So Close

I am a WINNA!

Wooofuckinghoooo!

I won!!! IwonIwonIwon! I won, dudes, I won! I won the 2007 SA Blog awards! Me! I am beyond excited. I can’t believe it; I never win any thing, ever.

I won South African Weblog of the year 2007 as well as Best Writing on a South African blog.  I am so stoked, and also so humbled that I won. Now I love my fellow SA bloggers even more.

I have always been very proud of my South African roots, but for a long while I felt a little ostracized by the local community. I felt like they felt I wasn’t South African enough, which was a little unfair. I am as South African as the next (mommy) blogger; I just have a large’ish international readership. But perhaps that was just my (mistaken) perception.

Anyway, water under the bridge. They love me and I ADORE them, adore. Smooches all around. Open mouth. With tongue.

From now on you are going to be hearing A LOT more about South Africa and the cool things we do.

I love my country.

Thanks to Jon Cherry from Cherryflava for putting together a really awesome effort for the 2007 Blog Awards. I know you got a lot of flack from people who weren’t happy with the judging process, but I think they deeply underestimated your integrity and actually owe you an apology. Thanks to you and the rest of the gang for your hard work. And an extra big thanks for PICKING ME!

Yay me!

I WON! I am a WINNA! Thanks to all of you who voted for me.  I smaak you stukkend.  Open mouth kisses coming your way too.

(guess what I won!! One of these from these dudes!  I'll tell you more as soon as I make sure I am not dreaming)

How long will mommy have to wear her nappy for?

(Warning: Body fluids mentioned)

 Because I am never alone in the bathroom (apparently I am my kid’s best source of amusement / interest / entertainment and comfort and whatever I am doing MUST be more fun that what they are doing and WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE MOMMY) and because I am still bleeding after the damn D&C, I have had to explain to my kids what that thing is mommy keeps putting in her pants. The sanitary towel/pad thing. I’ve decided to call it “mommy’s nappy”.

 Mommy is already tired of her nappy and the whole nappy wearing thing is most inconvenient when one is going on a swimming holiday at the hot springs. V childish and boring, this nappy thing.

 Any idea how long mommy will have to wear her nappies for?

 (In simple English, how long did you bleed after your D&C?)

 And then, NOT that I even think for a moment that any thing could ever happen again (yeah right, tell that to my long dormant Hope Addict who I had thought had died and moved on to greener pastures but has suddenly risen from the dead for fucks sake), how long before a normal (ovulatory) cycle followed on from the D&C. NOT that I think *I* will or could ever ovulate on my own or even will or could EVER get pregnant again.

 Oh fuck. See what this pregnancy has done now. SEE!

 Fuck. 

Spiderman does The Wiggles

One Spiderman suit - no problem.

And then, for your viewing pleasure, a dance routine known as Spiderman does The Wiggles

(The dummies.... I know, I know.  I must get rid of them soon.  Sigh. They love their dummies so)

I am going away on holiday with Marko and the kids on Saturday, for five whole days.  My sister and her whole brood are going, as well as my parents, I CAN'T WAIT!!  It couldn't have come at a better time.  I am taking my laptop and 3G card with me, I hope I can get a signal there.  If I do, you'll be hearing from me as usual.  If you don't hear from me, you know where I am.

(Nina, Paul and LR;  Paulie-B and Martina, we are going to miss you lots, wish you guys were with us too.  One day soon. Then we will all go away as a family.  Wont that be so divine.  Love you guys, miss you stacks)

PS

Thank you!  We've reached our target. You are such beautiful people  ----------------------------->

As soon as all the money is in Boulder's account, and she transfers the money to my brother who transfers it me, I'll hand it over to Harrison and a bit to Nolene. I'll take some photos with  my camera and ask sister Mel to do the same.  Can't wait to see how happy he is.  I will give Harrison a disposable camera and ask him to take pictures of the building process so that I can keep you all updated.  I will do the draw then as well.

Thank you my friends, you are the balm to my soul.

It was a boy

Ok, now I feel sad. Not because it was a boy, but it feels so real now. I miss the child I’ll never meet.

Bye little boy.

I just got the call from my doctor. The baby had Patau Syndrome.

Patau syndrome, also known as trisomy 13, is a chromosomal aberration, a disease in which a patient has an additional chromosome 13 due to a non-disjunction of chromosomes during meiosis.

Most cases of Patau syndrome are not inherited, but occur as random events during the formation of reproductive cells.

Most embryos with trisomy 13 do not survive gestation and are spontaneously aborted. Of those surviving to term gestation, approximately 82-85% do not survive past 1 month of age, and 85-90% do not survive past 1 year of age. Certain malformations, especially holoprosencephaly and other central nervous system malformations, yield a more grave prognosis. Of those infants that survive past 1 year, most have few major malformations, but the prognosis remains poor, owing to multiple factors including long term neurological disability, feeding difficulty, and frequent pneumonia and other respiratory infections. There have been 5 cases reported in the medical history of patients living beyond 10 years of age.

I am glad I found out. Because it explains why I lost the pregnancy. It wasn’t my body. It helps to know that.

Am still sad though. Too many boys lost. Too many.

I was sitting in a coffee shop, working when I got the call from my doctor. I still am sitting here. A group of 10 women have just walked in. It’s a baby shower. The pregnant woman is talking about her last scan. About how the baby was hiding her face with her hand. I think I am going to leave now.  Go home and hold my kids a little.

PS The pregnant woman is complaining about her weight gain. She just ordered a big slice of chocolate cake. Am I allowed to hope it goes straight to her hips?

Edited to add: I decided to finally find out the sex of the baby I lost in 2002 due to trisomy 21. I’ve been too scared to find out until now. Not sure why. It was a boy too. Too many boys lost, too many. That one in 2002, Luke in 2003, Ben in 2004 and now this latest little one. Sigh.  

I’m fine. I am glad I found out. Just a little sad right now.

Marko trying his luck

I got this email from Marko in my inbox this afternoon:

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Hello my darling,

 I hope you are ok today and that you are feeling much better.
(note from Tertia: The man is trying, give him credit for that)

 The raffle was a very good idea and very kind of you to help Harrison.
(carries on about setting up a bank account for Harrison and not taking any risks with cash etc etc)
........
Well done my darling.

 PS. Maybe once you have done this collection, you will consider doing one for your poor husband, as I sure all your friends feel very sorry for me and will donate freely.

 Put my limit at US 25 000.00 and lets see if we can raise this in 1 day.

 The contributions will be used as a deposit for a new car, when I eventually will be able to buy one.
(the man is dying to buy a new car. He seems to forget that we have NO money for things like cars. He is trying to convince me that he can get a newer, fancier car AND PAY THE SAME AMOUNT IN INSTALLMENTS EVERY MONTH. Like I am that stupid. So I am the evil bitch who is standing between him and his new car. Somehow I am not feeling terribly sorry for him. There is nothing wrong with his existing car)

 I am sure you are doing this right now.

 Speak to you later.

Lots of love
Me

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Sweet talking won’t get you anywhere my darling. NO NEW CAR! Sorry for youuuu!!

From all of us: Happy Birthday Harrison!

I sent a text message to Harrison last night, just before I went to bed:

 “Good news my friend. Looks like we might have raised R5,000 ($700) already!”

 (I want to surprise him with the amount)

 He replied: “Lovely. i am very very happy. Do you know is my birthday today”

 (It is so amazing that we are able to send text messages to each other.  The power of cellular phones is HUGE in Africa, cellular phones give access to communication to millions of Africans who previously did not have access to telephony due to cost and infrastructure)

 Me: “I did not! Well happy birthday. I think we will manage R10,000 ($1400) in total. The people have been so generous. I am so happy. Going to bed now. Night”

 When I woke up this morning I saw his reply: “Well thank you Tersh girl with out you I can not cope.”

 It made me want to cry.

 Harrison doesn’t have Internet access, obviously. In fact he has never been on the internet, but I am going to print out these posts and your comments for him to keep.

 Suz is right you know, I am doing this for myself as well. Your generosity has lifted my spirits like you can’t believe. I am soaring with the birds at the moment. I could hardly sleep. I couldn’t wait to get up this morning. Thank you guys. Thank you.

 (Have to share this with you. When I sent Harrison a text message last week to tell him of the pregnancy loss and to ask him to take the photos as soon as possible, he sent me this reply: “I will try by tomorrow because I do not a chance today. I would be at work the whole day. So be strong old girl you did not do it yourself it happened on its own.” Sweet man. When you meet him in real life, he comes across as quite a serious person. Very dignified. I was really touched by his note. Even if he did call me ‘old girl’. Old girl! Hey, I am 10 years younger than you old man! Just teasing, I really appreciate the sentiment my old friend)

That was for necessity, this is for love

Your generous response has been overwhelming. It looks like we will reach our target amount in less than 12 hours.  Now!!!  We've hit it already!! Am amount that would have taken Harrison literally years to save up himself.  What an amazing bunch of people you are. You have no idea how much this is going to mean to Harrison. With the $2000 he will get his toilet and his ceiling. Thank you thank you thank you. Thank you. So much.

I mentioned to Harrison that I would like to try and raise some money for him. I had to, because I wanted him to take photos of his family, and I knew he would have to borrow a camera to do it.  I told him I was going to try and raise around $800. But I told him not to get his hopes up. I wanted to surprise him. Boy is he going to be surprised!!!

As soon as the $2000 is reached, I am going to close that campaign off and select the winners of the hampers. Thank goodness for Boulder’s brains. She knows some random number generator thingy and is going to help me select the winners. If Skippy Sheila wins a prize, her hamper will include a free pair of holeless knickers (broeks) to make up for the pair she gave up in order to pay a few raffle tickets. Your cooter might be airy my friend, but you’ve made a family in South Africa very happy. Thank you!

So, thank you to all of you who participated. You’ve done a good thing.

That one was for necessity, now I would like to do one for love.

I’ve had so many people ask me to extend the campaign, but somehow it didn’t feel right changing the rules of the raffle after it has started. Even if you participated purely because you wanted to help Harrison, and not because of the prizes or the campaign total, it still felt wrong to change the target amount. The amount was for the toilet and the ceiling.

Now I would like to do another campaign for love. To raise extra money for Harrison and his family to do with it what ever he wants to.

There is so much they can use the money for. An extra room so that their children don’t all have to share one room. Furniture for their home. More beds so that each child gets their own bed to sleep in. Food. Money for their eldest daughter to finish her education: She is 21 years old and despite the challenges she has faced has managed to finish her schooling and complete her first year of her Food Technology degree. Can you imagine living in a shack with no electricity and no running water and still managing to finish school. Unfortunately she had to leave college at the beginning of this year because her parents just don’t have the money to pay the fees. (Our tertiary education is self-funded, is yours? I know that in some countries the government pays for tertiary education) She is currently working part time cleaning someone’s house to save up towards finishing her degree.

Perhaps they can use the money to buy school uniforms, or to buy carpets. Or new linen. Clothes or shoes. I don’t know, but this second campaign is purely for the luxury of having a little extra money to do with it whatever they want.

This second campaign will also be set at $2000. A five buck ticket again gets you the chance to win one of three extra hampers*.

Half of that money will go to Harrison, and the other half to Nolene, whose shack burnt down two weeks ago, leaving her with nothing other than five sheets of tin and tiny piece of land. There are so many stories like these, that it makes me feel guilty for singling out just one family. But I hope that it will make a big difference in that one family’s life.

I’ll ask the kind Boulder to run a second campaign, once this total has been reached. That way we can finish off the first raffle and start the second one straight away. As soon as she wakes up, she will put the second campaign details up on this post. 

Please watch this space for details of the new campaign. (WAKE UP BOULDER!!!  I NEED YOU!!)

OMG, THE TOTAL HAS BEEN REACHED!  BOULDER ISN'T AWAKE!!  WHAT DO I DO??

Here to help! (Most sincere apologies.) -Boulder

The reason why I can't do it myself, is that PayPal wont allow South African account holders to receive payments, grrrrrr!  Poor Boulder has to do it for me, then pay the money across to my brother in the UK, who then has to pay the money across to me in South Africa and I will draw the cash for Harrison. He doesn't have a bank account, he can't afford the bank charges.  Bank charges are horrific in this country, making formalised banking inaccessible to the poor.  Don't worry, I wont put him at risk by making him walk around with all the cash at once.  I'll give it to him in amounts he feels safe carrying around.

Thank you again for what you have done. I am so emotional about this. You are proof that my faith in mankind is justified.

Enkosi!

Buy your raffle ticket here.

*My brother who lives in London has given me strict instructions on what to include in the hamper …. All the things South Africans really miss when they are overseas. Real South African fare:

Mrs Balls (Chutney is wicked on anything!)
Ghost-pops (crisps)
Nik-naks (crisps)
peppermint crisps (Chocolate bar)
Steers seasoning salt/ BBQ sauce (If you’ve had it you’ll know what i am talking about)
Woolworths biltong (like beef jerkey)
Fanta grape
cream soda
Ouma`s rusks (umm no explanation)

home sick now...

(as per LondonMisfit's suggestion, Tempos and Bar Ones as well)

Ok, the hamper might not include all of the above (those soda tins are far too heavy, and I am sure you get them in your country), but I’ll try and include some of the above. Might send him a little love parcel of home anyway. He is after all, my very best brother in the whole wide world.  And don't worry about me spending lots of money on the postage. I'll make sure the parcel is light and send it the cheapest appropriate way.  And stop saying you don't want my book dammit!  You are supposed to WANT the book, assholes ;-)

 

Harrison's new home

 In a country of 44 million people with an income disparity that is virtually unparalleled in the world…(read more) 

Cape Town is a city where hundreds of thousands of people do not have proper homes and have little prospect of getting them…..(read more)

According to the national Department of Housing, there are over 2 million shacks of different shapes, colours and sizes in South Africa. The living conditions of people who live in shacks are terrible, because they have no electricity, running water or toilets.....(read more)

After decades of apartheid-enforced evictions and residential constraints, millions of black South African families live in shacks and other sub-standard housing, making them particularly keen to secure a home of their own. Since 1994, the provincial governments have provided more than 1 mn grants of R16,000 ($2,200) each to help poor communities and families build new houses (known as RDP houses).....(read more)

RDP houses are typically 36m² (118 feet?) in size, with two bedrooms, a small bathroom and an open-plan room that is a sitting area and kitchen. The houses are built of brick and mortar with galvanised iron roofs, and are fitted with metal doors and smallish windows. They have running water and water-borne sewage, but no electricity. The houses cost in the region of R50000 to build and owners are encouraged to install the absent amenities themselves.... (read more)  

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Just after I lost this last pregnancy, a few of my good friends said they wanted to do something for me, get me something. I thanked them and asked them to hold on to that thought, because I knew someone who needed their help much more than I did.

 Meet Harrison. Harrison is a 48 year old Xhosa gentleman who stays in Khayelitsha and works as a cleaner for a car valet service from Monday to Friday. And every second Saturday he works for me doing garden work.

 I met Harrison 9 years ago. We both worked for Hertz Rent a Car at the time. After several months of working together Harrison approached me and aske d if I had some extra work for him and his wife as they were struggling to feed and clothe their five children. I said yes and so began my relationship with Harrison and his family.

 For all of his married life Harrison has lived in a tin shack, like so many other poor South Africans. He has raised five children and worked to put them through school, all while living in a tiny shack.

 Housing is a huge issue in South Africa. There are simply not enough houses available and even if they were, many South Africans have no means of affording them. Poverty, and lack of access to adequate housing, is one of the cruellest legacies of apartheid.

 After being on a waiting list for over 10 years, and living on his postage stamp piece of land for more than 20 years, Harrison was finally granted the deeds to his piece of land and given a grant to build his RDP house last year. Imagine. After living in a tin shack for twenty years, you finally have two bedrooms, a kitchen and walls of brick and mortar to house your family of seven.

 

The grant does not go very far and Harrison has had to use every cent he has to finish the house – put in doors and windows etc. Unfortunately there is no money for a toilet or a ceiling. His family has to use a communal toilet outside and do without a ceiling. Winter is coming and with no ceiling his little house will be freezing. Not even to mention having to use a communal outside toilet.

 

I would like to help Harrison raise the funds to build his own toilet and to have a ceiling installed. And I want to know whether you would help me help him.

 I would like to run a raffle. Five dollars a ticket gets you the chance to win one of three special South African hampers, included in which is a personally autographed copy of my book as well as other special South African treats and trinkets. I am must still find out what I am allowed to send and what I am not, but I am thinking of including some Rooibos tea and other SA specific things.

 The more tickets you buy, the better chance you stand at winning one of the three hampers.

 The ever gracious Boulder has kindly offered to run the campaign for me, so you will see her name on the PayPal account. All the funds will go to Harrison and his family.

 I ask you to please consider buying a five dollar ticket or two to help Harrison put a roof over his family’s head and build a toilet for his home.

 Thank you.

 Buy your raffle ticket here.

(For the South Africans who would like to contribute ... not sure yet?  I know you can register with PayPal, but if that's too much of a mission, then perhaps some Pick n Pay vouchers?  So that they can buy a few things for their home? Give me a shout via email and I will think of something)
 

Red pumps, Spiderman and new underpants.

Today was a good day.

 After putting it off for ages, I eventually took my car in to have the oil-check thingy fixed (v embarrassing to have to explain to the mechanic what you are in for, ‘um, the oil-check thingy is broken, or so I am told’). Apparently it is called a dipstick. For once Renault exceeded my expectations (which were very low to begin with; thrice bitten, VERY cynical) and actually sorted out the problem straight away without me having to resort to tears and threats. WORST service ever. Makes me not want to buy another Renault again; and I LOVE my car.

 Then, on the way back to the office, I drove past a tiny, out of the way toy store and found a Spiderman outfit for Adam. I had been looking for one for ages in a small. And it was relatively cheap!

 I then had a very good first meeting with one of my managers. (IBM has a matrix reporting structure which means that I have 75 bosses with 400 dotted lines.) I really like him. I felt all inspired and motivated after the meeting. It is good to feel needed and valued.

 During lunchtime I did some SERIOUS retail therapy and bought a pair of really cute red pumps. I’ve never owned red shoes before. I like them. They go with my new hair colour*. I also bought Marko some new socks, underpants and long johns. And Adam some socks and Kate some new PJ’s. With fairies on. She loves fairies.

 After lunch I got a call from the vet to say that the results of Chilli’s biopsy came back negative for cancer! Hurrah!

 All in all, a great day and a good omen for the rest of the week. Be gone sadness! I’ve had enough of you.

 * You know how when you’ve had a new hair cut and it looks great, every one remarks on it? “Wow, you’ve had your hair cut / coloured / changed!” Well, what should I think if nobody remarks on my new hair colour?  I see them looking, but no one says anything. I think it looks that bad. I am going to leave it for a bit and then after my holiday (am going on holiday at the end of this week, YAY) I will go in and have it changed to godknowswhat colour. Not that highlighted blonde anymore. I didn’t like that. Some colour in between Morticia black and Streaky blonde. Not red either. Perhaps I should stick to my original colour. Mousy.

 Lastly, I leave you with this video of Adam and Kate just before bedtime. They were scooting their plastic chairs all over the house. Please forgive my appalling singing voice and total annihilation of the songs. We are just leaning the words to “hello Mother”.  Kate was a lot quieter than she normally is, but she still isn't feeling 100% well.