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It’s so hard not to believe that the answer seems to be … ‘very little point at all’

It’s over. The baby hasn’t grown. No heartbeat. Evacuation of the uterus on Thursday.

 I feel numb.

Posted on 19 March 2007 in Surprise! |

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Comments

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I am so, so, so sorry. Why does this have to be so hard, ALWAYS?

Posted by: dawn | 20 March 2007 at 02:03 AM

Oh no -- I am so very sorry.

Posted by: iheartnewyork | 20 March 2007 at 02:13 AM

Tertia,

I'm so very very sorry.

'wishIknew'

Posted by: 'wishIknew' | 20 March 2007 at 02:13 AM

oh, darling...

Posted by: Kate | 20 March 2007 at 02:18 AM

Tertia, I am so sad for you and Marko, and so wishing this was not happening like this. It's unfair, and must feel like the kind of punch which takes your breath away.
I'm truely sorry. Fi.

Posted by: Fi | 20 March 2007 at 02:18 AM

What a precious person you are. I am sorry you have had another angel taken from you. I do agree with the one poster on waiting on another U/S just to be sure if you can handle that. I can't imagine they are correct all the time. Much Love headed your way.

Posted by: Deb | 20 March 2007 at 02:21 AM

Shit. I'm so sorry.

Posted by: zarqa | 20 March 2007 at 02:22 AM

I wish there was something comforting to say. But there's not. There are no words adequate. I'm sorry. My heart is with you.

Posted by: jill | 20 March 2007 at 02:22 AM

Aw hell. This shit is so unfair. Shit, shit, shit. One day I'm hopeful that it will happen to me after hearing about your story and then to come back to this is just heartbreaking. Geez. Why can't we catch a damn break???????????

Posted by: CreoleInDC | 20 March 2007 at 02:27 AM

Wow - that sucks so much, words just don't even seem appropriate. I'm really sorry.

Posted by: whitney (mws) | 20 March 2007 at 02:31 AM

I am so sorry Tertia.

Posted by: lorrie | 20 March 2007 at 02:32 AM

Oh no Tertia! I am so very sorry for both you and Marko. Wow this is so unfair. Huge hugs.

Posted by: Gina | 20 March 2007 at 02:32 AM

I'm so sorry.

Posted by: CharmingDriver | 20 March 2007 at 02:37 AM

heartbroken for you and your family.

Posted by: sabrina | 20 March 2007 at 02:38 AM

Beyond sorry. Keeping you in my prayers.

Posted by: Yolanda | 20 March 2007 at 02:42 AM

DAMN IT. Oh Tertia. It's just not fair. I am so sorry and wish I could give you a big hug.

Posted by: Lindsey | 20 March 2007 at 02:58 AM

The only thing that comes to mind is FUCK! So Sorry :(

Posted by: Lexie | 20 March 2007 at 03:00 AM

So sorry to read your news. It just plain SUCKS.

Posted by: Kim | 20 March 2007 at 03:00 AM

terribly sorry. :-(

Posted by: Stefania/CityMama | 20 March 2007 at 03:02 AM

This is just terrible. Was hoping so much for this baby for you & your family :((((

Posted by: Foster | 20 March 2007 at 03:04 AM

It breaks my heart to hear this news. I am so very, very sorry.

Posted by: Christy | 20 March 2007 at 03:04 AM

Fuckity Fuck! I am so sorry for you and Marko. So, so, so unfair. I was thinking of you all day, but, couldn't get here until now and find this news. Sending you {{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.
xoxo

Posted by: Suzie-Q. | 20 March 2007 at 03:05 AM

I am so, so sorry to read this, Tertia :(
My thoughts are with you and your family. This is an unfair blow. I just... argh.

Posted by: Opal | 20 March 2007 at 03:11 AM

Many hugs to you and Marko. I'm sorry. Wish we could say something to make it better!!!

Posted by: Brandy | 20 March 2007 at 03:21 AM

Fucked up world! I shake my fist at you, in Tertia's name! SO sorry.

Posted by: Amy | 20 March 2007 at 03:21 AM

I am so, so sorry...

Posted by: Daniela | 20 March 2007 at 03:30 AM

:( sending love your way.

Posted by: heathersak | 20 March 2007 at 03:40 AM

Delurking to add my sympathy as well. Losing babies sucks. I'm so sorry for you and for Marko.

Posted by: Bunny Lips | 20 March 2007 at 03:47 AM

Oh Tertia, so sorry to hear. I am very sad for you. You are in my thoughts.

Posted by: Billie | 20 March 2007 at 03:53 AM

Fuck. One more through tears. So sorry.

Posted by: ElizabethM | 20 March 2007 at 03:54 AM

Damn.

Posted by: Sarah | 20 March 2007 at 03:54 AM

I'm sorry, Tertia. I was so hoping this was going to be healthy baby #3.

-Rach (Lucy and Asher's mom)

Posted by: Rach | 20 March 2007 at 04:00 AM

I've been thinking about you everyday, so happy for the news of this little one. I'm sorry for the pain and loss you're experiencing. You are in my thoughts, prayers, and heart.

Posted by: Bekah | 20 March 2007 at 04:12 AM

I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say, there just aren't words. You deserve so, so, so much better.

Posted by: artemisia | 20 March 2007 at 04:12 AM

Another one adding my Fuckity Fuck to the chorus.

And saying that I am so, so sorry this has happened to you. So bloody unfair.

I think it was Kahlil Gibran who wrote:

"Sometimes the most beautiful of symphonies are the unfinished ones..."

Posted by: Kez | 20 March 2007 at 04:23 AM

Oh Tertia. I wish I had words to express how sorry I am. It's just awful. I am so very very sorry.

Posted by: Jo | 20 March 2007 at 04:25 AM

Let me add my voice to the chorus. My thoughts and prayers are with you and those you love.

Posted by: Chelsea | 20 March 2007 at 04:34 AM

Thinking of you & your family.

Posted by: Jules | 20 March 2007 at 04:45 AM

I am so, so sorry Tertia! My thoughts are with you and Marko!

Posted by: Carolyn | 20 March 2007 at 04:56 AM

Oh T, no. I'm sorry. I am so sorry.

Posted by: Jodie | 20 March 2007 at 05:13 AM

i keep coming back...waiting for the news to change...

Posted by: nadias | 20 March 2007 at 05:25 AM

Oh Tertia... I don't understand this at all! I'm so incredibly sorry for you and your family. Hang tough lady...your crazy toddlers will get you through this. Sending tons of love and support along the lines and over the seas.

Posted by: Cory | 20 March 2007 at 05:33 AM

I'm sorry, this is terrible. So sorry for this loss.

Posted by: isabel | 20 March 2007 at 05:41 AM

:(

So very sorry.

Posted by: Sue | 20 March 2007 at 05:51 AM

You and your unborn are in my prayers. I don't know what else to say except that I - and the rest of your loyal readers - really feel your loss. Tears are going to be shed for you, prayers are being whispered.
You take care of yourself.

Posted by: Dondi Tiples | 20 March 2007 at 05:52 AM

I'm so sorry Tertia.

Posted by: Allison | 20 March 2007 at 06:04 AM

I'm so very sorry. Unfair doesn't even begin to describe it.

Posted by: Cara | 20 March 2007 at 06:05 AM

Dear Tertia, I am deeply sorry for this crushing news. I wished deeply for something different for you. Still do.

Posted by: Stephanie | 20 March 2007 at 06:07 AM

I am so sad. I'm sorry for your loss, lovely Tertia.

Posted by: Joanne | 20 March 2007 at 06:16 AM

fuck. the universe is so unfair. i'm so very sorry.

Posted by: kimblahg | 20 March 2007 at 06:53 AM

I'm so sorry for you and Marko. Although I hadn't been here for a few days and read about the sad news first, I ended with reading the good news at the bottom of the page. And that one will stay with me.

Posted by: Emma | 20 March 2007 at 06:54 AM

Tertia, I am so very sorry to hear this. Any words seem so inadequate when stuff like this happens.

Posted by: Sharon | 20 March 2007 at 06:54 AM

Sending you courage and strength to help get you through this painful time.

Posted by: Robin | 20 March 2007 at 07:05 AM

I know this is but a drop in the bucket, but... Fuck dammit shit, motherfucking asshole universe! I'm so sorry and I'll be thinking of you, thinking healing thoughts for you.

Posted by: Carrie Jo | 20 March 2007 at 07:10 AM

I am so sorry for you and your family. I like Carrie Jo's post. DITTO.

Posted by: Jessica | 20 March 2007 at 07:27 AM

I'm so sorry Tertia. God damnit its more then enough to make you want to scream. My thoughts are with you and your family

Posted by: Katie | 20 March 2007 at 08:03 AM

I am more sorry than you know Tertia. I don't know what else to say. You know my e-mail address and my phone number... we don't know each other very well, but I am here if you need me.

Posted by: Mands | 20 March 2007 at 08:20 AM

So sorry Tertia. I am so sorry to read your sad news..

Posted by: Amy | 20 March 2007 at 08:36 AM

If there is a God up there, it cannot be a woman - this is just too unfair... Am still going to burn a candle for you and Marko tonight. Take care and hopefully it will help a little to know that we are all thinking of you both. I'm so sorry.

Posted by: Nina | 20 March 2007 at 08:37 AM

No words could comfort you right now but just know you are in our thoughts!

Posted by: Robz | 20 March 2007 at 08:40 AM

Reality and all its heartbreaks can just fuck right off... Its unfair, its wrong, and nobody should have to endure that shit...
Thoughts are with you, I'm sorry
Shelly XXX

Posted by: Shellbell | 20 March 2007 at 08:43 AM

Tertia, I'm so sorry to hear this. So very sorry.

Posted by: Melissa | 20 March 2007 at 09:03 AM

I had 15 miscarriges and I still can not say I know how you feel because every damn one is different and you cope with each and every loss differently, but you do cope.

Nothing anyone says is going to make you feel better. You are a strong women both of heart and of wil and you will eventually find a way to pick yourself up and move on as you have so many times before.

Thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery.

Posted by: Rosiep | 20 March 2007 at 09:22 AM

Oh, damn. I'm so sorry.

Posted by: Meg | 20 March 2007 at 09:54 AM

**hugs**x kabillions.

Posted by: cath | 20 March 2007 at 09:57 AM

I'm so sorry. That's just terrible!

Posted by: Dani | 20 March 2007 at 10:04 AM

Hi Tertia, I am so, so sorry. I was also hoping that this would be smooth sailing and would restore your faith in the universe. I can hardly type - I am so sad for you and your family. All my thoughts will be with you ...

Posted by: Bev | 20 March 2007 at 10:05 AM

Dear Tertia... none of us have the ability to soothe your deeply gaping wounded heart. Most of us though, really DO know how it feels. You have been the soft tissue wrapped around us when we were cracking. Now the whole bunch of us are trying to be that same ointment for your breaking heart. But we can't. Our words might help you to feel less alone, but they will never make you feel better, as you well know. We are all sending love your way, and are hurting along with you. Maybe that might comfort you. 99% of us have never met you face to face, but we have laughed and cried along with you. You have been our inspiration when we felt there was no way to carry on. You said the things that some of us were too scared to say. You gave us permission to be who we are, and not have to apologize for being infertile. And now, ALLLL of us, every one of your readers, are hurting along with you. You are not alone, Tertia. If we could we would remove this terrible hurt from you. We'd wave our collective magical wands and change this outcome.

Please know that we are all thinking of you and wishing it wasn't the way it is.

Posted by: Char | 20 March 2007 at 10:35 AM

My hart breek vir julle. :(

Posted by: Adine | 20 March 2007 at 10:37 AM

Smother your babies with the love you have for them - they alone will get you through this. I am devistated for you Tertia.....hang in there.

Bianca

Posted by: Bianca | 20 March 2007 at 11:32 AM

I am totally shocked and my heart aches for you. I have been Ill for the past two weeks so I have no stopped by your blog for a while. This comes as a total shock. Best wishes and my thoughts are with you and Marko.

Posted by: Deon | 20 March 2007 at 12:04 PM

I'm thinking of you, and so so sorry. I know what it's like to have that hold the miracle for far too short a time.

Posted by: Mandy | 20 March 2007 at 12:52 PM

I am so sorry. It's just not fair.

Posted by: Sara | 20 March 2007 at 12:57 PM

I just wanted to add my sorry to everybody else's, I was a bit behind on reading and was so saddened to read your news. Thinking of you ...

Posted by: Anna Marie | 20 March 2007 at 01:07 PM

Such lousy news - I was very sorry to read it!

Posted by: leslie | 20 March 2007 at 01:08 PM

Adding to the hundreds of sorrys. Can't believe this has happened. So, so sorry.

Posted by: Katy | 20 March 2007 at 01:52 PM

I am so sorry!

Posted by: mindy | 20 March 2007 at 02:30 PM

Tertia, I'm so sorry.

Posted by: Christiana | 20 March 2007 at 02:36 PM

Tertia, I am so sorry.

Posted by: Ellen | 20 March 2007 at 02:36 PM

(((hugs))) to you and marko. I'm so sorryy.

Posted by: Peggyp | 20 March 2007 at 03:01 PM

Tertia, I am so sorry.

Posted by: Cyndy | 20 March 2007 at 03:11 PM

I, too, am so sorry to hear this.

Posted by: Alison S | 20 March 2007 at 03:14 PM

Tertia - I'm sorry... I know that's not going to make you feel any better about this, but know I'm thinking of you guys and wishing that there was something I could do to make this right. Again I am so very sorry to hear of this loss... God this crap sucks so much and I'm sorry you ended up landing in the fire again.

Posted by: Sami | 20 March 2007 at 03:29 PM

Tertia, I am so very, very sorry for your loss.

Posted by: Jen | 20 March 2007 at 03:33 PM

Tertia...you are in my thoughts. Many hugs across the ocean.

Posted by: Kayce | 20 March 2007 at 03:34 PM

Tertia, I am so, so sorry. Thinking of you and your family.

Posted by: elizabeth | 20 March 2007 at 03:37 PM

tertia, i'm so so sorry. thinking of you.

Posted by: elana | 20 March 2007 at 03:42 PM

Oh, my god, I am so shocked to read this. It ripped right through me.

I am so sorry, Tertia. So very, very sorry.

Posted by: Margot | 20 March 2007 at 03:49 PM

Oh no. I am so very, very sorry.

Posted by: Feebee | 20 March 2007 at 03:54 PM

This sucks. I'm thinking of you.

Posted by: threeminutepalaver | 20 March 2007 at 04:22 PM

Oh God No! I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I really wish there was more I could say or do. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Posted by: Lissa | 20 March 2007 at 04:31 PM

OMG Tertia I am so very sorry. It is just NOT fair at all!!! I'm a happy clapper at heart so I will be praying for you. UGHHH this just sucks - I wish I could give you a hug.

Posted by: Lisa O | 20 March 2007 at 04:43 PM

Oh damn. I am so very sorry.

Posted by: Susie | 20 March 2007 at 05:15 PM

Very sad to read this news. Condolences to you and Marko.

Posted by: MichelleL | 20 March 2007 at 05:40 PM

So sorry Tertia.... and Marko and the kiddos too! The black hair sounds exactly like something I would do. Just go with what you feel and mourn your own way.
Best wishes to you and yours... we'll all be thinking of you.

Posted by: Christina | 20 March 2007 at 06:07 PM

T~ I've got no words except I am sorry. I truly am. Thinking of you and Marko and sending my best. xxmoo

Posted by: moo | 20 March 2007 at 06:12 PM

I am so very very sorry.

Posted by: Julie | 20 March 2007 at 06:18 PM

Oh no Tertia. Damn. Hugs Love....

Posted by: Alexandra/Infertile Gourmet | 20 March 2007 at 06:38 PM

That sucks! I am so sorry.

Posted by: the sparkler | 20 March 2007 at 06:47 PM

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