Ok, now I feel
sad. Not because it was a boy, but it
feels so real now. I miss the child I’ll
never meet.
Bye little
boy.
I just got the call from my doctor. The baby had Patau Syndrome.
Patau syndrome,
also known as trisomy 13, is a chromosomal
aberration, a disease in
which a patient has an additional chromosome 13 due to a non-disjunction
of chromosomes during meiosis.
Most cases of Patau syndrome are not inherited, but occur as
random events during the formation of reproductive cells.
Most embryos with trisomy 13 do not survive gestation and
are spontaneously aborted. Of those surviving to term gestation, approximately
82-85% do not survive past 1 month of age, and 85-90% do not survive past 1
year of age. Certain malformations, especially holoprosencephaly and other central nervous
system malformations, yield a more grave prognosis. Of those infants that survive
past 1 year, most have few major malformations, but the prognosis remains poor,
owing to multiple factors including long term neurological disability, feeding
difficulty, and frequent pneumonia and other
respiratory infections. There have been 5 cases reported in the medical history
of patients living beyond 10 years of age.
I am glad I found out. Because it explains why I lost the pregnancy. It wasn’t my body. It helps to know that.
Am still sad though. Too many boys lost. Too many.
I was sitting in a coffee shop, working when I got the call from my doctor. I still am sitting here. A group of 10 women have just walked in. It’s a baby shower. The pregnant woman is talking about her last scan. About how the baby was hiding her face with her hand. I think I am going to leave now. Go home and hold my kids a little.
PS The pregnant woman is complaining about her weight gain. She just ordered a big slice of chocolate cake. Am I allowed to hope it goes straight to her hips?
Edited to
add: I decided to finally find out the
sex of the baby I lost in 2002 due to trisomy 21. I’ve been too scared to find out until
now. Not sure why. It was a boy too. Too many boys lost, too many. That one in 2002, Luke in 2003, Ben in 2004
and now this latest little one. Sigh.
I’m fine. I am glad I found out. Just a little sad right now.
Hugs to you. I am thinking of you. I'm so, so sorry you are enduring more heartache.
Posted by: LaurieC | 29 March 2007 at 05:52 AM
No words, why wont they come. I'm glad the news was not to say "normal" that nothing you did or didn't do caused this little bub to miscarry. My thoughts are with you T.
Posted by: Jen | 29 March 2007 at 05:54 AM
You make it so real.
thanks.
Posted by: dan | 29 March 2007 at 05:57 AM
That certainly is way too many little boys lost.
Harrison was right when he said it wasn't you.
Still sad, though. Sad for you.
Posted by: stephanie | 29 March 2007 at 06:02 AM
My heart aches for your losses. I hope you can find solace in the knowledge you have now. You are right, darling. Too many.
xoxo
Posted by: Boulder | 29 March 2007 at 06:03 AM
Oh, sweet Tertia.
Many hugs to you today.
Posted by: daysgoby | 29 March 2007 at 06:31 AM
I'm so sorry. I wonder if your body was its own person, and had a voice, what it would be saying/doing right now. I think it also needs a hug.
Posted by: Adeleida | 29 March 2007 at 07:02 AM
Words can't express the sorrow...but my thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Casey | 29 March 2007 at 07:20 AM
Thank you for sharing. It does help to know why.
I'm sorry though for all the loses you've been through.
Posted by: 'wishIknew' | 29 March 2007 at 07:26 AM
oh Tertia,
My heart goes out to you. Sending lots of hugs your way!
Posted by: Gina | 29 March 2007 at 07:28 AM
I am so glad that you have a reason. I hope it eases the pain somewhat.
You are often in my thoughts.
Posted by: Jazz | 29 March 2007 at 07:50 AM
I am sorry you're sad but knowing is definatley going to bring some closure so you can try to carry on. My Doc would never tell us the sex of our babies, maybe because there were so many and maybe I would not have been able to cope as I did if I knew. But I do know I will meet them all someday.
Rosie
Posted by: Rosiep | 29 March 2007 at 08:27 AM
Oh Tertia, you have lost too many boys and that really is very sad and always will be. sending hugs your way.
Posted by: threeminutepalaver | 29 March 2007 at 08:28 AM
Remember always that you and your boys have an invisible cord between you which you just need to tug on now and again.
xxxxxxxxxxxx Ann
Posted by: Ann | 29 March 2007 at 08:32 AM
Honey, I'm sending you a huge hug. too many boys indeed. My 4 were all boys as well. I wonder if boys are somehow harder to gestate or something. They seem to be harder to raise outside the womb, so maybe that makes some kind of twisted sense.
I'm so glad you found the reason and aren't blaming your body. Your body looks mighty fine to me!
Posted by: margalit | 29 March 2007 at 08:32 AM
Oh you sweet thing, I am so sorry. Too many little boys lost, it is so unfair.
I'm glad you have some answers now, I hope it helps at least a little bit.
and I'm with margalit - your body looks mighty fine to me too!!
Posted by: Jodie | 29 March 2007 at 09:49 AM
I suppose it helps to know that the baby had a problem. Boys are deemed to be more prone to health problems, both in the foetal stage and after. I think I remember reading somewhere that way more boys than girls are ever conceived because so many more boys than girls miscarry. This article is interesting: http://www.eshre.com/emc.asp?pageId=447
Posted by: e | 29 March 2007 at 09:57 AM
(((Tertia)))
Posted by: Ute | 29 March 2007 at 10:12 AM
I'm sitting here about to type "I'm sorry", but it just doesnt seem to show how much I am hurting for you, and how much I would love to just give you a hug and take all this pain away.
I am sorry, I'm sorry it was another boy, I'm sorry you had to go through another loss, I'm sorry for all of it.
I have another e-friend that lost their baby to Pataus last year. She was 21 weeks when she lost her, and I know how hard life was for her and her husband. As much as it can help to know that cause, it still stings and makes you feel that life is a bitch.
Much love x
Posted by: Natt | 29 March 2007 at 10:13 AM
I'm sorry seems so inadequate but it's all I can say. I really am very sorry, Tertia. Take care.
Posted by: Carmen Miralles | 29 March 2007 at 11:16 AM
Too many little boys, indeed. I am so sorry, Tertia.
Posted by: Ruth | 29 March 2007 at 01:24 PM
I am so sorry for your loss, Tertia. I am thinking of you and Marko.
Posted by: Melissa in TN | 29 March 2007 at 01:47 PM
There aren't words, but I wanted to post something anyhow. My heart goes out to you.
Posted by: beth | 29 March 2007 at 01:55 PM
Wow. Poor Paul Couch never stood a chance, did he? I'm sorry, Tertia, but relieved that your body actually worked okay this time.
Posted by: Orange | 29 March 2007 at 02:09 PM
I'm sorry Tertia. Wish there was more I could say.
Posted by: Lisa | 29 March 2007 at 02:54 PM
I'm so sorry. I know it hurts to get more information, but, this will help you be more at rest, and, i understand how it helps ALOT to know it was not your body fucking with you.
{{{{{{{{Big Hugs for Tertia}}}}}}}}}}}}}.
xoxo
Posted by: Suzie-Q. | 29 March 2007 at 02:55 PM
Thinking of you. So sorry for all of these losses.
Posted by: Louise | 29 March 2007 at 03:10 PM
Because everything I can think to say sounds inadequate, I'll just say that I think you did the best thing you could - you went home and hugged your babes. :-)
Posted by: Heather | 29 March 2007 at 03:43 PM
Poor dear. Sending big hugs. I'm so sorry you had to go through this rollercoaster. Too many indeed.
Posted by: binkytown | 29 March 2007 at 03:45 PM
I am so very sorry... Doesn't seem like that's enough, but it's all I've got. So very sorry.
I just got your book in the mail the other day, and I stayed up last night reading about Hannah and Luke and Ben and crying my eyes out. Too many little boys. Too many.
Posted by: JuliaKB | 29 March 2007 at 03:46 PM
Dear Tertia -
I have have also lost pregnancies due to Trisomy 21 (a little boy in 2005) and Trisomy 13 (a little girl last year). You are right (as always....) that there is pain, and, I suppose in some strange way - comfort, in finding out a part of the "why" of it all.
Still sucks though, doesn't it?
Thinking of you,
Karen
Posted by: another karen | 29 March 2007 at 04:59 PM
It definitely helps to know that the cause of the loss was not due to your body's failing. When we lost our 1st pregnancy we were relieved to find that it was a trisomy 15, what we called a "plain vanilla" reason - could happen to anyone, at any age, nothing to do with infertility, etc... It doesn't make the loss itself easier to bear, but the anger can be contained and you hate your body less. Thinking of you and your lost boys, and of course your lovely ones at home!
Posted by: silene | 29 March 2007 at 05:03 PM
*hugs* I'm so sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Samantha | 29 March 2007 at 05:14 PM
I am so sorry. But, to put a "positive" spin, T13 is a random event (in the same way T21 is) and so there is HOPE. And its not a genetic event, its simply random. Take care, ok?
Posted by: Jb | 29 March 2007 at 05:15 PM
Aw, Tersh. I'm glad that finding out has helped you, but you made me bawl before lunch. I forgive you, though :-(
Posted by: Liza | 29 March 2007 at 05:28 PM
Tertia -- My thoughts are with you today. I hope your lost boys are somewhere with my lost girls (Trisomy 10 at 9 weeks in 2006; lost identical twin at 8 weeks in 2004) and know how much we wanted/miss them. That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Hug Adam and Kate HARD . . .
Stacey
Posted by: Stacey | 29 March 2007 at 05:46 PM
I am truly sorry for all your lost boys, Tertia.
The baby I lost last year was also a boy. I still regret not ever getting the chance to meet him.
Posted by: thalia | 29 March 2007 at 05:47 PM
Thinking of you - I lost my sweet Boy Aidan to Trisomy 13 Sept 05 at 28 weeks gestation. Too too many lost boys Tertia. I am sorry you have had to go through another loss. Hug those sweet ones extra tight and give an extra hug to Marko too.
Posted by: Beth | 29 March 2007 at 05:54 PM
Tertia dear,
I send you my love.
Posted by: blackbird | 29 March 2007 at 06:14 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree. Too many lost boys. My heart aches for you.
Posted by: Heather | 29 March 2007 at 06:49 PM
Of course you're sad. And of course it's ok to wish that piece of chocolate cake to go directly to that woman's hips. I know I would. I hope you can get yourself a lovely quiet bath with a huge glass of wine and just take care of yourself.
Posted by: Carrie Jo | 29 March 2007 at 07:03 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. You're right, it's too many boys lost. Then again, even one is too many for the heart to take sometimes. I am glad, however, that you at least got some answers. Now you can stop blaming yourself and thinking your body let you down. It's an unfortunate fact of life that sometimes bad things happen to good people.
I'm right there with you hoping that piece of cake goes right to her hips. Now go do something nice for yourself. You've been through alot and you deserve a break.
Posted by: Ann | 29 March 2007 at 07:16 PM
I am so sorry for your lost little boys.
Peace to you.
Posted by: Kim | 29 March 2007 at 08:20 PM
I am sorry. Trisomoy 13,and 18 children don't usually come to term. It is hard to lose so much... I am sorry
Posted by: Spacemom | 29 March 2007 at 08:30 PM
Oh Tertia, I am sorry about what you're going through. Sometimes I think grief comes in pieces: you think you've experienced the feeling and you think you understand it and then you learn a little more about what you've lost, and it hits you all over again. I'm sorry about the little brother that Adam and Kate will never know. I'm sorry you have to keep going through this, dammit.
Posted by: victoria | 29 March 2007 at 08:57 PM
Tertia, the baby I lost last fall was triploidy - a complete extra set of chromosomes caused most likely by two sperm fertilizing an egg at the same time. It is very comforting to know that it was a freak thing that happened and to know that the baby would never have lived, but I still grieve the loss so much. I never found out the sex. I think I will someday soon.
Posted by: merseydotes | 29 March 2007 at 09:03 PM
My first miscarriage was 21. It does help to know it wasn't anything you did. But still. Mine was a girl. And I sometimes think what it would have been like...but then I wouldn't have wound up doing IVF and having my two boys. But I still do think about that girl. We were so in love with her already and it was so hard to say goodbye.
I understand. Take care of yourself.
Posted by: kathleen999 | 29 March 2007 at 09:33 PM
Many hugs for all the little boys.
Posted by: projgen | 29 March 2007 at 09:50 PM
You'll have some welcoming committee waiting for you when you cross over.
I'm not sure I believe in all of that but it's what struck me when I read your news.
Posted by: Boliath | 29 March 2007 at 10:01 PM
Hugs. You're allowed to hope and wish and think whatever pops into your head. More hugs....
Posted by: Amy D. | 29 March 2007 at 10:59 PM
Oh Tertia... too many boys indeed. Boys are so fragile. They try to be so tough, too. I suspect Adam will have a little piece of your heart all to himself. My boy does.
Take care,
Posted by: kay | 29 March 2007 at 11:07 PM
Unfortunately I know your pain all too well. All of mine were girls and I miss them so terribly. I know the comfort of knowing it was meant to be but the pain in it too.
May the Lord bring you peace.
Posted by: sandi | 29 March 2007 at 11:28 PM
I lost my son's twin brohter to trisonmy 13. My son was /is healthy, altohught they scared the shit out of me for a while. I know your pain & your relief that it wasn't controlable. you have my thoughts & prayers
Posted by: samie | 29 March 2007 at 11:46 PM
My loss in 2002 was a Trisomy 13. You know it is for the best, if there is such a thing. Still sucks, though. So sorry.
Posted by: Judy | 29 March 2007 at 11:53 PM
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I'm glad you have additional information, but so sorry that you had to go through all that. Too many boys lost, indeed.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go hunt down my old voodoo doll and a pen, so that I can write "SWEETS GO STRAIGHT TO HIPS" in the appropriate area. Tertia, what color was the pregnant woman's hair? I want this voodoo doll to be as authentic as possible, and I need to know the right color yarn...
Posted by: marion | 30 March 2007 at 12:29 AM
Hi T, BIG hugs and kisses to you.
Posted by: kate | 30 March 2007 at 12:34 AM
I'm so sorry, Tertia. Glad that you got a definitive answer, but it sucks either way.
On the baby shower issue, it's been 6 years since I had my (healthy) last pregnancy and almost 2 years since my hysterectomy and I'm still not up for baby showers. There are three pregnant women on staff where I work and I've told them that I just can't bring myself to do baby showers. It's nothing I have against them.
Many hugs to you. I've been reading since the kids were 6 months old and yet I hardly ever take the time to post and let you know that I'm thinking of you. Peace.
Posted by: DebiH | 30 March 2007 at 01:06 AM
So sorry...
Posted by: Amy | 30 March 2007 at 01:09 AM
I'm so sorry.
Posted by: Beth | 30 March 2007 at 04:14 AM
{{{{HUGS}}} to you Tertia
Posted by: Sharon | 30 March 2007 at 08:04 AM
Even though I may not have met you, I feel as though I know you very well. I'm sure many other women reading this blog would agree with me in that I admire you and draw strength from reading about you. I think you're smart and brave and beautiful. Have a great time on vacation because you deserve it.
Posted by: Jacqueline | 30 March 2007 at 01:48 PM
Tertia,
I'm so sorry for your pain, and for all the little boys - you are right - it is just too many :(
Posted by: Julie | 30 March 2007 at 02:22 PM
Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. I'm glad you have an explanation and one that I hope lets you not feel any guilt. But I'm so sorry about all the boys.
Posted by: millie | 30 March 2007 at 10:34 PM
I am sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boys.
Posted by: Karen | 01 April 2007 at 05:54 PM
Tertia, I am so very sorry for your loss. You amaze me with your strength, your sense of humour and grace through it all. I fell way behind reading your blog, and have just tonight gone back through all the February and March posts to read the whole story of this pregnancy.
I am so sorry about all your lost boys. Wishing you continued courage and strength, and many small joys with Kate and Adam and Marko to help you carry on, wherever your journey may lead.
Posted by: SheilaC | 02 April 2007 at 05:32 AM
I absoulutely understand. Last year we lost a son after twelve gloriuos days of knowing him to Trisomy 13. I will say he was the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen. We did not know until delivery that anything was wrong. We had two healthy children already. Four months after Nisholas' death I found out we were pregnant again - the new baby has the exact same due date as Nicholas had. Please hang in there God does have a way of carrying you through.
Posted by: Georgette | 23 July 2007 at 06:48 AM
Hey. When we got into office, the thing that surprised me the most was that things were as bad as we'd been saying they were.
I am from Germany and know bad English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "The interest you pay for a payday cash advance is generally much less than other fees you might accrue."
With best wishes ;-), Ade.
Posted by: Ade | 06 August 2009 at 09:13 PM