Hmmm, guess I am not quite over it yet

Guess the whole infertility / body betrayal thing still affects me just a tad. Apologies about the outburst* yesterday. Am feeling better today. Will do the tests. Next week. Will let you know, of course.

 Am in such an irritable mood**. I hate office politics. Hate it. I do not want to get involved, I do not care about the pecking order, I don’t want to be anyone’s favourite and I don’t want your position.  I am quite happy being little Miss Oblivious Pollyanna. Leave me out of it!  Someone I work with is trying to get political with me, and I so don’t want to play.  Am going to try my best to ignore it. But it is irritating and such a waste of energy to have to keep deflecting this stuff.

 Speaking about my fertility doctor, the lovely Dr H….  I am not sure one’s vag doctor should have a sense of humour.  He calls me last week and whispers on the phone “Hello, it is xxxx”. He talks softly AND he has an accent so I couldn’t hear him.  So I said “who?” and he says “It is your gynaecologist here”.  I told him to stop calling me that immediately. I can’t be friends with him if he is going to refer to himself as “your gynaecologist”.  Imagine us at lunch: Hi, I will have the pasta and my gynaecologist here will have the four seasons pizza.  No no. That won’t work. And anyway, he knows he has been fired as my gynae.  He is my friend now. Not my gynae.  We will forget he has seen my cooter 450 million times in the past.  (But of course I will be asking him about the menopause thing.  There has to be some advantages to having a gynaecologist as a friend)

 Then, have a look at this cool new blog.  It is called MyMomShops and is written by a NY mom of two who is an expert online shopper. She finds all these winner things online and tells you where to find all the good stuff online. Have a look.

 That’s all folks. Have a great weekend.  Smooches.

 *Outbursts? **Irritable? AARRGGHHH!!! At least I am not hot today ;-)

 

Comments

[Ute]

Interesting entry, this one. No, I don't mean the cool new blog. Well, that too. ;o) But the thing I'm really referring to is "your" Dr. H.

Suppose - just suppose - you were back at a stage where you're not (yet) friends but just patient and doctor. Suppose you had one more appointment with him and suppose you were pretty sure you would most likely never see him again after that. Suppose he had done so much for you and been so kind to you in the past that it leaves you almost in tears. Suppose you had written him a letter, thanking him for all of that and telling him what an incredible man he is.

Would you dare to give him this letter in the end? Or would you be scared to death that he might take it the wrong way?

As you may have guessed, I have my own "Dr. H." here (funny, his name really starts with an H!), except we're not friends (yet?). But I sort of "owe" my daughter to him (he was the only one not to believe in the missed abortion three other doctors had diagnosed in Summer '04), and he may even have saved my life last year, shortly after the birth of my son, when I lost a kidney due to a previously undiscovered abscess. They thought it was cancer at first, and this man was just so kind to me, it was absolutely incredible. Among other things he called me twice after my surgery, just to ask how I was. He even called me last week to ask if I was OK when I didn't turn up for an appointment (which I had cancelled previously, but he hadn't been told.)

I'm going to be sterilized next week in "his" hospital; I'll most likely never end up there again - and now I just don't know what to do. Give him that letter, or burn it & shut up for ever, for fear of making a complete fool of myself? What would you do / have done?

[Suzie-Q.]

After delivering by twins by IVF, I sent a photo of the babies and a thank you note (gushing) to my RE. I only went through one uneventful cycle, so, wasn't sure he would even remember me...
He sent me back a letter thanking me and saying he thought my kids rocked!!
xoxo

[Melissa R. Garrett]

I have to admit I feel like an intruder on this wonderful little blog I stumbled upon. I can't help but commend you courageous women for all you've been through. I am lucky to be a proud mother of three very healthy children, all of whom were conceived a little too easily. Shouldn't it always be so simple??

But all three of my pregnancies were riddled with problems, the specifics, of which I won't get into here. Suffice it to say, my first pregnancy was the most difficult and I ended up on bedrest with an at-home nurse in my first trimester. I visited my doctor on a daily basis as he tried to diagnose what was wrong with me, all the while reassuring me that my baby would be fine. When all was said and done and a healthy baby emerged, I felt this very strong connection to my doctor. I felt I owed him everything and then some. I, too, wrote him a thank you letter and sent along a picture of my daughter to add to his wall of photographs. But I left it at that.

On the flip side, the first time I helped to deliver a baby as a nursing student, I felt this strange bond with the mother. I had coached her through three hours of pushing, afterall, and seen her in such an intimate moment! But then I realized I shouldn't let myself get SO close to these women. It was my job and duty to care and be emotionally available. *I still get stopped occasionally by someone out in public who says, you took care of me after my baby was born!*

Anyway, if I were the person deliberating whether or not to send along the letter, I would just make sure it doesn't cross the line. As a mom three times over, I can certainly empathize with the bond between patient and caregiver . . .

[Ute]

Well, I don't think the letter crosses the line; there is no way anyone could misinterpret it as "me being in love with him" or some such thing - which I really and definitely am not. I don't want to "exact a friendship" either. All I want is for that doctor to know how much his kindness is appreciated. To let him know that as a patient I really don't take it all for granted. The letter's not even all that long. But still... It somehow takes more courage to say something nice and appreciative than it usually takes to complain. Strange world.

How "did it all happen" in your case, Tertia? How did you get to be even friends in the end? I would have been soooo afraid of overstepping some border.

[victoria]

Send the letter. I have a friend who's a physician who delivers babies all the time and she's really touched by her patients' cards, letters, gifts etc. She wouldn't want a patient to make a pass at her or follow her home, but a letter would certainly be welcome.

[victoria]

Send the letter. I have a friend who's a physician who delivers babies all the time and she's really touched by her patients' cards, letters, gifts etc. She wouldn't want a patient to make a pass at her or follow her home, but a letter would certainly be welcome.

[AmyElle]

I agree, send the letter. I have my own Dr. H, but I call him Rick. lol I am friends with him, seeing as I am finally only seeing him once a year for normal girlie stuff now for the first time in years. I know he really appreciates being thanked, and he even framed my letter along with a picture of my twins.

Tertia, I just wanted to let you know that because of excessive bleeding and pain with my periods, I had a hysterectomy a year ago. While I was ready, I still had a period of grieving knowing that with no uterus, my options, my safety net of "what if's" was gone.

My MIL helped me the most with this. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer when she had one child in college and one in high school. She originally thought she was pregnant, and actually felt relief that it was something she could get rid of. However, during her recovery from the surgery, she cried. She told me she cried buckets over knowing that core of her femininity was now gone, and she couldn't ever have more children. Never mind she didn't want more anyway. She helped me to realize it's ok to grieve that loss, no matter what my plans were.

I can only imagine when you still have hope, however remote, to have to deal with the idea of putting the dream away.

[Kristina]

I'm become friends with my gynecologist as well. Actually he and his wife are some of our closest friends. (He is actually still my gyno too but now that I don't have a uterus, it's not like I need to see him often medically.)

I wrote him one of those appreciative letters - after 4 surgeries and 2 children I wanted to thank him for my kids that might not have even been possible without him. I handed him the card in the office and to my horror he ripped it open right in front of me. It actually brought him to tears.

Send the letter. Docs don't always get to be thanked for what they do. They went into the profession to help people and they are so grateful when they actually find out that they did good.