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Marriage after infertility. The challenges a relationship faces once children, wanted, longed for, adored, arrive on the scene.

Hi Tertia, I haven't commented in a long time, but still read your blog every morning with my breakfast. Humm...what questions would I ask...

1. What did you learn about yourself because of your experiences of infertility? How have these lessons effected other areas of your life?
2. What surprised you the most about how others dealt with you through the tough times?
3. If you had to give someone only three "tips" for dealing with infertility, what would they be?
4. Do you think your experiences have made you a different parent than you would have been if fertility was not an issue? How so?
5. Were there times when you wish you had been more private about your struggles so that you didn't have to deal with loss after loss as well as everyone knowing about them? (Did you ever just want to hid yourself in a cave?!)

Just a few questions that popped up for me. By the way, I'm nearly 29 weeks along now and things are going GREAT! My partner and I are eagerly awaiting our little one in early April.

First, thanks for the "slang" lesson. I figured you meant underwear, given the context, but glad to see I wasn't entirely off base.

Second... What would I ask you... My first question makes me sound like a total b*tch, so we'll scrap that one. It isn't meant to be b*tchy, but no matter how I phrase it, it sounds that way. This is the only thing that I can think of and that I would really like to know... If you knew what your road to have children would have been like, would you still have done it?

Just say it like it is...

Talk about your personal experiences. Things that come from the heart...
Number one on my list would be how important it is to NEVER give up in life.
There are too many people out here who are willing to kick you if you lie down on the ground.
I know this from personal experience...

shotu shout shout! if I shout enough will that then take me to cape town too, and can i then get some tickets? Please??

I think it would help others there to hear how you survived the dispair you felt - how you sometimes didn't think you could go on but you did.

I would ask about the hard times during your infertility journey, following the loss of Luke and Ben, and during the first year with the twins. What gave you the courage and strength to keep on keeping on? How did you renew your hope when things looked hopeless? How did you and Marko support one another? Where else did you find support?
I know some of the answers from reading your blog, of course, but I think the answers would be interesting to people in any difficult situation.
Good luck!

I would ask why you didn't choose to adopt rather than go on to try for Adam & Kate after you lost Ben?

I'd want you to talk about what kept you going when everything was worse than it could ever be -how you kept at IVF especially after Ben - and then I think being honest about how hard it all is NOW -- and how having Kate & Adam don't make the hell/losses/etc. "go away"....

How many people have been successful with IVF at the age of 42 and if so, how many IVFs did they go through before success ?


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