My secret envies

You know, I have so much in my life to celebrate. I am so blessed in so many ways. This morning I was lying between my two beautiful, healthy children and I was thinking just how damn lucky I am. I have a lovely home, a wonderful husband, a perfect family, a great job and good health. I really am blessed.

And yet, well dammit, there still things that I secretly covet. Things that I am envious of. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours. 

• Fertile people. Obviously. Will always be jealous of fertile people.
• Related to that, people who get pregnant naturally. Even now, it still stings a little when I hear people announce their pregnancies. Can’t help it.  Happy for them etc, but still, ouch.
  
• Mothers who get to stay home with their kids. I know it isn’t easy and that you have made lots of sacrifices etc etc. But dammit, I am jealous that you have the choice to stay home or not. Not matter how much you had to give up. It is my biggest ‘thing’.  (Yes Colleen you are right, I do have ‘issues’ about not being able to stay at home. I am jealous of you, boo hoo!)
• Petite women. I love being tall, but sometimes I wish I could be petite so that my partner could swing me around without pulling 17 muscles in his back. 
  
• People with perfect skin. My skin is splotchy, blotchy and full of pigmentation marks. I would love flawless skin.
• Long, dark, glossy hair. I’ve always wanted glossy hair. Instead I got a confused wave with a very strong tendency to frizz. My hair often resembles a thatched roof after a severe wind storm.
• Couples who are physically affectionate with each other. I wish this came naturally to me.
• Mothers who have it all together.  Mothers whose kids eat well. Mothers whose kids don’t eat sweets. Mothers whose kids are like those text book kids you read about. Don’t watch TV, don’t fight, only eat organic, know all their shapes etc etc
• People who know all about programming and networking and servers and stuff. For once I would like to sit in a meeting and understand exactly what everyone is talking about.
• People who are a good friend. I wish I could be a good friend, but I know I am not. People like Sister Mel, sister Nina and friend Mel are good friends to have. I wish I could be more like them. 
• Travellers. I am envious of people who can afford to travel. We just don’t have the money. 
• People who have strong, real, pure faith. I would love to be that enthused, that convinced. That enraptured.  

Funnily enough, I am not envious of people who can cook. Even though I totally suck at it, the thought of being able to cook well doesn’t even appeal to me. And even though I am totally inartistic, I am not really envious of those who can paint, sculpt, draw or write poetry. Or sing. I guess I am not into the creative stuff.

And even though I have a honking big nose, horribly narrow face and sticky out ears, I am not even envious of beautiful people. I am ok(ish) with how I look (I know you don’t believe that, especially after the boob thing, but you’ve misunderstood me a little. I’ll get back into that debate in a while). But I wouldn’t mind the smooth skin thing. I really don’t like that whole two tone look. Well, ok, being able to eat whatever one likes and still staying thin would be cool. Chips and dip for breakfast, lunch and supper. Yum!

Money would be lovely of course. A whole pot of money so that I didn’t have to work. A bigger house, a new car, a trip overseas…. But strangely enough, I don’t covet that. Would be nice, but not on my list. If you know what I mean.

So tell me, what is your secret envy? Who or what are you envious of?  Besides my big nose* that is. I know you all secretly want a nose like mine.  Come on, you can admit it.

* Please note that Sister Mel's nose is bigger than mine.  In fact so is sister Nina's.  Here is proof.  Sister Nina tried to cheat by turning her head to the side so as to obscure the true extend of her schnoz.  Don't be fooled by that.  BTW, brother Paul has the biggest nose out of all of us. Which means he must have a monster schnoz.  Honk honk.

 

Comments

[akeeyu]

Hmm. We apparently have the same secret envies, except that I am short, Sam and I are so snuggly it would make you vomit a rainbow, and I don't care about having faith. I guess that's a perk of atheism.

I guess my additional one is people with orange cats. I envy people with orange cats. Not entirely kidding.

[Amy]

You and your sisters are gorgeous and divine of course :)

[TwennyTwo]

peace, Tertia,

Oooh. Ooohhhhh. I've gone into this but it's easier here, with people who don't actually know me. And I can explain what I mean... I envy:

* Short women who wear under a size 14. You think you're a strapping big girl, I'm 6'2". I've gotten to ignore conventional size standards, if I wore a size 6 or even 8 I'd be actually anorexic. And nice clothes just don't come in my size.

* Decisive people. I wish I could make decisions easily. I deliberate. When it comes to myself. I can make other peoples' decisions for them, though, because I don't have to live with them...

* Women who bleed every month. I've never done that ever and I don't know why. (Okay, everyone close your mouths.) Something about not doing what "all girls do" makes me tend toward girliness in other ways to compensate.

* People who are financially savvy. *sigh*. I've made a little money in my lifetime, but actually making it grow? Heh. I don't have the knowlege, don't know where to get it, and can't afford (!) to pay for it. Oh, and I don't have the willpower to make myself sacrifice more than my circumstances already require.

* Sincerely sweet, humble, nice people. How do they do that? I can do it but not all the time.

* The opinion that extramarital sex is okay. I wish just once I could get over the mores and faith and um really strict upbringing. I've got the charge and no outlet. Hmm.

* Pale skin. I LOVE being Black, it brings a culture and a love and an otherness that fulfils me, and plus it's all I've ever known. But to be free of the being that is being Black in the USA... I'd love to see what that is like, to see magazine models and commercial models like myself, to not have to search out role models, to be in the majority or in the superlative in the good things without my skin being remarkable must be something else. I'd like to do that for a day. I'm going to get flamed for that one, but oh well.

* Publishing. I've got so many ideas, I want to publish a book. And I've got a decent voice, I'd love to cut a CD and hear even one song on the radio. I envy those who get to live that dream.

And Tertia I'm with you on the women who stay at home and travelers and network/computer people. Must be nice. Thanks for asking...

peace
TwennyTwo

[Melody]

I envy alot of the same things you do.
*Fertile people.
*people who get pregnant naturally
*People who haven't lost their pregnancy innocence. The ones who can get pregnant and not have another worry until the baby comes. No thoughts of miscarriage, PTL, etc. Just blissfully, ignorantly, pregnant.
*Petite women. - I'm more on the rounded side (or as my midwife once said - I'm fluffy)
*Mothers who have it all together. Mothers whose kids eat well. Mothers whose kids don’t eat sweets. Don’t watch TV.
*People who are a good friend.
*People who really believe in themselves. (I doubt myself constantly)
*People who have a passion/drive/self control. There are so many things that I really want to desire to do.(I don't know if that makes sense or not. I really want to have the desire to grow a garden. I want to have the desire and drive to go back to school. I really want to have the selfcontrol to lose weight)

[brooke]

..unlurking.. i am envious of people with partners.. and people with kids, tall people, people who can avoid sugar, people who know God exists. and tertia - you are gorgeous. i'm not just saying that. i wish someone would tell you that and have you believe it. also, i don't think anyone has it fully together.. even those who look like it. i'm pretty sure they are just faking it.. or are in denial. .../unlurking..

[jodie]

Gorgeous family! Wow, makes me want to have more children so they can grow up like you and your siblings.

I envy people with "normal" children, both mine have issues and it's so hard to hear about the achievements of other kids. Or just to see them playing happily and normally. Sigh.

I envy people who have it all together at home - organised, happy, healthy.

And sometimes I envy the 17 year old me who had so much potential, no responsibilities.

[Rosie]

I also envy the stay at home mom. That is my goal. I also envy women who have ignorant problem free blissfull pregnancies that only start worrying when the baby is almost due. I envy women who are tall and slender and can eat anything they want.

I guess nobody is really 100% happy with who or what they are and I am included. Tertia you have a beautiful family.

[serina]

I wish I had your beautiful face, nose and all! I agree with Brooke, nobody's got it all. Have a gorgeous and divine day, dahling!

[Kate in Toulouse]

It's natural to want some of what we haven't got - why do you think the Buddhists work so hard at being Zen?

I guess lots of people would envy the chance of my "glam" expat lifestyle, but today actually it sucks (my in-laws have just gone home, our friends in the UK have apparently forgotten we exist, and I have to take my daughter for an MRI scan and do battle with the French medical system IN FRENCH). Some days it's just easier to feel satisfied than others.

Really though Tertia, I'm sure LOTS of people envy you, and me - I wish I had your wonderful extended family: I have no parents or siblings to speak of, and I'd love to borrow yours for just one day.

Incidentally, I was very, very disturbed by the Barney clip. Donna and I both feel that we would rather commit hare kiri than ever watch that F...ing pink dinosaur again.

[kirstyphysio]

I am very blessed in so many ways, but like every one, I also have my green monster that comes out to visit!
1.)I am envious of people with dark, brown skin - being blonde with fair skin has always been my bug bear ( I will blame it on my celtic routes)
2.)I am envious of people with long, brown, slender legs - I am a runner, but am unenviably pear shaped! ( Yes - you may envy my wash board stomach - even at 18 weeks gone with my 3rd pregnancy - but have you seen my ass and thighs??? Seriously think this baby is growing in my butt!)
4.) I am envious of people who actually get their act together and create an amazing blog like this that touches, helps, councils,educates and amuses so many diverse people
5.) I am envious of your ability, Tertia, to write things so precisely, so eloquently, so damm well (bitch) :)
Loads more - I'm sure but daughter dearest is screaming!!!!!!!
K xx

[Donna]

hehe! yes T - hmmmm.. very disturbed about that Barney vibe you have going. Not envious of that! hehe!

But seriously - it's the Human Condition to want what you don't have!!
Man, you won't believe it but I MISS WORK - stay at home mom - best thing ever - but it's hard work, and if you're anything like me, and I suspect we have several similar qualities - (like the nose for example) then you need to be stimulated and have human interaction of some sort.

'Stay at home mom' comes with MAJOR sacrifices - one car, no claening lady (AGGGHH!!!!), NO MONEY - ever - HATE that - ex-Advertising exec, had money, new car, clean house, blah blah.. have none of that anymore - BUT yes, I have precious time with my little angel and even though it is frustrating at times - worth the sacrifice.
So yes, be envious - but know I envy your car, your dynamic job, your talks, being able to be a working mom, being in CT - moving, shaking and dressing in pretty outfits with killer heels..

I'm in flats and Levi's every day - if i'm not still mushing around the house in my jamies at noon (YUCK - but I do!) ;)

SO - the lesson for the moment (mine anyway)is to just enjoy where you are at, change the things you can, accept the things you can't - you know the drill.. and confession be made, I secretly job search on the web when no-one's looking - even if I have the home web buisness.. not the same as a proper job.. :)

And always remember that everyone has it sussed on the outside.. image is everything.. we think other's have the perfect life - but there is no perfect life. we all have our crap. Human nature, human conditino. we love to create drama and stress.. want what other people have (and the best of what they have only!)

Anyhow.. HC pajama girl is going to have a bath while child naps!

LOL
xxxx
Soon to be clean barefoot girl in the kitchen with Levi's making lunch for kid..

[Ute]

Believe it or not: I'm envious of people with hair like yours. Or my daughter's, for that matter. :o) Mine looks absolutely horrible. (Proof? OK, here you are: http://www.koberstein.org/zickenterror2/images/DSCF0949_web.jpg )

[Sara]

I'm hugely envious of people who have hair that is either straight or curly. Mine is approximately half and half, and often bypasses wavy entirely on its way to frizzville.

I'm also envious of people who have a skin tone darker than glue. Well, I suppose that my average skin tone is darker than glue, but I simply cannot regard the freckles as a positive!

I am envious of people who have a home in which they feel settled. I have an "exciting expat lifestyle", I suppose, but haven't lived in the same place for more than three years since I was 17, and it's getting old.

On a similar note, I am envious of people who live in the same town as their parents and friends. This has never been an option for me, because my parents live in a place where there are no jobs whatsoever, so I couldn't live there unless I wanted to inhabit a cardboard box. My friends are also scattered all over the globe, which on the one hand is nice, because I have a friend in every port, but it also means that I'm always missing someone.

Fertile people.

People who can wear low-rise trousers without half of their arse coming out the top.

People who don't procrastinate or crave sugar.

[jennifer]

I'm jealous of thin women with perky boobs. Totally vain of course, but true nonetheless.

[pink]

Oh, envy, yeah, major bugaboo in my life... If I could wave a magic wand (ie, get these things without working at them), I would have:

* enough money that it just wasn't a stress for us; we have plenty, especially compared to most, but we're also really sucky at saving and are constantly in debt
* a good figure--not thin, I can't imagine that ever happening, but it would be nice for once in my life to be thinner than my husband! (Stupid me, fat girl marrying thin guy)
* a clean and organized house instead of one that just looks good from a distance (too much time spent in school working in theatres, I'm great at set design, not so good at the details and maintenance)

And, most importantly:
* the motivation to actually get any of these things, because truthfully, they are all accomplishable (is that a word?), but motivation is sorely lacking in my life (just treading water is more my speed) and so I let everything just kind of coast along.

I envy you, Tertia, for your ability to start and finish major projects. I'm great at the starting, not so great at the finishing!

Oh well, have a naked toddler on the coffee table, better go get her dressed (she, and the one in my belly, are the main reasons that I know that my life is pretty amazing, so I have no reason to bellyache).

[E]

I think everyone envies something. I am short and wish I was tall. If you want to be a sahm it does take sacrifice. We don't live in the fanciest neighborhood, we clip coupons, cars aren't brand new, not many dinners/takeouts, very few vacations, etc. It's all about choice.

[Gretchen]

I am pretty satisfied , all the important things are there. I don't dare ask/ wish for more....it seems like bad luck to me.

[Billie]

I envy people who have clean houses, who don't spend so much time on the computer, whose children eat and are over the 50th %ile on the growth curve, and people who have twins who can walk, talk, and play together.

Hmmm. I'm sure that's not all, but I also love my kids and my life and overall think I am doing a bang up job!

[Ruth]

I'm with Gretchen - I'm almost afraid/too superstitious to ask for anything more than what I have! Not that my life is perfect, but I wouldn't change it, because who knows what I'd lose if I did? I'm envious of people who think pregnancy (both achieving and maintaining) is easy, but I also know that a large part of who I am today is due to my past struggles and losses...

Here's what I can say confidently: I'm envious of people who aren't hypochondriacs, and I'm envious of people whose mothers are alive.

[Jennifer]

After reading these comments, my envy list got bigger!

* Fertile people
* Naturally thin people (don't have to work at it, can eat whatever they want)
* People who live near family
* Tall(er) people
* People who write well/persuasively
* People who are good public speakers
* People who are really good at surrounding themselves with friends. I have several great friends but don't see them enough.
* People who are successful in business
* People who were born with money and don't have to work (a contradiction to the above, I know)

It seems that we all envy each other. I agree that dissatisfaction is part of the human condition.

[Maddy]

Hey, fun topic! I envy:

People who have lots of money and have no worries in the money department.

Women who seem to keep an organized, clean house with seemingly little effort.

People who live around their family and have old friends who know them well.

Women who seem to have several really close women friends and who spend a lot of time with their friends.

Women who have husbands who are super competent at handyman-type activities and who also seem to enjoy working on the house, etc.

I feel compelled to add that I feel very fortunate overall. I do believe, however, that envy is an important emotion (is it an emotion exactly? whatever it is...) and that you should pay attention to it. Sometimes things that you envy might be unreachable, but other times feelings of envy speak to what you WANT and sometimes you can go after them. So if I feel envious of someone, I ask myself how I can work toward what I am envious of? (ugh, not sure about that grammar!) Sometimes this is not possible exactly, but it gives you an insight into your desires. Ok, I am now going to stop rambling on!

[Tertia]

You know, I don't think admitting you would like things to be a little easier / better is the same as saying you are dissatisfied with what you have. You can be grateful and happy with your lot in life and STILL want things to be even better. Don't you agree?

[Monk]

* People who aren't naturally jealous
* People who don't have perfect sisters (see below)
* People who were born and raised and love a place that they can afford to live (currently drowning in NYC here)
* Fertile people and people who get pregnant naturally (my sister)
* People who can eat whatever they want and stay fabulously thin. With boobs (my sister)
* People who love running (sister - marathons)
* People who can effortlessly wear fabulous heels
* People who don't procrastinate
* People with twins that don't hit
* Better yet - people who have children one at a time
* People with dark, even skin (yup - my sister) as compared to my pale, melanoma self
* People with a naturally sunny outlook on life/glass half full POV (sister, whole family, DH, NOT me)
* People who don't have to wash their hair every day
* People who act. I read and contemplate, for example, the problems in the Sudan every day. Do I do something? Nah. Too tired/lazy/busy/sucky
* People with hair that can look messy (I have the blond, stringy kind) Sister? Check.
* People who can drive (I only drive when I have to. Sister loves driving. A stick. So much for my born and bred in the city excuse)
* People who can live without reality television
* People who bought real estate in the 1970s. Or '90s.
* People who don't have to take drugs to fly

As I read these I see how petty they seem. OK I'll boil it down to people with fabulous careers, fertile people and thin ones. I guess I can live without messy hair and such. Clearly I don't need to mention that I need to work on being more concise...

[Carmen]

People who:
-are taller than me
-can get PG
-live near their families
-are slim and toned
-read intellectual books and enjoy them.
-have lots of energy
-aren't always jumping to conclusions
-have wonderful clothes that suit them
-aren't ashamed of their bodies
-aren't envious of others.......

[Rach]

People who:
don't worry
had their children vaginally (weird, I know)
aren't so tall that they can actually buy jeans and tops at regular stores
aren't afraid of taking risks
get paid to blog and write - YOU! :)
people with twins - both living (especially people who have no trouble in their pregnancies)

I am not touching the stay-at-home mom thing. I love it, but I know not everyone can swing it. I wonder if you don't even appreciate your kids more than alot of people because you can't be with them all day. Remember my comments from a few years back? Ha. I've learned a thing or two since then.

Anyway...that's my list.

All in all, though, I can't complain. I look at my sweet 2 year old and 4 month old, and wonderful husband...(who re-loads the dishwasher every time I load it - ANNOYING!) and thank God for them every day.

[Christina]

Hey, if we all look at these lists, we'll surely find something that others envy about us! You all just made my day, because whereas I envy a lot of the same things as you (won't bother repeating the list, just read everyone elses), I learned that some people envy my height (5ft10in), my SAHM status, and my looks-good-when-messy curly hair. Thanks! And just a reminder - each of you is bound to have something that I envy, so feel good about yourselves!

[jette]

I'd love better skin, not perfect skin, just better.

I'd like a shorter nose, more confidence, and the ability to make decisions and not regret them afterwards. But if I had the skin, I wouldn't want anything else.

[Melissa]

I envy...

- Women who get pregnant easily and/or naturally
- Women with such pregnancy innocence that they tell everyone the second they see the double lines on an HPT
- Women who were able to breastfeed successfully
- Women who gave birth without getting sliced open

It has been about 18 months since I stopped pumping breastmilk for my son, and I *still* get pangs when I see someone breastfeeding. Especially if she is nursing a toddler and so I know the breastfeeding relationship has been going steady for a long time.

Seems my envies are all baby-related. Just once, I wish my body would be 'normal' vis-a-vis reproduction. No miscarriages, no fertility treatments, no 19-hour labor and then emergency c-section. Hey, I can dream, can't I?

Still, my almost 2-year-old son is worth everything I've gone through to get to this point!

[Liz]

-People with sibling(s). I am a single child. I really like to know what it is like to have sibling(s).
-People with straight/glossy hair. My hair is naturly curly. You think it is pretty? It is the most unmanageable thing.
-People with clean/clutter-free home, even though they have kids also.
-People who don't have to worry financially.
-People with spot-free face.

On the other hand, I am thankful for a husband who is very handy and help around the house and two beautiful kids. And good health. :)

[isabel]

I'm jealous of you because your job sounds glamourous and you look so beautiful in your photos. Plus you write really well and you are incredibly honest, with lots of integrity. I wish I was like that. And you're tall and slender, with a nice chin.

And I say this because I really see some of myself in your list. I'm a short SAHM with smooth brown skin (albeit with freckles) and glossy straight brown hair and a really handsy relationship with my DH. With an MA in computing and a deep wish to become a missionary.

You know, you can pray for faith, if you like. In fact, I'll pray with you on that one.

[Kristin]

I envy anyone with a metabolism that works (mine is apparently broken). I am genuinely happy with the majority of my life except that I am stuck in a perpetual argument with my metabolism. "Work!" "Nah, lady, those carrot sticks you ate are going right onto your hips!" *mumble*

[Charmaine]

I only have one envy, anyone who is a Mom.

[Melissa]

This is a very fun post - love making lists...especially of things I'm envious of!

*People who genuinely LIKE to exercise
*People with any hair but my lifeless, straight, limp, scrawny, thin locks
*People who grew up with a Grandpa, or better yet still have one or fond memories of one
*People who have children and are allowed to raise them as they see fit
*People who are graceful
*People who can draw
*People who come home and can talk about their work day without their family members' eyes glazing over (it's not always glorious to be a geek and know about networks and servers and stuff)
*People with willpower (particularly people who've quit smoking)
*People who aren't afraid of getting hurt, confident people

Great post. As I read through others' lists and made my own I also realized I have a lot of things that I'm proud to be/have. Maybe I'll make that list for myself!

[Kathy B.]

umm-- this one -- "# Mothers who have it all together. Mothers whose kids eat well. Mothers whose kids don’t eat sweets. Mothers whose kids are like those text book kids you read about. Don’t watch TV, don’t fight, only eat organic, know all their shapes etc etc" --- doesn't actually exist! They just want you to THINK they do.

[Annie]

Interesting topic.

My main envy these days is women who stayed single and unconcerned throughout their thirties and then at 39 and 40 fell madly in love and married (or planned to) and got pregnant. This includes all those celebrities like Selma Hayak who turn 40 and pull some boyfriend out of the closet and show up six months pregnant. For so long, I wanted that to be me, but in spite lots of dating and boyfriends, I hit the point where I had to pursue motherhood alone. Of course I am thankful that we're at a stage in history where single women can become mothers, but still the Selma's of the world make me jealous.

I am also jealous of extroverted people. I have lots of friends and am quite social, and some might consider me an extrovert, but I need alone time to recharge and have a natural reserve that people often interpret as being guarded or mysterious. I look around at people who are just at home in large crowds of people, at home throwing a party or initiating some big crazy adventure, never worrying what anyone will think and I think life must be easier for them. Interestingly, I have an extrovert friend who said she always wanted to be an introvert.

I am also jealous of people with thin thighs and butt. Not heavy over here, but my, if I miss a few days of exercise...

I think most of my envies have faded over the years. Money, big house, nice car, don't make me jealous. Not even all that jealous of women with nice husbands, just those that found them at the 11th hour.

[Andrea]

Me too, I'm feeling rather pleased with myself because I have several of these things that people envy. Not ONE of them have to do with my physical self, but my life situations.

If I could change ONE thing about my physical self, it would be to have lovely skin. Clear, even, poreless, not-too-dry-not-too-oily, luminent skin. Color is beside the point. IMHO, beautiful skin overcomes nearly all other physical flaws. I don't have it. So I envy those that do have it.

I envy people that feel very clear about their purpose in this life.

I envy people who have no social hang-ups. Who aren't shy or awkward at all. To whom it never occurs that they are being slighted or disrespected.

I envy people who are married to and still madly in love with the first person they ever had sex with.

No money envies here. Because more is never enough, when would it end?

I envy people who confidently stand up for their faith without getting flustered and tongue-tied.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I envy thin people or anyone with a flat stomach.

[Auburn]

I am most jealous of people who claim to never be jealous of anything (not sure I really believe them though!)

There was a time in my life (deep depression) when I was kind of crippled by jealousy and I had a really interesting conversation with my therapist where we discussed the fact that most of the things I was jealous of were things I had actually chosen, in some way or another, not to have. I was jealous of my friend who made about 3 times as much money as me in a career I had left for more flexibility. I was jealous of another friend who was going to stay home with her baby even though she lived in a small apartment and used their savings to accommodate the time off while we put all of our money into buying a house and, with a mortgage, I had to work (and I have heard, through friends that she was jealous when we bought a house!). I was jealous of another friend who bought a brand new Volvo that I had coveted but in reality I could have bought a new car – probably not a Volvo, but something -- if it was really important to me but we choose to spend any extra money we have to travel because that is important to me. So I will drive my 1995 Honda until it literally falls apart and my mechanic is my best friend. (See, you could probably choose to travel too, if you made certain different choices).

I never spent much time being jealous of people who were naturally beautiful, or tall and thin and born rich (well, except organized people, I do envy naturally organized people). I guess I figure I got naturally lucky in so many other ways (good health, wonderful loving family, met the love of my life at a young age etc.) that that is just the luck of the draw. It is all the things I know I could have if I just made different choices that I truly envy others for.

[Heather]

Dude, I could write a book... I didn't think that would be fair, so I posted on my site. Here's the gist...
*6-figure incomes
*People with siblings
*Slender people
*Great hair
*Perfect moms
*Debt-free people
*Depression-free people

:-)

[Loren]

Oh my goodness, sister Mel looks JUST like Jennifer Garner!
That's a gorgeous pic of the 3 of you. :D

[frenchie]

The only thing right now I feel really, really envious of are fertile people. Especially people who get pregnant easily or by accident. This infertility thing has made everything else that used to drive me crazy seem like nothing.

However, on especially bitcy days, this would be my list:
-Fertile people.
-People with enough money to pursue fertility treatments
-People with more money, period.
-People with big houses.

Now, I might say, "mom who can stay at home" because, I wish I could stay at home right now with our son. BUT I also love my job. I take a lot of pride in it. It's a conundrum.

-Girls with big boobs. Or any boobs, really. I'm flat as a pre-pubescent boy.

-Organzied people. Hate them. Wish I could be them.

-People who are naturally "perky" and "positive".

[Jessy]

You can travel - it doesn't have to be expensive if you're willing to rough it a bit. Especially if you save up and forgo other things (i.e., one boob job would pay for a lovely trip). Like one of the posters said above, it's really all about choices - we can't have it all so just choose what's most important to us.

[Andrea]

You know, I really don't envy people. I guess I just don't want to waste time being upset about things I probably cannot change. Now, that's not to say I feel completely comfortable with myself (because I don't); I have just realized I have ups and downs like everyone else. I enjoy being short, but don't enjoy not being able to find pants that fit me correctly. I am grateful that, relatively speaking, I am healthy, but I hate that I have PCOS and all the ugly side effects that come along with it. I am thankful that I know the true Living God, but sometimes worry I don't maintain as good of an example as I should.

Actually, Tertia, I owe you some gratitude for this outlook. You providing a glimpse into your world has really helped me see that even a beautiful and confident woman like yourself has her down days. Nobody is ever completely satisfied with themselves, but when provided with the opportunity to explore those issues and see that they are not alone, it really helps.

[Kate]

I'm jealous of people who are content with what they are and what they have. I have a terminal case of "the grass is always greener." I wish I could just be content with my husband and son, and not focus on not being able to have any more children.

[lou]

My envies are:

Anyone fertile

People whose mum didn't die when they were young (mine died when I was 5)

People who have young parents (my dad would be 82 if he were still alive, my stepmother is 80...I am almost 36)

Women who have really close relationships with their mothers

People who have their children in their 20s (I had my daughter when I was 34 and am struggling to have a second child)

People whose families are tight knit and also live in the same city so they can help out

However, I am thankful for

A wonderful husband

A beautiful daughter

A nice house, the ability to stay home with my child and enough money to be comfortable (OK that's due to my husband but there it is)

Really nice friends

Being in good health myself, as well as my husband and child too (if that makes sense)

Living in a safe country

Thanks Tertia for making me think about this, often I think: Would I like to be (insert friend with young parents, nice husband, two children conceived very easily) instead of me? And always the answer is: No. Because I do have lots to be thankful for, I just regret a few things that can't be changed.

I do envy you your family though!!

[Suzie-Q.]

The only things in life that i have ever envied were those that were totally and completely out of my control.
I envy:
1.) People who have met someone they are happy with and love.
2.) Naturally thin, long-legged types.
3.) Members of the "Lucky Sperm Club". (those born into ultra-wealth)
4.) Women who have a close relationship with their loving self-less mothers like you, Tertia.
xoxo

[Jessica]

Fertile women who gleefully announce their pregnancy and wory only about how much baby weight they will gain.

Thin women. I have always had weight problems. I would love to hate food - does that make sense?

[Chantale]

I envy people that:
-live close to their parents
-have a good relationship with their in-laws
-are not drowning in credit card/university debt
-have a dog (I soooo want a dog!)
-have had no problem conceiving/staying pregnant
-have never had to deal with immigration
-can be a stay-at-home mom AND afford little luxuries like paying bills or buying gas...
-can eat and eat without gaining weight

[kristylynne]

*Fertile people. Goes without saying.

*Mothers with small children but immaculate houses and hot dinner on the table every night. How do they do it? I guess just don't have it in my genes. I feel like I am constantly overwhelmed and always have an endless to-do list. (I, like you, also work and have a small child at home.)

*Money. How I dream of winning the lottery so that I can have endless IVF attempts, no job, fabulous vacations. I hate to say it, but I believe that in my case, money COULD very well buy happiness. Not that I'm unhappy, but a second child and being able to stop working would make me the happiest person alive.

[Amy]

I envy people who are socially outgoing and always have a full agenda. (Then again I am someone who NEEDS her down time to be able to live happily. Hmm, sort of a problem there...)

I wish I could be more socially outgoing (used to thrive on it). A balance would be great.

Having recently travelled from Canada to Europe I want to do MORE~! So exciting.

[Ms Porcelain]

Okay... I envy:

Full-time musos- I know I will be oone of them one day, but I still envy them.

Women with 'not-so-large' breasts- I love my 'girls' but because of their size Gravity has taken the fun out of being young with large breasts, sleeping on my stomach is a mission and apparently because I have larger breasts I can't find a pretty (affordable) bra

Women with short hair- I had REALLY short hair in Std 1 and I looked like a boy. I want to cut my hair but I figure I should find a man before I go all 'boys don't cry':)

People who can afford to travel- I REALLY want to travel, but have no funds to do so yet.

There you have it...

[girlplease]

wow. your list is just like mine. amazing how no matter where one lives, we're all the same.

[Celeste]

Hmmm, I think your boobs look pretty hot in this picture. Good bra or are these the one's your want to have slightly improved?

[ashley]

Hmmm.

1) Fertiles- easy, convenient, tangiable (unlike adoption).....

2) Those good at arts and crafts. I have none of that creativity whatsoever.

3) People like my bro. and SIL, who have never had to live with worries about where $ for the next mort. will come from.

4) Those who can not only have, but can also *handle* more than 2 children, especially those that work.

[AmberLB]

I always feel a bit guilty when I acknowledge the green monster but I envy:

1. People who are long and lean. I'm short and squat. Well, not terribly squat, but when when you're not quite 5 ft tall, anything but a 2 can look squat. I'm not a 2, and I've got muscles in my legs/thighs/calves that really up the squat factor. I also wish I could buy pants that didn't need to have six inches chopped off that aren't from the kiddies dept.

2. People who can get through pregnancy without months and months on bedrest and in the hospital. People who don't count each day they make it through pregnancy, instead blissfully counting months. People who have normal morning sickness.People who can take their kids home with them when they leave the hospital, no NICU.

Isn't it funny how so many of the comments revolve around babies/fertility/pregnancy/breastfeeding and body size/shape? I always feel inadequate because of my pg problems, like I can't even do that right, something my body is just supposed to know how to do.

But, in the end, I'm okay with my lot, and feel very blessed with my amazing hubby, amazing kids. There's a Montgomery Gentry song that plays on the radio, it's about recognizing what you have and being grateful for it. Whenever it comes on, I feel like that song is speaking to my heart (sorry, bit mushy I know). Pushing aside my personal vanity and embracing the outcome of those pgs that led to my babies, I know I'm lucky lucky lucky.

[colicmommy]

Wow, see, now I feel like such a turd. I was just thinking how I really envy people who sail through pregnancy without getting "morning" sick like me. But then I was like, "Colicmommy, you are such a turd." Why? First of all, because the comment right above me says she envies people with normal morning sickness. Well, I'm nauseated all day and all night, but I can eat and I'm not in the hospital because of it. So someone is envious of me? bleh.

Why else do I feel like a bit silly here? Because I'm:

-fertile
-pregnant with my 3rd
-a SAHM who works at home part time freelance writing (totally flexible)
-well off enough not to worry daily about money matters
-blessed to have an affectionate marriage
-blessed with strong faith

So, now I'm officially changing my tune to "thanks Tertia for making me realize that I'm actually pretty damn lucky!" That's good for me to think about.

[Spacemom]

# Mothers who have it all together. Mothers whose kids eat well. Mothers whose kids don’t eat sweets. Mothers whose kids are like those text book kids you read about. Don’t watch TV, don’t fight, only eat organic, know all their shapes etc etc

Dude- those moms don't exist!

I got a wonderful mother's day card from preschool. It said "I love my mommy because she lets me watch TV in bed with her and she makes me s'mores" Yes, I am the all together mom (NOT!)

(S'mores is melted marshmallow and chocolate between graham crackers)

[Sambob Hill]

Hi, did your sister Nina ever work in Selfridges in London? If she did can you please pass on my email to her?

Many thanks

PS I remember her personality was a lot bigger than her nose! ;)

[sillyname]

Mothers who have it all together are faking it. They are together in some ways, but not all, and we just don't see it all. No mother really has this thing entirely figured out.

[angel]

=> women with loving husbands
=> women who's husbands are loving fathers
=> women who have house and home and supper and stuff sorted everyday and can have guests over anytime
=> women who own their own homes
=> single moms who date
=> women with perfect children

as proud of myself as i often am- i am sometimes still a little pathetic...