Foreign language

Marko and I really are trying. I am trying to tell him how much I love him by speaking in his love language (quality time and physical touch) and he is trying to do the same to me (words of affirmation and acts of service).

It doesn’t come easily or naturally to either of us, this foreign language the other one speaks. I have to keep reminding myself to give him a kiss hello, a hug etc. And I have to keep reminding myself how much it means to him to spend time with me.

We had a chat about this. The fact that it doesn’t come naturally and that it sometimes appears to require effort on the other person’s part. I know that he sometimes feels as if I am doing this quality time / physical touch thing reluctantly, that it seems to require such effort for me to do it, but as I explained to him – because I love him and because I want him to be happy, I want to make that effort. I want to do it, but I can’t deny it does require a bit of effort on my part; it just doesn’t come naturally to me. And with two kids, a full time job, other obligations and the normal day to day grind, if I don’t put in effort it will never happen.

Marko saw my point and conceded the same applies for him. He is not a big chatter and this 'words of affirmation' thing doesn’t come naturally for him too. He said he lay in bed the other night and thought to himself that he must try harder. He said that he wants to tell me how gorgeous I am etc, “but he gets so little opportunity to do so”.

Hahahahahaaaaaaa!!!

I said “sweetheart! That’s not very nice, what are you trying to say”

The poor guy nearly had a heart attack. “No, no! That’s not what I meant. I just meant that when I leave for work in the morning you are still in your PJ’s and when I get home from work you are in your dressing gown and slippers already. You would know I was faking it if I told you then.”

Sweet chap. I told him that ‘words of affirmation’ does NOT mean telling me I am gorgeous, although that would be sweet. It is other stuff. He said he does know that.

It is true though, he is right. The poor bastard does get very little opportunity to tell me how gorgeous I am looking. I am a big ‘comfort is king’ girl. No thongs or lacy underwear. No thank you. Sensible, comfy cotton pants for me. And if I am not going into the office then it is super comfy sweat pants, sneakers, not a stitch of make up, hair tied back…. I am the poster child for those ‘before and after’ looks. When I am ‘before’, I look very before.

And as for the night time attire… let’s just say sexy nightgowns with satin and lace aren’t exactly in abundance around here.  No wonder the poor guy is getting so little chance to practice his love languages.

(And he STILL wants me to kiss and hug (shag!) him and spend quality time with him looking like that every night? The man must love me dearly)

Ok, credit where credit is due. I wrote this post up on Friday night, before the weekend and I must say Marko has been a superstar the entire weekend.  Appreciative, helpful, hands on.... no wonder he got lots of 'hands on' in return. Winner husband.  Will keep him.

Comments

[Coral]

and he is a cutie!!

[Boulder]

You are so HOT!

(Please call emergency services, am having a coronary from excessive laughter.)

[tess]

are your legs so appallingly long that a (probably stolen) hotel bathrobe that is meant to end at mid calf halts at your knees? NOT NICE, MISSY.

our small group studied the five love languages a few years ago, and just last week we started a new book, LOVE & RESPECT. it is based on the happy clapper Bible verse in acts 5 of "men love your wives...women respect your husbands" and reiterates that LOVE is what counts for us, and RESPECT is what is paramount to them. "sure, i know my wife loves me, but i don't know if she likes me very much." it is interesting stuff. will report back more as i get there.

[Maria]

Tertia,
You are hilarious.... but so spot on. I get you completely!

Maria

[[email protected]]

I was in bed next to SH the other night - in the dark - and he looked at me and said "you are so gorgeous". That was an amazing moment. So you see you don't have to be laced and satined up ...

[Kim]

After getting past your fabulous legs (so not fair!), I can't help but notice - you have an amazing bedroom! I love what I can see of your bed frame! Anyway.

I am glad you guys are working hard to "speak" to each other. It's awesome for your marriage AND for your kids - to see two happy and loving parents is such a blessing!

[jodie]

Great legs!!

[Caustic Cupcake]

Awww, the fact that you are both trying so hard says so much.

[Wyliekat]

It's funny how that works out. The more "right" kind of love you give, the better your relationship gets.

[shannon]

We're right there with you. We force ourselves to have date night once a week and talk (about something other than the twins) That helps. By the way, is your bed actually made???? How do you do that? (Note to self-get piles of laundry off the bed and maybe you will see your husband at night)

[Howard]

When my wife and I read that book about love languages, I told her mine was "words of affirmation," and Karen said that she was "quadrilingual." Apparently, the only language she doesn't speak is "words of affirmation." Ah, well...

*******
http://surfcountry.blogspot.com

[Tammy]

Damn you and your gorgeous legs.

[beck]

You do have gorgeous legs.

[isabel]

I think you'd be surprised how comfy some 'lace' underwear is. In general, the more expensive, the more comfy.

[kristylynne]

Yep, I am in sweatpants almost all the time. I did, however, invest in some cute, nice, clean, well-fitting ones, with matching hoodies, and throw out the old nasty holey ones, so at least while I was being comfy I would look reasonably presentable.

[projgen]

When I am about the house, I have a casual skirt that I wear, and a favourite grungy t-shirt, and I throw my hair in a ponytail. I am constantly amazed that Hubby can look at me like that and still want to do it.

I love that you and Marko are working so hard on each other. And that you're already reaping the benefits ;)

[kristen welborn]

Tertia,
I have only begun to read your blog. I am a nurse practitioner in the United States, Missouri is my home state. Regarding your son, Adam, and the horrible restless nights-we have been there and done that. Awful. My son Brennan, who's now 3, started night awakenings after he turned 1. It was KILLING us-we did the bed shuffle, etc. etc. Both my children are adopted-turned out to be heartburn/acid-reflux/GERD (all the same, just different names). Prevacid 30mg Solutabs once per day made all the difference for us. We found out Bren's birthmother has raging heartburn and it seems he inherited that. Bring this thought to your pediatrician's attention and request a Prevacid (omeprazole is the generic name) trial for at least 2 weeks. Don't accept Zantac as it is pretty useless. See what you think from there and it CAN'T hurt, but may very well help-I hope for your sake and Adam's!

Kristen

[Suzie-Q.]

You've got great gams!

[Ashlee]

I'm such a fan of the five languages. Mine's physical touch, and the husband is really good about hugging me, kissing me, keeping a hand on my back, etc. He's SO good about it, except when he's upset. He doesn't want touch when he's upset (understandably) but my instinct is to hug and kiss and make it better. He used to shrug me off or push me away and it would hurt my feelings so bad, like make me bawl. Then HE would end up having to comfort me, when he was the one upset!

Once we both understood our love languages, he got that I felt unloved when he would push me away and I got that he'd much rather I make him a sandwich (acts of service anyone) than hug him. We're much happier for it. Good luck Tertia, it really does make all the difference when you're getting the "right" kind of love.

[Stay at home Colleen]

Ya, ya, ya I get that you have got gorgeous legs, but that gown and as for those slippers have got to go. I expect you to get yourself off to La Senza (OK that might be a push for you Loebenberg girls with your big broeks and Woollies obsession) and go and get yourself some nice winter jammies. They do not have to be freeze-your-nipple off cold satin but some nice brushed cotton. And for God's sake, only farmers living in the Eastern Cape should wear those sheepskin slippers. OK, that's my pep talk for tonight. And by the way, my OT told me that Dylan will probably have to be prepared for anything new that is going to happen. I will have to dress him in his school uniform for a few days and take him to the school before school begins so that he can become familiarised with his environment. Lots of love and see you on the 1st July.

[Alex]

Nice legs. Great calves. Few people realise how difficult it is to build a nice set of calves if the genes aren't in your favour ;-)

[chitosan sand]

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[movieaccess]

Not much on my mind right now. Today was a complete loss. So it goes. I've just been sitting around waiting for something to happen. I've basically been doing nothing , but I guess it doesn't bother me.

[man muscle xxx]

There are too many, not enough handicapped parking spaces in our city

[cartoon 69]

arranged marriages should be, should not be outlawed

[ebonyjoy]

The quality of education is, is not lower than 15 years ago

[bathroom voyeurism]

Peace in the Middle East is obtainable with US and The European Union intervention