old man in front of you trips over his walking stick and you are not moving fast enough with your pram containing your sleeping one year old.(So you actually ride over the old man!)"

______________________________________________________________________________

Sigh.  Just got this note in my inbox this very minute:

05/23/2007 10:05 AM   
    To
    (distribution list)
    cc
    Subject
    Cape town muggings
   
Fellow (name of company where I work)

Yesterday morning I was robbed at knifepoint on the XXX Street side of (my office). This is the third time I've been mugged at knifepoint within three blocks of the (office), and at least the SEVENTEENTH such incident I know of within the last year.

According to the police, cellphone crime is a huge problem. Most incidents take place in the morning hours and the assailants target people walking alone. If you're alone, try to keep to areas with more people. although this is not always a deterrent. Don't carry too much cash and don't use a cellphone in public.

If you are attacked:
- try to keep calm
- follow the assailants instructions
- take note of details like the number of attackers, their approximate ages and their clothing.
- blacklist your phone with your service provider and obtain the ITC number (blocking reference number) and the IMEI number for your phone. The police will need these to open a case.
- Report the theft to the police immediately. Police patrol the streets in the morning and may be able to find the muggers.
- Report the theft to your cellphone insurer. They will require the police case number.

Be safe,
(coworker's name)

Ok, so maybe things do suck around here.  It breaks my heart that crime is destroying my beautiful country.  I want to cry.

Comments

[Mamalooper]

I live in a large Canadian city that is very safe. But I still never drive with the doors unlocked or the windows rolled down. I have burglar bars on my basement windows and when I lived right downtown I had burglar bars on my patio sliding doors. The rest that Tertia described I don't need - walls, dogs, armed response. But I do have an alarm system that is monitored.

It's all relative and I figure that it's worth it to be safe - all downside and not much upside to take unnecessary risks.

The above is just to clarify that those of us in the west aren't just skipping along with doors unlocked, etc.

On the topic of "why live in SA?" - I lived and worked in Cape Town for two years and loved it. I have friends who have chosen not to leave and to raise their children there. The decision to stay or the decision to leave is not easy and neither, in my mind, is "right". I have huge, huge respect for those who have decided to stay and be a part of the new South Africa.

[RainbowW]

fight violent crime.

shoot back.

[Jessica]

There are some neighborhoods in South Central Los Angeles (Watts and Compton come to mind) that remind me of your post. I have driven through Watts --not on purpose!!!--- and every house that I say had bars on all the window, ditto for all the shops. Scary looking people everywhere. I am sure there are areas like what you describe all over the world.

[Amy]

It's a sad reality of the time, but you have to do what you do to feel safe and keep your family that way. As for leaving home? Why? It is your home, I can understand that completely. I could no more imagine leaving my country for another for any reason.

We recently moved to the country and I already live in a relatively rural state, Iowa. It's one of those fly over states in the US. Anyway, I was excited, we're about 1/2 mile from the nearest neighbor. I grew up like this so am somewhat used to it. We don't lock our doors. We don't lock our car. Ah peace and quiet.

However, it was very odd when we first moved because I realized, if I screamed for help, there weren't any close neighbors to hear me. Weird but true. So, we now have a large black German shepherd, hopefully to make someone think twice, partly just for my own sense of security.

[Leah]

Nope, of course I would NEVER drive through Watts on purpose!!!

Must stay away from the poor people!

[anon]

I was born in SA + lived in Cape Town until 8 years ago, when we moved to Vancouver and still miss my other 'home'...love google earth,go to SA/CT web sites, I think once you're African, it's not something that can ever be erased or forgotten. My heart will always belong there.

[mama-beans]

Leah: I would NEVER drive through Watts on purpose either. Not because of poor people, but because of dangerous ones.

[mama-beans]

Leah: I would NEVER drive through Watts on purpose either. Not because of poor people, but because of dangerous ones.

[Alicia]

Unfortunatly, crime is in every city and every neighborhood around the world. I would never abandon my country, city, home for something else. I totatly get your not leaving.

Thank you for explaining your world to us who have never seen it first hand.

Now, go buy a gun damnit!

[Julia]

I don't comment often, but I just wanted to mention that I'm always shocked when people ask about security bars. It seems obvious to me. But I live in Miami and many of my neighbors have security bars.

[Amy]

You'll find the same situation in any part of the world with a two class system. (Haves and have nots) It seems to be especially true closer to the equator and highly populated cities. The resort beaches of the Dominican Republic have armed guards. One of the cruise lines "private islands" is actually in Haiti. More armed guards keep them safe, sentries keep the guests from wandering.

[jc]

Murphy's law - you'll get mugged the day after moving to the statistically safest place on the planet. Stay where you are, you've adapted to the negative aspects and appreciate the positive.

Did you see the Michael Moore movie where he goes to some city in Canada (probably Toronto because everything is in ****ing Toronto) and walks in people's houses because the doors were all unlocked? I was so ticked because that made all of us Canadians look kind of stupid...then realized how often I forget to lock the door when I'm home. If I do, it's usually because I don't want someone to let the dog out.

[artemisia]

My friend and her husband left South Africa after she was carjacked with her little ones in the car. The level of danger they lived with in an expensive suburb of Jo'burg just boggles my mind. Of course, picking up and leaving famiy to move halfway accross the world boggles my mind as well. I envy you the gorgeous county and lovely accent and all sorts of things, Tert, but not the choices S'Africans must make to either cope with the level of danger you do or move.

My friend used to clip the local police call of the paper here and send it back to friends for a laugh. "Strange dog in neighborhood." "Unfamiliar car parked on street." What weenies we are!

[Andrea]

Correct me if I'm wrong Tertia, but isn't the crime situation in SA known to be worse than in most parts of the world, and even the U.S. It seems like in the U.S. you have more of the option (at least the privileged do) of buying your way out of danger, settling in an expensive neighborhood that is relatively safe, aside from the occasinal random act of violence.

Never been to SA, but am told from friends who were assigned to work there that crime there is a way of life, in rich neighborhoods and poor, and that rape gates are routinely installed inside homes to provide an added layer of security within the home, ie in the bedroom.

The high rape rate always intriged me, as does the overall high violence rate. I mean coming from the U.S. where we have our share of violence, and poverty and all the injustices that spark it, and since there are many other countries in the world that have poverty and racial injustice, I wonder if you have further insight into the intensely high crime level in SA, and particularly the high rape rate.
Maybe for another post.

[June]

Tertia, we have quite a lot of crime here in Miami too. I live in a neighborhood with 24-hour security, so some people have removed the bars from the windows, but most of us have high level security (in addition to a front gate and security company). My volunteer work brings me into some pretty rough neighborhoods. I know to leave my engagement ring at home (wear only a band), keep my cell phone charged and dress low key so that I don't appear to be a lucrative kidnapping victim when I travel to certain parts of town, we have children who get shot by stray bullets while playing in their front yards (not so much in my neighborhood). It's not acceptable, but it does come with living in a big city. That being said, we couldn't imagine living anywhere else, and I know I'm not alone in that feeling. Millions of people vacation here and others are moving in by the truckloads everyday.

[Kim]

It is similar in Nicaragua, where I have spent time. The church-operated guest home we stayed at had armed guards. It was odd, at first, but then it made me feel more secure. Like they were being proactive.

[coolerdoula]

It wasnt until we left Jo'Burg for the States that I realized the state of hyper vigilance I'd been living in. It's exhausting. But I totally understand the will, the desire to stay. As you say... God bless Africa...

[Stacey]

Doesn't sound much different than living in the tri-state area of New York (New Jersey and Connecticut)!! Is any place really safe these days?

[Stephanie]

Leah,

I agree with Mama Beans. I've lived in some poor areas- walked the streets at night, too. BUT, to do so in a strange neighborhood where you're unknown can put a target on your back. Just fact.

[Laura(southernxy)]

Poor does not equal lawless. Poor does not equal dangerous. People who avoid areas like Watts are not avoiding poverty. It's very disrespectful of poor folks to say that they are.

Memphis is getting pretty bad. We got bars on our windows and doors when we were broken into in broad daylight, 3 weeks after we moved in. Forget about having a lawn mower, bicycle, etc. - anything that isn't nailed down is community property. Theft is one thing though, rape and murder something else altogether. Things are getting worse and our wonderful mayor cannot be bothered to even care. Even the dang governor says the answer is getting our kids out of high school and into college - you learn not to be a violent thug in college? We're seriously considering moving.

[Chantale]

I lived in downtown Toronto, the largest Canadian city. We lived in an apartment building frequented by homeless people, drug addicts and prostitutes. However, I never felt unsafe. There were times when my husband left the keys in the door (he spent his teen years in the country, so perhaps this is excusable?) and we have woken up to someone knocking at our door to give us the keys.

I've never lived in a house with bars, but I understand why some people would want to after I visited the town my husband was born in (Oakland, California). It can be very scary after dark.

On another note, I just met a lady who moved into my neighbourhood from Johannesburg. She left because she has a one year old and didn't feel safe to even bring him to the park. She told me that anywhere in the US has got to be safer than South Africa... I wonder if she's ever been to L.A?

[goodsandwich]

Ah, hypervigilance -- maybe a contributing factor to your stress/depression? Not that you should leave to get away from it; I just know hypervigilance can overtax the nervous system and the adrenals. But I know you're addressing those things; mostly just sympathizing, I guess.

[maiareads]

Crime here where I live too and unfortunately also based on desperation (or a drug habit, sigh..) Africa bears the brunt though as things are so, pardon the expression, black and white there. You have money or you don't. You are white or you are black. As a Canadian I find the situation hard to grasp. No huge racial inequalities. Our Native people are treated to few or no taxes, educational grants, and other opportunities the general public are not.

Hoping things improve in your country as far as equality goes; too sad so many do without while others live so comfortably. Such a black and white situation in your country. Sad. (And in no way your fault of course!)

[marsh]

I went to South Africa when I was in high school and loved it. It's so beautiful there! I completely understand why you live there. I remember when we went to see my family in Northern Ireland, we were so afraid because of the violence there. At that time we had trouble even renting a car because of the car bombings. Police were out in force, and we saw bombed buildings everywhere. My cousins said "I don't know how you can live in California where's there's so many drive-by shootings." They felt completely safe in a place I was scared to live in. And I felt safe in a place they were fearful of. You live someplace because it's home. You gain a certain comfort in being home and feel a safety because it's your home. No place is completely safe.

[akeeyu]

I used to live in a part of the country that...I guess it's one of the bad neighborhoods of the US. I know the drill about not stopping the car when you're alone. I always used to keep enough space between myself and the car in front of me at lights so that if I really needed to, I could ram them and get the fuck out of there. After a while, it wasn't even a deliberate thing, it was just second nature.

When I moved to another ('better') area of the country, I was pulled over for driving that way. Not because the way I was driving was illegal, but because the officer thought I was drunk. "Look, I'm a woman alone in a car at night. I drive like this because I don't want to be carjacked, raped and left for dead on the mesa, okay?" It was perfectly logical to me. The man looked at me like I had nine heads.

One of the times I went back to visit a friend, there was a murder in her apartment complex the first night I was there. I don't even think we stopped eating pizza. Not for the gunshots, not for the cops. "Welcome home," they said.

It IS my home, that violent area of the country, the one other people make jokes about and avoid like the plague and don't understand at all. If I could move anywhere in the world, I would move back home.

So I get it, Tertia. You have to stay where your home is or you'll miss it every day.

[expat]

Hi Tertia...

I am one of those people who (according to you) refused to deal with it and so left the country.

My question to you is this...have you ever personally had your life threatened?I dont mean,house or car burglary as that has become standard but have you had a gun put to your back while dining in a family restuarant on a Sunday evening.Have you almost been shot by that gun because the old man in front of you trips over his walking stick and you are not moving fast enough with your pram containing your sleeping one year old.(So you actually ride over the old man!)

I left,not because I couldnt deal with it, but because I dont believe I should have to.No one should.

I was offered the chance to live in Australia and after visiting here jumped at the chance.I have given up my South African Citizenship because I believe in supporting the country that supports me.My heart aches that people have to live like you do (and I did once).

Do I kid myself that there is no crime here?No.I have insurance.... the thieves here can have whatever they want its just a fact that they do not usually kill you to get to your things here.Murder has become the accepted "norm" in SA and that to me is unnacceptable.

I left behind my siblings,parents and in laws who all lived within a block of where I lived.It wasnt easy and I do feel guilty that my children are being brought up only being able to see their grandparents every second year.But then I look out the window at them playing on the front lawn with no walls,think of how they are able to ride their bikes in the street and play in the park (there is one on every block nearly) and I just know Ive done the right thing.

When weighing up my priorities I realised that giving my children the best life possible far outweighed my feelings of being South African.

In fact my father,the proudest South African who ever lived
has just spent the past two days filling in an application to emigrate because he has finally come to the realisation that things just arent "going to get better".I think many South Africans need to stop telling themselves this as not enough is being done about the problems to justify the optimism.

I envy the way you are able to speak of your love for South Africa but you know what?Thats the way I feel about Australia and I have only been here 5 years.

[Dominique]

Hi

I am a South African living abroad. We left for our children to offer them more freedom, they ride their bikes in the street and walk to the corner shop. They could NEVER do that in South Africa. We also had a house with burglar bars, gates, alarm system, high walls with spikes and it is terrible to live like that as if you are in prison not so that you can't get out but so that bad people don't come in. Now, I don't have any security deterrents only a glass panelled front door with a knob that you double turn. SA visitors can't believe it, and it takes a while to adapt. Look, South Africa is a beautiful country but there's alot of crime and that is a sad fact. Miss SA alot, but hey life goes on. At the end of the day if you get the opportunity to leave your country, it is a personal choice and not always an easy one to make. We did it, and I am happy in my adoptive country. When we can, we go back to SA for a holiday and it is always great to see family and friends. It's great to go back home every now and then.

Take care

[Rosie]

We also live in South Africa, Gauteng to be exact.

The way I see it is, the problem of crime, rape and murder here is everybody's problem.

It is our personal choice to stay and fight crime in anyway possible in order to make South Africa the country it should be and safe once again for our children instead of running to another country.

No it is not going to happen over night, but it will happen eventually. This is our country we are African born and bred and proud of it.

[Luna_02]

Apologies for completely ignoring the topic of safety in South Africa, but as an animal lover, I didn't realise you had dogs! I've read posts about your cat, but not any dogs. I'm suprised we haven't seen pics of dogs with hats, dogs with sunglasses, dogs being ridden like horses as most kids love to do. Are these guard dog types that are not really pets and not child friendly? Or is it a pic of someone else's dog and I've just jumped to conclusions?!?

[kirstyphysio]

Hi there
I am also an expat living in the UK. I love and miss SA dearly. I didn't leave because I was threatened or scared. I left as a young graduate wanting to travel and see the world. Unfortunately, life got in the way, and I met and married an emglishman. We now have 2 beautiful children, with our third due in October. I come home every year (in fact - I fly tonight ) There are so many things I miss about SA and so many things I don't miss. I think if I left here, the same would be true. The truth is - we live in a global society and people have freedom and choice to live where they want.
And that is my point. It is a personal choice. I "landed" here quite by accident, and to be honest - don't feel I ever really left home. I would happily move back tomorrow, but whilst I moan daily about the UK - I am not unhappy here, and until it reaches a stage where I am desperate to leave, I will not upset the status quo.
Every where in this world where you choose to live is a compromise:
SA - gorgeous weather, scenery, lifestyle, but riddled with crime
UK - crap weather, no space, smaller houses - but great currency to travel with and safe haven for kids
Oz - gorgeous weather - but far away from EVERY WHERE!!!
We all make our choices - we just have to be happy with them!

[Chantal]

You can never feel too safe. We live in an access-controlled development and thought we couldn't be safer. 2 weeks ago, 4am in the morning while we were still sleeping, our back door was ripped open (after burglars had been chiselling away at the lock in the door frame). The spikes on the back wall were of no bother to them either... they just ripped them off and bent them flat in some places. I hate to think what might have happened if we didn't have armed response. Very scarey.

[Char]

We live in one of the more affluent areas in Durban (South Africa) and even here, with automated gates, a 24-hour security guard roaming our cul-de-sac, beams in our garden, burglar bars on our doors and windows, armed response etc. we had 12 incidents of theft in 12 weeks. Literally. My cousin has been held at gunpoint twice. Her home broken into and all of her belongings trashed. They defacated on her bed and smeared it on her walls. Friends have had their vehicles stolen at gunpoint. I had my cellphone pick-pocketed recently. No amount of vigilance will make you immune or give you a sense of protection in SA anymore. It's sad, but true. And yet, like many others, we love living in this country. We have travelled, lived abroad, made homes for ourselves elsewhere, but inevitably we always return. And still call ourselves Proudly South African.

[Tripsmom]

I will not be terrorized out of my country of birth! I live in Durbanville South Africa and my husband and I have now moved in to an Security Estate where our children are "relatively" safe - they can play outside and ride their bikes in the streets - Only about 10% of the houses have security bars. I will do everyting possible to protect my family but I will also do everything possible to fight the crime in my country. If you watch Sky News you will see that little Maddie McCann was abducted in Portugal 3 weeks ago and is still missing while she and her parents were on holiday in an apparently "safe" place. Lets all pray for her safe return. The latest is that she was spotted 2 weeks ago in Morocco!

[V]

I also live in Cape Town but in a different suburb. I am always vigilant and aware but have never felt threatened in my street. We have burglar bars but not security gates and no alarm. But we do have a big German Shepherd and we have never been broken into in the 9 years we have lived there (though some neighbours have been). On quite a few occasions we have actually forgotten to lock the doors at bedtime. Lucky I guess. I also walk about 6 blocks to my parking (same street as Tertia's (and my) colleague) and have luckily never had a problem. But I always clutch my bag tight and walk fast and never talk on the phone while walking and never walk after 6pm in the evening (earlier in winter).

A number of years ago my husband parked in a side street in Cape Town with a friend (going to a pub or something). As they were going to get out, a guy approached the car and told them to leave if they knew what was good for them. As they drove off they saw 2 of them breaking into the car that was parked behind him. In Gauteng (and many other places) I guarantee you they would have shot them and not asked them to leave!

[Jennifer]

I think the difference between the kind of crime that you describe here and what we see in the US is that in most cities, the high-crime areas are very segregated.

For example, I live and work in Jersey City, which has one of the highest murder rates in the country. But I feel perfectly safe walking in my neighborhood and near my office. I can guarantee if someone was mugged at knifepoint in either area, there would be a huge stepup of private security and JC police. There are other sections of JC where I don't even feel comfortable driving with locked doors. I am sure that the safety dichotomy has everything to do with the local government trying to increase the real estate values in the richer sections of town, so I am benefitting from this partly as a result of the astronomical rent I pay to live here.

[Carmen]

I left S.A over 20 years ago; not because I decided to emigrate. (Life just happened). I now live in Spain and love it here. I am African born and bred though and completely understand how you feel about your homeland. But I also understand those who say that living in a safe place is more important. I usually finish my work at 10pm every night (evening tutor) and can calmly cross the street in my town, go into the car park and drive home without a second thought to being attacked/raped, etc. I haven't seen a gun since I moved here, actually. In S.A both my parents kept guns, which was also terrifying.

The sense of peace and quiet and freedom in most European countries is what makes me happy here. I could never expose my toddler son to the fear and violence in S.A. I left before it escalated although I've been back since then on holiday but just can't get my head around how different things are, violence wise.

As for the poster who mentioned Maddie McCann (Tripsmom). That's true that she was taken from her Portuguese holiday apartment in the night. However, her parents were negligent in that they left their 3 kids under the age of 4 sleeping alone in an unlocked foreign hotel room while they went out to have dinner. According to the restaurant waiter they did NOT go back and check up on their kids as they alleged. I think that could happen to anyone anywhere. They were fortunate their 3 kids were not taken. Negligent parenting is not the same issue as we're talking about here..

[Kelly]

This is in response to Maiareads. I too am Canadian, and I have lived in several different parts of Canada, all of which had crime. All had safe spots and dangerous spots and the like. But Maiareads, your notion that there are "No huge racial inequalities" in Canada and that Native people have great "opportunities" is, quite frankly, delusional. I loathe this kind of sanctimoniousness in my fellow Canucks. Nova Scotia has centuries of black-vs.-white racial tension. French-speaking black and brown people cannot get jobs in Quebec. A Muslim university professor was recently the victim of hate crime in Ontario. As for the Native population, it is obvious from you comment that you have never visited a rural reserve in, say, Northern Saskatchewan. No plumbing. No heating. Collapsing, overcrowded houses. Terrible health problems. Inadequate education. Crushing poverty. There are tax breaks and grants, to be sure, but it is shameful to ignore the enormous disadvantages of being Native in Canada.

If you're going to be "sad" for SA, maybe you can extend some of that sympathy to the Canadians, of many colours, who face grinding inequality, racism, and violence every day.

[parodie]

It's terrible and shocking and astounding that so much of the population has so very much nothing to loose that they would turn so totally to (shockingly violent) crime.

My impression (do correct me if I'm wrong) is that there is a wide and basically unbroachable gap between the "haves" (mostly? white) and the "have-nots" (mostly? all? black). The have-nots cannot aspire to "having" because the gap between what they can earn and what the rich can earn is so wide - I remember you saying that, for example, you are paying Rose a very generous wage, and yet it's still incredibly affordable for you. Are there opportunities for low-income folk to, say, get an education that would allow them a middle-class lifestyle? Is there such a thing as middle-class? It sounds like the rich live in high security and the poor...? What do they do? Can they afford bars/24hr armed response?

I would be very interested to learn more, if you're interested to blog it Tertia!

[T.]

I just want to chime in. I am an American who has visited South Africa. I would just say to anyone that reads your post and thinks "I could never live like that", that they should visit your beautiful country before making any judgements.

[Suzie-Q.]

I have lived in New York City and had to live in the "hypervigilant" state for 11 years. I have also lived in Aspen, Colorado where people keep their front doors unlocked for 4 years and I can tell you... that although they are completely different, and, both are fabulous in their own right, it's much nicer to live where it is safe and you feel relaxed. I will never again live where i am afraid.

[Katherine]

I left south africa two years ago to live in Israel. My mother cried before I left and begged me not to go to Israel because it is "so dangerous there". We routinely leave our doors unlocked, forget the keys in the car, and very often cellphones and wallets. When we go walking in Tel Aviv at night I never feel unsafe, even when it is just me and some girl friends.

Sure there are some loonies threatening to blow the whole country sky high, but if you can ignore that your quality of life can be quite high :P Yeah its all about what you can get used to - I can get used to the constant security here, and the resulting freedom. I find it very hard when I'm in South africa again - I turn into a big scaredy cat.

The situation is indeed so terrible, and it is hard on those of us who chose to leave ( a very difficult thing to do) and those who choose to stay and have to cope with the situation.

[Adeleida]

Ag, wel, ja. Sigh. This is a really sad post, mostly because it is so true. I hope that in time things will look up. I think if I had little kids and crime hurt them in any way, I'd probably also leave the country, and I'm a real, real loyal, patriotic and serious supporter of the country. In the meantime, I hope I'm not a victim. I have never been violently assaulted and although robbed a couple of times, my biggest crime experience was when overseas (credit card theft). But I'm not blind to the stats. We're way over the sane limit. Education and its resulting poverty relief have always been my great hopes, but it works sooooo slowwwwww.... In the meantime, yes, Cape Town is definitely the better option.

[Emmie (Better Make It A Double)]

What you have to live with is horrible, and I'm sorry. I live in a major U.S. city with slightly higher than average cime for its' size, in a working class neighborhood. My boys will be probably be able to go to the parks on their own one day, wait at the school bus stops, and ride their bikes outside unsupervised. There's not many places in this city I won't go at least during the day, and none I refuse to even drive through. I don't have a clue what it's like to live like a South African. I did read this the other day, though,and had to share:
http://www.csmonitor.com/2006/1206/p20s01-lihc.html

South African government officials like to point out that the number of crimes is declining - particularly murder, which they say has dropped every year since 1994. In a country of 40 million people, the number of homicides dipped from 21,553 in 2003 to 19,824 in 2004, for instance. Still, the US had 293 million people in 2004 and fewer murders (16,150).

I'ts hard to say how hopeful that is, as the numbers are still staggeringly high, and I always think of the U.S as such a voilent country, but then, some of that voilent reputation hass to do with how we conduct ourselves internationally. Anyway, thanks for sharing a bit of your life with us. I appreciate that your tone is one of love and grief for your country and not "an eye for an eye".

[SHERYL]

My husband and I are in our late twenties and left SA two years ago for OZ. Yes, for the same reason most of us leave. We miss SA VERY much but once you have had a gun held to your head and for your DVD player YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! Before I left I worked as a emergency doctor in a large government hospital and I soon realized that we had a society with a SERIOUS problem that is far worse than any of the 'priviledged' think! As long as the people running the country remain in denial....the longer the carnage will go on! Some of the other bloggers mentioned that you learn how to live with it and have your ways to keep out of trouble! That is very true!God help the naive German tourist in 2010 with a R10 000 camera hanging around his neck!

[Anabell]

Closing italics first. Hope it works.
Then, I live in a same situation re: crime. Different continent but still. And a thing I feel outside people don't understand is the fact that you get used to those security measures. So it's not like you are always thinking: don't stop at red sign, always check if someone's at my door, and so on. Those are things that become second nature so you don't "suffer" them too much.

[Darryn Hunt]

It is so interesting to see the many different comments posted. My wife and I have lived in the UK (London) for the past 6 years. This country has been very good to us and whilst we have had both good and bad experiences (fantastic travel and neighbourhood crime) we look at it is an adventure. My wife and I are both teachers in an international school in London, so diverse. Whilst we haven't had a gun put to our heads when we were living in SA, we have been accosted by a group 12 years in our neighbourhood here. I found this to be a confusing confrontation and one in which I felt powerless. Perhaps, for me, as bad as having a gun held to my head. These children, with everything going for them (compared to SA?) are the future of this country? One should never generalize but one needs to justify their motivation for staying or going. We are looking forward to returning to South Africa again. People are different and we are drawn towards or pushed away from things for many different reasons. As long as you feel in your heart that what you are doing is right then I say "Go for it!". I have loved living in England but am so looking forward to returning SA.....

[kimberly]

i live just outside new york city, in a not-so-good suburb. we have an alarm system and it is constantly armed, whether or not we are in the house. we also have three locks on the doors and i can't imagine a time i would leave my car unlocked or the GPS in plain view through the window, even in the driveway. and it goes without saying that you never walk alone in a residential area, keep cell phones / mp3 players discreet, keep money in more than one place in case you get mugged, etc... it's not that we are too passive to leave, these places are our homes and we have lived our whole lives adapting how to live here. i understand your not wanting to leave SA, i feel the same way about my city.

[angel]

bravo t- exceptionally well written!