So Close

Health update:

 Adam – at home, recovered

Kate – at home, recovered

Marko – at work, but has been man-down with the bug all night

Tertia – at home, eventually on antibiotics as she has had a sinus infection since Thursday but as you know, the mother is always last in the queue when it comes to being sick.

Granny – at her house, felled by the bug too

 I’m interested that many of you responded that you felt a tummy bug wasn’t sufficient cause to take action. Or the action that I took. You say ‘just sit it out at home and give them bits of fluid every few hours’. 

 What would you have done if your child was puking every 10-15 minutes? And I mean literally every 10-15 minutes? As soon as sufficient saliva was building up in their tummies, they would start retching really badly, with nothing but saliva and bile coming out? How do you keep any fluids down then? I tried one sip of water at a time. One. Nothing stayed down. I don’t mind dirty laundry or staying up all night with a sick kid, but I do start panicking when the child is unable to keep absolutely any fluids down. Both kids tested positive for dehydration when they were admitted to hospital.  They were both put on IV for 12 hours. I hear your point about the fear of picking up other bugs, but they were in isolation at all times? 

 I know I am paranoid. I also know it has more than a little something to do with having lost a child before. Hard not to be paranoid you know? But!! Please note that this is my first hospital visit with them and they are two years and 3 months old. And I am not always at the doctor with them. But, if they are sick, then I am going err on the side of caution.  Funny that. I have to be just about on my death bed before I will go see a doctor (I don’t even have a GP of my own!) but with my kids, I take no chances. 

 I am doing my best to raise them in a way that doesn’t fuck them up completely. But it is impossible for me not to be a tiny bit paranoid. I am trying my hardest not to let that impact them negatively. I hope it wont. Not an easy job this. And it doesn’t come with a one-size-fits-all manual. Unfortunately. All I can do is what feels right to me.

 Apologies if I sound a little defensive. I guess I am feeling a little defensive. 

The health care situation in South Africa

A few of you asked how it was that I could / did admit my children just a few hours after they started puking.

I thought I would explain how it woks here in South Africa. Please note this is not a scientific or political explanation, it is simply my understanding and experience of health care in South Africa.

There is no ‘health care system’ in South Africa. There is government funded health care that the poor have to use, and there is the private health system that only the wealthy and insured have access to. The difference between the two is stark and enormous. One only has to look at the difference between the state of private and public hospitals to see this difference vividly expressed. The private hospitals are like hotels. Spotless, swanky, luxurious. Expensive. The government hospitals are over extended, under staffed and poorly funded. Dark, dingy, dirty.

If you are privately insured, as I am, then you have access to the best medical care in the world. Literally. We have top class medical expertise here, among the best in the world. However, medical insurance, or what we refer to as medical aid, is very expensive. There is no way the poor could afford it. My monthly medical insurance payment is more than some people earn in a month.

There are various types of medical cover you can purchase, from what is known as a ‘hospital plan’ – you are covered by the medical insurance to attend a private hospital, but all ‘out of hospital’ expenses are for your own account.  Or you can have full comprehensive cover, such as I do, which means that all your medical bills are covered. You pay through your nose for that benefit, but having small kids (and being able to afford it), I think it’s worth it.

If you don’t have medical insurance, you are forced to use the government or public hospitals and health care.  The medical expertise is again, world class, but the facilities are horrendous. The hospitals are overloaded, under-funded and not in a good state. There are no pillows, because people steal them. People sometimes have to wait for hours to be seen or even share beds. Which is why my sister has taken on her local hospital as her charity. Go have a look at her blog and see real life examples of government hospitals. The prem babies have to share incubators with other babies, because there are simply not enough incubators.  It used to be that babies under 2.2 pounds (1 kg) are not put on ventilators or life support because there aren’t enough funds and equipment for them.  Not sure whether that is still the case. And sadly, nurses are very badly paid. Which is such a crime.

So there you have it, the stark difference between the haves and the have nots. Never more evident that it is in terms of access to health care.  People without medical insurance and / or sufficient funds have to make use of what is available to them. They basically have to take a number and wait.

However, those of us who are insured are in a totally different space. We decide who we want to see, when etc. We hardly ever have to wait for appointments, even specialist appointments like ENT etc. If I want an ENT appointment tomorrow, I’ll get one. Because I am a paying customer and if you don’t want my business I’ll find someone who does. I suppose we are lucky we have so many top class doctors here.

It is not as if we (the private patients) call the shots, but private medical care has a fairly well entrenched commercial customer service orientation. I am the paying customer and therefore I demand excellent care on the terms I want.

However, a lot of what happened yesterday (i.e. early admission etc) is because of who I am and how I am. I absolutely refuse to take any chances with my children, and yes, as I have been accused by other people, I am probably a little paranoid.

My thinking is, why wait until things get really bad? I know my kids and I am not going to let them get dehydrated and then only go to the doctor. Adam started puking for the first time at 5am on Friday. At 8am when the Paed’s office opened, I called and got an appointment for 11. By this time Adam had kept nothing down. We were admitted at 12 to be put on a drip and for observation and testing. The bloods taken at 12 showed that he was on the verge of becoming dehydrated. Why wait for that? What would have happened if I had waited 24 hours? I’d rather not find out.

Then, when Kate started vomiting at 4pm, I knew what I was in for. I called the Paed straight away and he gave me a prescription for some suppositories. Two hours later she was still puking so at 7pm I called the Paed (on a Saturday night! poor guy works so, so hard) and he said “I’m still in my rooms, bring her in and let’s admit her”. And that’s it.

I am so unbelievably fortunate that I can afford private medical insurance. That my decision on whether to take my child to a doctor or specialist is not based on whether I can afford it. Believe me; I know how lucky I am. I live here, I’ve seen what it is like not to have money. And it makes me realize yet again how very lucky I am.  

Second verse; same at the first

Picture the scene: Bed 25 in the paediatric isolation ward. 17:00. The doctor has just given us the all clear to go home. Pack up the 75 bags and skip off into the sunset.

Two hours later, back again. Same bed, different child.

And what a different child it is. I can’t get over how totally different my kids are. Kate is so calm, so brave, so confident. Even the nurses were laughing at how different the two are. Between pukes she was singing and dancing and entertaining everyone. 

Anyway, so here I am, back in bloody isolation. Kate started puking this afternoon. Inevitable I guess. Thank goodness it looks like a 24 hour thing, judging on how fine Adam was.

As I was saying…. What a way to spend your long weekend.

Sigh.

Oh, I must tell you something funny. I bought her a new doll today and said that we need to find a name for the doll. I said ‘how about Susan? Susan is nice name for a doll’. So she said ‘no Mom, its name is Harrison’. And that’s that. The doll is now Harrison. V funny.

Off to force my body into a pretzel shape in order to try find a comfy position on the chair. The price of being tall.

Nighty night my friends, please put in a request that we can go home soon and not be back for a looong time. 

(please note Harrison alongside Kate)

 

Talk to me: how would you like me to talk to you?

Talk to me, dear friends in the computer. This little room doesn’t have much in the way of amusement. I’m letting Adam play in the bathroom. At least it’s a change of scene for him. We’ve already been on the Thomas website for ages. He’s much better though. Soon! Soon we will be free!

 So, I was chatting to another friend in the computer of mine, Paul, (who has since done a post about this on his blog) about responding to comments in the comments section of one’s blog. Some people have conversations in their comments section. They do a post, people comment and the blogger responds to those comments in the comments section. I never do that. I sometimes respond via email to the individual who raised the question, but seldom do I comment in my own comments sections on my blog. I was under the impression that people do not come back and reread the comments on a blog post, but perhaps I am wrong?

I don’t have much time to read blogs, and I rarely comment. Not because I don’t want to or aren’t interested, but because I have so little time. I definitely don’t have time to back and read the comments section again to see whether a separate conversion has ensued in the comments section. Which means I might miss out on some interesting conversations. 

Do you go back a few times to reread the comments on a blog post? Would you prefer me to answer the questions you ask in the comments section (so that other people can read and participate if they wish) or directly so that you don’t have to go back and read what I have written? If you have a blog, do you continue the conversation in the comments section or do you do a separate follow up post or email?

05:00 am

Of course I was going to stay, there was never any doubt.  Could never leave my children alone in a strange place. 

I didn't have a LOT of sleep, but not too bad.  Adam wanted to sleep with me on the sleeper chair thing.  Which was fine.  Just bloody small.

He is a lot better this morning.  And managed to keep two bottles down.  Good news.  He is a little hot still, so not totally over it.  He's still wearing his bloody Spiderman swim suit, which he refuses to take off.  Really hope we get to go home today.

The hospital gig

Picture the scene, Sicily: May, 1948. Or rather, Isolation unit: April, 2007.

So, while I am here, help me while away the time. Tell me: what is your protocol when it comes to overnight hospital stays with your toddler? Do you stay over or do you go home and come back the next morning? Why? 

Then, when it comes time for nasties like injections, drips etc, do you go in with the baddies and hold your child yourself, or do you prefer not to be part of all that? Why?

Lastly, is your one butt cheek bigger than the other? I swear mine is. My panties always seem to creep up the one butt cheek more than the other.  It’s annoying. But not annoying enough to wear a piece of string up my ass all day. Now THAT must be v v annoying indeed. 

What a way to spend your long weekend

Two weeks we took some time off work.  The kids were sick, as in very sick, for that entire time. This weekend is a long weekend.  Guess where I am now?

That’s right, the paed unit at our local hospital.  Adam woke up puking this morning at 5am and didn’t stop.  They think it might be gastro.  Nice.  Actually, this is our first hospital visit, which is quite good, considering.  Adam of course is not amused.  Take 1x child with sensory issues and admit him to hospital.  Hmmm.  Fun and games.  Poor bugger is sleeping now, he’s exhausted.

Putting in the drip took three people to hold him down and one to do the drip.  I was one of those three people.  Kills me.  Kills me to hold my child down like that.  Anyway, here I am.  Thank god for wireless internet access (my own, not provided by the hospital of course).  It looks like it might be a looooong weekend after all.

It’s Market Day at So Close!

WARNING WARNING!!! NON-TERTIA POST TO FOLLOW!!

Don’t read further if you hate free stuff and winning!!

(you know I am just teasing you, right? This extended post thing is my way of making sure those who don’t want to read the off topic stuff don’t have to. Only click ‘read more’ if you want to support other readers in their entrepreneurial efforts and stand a chance of winning something.)

No, YOU do it

I heard today (not for the first time, but it is now getting more real) that age 3 is worse than 2. This frightens me. Very much.

Conversation this morning:

Kate – “where’s Kate’s dummy?”
Me – “I don’t know, why don’t you go find it.”
Kate – “No; YOU go find it”
Me – “You are very cheeky”
Kate – “No; YOU are very cheeky”

The rate of their language acquisition is amazing. I can’t believe how well they are talking now. Too well actually.

I gave them a glass of milk to drink and told them not to spill. 3.5 seconds later Kate had spilt hers. Before I could say a word she says “I knew it!! I knew it.”

Last week we were watching TV and Adam asked “what’s that, mama?” (it was some kind of cartoon gorilla thing). I said “that is a monkey” (close enough) and Kate pipes up, “Actually; that is a bear”.

Actually. 

Well, excuse me, actually!!

I said “no my girl, it is a type of a monkey called a gorilla*” and she retorts “No Mom! That is a BEAR!”

I left it at that. There is no way you can win an argument with a two year old. They always know better.

(*close enough, I know it’s an ape etc, but if we are already hotly contesting the monkey vs bear thing then I am not getting into the monkey vs ape difference)

She has taken to calling me ‘Mom’. Mom! Sounds so grown up. What happened to mama and mommy? Now it’s “No Mom! YOU do it.” I have to do everything around here. That can not be right.

Yesterday my mom took them to visit my aunt. As they walked from the lounge to the upstairs rooms, Adam turns around and says “wow, this is very nice”. (Interior design tendencies? Fab Five becomes Fab Six in a few years time?)

At my sister’s birthday breakfast a few weeks, her youngest daughter spilt something and Kate stands up and says “Oh. My. Goodness. ME!!”

It is so weird / funny to hear your words coming out your two year old’s mouth. In your exact tone and intonation.  

Not so funny when your two old drops something and says “SHIT!”

This is why; even though he is a stubborn, old fashioned pain in the ass, I love my husband so

My Darling,

You know I will always support you in whatever you want to do and if you really want to try the FET then you can do so.

I just hope that you are not going to expect too much.  I really don't want you to go through the devastating lows, depression etc if all does not work out. If you feel confident that the FET cycle will not affect you that much, you must go ahead and try.

Please just remember that the chances are very slim and have realistic expectations.

I love you and trust you will do what is best for all of us as a family.

Bye

Sweet man.  Think I will keep him.

PS You weren't really expecting anything other than the standard 'bye' were you?  The "my darling" was loving enough.  Any thing other than that and I would have suspected someone else wrote the note

PPS  No pressure re "I love you and trust you will what is best for all of us as a family" !!!  Eeek!