Speaking about my arse …

 
You know that urban legend about the woman who had a bump on her leg or something and it burst and hundreds of little baby spiders came out?  Well I think a spider laid eggs in my arse. Seriously. It started off as a bump yesterday and this morning it is a raised itchy, burny red patch. Oh what the hell, here is a picture. Taken while twisting around like a bloody pretzel, trying to get a shot of my arse with my cell phone.  Bloody difficult, I am not 15 anymore you know.

 I am too scared to sit down in case hundreds of baby spiders come crawling out my butt cheek.  Poor Rose, I asked her look at my butt this morning. And feel my glands. My glands are swollen as well. In my pelvis, you know, on the bikini line. So the spider probably poisoned me when it laid its eggs.  I’ll die giving birth to hundreds of tiny baby spiders. 

 Great.  I can’t make a bloody fertile egg for love or money but a spider can use me as a surrogate mother.  Just perfect.

Edited to add:  Found some itchy bite cream in the cupboard.  It expired in 2005 but I used it anyway.  I will either die from the spider venom or the expired cream.  I am now sitting at my computer (at home, thank god) with my panties half mast, cream on my arse.  V attractive.

Comments

[Woody's Girl]

Spider bite, nothing.

Looks like a HICKEY to me! ;-)

[Boulder]

You realize that your panties at half mast is the international signal to mates that you are availabe for sex, right?

Red welt on your arse or not, Marko will be turning in another coupon if you aren't careful.

(Hope the bite gets better - watch it closely, they can get worse, and infected. Could also be an assasin bug if you have those there. Take a benedryl, and see your doctor if it gets worse - you may need an antibiotic and/or steroid.)

Poor thing.

[Judy]

Yikes, I'm with Boulder. Get some Benadryl - take orally (not the topical cream). If it isn't any better in a day or two, go get it checked out, and if if you notice it is definitely getting worse, don't waste any more time and get to a doctor quick!

Gives literal meaning to "it just bit me in the a$$". I'm hoping for no multiple births of the arachnid variety for you!

[Liza]

Hey! I got one of those bites! On my knee, though, which made for much easier displaying of the wound to anyone who'd look. I agree with whoever said to take some Benadryl, and hydrocortisone cream helped me a lot as well. Pretty soon some sicko uberfan of yours could probably take all of the partial views of your various bits from this blog and reconstruct an entire naked Tertia in collage form. In fact, I'll bet Julie's already got one somewhere (and knowing her, she's used Photoshop to shrink, expand, blur, and pretty much make the thing seamlessly perfect so as to be indistinguishable from a single full-length photo), with maybe a little candle burning under it on the altar of blog-love :-)

[Amy]

A girl I know named Shannon actually had a spider lay eggs in her arm in 4th grade. I knew her at the time. It was the creepiest thing I have ever seen.

If it helps any, though, it took up her entire forearm - she had raised welts from her wrist to her elbow. Now, granted, it was a 9 year old arm, so it was smaller than an adult arm, but it was a good 5 or 6 inches of ouchies - not just a little hickey like yours.

Of course, that could've been further into the process than you are at this point...

Nevermind, I'm not helping at all. Good luck!! We're going to start calling you Wilbur.

[Nicole]

I gotta admire a woman who puts her spider pregnant ass on the internet. I drop my panties to you in a salute!

[Christina]

Nice pic ;)

Doesn't look like a tick bite..... did a quick look on the internet and it could be a spider bite, maybe a brown button spider? If it is, it should go away in a couple days. I agree with the others about Benadryl - it works wonders for rashes and bites! Oh, and to get it check out if it gets worse and/or larger.

[Rae]

Watch that bite. I had what i thought was a spider bite. Hurt like hell and it got so swollen and i got a high fever, blah blah. Long story short it was a staph infection which ended up being MRSA!! Serious stuff. As i type this i'm getting ready to head out to an Infectious Disease Doc b/c i can not get rid of the infection. I have a pic at home, email me if you want to compare. lol Mine wasn't on my ars but my arm tho:). It was horrible!!! Keep an eye on it. Don't want to freak you out so i'll stop. Take care

[Orange]

Well, itchy may be a good sign that it's not a festering bacterial infection—if it's hot and red, and the redness starts to branch outwards in teeny blood vessels, get to the doctor right away. My son had cellulitis (infection beneath the skin, nothing to do with fat, lumpy thighs) last summer, and it's not something to mess around with. He wasn't itchy, though—it just hurt and was warm to the touch.

The swollen glands do hint at infection, though. Why not call the doc and see if they think you should go show someone your ass?

[projgen]

Wait - I forget, how long have you and Marko been married now? Maybe it's just a 7-year itch.

hee. Seriously, hope it's something minor and clears up quickly!

[jill]

I love you! Fantastic post!

[Robin from TLOL]

I now have quite the mental image stuck in my head! Thanks heaps.

Hope you and your ass are soon feeling fine and definitively bug-free!

[Chelsea]

I was going to suggest cellulitis as well. If you can or have Marko do, make a few marks with a felt or pen and watch to see if it exceeds those lines. I thought I had an inner bite on my thigh one time and ended up in the hospital for a few days. Watch it close and don't hesitate to have the doc look at it.

[Flicka]

Lovely arse, Tersh! Have you considered seeing a doctor?

[Colleen]

Tertia, you've outdone yourself with that photo. Been doing much yoga lately? :)

Call the doc just to be sure. I saw a story on the news the other day about this MRSA stuff popping up everywhere these days. You don't want to fool around with that. Very nasty and dangerous.

[Momness]

I have tea in my sinuses now I've been snorting and laughing so hard at the post and replies.

Benedryl is good... but MRSA... cellulitis... that is scary stuff. I say get thee hiney to a doctor. Preferrably a *cute* doctor.

[Lisa]

I see your butt crack, heeeee!!!

[Sidsel]

Just to defend spiders in general. They may bite people now and then e.g. if you decide to sit on them. But they do not lay their eggs in people. Never. Its definitely an urban myth.
No spider is a parasite.
No spider babies for you :-(

[Max Kaizen]

hmm.. you been hanging out with Mike lately T?
apparently he's Spiderman (and declared on his blog that he'll be coming to the CT 27dinner in full regalia LOL!)you too may soon be able to wrist-shoot webs & find yourself in formfitted superhero whenever there's a crisis.
(Do you think this is a consequence of hanging out too much on the www? eventually it bites you on the bum?!)

[Deb]

***** I can’t make a bloody fertile egg for love or money

HAHAHAHAHA!!! GO YOU!!! God is a humorous God it has been said. Congrats on the baby and no spider babies. But still, this babe should be nicknamed Spidey!!

Wonder if that bite somehow made you fertile (In all seriousness?)

[fussball]

Gute Arbeit hier! Gute Inhalte.