Looking back, going forward

2006 has been a big year for me. So much has happened. Both good and not so good. 

It has been a year of tremendous joy. The first year of babyhood was not that easy for me. Newborn twins are tough. But the second year is so much fun. It is such a joy to see how your children grow and learn and take delight in discovering the world around them. I still look at my children in wondrous disbelief – I am awed by how incredibly lucky I am to have these two beautiful children. How on earth did I manage to get this lucky?? I am unspeakably grateful. 

It has been a year of great achievements (publishing a book), moments of great opportunity (appearing on TV twice, doing three radio show), great exposure in the print media (reviews, interviews or excerpts in just about every major local magazine and newspaper). Lots of ’15 minutes of fame’ for me this year.  I feel a great sense of pride in myself for pursuing this. 

It has also been a year of big change on the job front. Moving from being a big fish in a small pond, to being a small fish in a very, very large pond (IBM). A change in mindset, and going forward, perhaps a change in focus. More work, less play. 

It has been a challenging year on other fronts. At a time in my life when everything seemed to be going right, I was hit by depression once again. The timing of it was hard to deal with. Why then, when everything was going so well? Learning that I am at higher risk for bouts of chemical depression was hard to hear. Even harder has been the struggle to find the right solution for the depression. It has been a tough few months. But I am determined to be well. 

It has also been tough to find the right harmonious balance in my marriage. Parenting brings with it a set of stresses and challenges to the relationship that I never anticipated. 

I’ve learnt a lot about myself this year. Things I hope to learn and grown from next year.

I am not going to do new years resolutions. I never stick to them anyway. And anyway, I’ve stopped smoking and I am hardly going to stop drinking, now am I? What other resolutions are there?

Instead, what I would like to do is set focus areas for myself for 2007:

1. The main one being my health. I want to focus on being physically, emotionally and psychologically healthy in 2007. I am going to promise myself to take whatever steps are required to make sure 2007 is a healthy year for me. I neglected my health in a big way in 2006. And I suffered for it.

2. My marriage: I need to work hard at making sure my marriage is healthy too. I want us to be together, happy, forever. And that doesn’t happen automatically. Good marriages require care and dedication. And hard work!

3. My career: I would like find my niche at work, my ‘groove’. Find the thing I enjoy doing, that I am good at, and then excel at it. It’s been a while since I have done something at work that has excited me.

You will notice that I haven’t mentioned motherhood or my kids in my 2007 goals. And that is because I intend on continuing doing what I did in 2006, being the best mother to my kids I could be. Motherhood was the one thing I did really well in 2006. It was a job I adored doing. Unfortunately it came at the expense of the three things above. My children got every single ounce of me. And everything else suffered. This next year I need to learn to continue being a good mom, but also to focus on being good to myself, my husband and my job. My kids will always come first, but the other things need attention as well.

What are your 2006 reflections and 2007 aspirations?

 

Comments

[Colleen]

Great post Tertia. I feel like I did the same thing with my kids, gave them every ounce of myself and let other things slide. I need to turn my attention to other areas of my life as well, which gets easier as the kids get older.
I may steal your resolutions!

[Shandra]

This is a great post.

My top resolution this year is to slow down enough to find fun and beauty in the things I already have, just the way they are - flawed or not.

I did want to point out too that a marriage is two adults. You can definitely turn more of your energy towards it and that is a good thing, but a marriage can only become healthy when both partners are doing that.

[Amy]

Great post, and good perspective Tertia! I did the same sort of thing already, at my blog, last night. I am not interested in "resolutions", and they never work when I try anyways. So I made "aspirations" if you will. http://www.xanga.com/amyunicorn

[Carol]

DH and I have a goal this year for our household to be totally sustainable. We're putting solar panels up to replace oil-based electricity in our house. We're looking into geothermal energy for our heating. We want to grow all our fruits and vegetables in the coming growing season. It will be really cool if we can do it.

[Julie]

Tertia - what an inspirational post to end 2006 and kick of an awesome 2007!

My resolution is NOT to go back to work during 2007 - I spent 3 years of infertility trying for a baby, and my miracle arrived in March this year. Hubby is pretty insistent that I return to work in the new year, but I will NOT be railroaded into it - it's pure financial greed on his part - we don't actually NEED the money - what I earn basically buys the "TOYS" and we have more than enough already.

So I guess my resolution is to be true to myself and look after myself, and do what is best for my baby - NOT for our bank balance:
- continue to treat my post-partum Reumatoid Arthritus
- maintain the weight I have lost so far (20 KGS!!!), lose the last 4.5 I need to get down to my goal weight of 60, and not to fall back on my old ways of emotional eating and using food as a crutch
- continue to fight for the right to be a SAHM for a while longer

OH - also to pursue the initial contact with my birth mum - I'm adopted, I have traced my birth mum's contact details - name, address and telehone number - but haven't yet made contact. I need to sit down and write THE most important letter of my life!

[Suzie-Q.]

I aspire to be a really good mom to kids who are finally cognizant of the world around them (almost 2 years old).
I aspire to lose (and keep off this time) 20 lbs.
I aspire to find a good job. The right job.
I aspire to meet someone fabulous to date in '07.

[Kristin]

I am hoping 2007 will result in my house being totally organized (yeah...right...like thats gonna happen with three boys)...us continuing on our road to financial stability...and possibly ttc at the end of the year.

I feel I've got a pretty damn good handle on the motherhood front and just want continue on with that.

[Paul Jacobson]

I think 2007 is going to be my year of doing all those things that are so outside my frame of reference I have no idea how to do them. I am thinking about two new businesses in particular. The thought of building them and working towards making them sustainable is unnerving and I think that is also how I know they are good projects to stick with.

I made a speech at my wedding last year (Feb 2006) where I made a few promises to my wife. This year I am going to continue my work to keep those promises to her. We don't have children yet (Gina wants a baby yesterday) and even without them, nurturing a marriage is an ongoing commitment and one worth making (at least for me).

That is pretty much what comes to mind for me now ... I think the thing with these sorts of resolutions or decisions is that you really need to make the same commitments every morning when you wake up or they are just a bunch of words. So I guess the question is what you will decide to do with 2007 tomorrow morning.

[alicia aka Pocono Mom]

good for you. i know there are many times i have lost myself because i have been so consumed by the home, the hubby, the kids, the responsibilities, working, blogging and helping family members and friends. people like you and i give and give and give and then have nothing left for ourselves. i applaud the fact you were brave enough to verbalize you need some "me" time and i pray the best for you.
i have these moments myself. i verbalized it on my blog (www.poconomom.com) as well. i realize i get these deep analytical moments and pick them apart like an orange...i'm not sure if i would do that if i had down time, because then i would be able to reflect on a normal basis, rather than everything flodding to me in one big swoop.

[legalmama]

My aspirations -- I will not call them resolutions -- are similar to yours. Health, marriage, work.

I really need to get healthy. I am so out of shape, and fatter than I ever imagined I could be, and I need to work on that. But I have to be realistic about it. Small steps. My marriage needs a lot of work. We always had a great marriage, and now we bicker and snap at each other all the time. We are both trying to be nicer to each other. I've always hated that married couples so often treat each other worse than they would treat total strangers, and I'm going to work really hard to fix that. And on the work front, I want to dedicate myself to excellence. I've been at my job for 14 years. And I feel I've let my work slip. I am on our evaluation committee for junior attorneys, and as I listen to the praise for some of them, that they have great attention to detail, they do not accept mediocrity, etc., I realize that those are the things people said about me when I was young, and I don't think I can say about myself any more. How to do this while being mother to three young kids, I'm not sure, but I at least have to try.

A lot to work on, but I would like to look back on 2007 and feel better about than I did about 2006.