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Air travel is the absolutely last thing I ever want to do again. It is just too much of a pain now.

Glad you made it back home - eventually.

And how cool you got recognized! You're uber-famous!

I feel your pain, here in the US where air travel is almost like driving down the freeway, things can sometimes go wrong, I can just imagine things there in Sunny SA - I can just imagine! Pray for me, I'm heading there in 13 days!


Just bring the toy on your weekend away. ;) You'll be fine.

If your romantic evening away is not better than your work travel you should think of replacing either your travel agent or your husband.

That is a really bad trip when having the bathroom to yourself doesn't lift your spirits one bit.

Sorry you had a bad trip. I traveled this week too (Sunday through Wednesday), and had a FABULOUS time. My boss even paid for my spa appointment. I'm flying again tomorrow with my 4 year old son to see his father who will be gone for a month for training. I can't wait.

I traveled with IBM for 3+ years and LOVED it. I hope it gets easier for you the next time.

Ah Tertia, you poor fucker. I actually quite like flying, and love airports.

Except for the time we were in Frankfurt.

We'd been in Europe for 2 months and we were on the way home to Australia. We hadn't heard an Aussie accent in ages so when a young guy from Perth started chatting to us, we chatted back, assuming, stupidly, that he was sane. He seemed nice enough. He's been surfing for a few he said, oh how nice, we said. Everything seemed fine. He saw me writing in my address book, and he strangely asked if he could write his name in there. I said...um...oh, ok. So he grabbed my address book, and started walking away with it, reading the addresses. At that point, I said, um, no, excuse me, give that back please, but he wouldn't, before he'd completely graffiti'd onto my lovely little address book with a thick black permanent marker. Then I got it back, and we politely sat far way away from him and didn't talk to him after that. Which was fine, until we boarded the plane, and he sat next to us, even though his ticket was for the other side of the plane somewhere. Some poor girl came to claim her seat, but the guy said to her, no darling, I'm sitting here with my friends. We told her no, he's not our friend, please, sit down, but she looked a bit worried and then said ok, she'll swap seats.
By this stage, we were a bit worried.

Then he tried to give me a Mentos, but I wouldn't take it and I pressed the button to get assistance. The flight attendant came, and he asked what was wrong, and I said, this person took the seat next to us, but it's not his seat, and I'm uncomfortable about him sitting there. The attendant said, oh, and asked the other girl if she had minded swapping seats but she said, no, it's fine. The the guy said to the flight attendant, excuse me, I want you to throw my jumper to the back of the plane. The attendant said, what? No. He said, yes, do it. The attendant went and got the captain of the plane (obviously this was pre 9/11) to explain that if he didn't
behave, he would make him get off the plane. The guy said fine, sorry, I'll behave.
Which he did, for half an hour, until the plane took off. Then he suddenly looked at me, and stared at my eyes. Underneath one of my eyes, I had a burst blood vessel on my skin. Suddenly, he started screaming at me. I FUCKING HATE THAT THING, THAT FUCKING THING IS UGLY, WHY DON'T YOU GET THAT THING LASERED OFF YOU FUCKING BITCH, I HATE YOU AND I HATE THAT RED DOT!!!

Hmmmmm. This time, the other passengers were nice enough to alert the flight attendant for me. He came over, and at this stage the guy was yelling and pointing at my eye, and another flight attendant came over, and they removed him from the seat, and made him go with them and sit on the flight attendant folding seat for the next 12 hours to Singapore. He snuck back to the seat next to us 3 times in that time, when the attendants had to serve food and weren't watching him.

These days he would have been off the plane in 2 seconds.

The moral of the story Tertia, is this:


Actually, just don't talk to people full stop. And for god's sake, don't get a burst blood vessel under your eye, it could get you in trouble.

Oh, and if YOU are the Perth psychopath reading this : I hope you are enjoying your padded room, and you owe me $15 for the address book.

Oh the satisfaction of a good rant.

Similar things have happened to me. And I also bitched about it afterwards. At length. And MY friends couldn't click away from me. So that's worse, right?

But I did feel better afterwards.

Oh no. You surely did not use the word "fuck" enough in that post. It deserved many, many more.

Sorry about the shitty trip.

I've been a business traveler for 8 years now. After a couple of years, I started a blog for the sole reason of letting out my frustration and anger over things like you've mentioned, rather than taking them out on my loved ones. Very therapeutic.

I agree, traveling sucks.

Awesome story Neety! I'm from Perth but rarely a psychopath. Sometimes I surf. What a nut job! And a total nightmare trip

I love travelling, especially on my own! I like airports, airplanes and airline food (because I didn't have to make it). I dream of a hotel room to myself and crappy roomservice.

But hey, bitch away! And I agre with Dani, there should have been more "fuck" used in your post.

Hope you have a good time with Marko, even if you don't feel up to it at the moment.

Speaking of airlines...

One thing that struck me as odd in the days after 9/11 was Bush saying "We will not tolerate conspiracy theories [regarding 9/11]". Sure enough there have been some wacky conspiracy theories surrounding the events of that day. The most far-fetched and patently ridiculous one that I've ever heard goes like this: Nineteen hijackers who claimed to be devout Muslims but yet were so un-Muslim as to be getting drunk all the time, doing cocaine and frequenting strip clubs decided to hijack four airliners and fly them into buildings in the northeastern U.S., the area of the country that is the most thick with fighter bases. After leaving a Koran on a barstool at a strip bar after getting shitfaced drunk on the night before, then writing a suicide note/inspirational letter that sounded like it was written by someone with next to no knowledge of Islam, they went to bed and got up the next morning hung over and carried out their devious plan. Nevermind the fact that of the four "pilots" among them there was not a one that could handle a Cessna or a Piper Cub let alone fly a jumbo jet, and the one assigned the most difficult task of all, Hani Hanjour, was so laughably incompetent that he was the worst fake "pilot" of the bunch, with someone who was there when he was attempting to fly a small airplane saying that Hanjour was so clumsy that he was unsure if he had driven a car before. Nevermind the fact that they received very rudimentary flight training at Pensacola Naval Air Station, making them more likely to have been C.I.A. assets than Islamic fundamentalist terrorists. So on to the airports after Mohammed Atta supposedly leaves two rental cars at two impossibly far-removed locations. So they hijack all four airliners and at this time passengers on United 93 start making a bunch of cell phone calls from 35,000 feet in the air to tell people what was going on. Nevermind the fact that cell phones wouldn't work very well above 4,000 feet, and wouldn't work at ALL above 8,000 feet. But the conspiracy theorists won't let that fact get in the way of a good fantasy. That is one of the little things you "aren't supposed to think about". Nevermind that one of the callers called his mom and said his first and last name ("Hi mom, this is Mark Bingham"), more like he was reading from a list than calling his own mom. Anyway, when these airliners each deviated from their flight plan and didn't respond to ground control, NORAD would any other time have followed standard operating procedure (and did NOT have to be told by F.A.A. that there were hijackings because they were watching the same events unfold on their own radar) which means fighter jets would be scrambled from the nearest base where they were available on standby within a few minutes, just like every other time when airliners stray off course. But of course on 9/11 this didn't happen, not even close. Somehow these "hijackers" must have used magical powers to cause NORAD to stand down, as ridiculous as this sounds because total inaction from the most high-tech and professional Air Force in the world would be necessary to carry out their tasks. So on the most important day in its history the Air Force was totally worthless. Then they had to make one of the airliners look like a smaller plane, because unknown to them the Naudet brothers had a videocamera to capture the only known footage of the North Tower crash, and this footage shows something that doesn't look like a jumbo jet, but didn't have to bother with the South Tower jet disguising itself because that was the one we were "supposed to see". Anyway, as for the Pentagon they had to have Hani Hanjour fly his airliner like it was a fighter plane, making a high G-force corkscrew turn that no real airliner can do, in making its descent to strike the Pentagon. But these "hijackers" wanted to make sure Rumsfeld survived so they went out of their way to hit the farthest point in the building from where Rumsfeld and the top brass are located. And this worked out rather well for the military personnel in the Pentagon, since the side that was hit was the part that was under renovation at the time with few military personnel present compared to construction workers. Still more fortuitous for the Pentagon, the side that was hit had just before 9/11 been structurally reinforced to prevent a large fire there from spreading elsewhere in the building. Awful nice of them to pick that part to hit, huh? Then the airliner vaporized itself into nothing but tiny unidentifiable pieces most no bigger than a fist, unlike the crash of a real airliner when you will be able to see at least some identifiable parts, like crumpled wings, broken tail section etc. Why, Hani Hanjour the terrible pilot flew that airliner so good that even though he hit the Pentagon on the ground floor the engines didn't even drag the ground!! Imagine that!! Though the airliner vaporized itself on impact it only made a tiny 16 foot hole in the building. Amazing. Meanwhile, though the planes hitting the Twin Towers caused fires small enough for the firefighters to be heard on their radios saying "We just need 2 hoses and we can knock this fire down" attesting to the small size of it, somehow they must have used magical powers from beyond the grave to make this morph into a raging inferno capable of making the steel on all forty-seven main support columns (not to mention the over 100 smaller support columns) soften and buckle, then all fail at once. Hmmm. Then still more magic was used to make the building totally defy physics as well as common sense in having the uppermost floors pass through the remainder of the building as quickly, meaning as effortlessly, as falling through air, a feat that without magic could only be done with explosives. Then exactly 30 minutes later the North Tower collapses in precisely the same freefall physics-defying manner. Incredible. Not to mention the fact that both collapsed at a uniform rate too, not slowing down, which also defies physics because as the uppermost floors crash into and through each successive floor beneath them they would shed more and more energy each time, thus slowing itself down. Common sense tells you this is not possible without either the hijackers' magical powers or explosives. To emphasize their telekinetic prowess, later in the day they made a third building, WTC # 7, collapse also at freefall rate though no plane or any major debris hit it. Amazing guys these magical hijackers. But we know it had to be "Muslim hijackers" the conspiracy theorist will tell you because (now don't laugh) one of their passports was "found" a couple days later near Ground Zero, miraculously "surviving" the fire that we were told incinerated planes, passengers and black boxes, and also "survived" the collapse of the building it was in. When common sense tells you if that were true then they should start making buildings and airliners out of heavy paper and plastic so as to be "indestructable" like that magic passport. The hijackers even used their magical powers to bring at least seven of their number back to life, to appear at american embassies outraged at being blamed for 9/11!! BBC reported on that and it is still online. Nevertheless, they also used magical powers to make the american government look like it was covering something up in the aftermath of this, what with the hasty removal of the steel debris and having it driven to ports in trucks with GPS locators on them, to be shipped overseas to China and India to be melted down. When common sense again tells you that this is paradoxical in that if the steel was so unimportant that they didn't bother saving some for analysis but so important as to require GPS locators on the trucks with one driver losing his job because he stopped to get lunch. Hmmmm. Further making themselves look guilty, the Bush administration steadfastly refused for over a year to allow a commission to investigate 9/11 to even be formed, only agreeing to it on the conditions that they get to dictate its scope, meaning it was based on the false pretense of the "official story" being true with no other alternatives allowed to be considered, handpicked all its members making sure the ones picked had vested interests in the truth remaining buried, and with Bush and Cheney only "testifying" together, only for an hour, behind closed doors, with their attorneys present and with their "testimonies" not being recorded by tape or even written down in notes. Yes, this whole story smacks of the utmost idiocy and fantastic far-fetched lying, but it is amazingly enough what some people believe. Even now, five years later, the provably false fairy tale of the "nineteen hijackers" is heard repeated again and again, and is accepted without question by so many Americans. Which is itself a testament to the innate psychological cowardice of the American sheeple, i mean people, and their abject willingness to believe something, ANYTHING, no matter how ridiculous in order to avoid facing a scary uncomfortable truth. Time to wake up America.

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