So, about this menopause thing…

I have been putting off going for the tests. Too scared what the results might be. I did go and see a doctor someone recommended to me but it was a crappy experience. He did not listen to a word I was saying and instead kept talking about putting me on ‘the programme’. I thought to myself ‘dude, you are not listening to me, I don’t want to go on a programme, I just want to know what is going on with me’.

I eventually emailed my divine Dr H and asked him if I could go have the tests done and send the results to him. He said yes. A week later I still hadn’t done anything and on Thursday afternoon, as I drove past a clinic, I thought what the hell, let me do it now. I nearly didn’t do it because there was no parking in the shade and it was 400 million degrees outside. 

 They drew blood and said that my doctor would have the results in 2 days time.

 On Friday morning at 9 am, as I pulled into the car park of a shopping centre, Dr H called.

 He asked whether I was sitting down.

 I said yes

 He said 'you are pregnant'

 I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I had to hang up the phone with him. Poor guy was trying to calm me down. I was terrified. I am terrified. I was sobbing so much a woman came out of a coffee shop and gave me sugar water.

 I told a half American/South African friend of mine about the sugar water and she sent me this note: Have you ever noticed that South Africans miraculously have sugar water available for any crisis? You can be in a car accident in the middle of the Karroo (desert), and someone will appear with sugar water.

 It is ridiculous. I am embarrassed. I am infertile, how the hell could this have happened.  Marko says we should tell people it was a FET or something. 

 It is still very very early days, and as we all know, I don’t do pregnancy particularly well. This will be my fifth pregnancy. Spot the error.

 Of course I did every thing possible wrong. On Thursday, the day of the test, I had a mountain of sushi, 1.5 glasses of wine, 2x molipaxil and 1x cymbalta (AD's) and 1x sleeping tablet. Wonderful. I haven't taken any folic acid. Nothing. And on the same day, my advert for my baby seats and high chairs appeared in the classifieds.

 I have no idea when I conceived. Hell, I didn't even know I could ovulate, never mind conceive without 1x RE, 1x embryologist and thousands of dollars. All it took was 1x nagging husband. Who knew! The numbers indicate I am around 6w (beta 12532). I am on CD52 or something.

 It is still very early, and I am going to try and take it one day at a time. Impossible of course. Now that it has sunk in, I am obviously absolutely very keen that this works out. Hard not to be excited, too terrified to be hopeful that this might end up in a live baby.

 I am going for a scan at 3:30pm on Tuesday to see whether there is a live baby in there. Or live spider babies. It could be from that time when the spider laid eggs in my arse. I am feeling really sick, which does make me think the live baby scenario could be an option, but it could also be from the spider poison, or from the fact that I now have antidepressant discontinuation syndrome due the fact that I immediately stopped my AD’s. Which you aren’t supposed to do, but I figure these little spider babies have been exposed to enough chemicals up until now. I’ll deal with the flu like symptoms, heart palpitations and shocks and numbness in my hands and legs. Beautiful.

 Oh fuck what a ridiculous situation! I feel embarrassed. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I wrote a bloody book about being infertile and I get pregnant by having SEX! It makes me feel like a fraud. Does that make sense? I feel guilty and terrible for those still trying. I know they are happy for me, but news like this will sting, no matter how much they love me.

 Who bloody knew that having sex could result in a pregnancy? SEX???? What the fuck! TOLD Marko sex was a bad idea, told him. But would he listen? Oh no.

 I thought about not saying anything until I have the first scan on Tues, but (a) it seems dishonest to have this huge news and not say anything and (ii) if the fetus/spiders is dead, me having told you isn’t going to make it any less traumatic.

 If you have a direct line to someone in power up above, please put in a request for a live baby for me. A healthy one please. I don’t think I can do another loss. I am just about all lossed-out. And if I am allowed to be a little picky, could you ask for just ONE healthy, live one? Only one please. That two thing was a little hectic. 2x two might just send me over the edge.

 BTW, Marko is still not talking to me. Only joking. He was very shocked. But he is slowly coming around to the idea. When I eventually got hold of him to tell him the news, he told me that when I was finished crying and being upset he would have to be very cross with me and would go out and buy himself something big and expensive. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I think I might actually be that 'something big and expensive'. We are both still terrified, but a glimmer of hope is starting to filter through. 

Comments

[Lonie Polony]

Best wishes to you Tertia, I hope that you and the egg are both healthy and well. I wish you a beautiful, safe, healthy and happy baby.

[Darlene]

COGRATULATIONS! The same thing happened to me, fertility twins and then a singleton, with JUST sex. I was SHOCKED! I will say prayers for you that it is a live and healthy baby. CONGRATS again, and you are not a fraud, just lucky!

[Jill]

Ohhhh girl, I am crossing all my bits for you. Thank you sharing and know that with all my might I am sending good thoughts for the scan and beyond. Well done!

[Gina]

HOLY MOLEY! I am happy for you. Sending you all my prayers and best wishes for 1 live, healthy baby. Adam and Kate will be wonderful big brother and sister. Hugs.

[Sharon]

Tertia, in your words how BLOODY FANTASTIC! I can't believe it. In fact I had to do a double check to make sure I was reading the right blog! I'll keep everything crossed and prayers too. What absolutely beautiful news-I am just stunned. Don't feel embarrassed this is great!

[JuliaKB]

So excited for you! Will keep all the bits crossed for the scan. Yay for sex-- you knew it had to be good for something, right? :)

[Jenn]

Oh wow. woooooooooooooow. wooooooooooooooooow.

I can't say much more. Except you chose a very good time of year ot have a baby ;)

[beck]

Holy CRAP, Tertia. Can't hardly believe it. Wow. Go you and Marko and go baby!

[Lisa]

HOLY SHIT, WOMAN!! Good luck tomorrow! I'll be thinking of you and keeping everything crossed.

[Mama Dramas]

Wow. Just wow.

[Chris]

All I am going to say is NBHHY and will be holding my breath for you until Tuesday!

[Louise]

Good god. Fingers are crossed for you, no losses this time!

[Amy]

OMG YOUVE BECOME THAT WOMAN! The one everyones idiot co-worker and aunt Mary harp on about! The one who just RELAXED and got pregnant. Crossing fingers and toes for one live healthy one.

[Lisa]

Oh my gosh! Wow! I had to go back and read that twice!!!

[sharah]

NO WAY! You're now your own urban legend :) Congratulations, and wishing you a safe and healthy pregnancy!

[Jodie]

Holy shit!

Sorry, nothing clever to say, but I am thrilled for you and will be hoping for all the best.

Oh, and as someone once told me - there are crack addicts out there who have healthy babies. It was early days, don't worry too much about the stuff you've done.

[another karen]

Delurking to wish you all the best!

Thanks for the smile,
Karen

[Jazz]

Jeepers Creepers Tertia! Bloody Marvellous! Today is scan day. All the best. Thinking of you tons!

[Meg]

That's just excellent! Sending positive thoughts to you and your family.

[Luann]

Oh my FUCKING God!!!!! How flippin FABULOUS!!!!! I am in complete and utter shock. After knowing you since TLOL TTC>30 this is the best news EVER!!! Note to self....become famous..THEN you can get pg naturally. ok.

[Cricket]

Floored, absolutely floored. All my best for Thursday.

[Jessica]

Holy shit!!!!!

You coulda knocked me over with a feather. Good vibes and all. NBHHY.

[Judy]

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

Tertia, I am saying huge prayers for all of you - wow.

[Nancy]

Wow, I didn't know infertile people even had sex! Congratulations! Good news about the pregnancy too! :-D And yes, now you're a fraud, but isn't it wonderful?! Wish I could be a fraud.

[Chloe]

Your post brought tears to my eyes. My best wishes and thoughts go out to you and to Marko.

[Boulder]

Still think it is menopause....

xoxo

(DO NOT FLAME ME PEOPLE - She & I have been on IM for hours about this since she got the news. This is how our relationship rolls.)

[Andrea]

Wow Tertia, just wow. Everyone thinks they won't be "one of those", and you are. My gosh, you are. I am happy for you. And I know it is scary. But I am so happy for you.

God bless those little hairy-legged baby spiders of yours!

[Jul]

Okay, please cover Adam and Kate's ears (and your abdomen, too)...

HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!!!

I know it's early and I know it's still very tenuous and I know the whole situation is absolutely surreal... but I couldn't help but burst into a huge grin when I read this. Enormous congratulations to you and yours. I will be directing a whole boatload of positive mental energy at the little one.

[dawn]

Holy SHIT! I SO did not expect to read this! CONGRATULATIONS, even if it is on the early side. This is wonderful news. I will say a prayer to all the gods in heaven that this works out for you, if you will do the same for me (I will get the results of my 5th and final IVF cycle in six days - holding my breath until then)!

So happy to read this unexpected news!!!!

[Jo]

OMG!!!!! De-lurking to say there are just no words for my surprise and Joy.

[Patti]

De-lurking to say CONGRATULATIONS and all best wishes!!! I'm happy for you. :)

[Sheridan Powell]

Jesus fucking Christ!

(Sorry Sister Mel)

I can't fucking believe it. So happy for you, I just can't stop swearing. I mean, you are old ;-), infertile and too damn tired or busy to have sex, and bang, there you have it.

So, when do we start chanting? And will it be 1HBIO or 1HBIN?

[Jo]

You realise you will need to add a new IVF barbie category?

[kimblahg]

I am thrilled for you. I've been following your story for quite a while and I'm just as excited as if one of my real life friends called to share the news. Congratulations and all fingers and toes firmly crossed. Yay!

[Cyl]

I am FLOORED. And so happy and anxious for you, all at once.

[Janine]

I don't believe you. You are just trying to make your Blog more interesting with a dramatic twist ;)

Seriously, FANTASTIC news!! Fingers and toes crossed for you xx

[ani]

If there ever was an occasion to de-lurk...

Did you know that Indigo Girl is pregnant too? What the hell is in the water around here? Congratulations!

[tess]

smiling here in hong kong.

does this mean i get to edit the sequel - "our surprise, baby mirena"

[Ursula]

I'm a long time lurker but I had to say congratulations. My thoughts will be with you in the upcoming days and months!

[mindy]

I am really happy for you. I love miracle stories. You give us Secondary IF'ers hope! I'll be glued to your blog. THe drama show continues!!! :)

[Colleen]

Oh my God! Tertia! That's wonderful, amazing, brilliant. I'm so happy for you and your family. What a happy, great thing. This could be the biggest news in years. Congratulations. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[ksmaybe]

Holy crap! I had to re-read the beginning twice to make sure I hadn't missed a reference to a dream or something :) Exciting news-all bits crossed, all positive thoughts and vibes being sent your way.

[cathy]

WHOOOA. I am once again reminded that you just can't write fast enough to keep up with the wildness that is real life.

One little nagging question, though: where's Julie? How's she holding up?

C

[Melissa]

Oh...My...God.

Congratulations! So happy for you, sending you prayers and good thoughts.

[millie]

You sure are going to extreme measures to write a sequel. Or to win that prize.

So grateful the time change is on my side for once and I can find out early. Like really early.

I'm very glad you posted this because it's a big deal no matter what happens. My money is on one healthy one, though, if you are taking bets.

[Nina S]

Another lurker peeking out to say Rock & Roll! What awesome news! Pulling for you in NYC. Go, embryo, go!

[Miracles]

Holy Holy Holy Shit Tertia-
I had to re-read twice.....
Sending up the prayers you asked for and hoping that this is a smooth and eneventful pg for you.
Wow, I am in shock so I can only imagine how you felt.
Congratulations!

[whitney]

holy bejesus woman - came to visit tonight and could NOT believe this post. sounds like a miracle! i will definitely be hoping there's a heart beating in there and will be glued to your blog in the meantime.

[21stCenturyMom]

Wow! I'm going to stick with that for now. Wow! and hopes and wishes and everything crossed for the best.

[Anna]

WOW! That's amazing news, congratulations to you both.

[kathleen999]

Oh my gosh....congratulations! I am very happy for you. I think it's a wonderful thing and I'm saying a prayer right now: "Dear God, please let Tertia keep this baby. Please let this be a very healthy baby. Tertia's had enough pain for now. Amen."

[kathleen999]

PS--Am just a teensy bit jealous.

[Maren]

This is amazing...good luck! I'm rooting for you.

[Egg Donor]

i am writing in all lower case with no exclamation points to contrast against all the excitment in the above comments. congratulations. really. totally excited for you...just not expressing it with fonts.

[liv]

holy hell! CONGRATULATIONS!! i'm really hoping for you. :)

[binkytown]

Tertia- that's AMAZING! Crossing all my fingers and toes. Better get the happy clappers clapping too- it can't hurt!

[Jules]

Congratulations. Wishing you a happy, healthy & non eventful pregnancy.

[pehp]

Extraordinary--will say prayers for the baby and for you and marko. lovely, lovely news!!!

[Vicki]

I kept reading waiting for you to say "and then I woke up, it was all a dream", except you didn't. I'm so thrilled for you! Prayers are coming your way for a happy, healthy baby.

[Blondie]

O
M
F
G

I am excited, scared and happy all at the same time for you! Only my best to you darling, only my best.

*smiling huge*

[Shelly Kang]

Oh, Tertia! I am so happy for you! I want to be extremely happy, but I also want to hold my breath and send you all the positive live-baby vibes that there are in the universe. Oh, please let Tertia have this great good joy! Woot!

[Lisa]

Oh Tertia, I am so happy for you, I know how much you want this! I had my first miscarriage on Friday (I got pregnant having sex too, I was so embarrassed I never told my mother!) and I hope for a happy outcome someday like you got.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!

[Nicola Theron]

I am so so so very happy for you Tertia!!!! Keeping everything crossed for a healthy and happy 9 months!

[Jb]

stunned. stunned. thats all I can say. tuesday now seems so far away. that is crazy. yes, its a long road and I hope it is uneventful. wow. really.

[happyforyou]

delurking to say: OMFG!! this is unbelievable...
i've long forgotten how to pray, but Sweet Lord! tonight i will try to remember for your sake.

[paola]

F*ck me. (Or possibly not now that I know how dangerous it is).

Is this the right blog?

Sitting here with a huge silly grin on my face....

Pxx

[Erica]

Holy crap!!! Hope the scan on Tues goes well!

[Christina]

Holy shit! Who would've thought....

Now you'll have a new book to write..... Fertility after Infertility: You really can have a baby from just sex!

Oh, and good luck at the scan!

[Missie]

There was a post after you had your Mirena fished out that Marko inquired about birth control, and you glibbly responded- "I'm infertile, duh,". Right away I thought "That's gonna come back to bite her in the ass"- but of course in the best possible way. Best of luck!

[Rhonda C]

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Barb]

I am delurking to CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! All bits crossed for a health, singleton. So happy for you, Marko, Adam and Kate.

[anne]

This is one of those rare things that make me tear up and get a big goofy grin on my face.... and I am the Ice Queen. Good wishes to you and the clan. I just saw this show last night where this lady had 13 kids with 3!!! sets of twins (not the Duggers) and I just couldn't even believe it. Here's hoping you get one healthy, live baby in 34 weeks or so.

[Jessica]

I have goose bumps!!! I am so excited for you, like you said, who the hell knew that having sex can actually get you pregnant!!!??? Good luck at the Doctors on Tuesday. Praying for one healthy baby. I wish you could see the smile on my face! Congrats, well done.

Jess

[Julie]

Wow! I wasn't expecting THAT! *lol* CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am so happy for you! Hope your scan goes well!

BTW, I had to laugh at

"I didn't have the heart to tell him that I think I might actually be that 'something big and expensive'."

*lol*

[Julie]

Wow! I wasn't expecting THAT! *lol* CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am so happy for you! Hope your scan goes well!

BTW, I had to laugh at

"I didn't have the heart to tell him that I think I might actually be that 'something big and expensive'."

*lol*

[Cory]

I kept reading and re-reading to see if I was missing the punchline somewhere. Or perhaps you were having a jokey guest-blogger? Nope? Tooo amazing!!!
Took me three years to conceive my first son with ART. Got pregnant by s-e-x (to our utter shock) two years later. I also felt like a fraud, however, I hadn't written a whole BOOK about being infertile! heh It will take a good long while for the reality of this to set in. Try to enjoy a bit of it, hard as it may be. :)
I am sending up many, many prayers for you and the baby spider.

[Melody]

I thought that getting pregnant through sex was a myth!
I am so thrilled (and shocked) for you!!! Congratulations. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I can't wait until your scan!

[amy]

congrats!!! i'm totally with you on the embarassment and guilt thing. we did ART for 2 yrs and finally got preggers via IVF only to have our child born still at 27 wks. i got preggers again all naturally just 7 weeks after. i was shocked and felt guilty, but at the time, i felt there was some cosmic justice... after a very rough pregnancy, our daughter arrived and is a happy healthy 11 month old. last month as we started discussions about doing an FET this summer, i became preggers again... again all naturally. i'm 7 1/2 wks pregnant now and feel like a total fraud. i'm infertile dammit. this kind of thing doesn't happen once... much less twice.

[nicknmegsmom]

wow! i was shocked and had to re-read your post. but actually, maybe i'm not. when you posted originally about the menopause thing, i started to wonder if you could be pg. i guess i'll be glued to your blog (as if i wasn't already) for the next 9 months! ;)

[TexasMOM]

Holy Shit!! Congratulations Tertia. Maybe, just maybe if I rub the screen your luck may pass on to me. I have a 4 year old little boy 1st DE/IVF.. my miracle baby who keeps asking me for a little sister..breaks my heart, because I am so freaking infertile. IVF is not an option according to DH, I guess he is to scared to have another baby at 47... holy crap miracles are amazing. I am happy for you tertia.

Take care.

[Julia]

Another delurker coming out to say all the wonderful things everyone else has already said. NBHHY! (Let's see, six weeks, that would make your due date October-ish, so HBIO!)

[Andrea]

Thanks for making me cry! I certainly hope you get your one, live baby. Congrats, Tertia...and don't feel bad. If all is well, it can only be a GOOD thing.

[Yvonne Stokes]

Hi Tersia

As I read this entry into your blog, I could not help but shed a tear for you.

This should be such an exciting time in a person's life to find out you are pregnant, But for you is surreal, you have been there through the ups and downs and you have had your heart broken once to many. But I think this time will be different, you seem more relaxed and eager for life. Yes I do not know you personally, but is does feel like that. Not many people can be so open about their life’s on the internet and still come out smiling on the other end.

You are in all our prayers and it will work out for the best

[Jo-Ann]

Longtime lurker here.

Congrats on your lovely suprise I hope is all works out well for you!

[Rachel]

Holy BLEEPING BLEEP! That is so so cool. What a rush I just had when I read your post, I scanned thru so fast when I saw the word pregnant to read it all in about 1 millisecond.
You. Deserve. This.

Hugs from Canada!

Rach.

[coral]

Fabulous!! I though you were going to say, "Then I woke up!"

I am so excited for you!!

Congratulations to all 4 of you!

Huge smile here today!

(Is there anything you need?)

[luolin]

Pregnancy is much better than menopause, right?
Another lurker with fingers crossed for good news from your scan.

[Jo]

Pregnancy from SEX? Oh Tersh, darling .. that is SO last century!

But seriously, this is about as outstanding as it gets! I am so thrilled for you and Marko. Crossing all my bits that you get nothing but good news, and that nothing even remotely arachnoid appears at your ultrasound.

In another "this woman I know" vein, I have a friend who suffered for years from IF in her late 20's and 30's, then finally turned to donor egg and had her lovely twin girls. Yup ... when the girls were about 18 months old, I get this sheepish, incredulous call from her saying "you're not going to believe this ...". Her little Joey is now 2, and at birth weighed pretty much what her girls did combined. I've heard this many times now .. it's almost like being pregnant and delivering has flipped a switch, fertility-wise. Sure seems to be the case here!

Oh, and if there was EVER evidence that "just relaxing" was what it takes, this is it. Who relaxes when you have twins?

Congratultions, Tertia! May the news continue to be awe-inspiring.

[expat]

Oh MY! Congratulations, you urban legend you!

[Robin from TLOL]

ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod!!!

Wow! Wow! Wow! I think I just fell off my chair! How incredibly better than menopause! My very best wishes for a happy, healthy, UNEVENTFUL pregnancy with one gorgeous healthy baby at the end of it.

No direct line to the man/woman/deity upstairs for me, but I am writing from the Holy Land, that's got to count for something. After all, it's only a local call from here ;-).

[Heike]

When I read your post about being menopausal (or how ever you spell it), I was going to write to you and say that my friend had exactly the same symptoms, and guess what... she was pregnant as well. But then I thought, no shame writing something like that might just seem insensitive. But that niggly feeling just did not let me go.

OMG Tertia, hope the scan goes well.

Lots and lots of luck.

[K.]

omg, that's awesome news. i am keeping positive thoughts for you and your family! good luck!

[Essi]

92 other people have already said this but,
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!

[cath]

im weeping at work again

oh my fucking god.

well done you, omfg.

love you love you love you

[Bev]

This is absolutely amazing!!! I have been reading your blog for about a year now and read your book about 2 months ago. I have never met you but I am so thrilled for you! Everything is crossed and hoping for only the best for you.

[shelley]

Oh my God Tertia, that is such great news! You will be in my thoughts, lots of good ones. And don't worry, I'll drink wine for you so you don't have to worry that your allotment will go unused. Congratulations to you and Marko!

[Wendy]

Hi Tertia. I'm in shock! I also had to read and re-read, to make sure I was understanding it right. I am so thrilled for you, and I am sending you positive vibes for the scan, and that all is well.
Don't worry, whatever happens, you will be fine. You have proven to yourself that you have the strength to handle the worst life can throw at you, and maybe this is now the reward.

[Rhonda]

Oh. My. Gosh.

Wishing you only good news from here on out. *crosses fingers* Healthy baby healthy baby healthy baby nbhhy nbhhy nbhhy....

[gkk]

Sorry, but having BTDT I had to laugh. I am a "recovering infertile" myself, having done the ART thang and then getting myself knocked up accidently. Sex, who knew eh? The guilt is normal, so is the paranoia and unfortunately in my experience neither is likely to go away any time soon. But as I know you know, there are many, many worse situations to be in. Fingers crossed, I'll be thinking happy, healthy singleton thoughts for you.

[Dondi Tiples]

Oh, congratulations to you & Marko! Will be praying constantly for your health and the baby's health. Please do take it easy. Wow! Am overwhelmed myself. This is such wonderful wonderful news!
God bless!