The reluctant Celeb

(Have you noticed that I haven’t posted for DAYS?  I hope so!)

 Writing a book is the easy part …. this media / PR / marketing stuff is way harder.  Instead of lying on my couch revelling in the satisfying afterglow of the release of my book, I’ve just spent three days filming for a TV show. And let me tell you, it’s been bloody nerve wracking stuff.

 I have been dying to tell you about it, but I wanted to make sure it happened before I did.  I still can’t believe it has happened. Last night, after the second day of interviews and shooting, I said to Marko: “This feels totally surreal, that people actually want to do a TV show on the two of us.  We are such arb, simple people.”

 I have been DREADING this shoot.  It is for a segment on a really big show here in South Africa, probably the biggest show on TV.  I still can’t believe they are actually going to air it, and until I get confirmation, I am not going to say which show (not that it means anything to anyone outside of SA!), but believe me, as soon as I hear they are going ahead with the show, I will let everyone know. It is tentatively scheduled to air the 19^th of Nov.

 My publisher sent the producers of the show a copy of my book, with the suggestion that they might be interested in doing a piece for their TV show. About me and my infertility story. A few days later I got a call from them: “Hello Tertia, this is Xxxx from Xxxxxx, we are interested in doing a piece on your story…” I nearly shat in my pants.  There is no bigger show than this one.  Which made it even more bloody scary.

 It went better than I expected. I was really, really nervous to do it.  This show is such a high profile show and the interviewers are really well known, SA versions of celebs. When I first told Marko about it, he told me I could forget about him being on the show.  I told him, in no uncertain terms, that he had no bloody choice.  I’d done enough of this shit on my own; he had no choice but to participate.  He was even more nervous than I was, but he ended up being really excellent in his interview (which I haven’t seen!) and got on like a house on fire with the interviewer.  They interviewed my mother, my sister, my best friend, Marko and I. 

 It was nerve wracking, and long, and tiring (they shot until late on Friday and Saturday), but it went well.  The producer of the show was excellent.  I loved her. It’s crazy that they do three days of filming for a 10 minute segment, but I suppose that is how it works. I hope it comes across well. We’ll see. I felt very dorky in some of the shoots.

 This time right now really is my 15 minutes of fame. I am featured in this month’s edition (Dec edition, out now) of Femina, and I think next month’s edition of Oprah magazine (SA version) and then the following month’s Marie Claire (SA edition) and I think perhaps Fair Lady after that.  The eTV show aired this past Monday with a rerun yesterday, and now this TV show.  (I am trying to somehow get the TV interview from this last week uploaded to Youtube, but I have no idea how to do that.)

 It all sounds glam and fabulous, and I really am grateful that I am getting this exposure, but I have to tell you, it is bloody nerve wracking.  I’d far rather be lying on my couch, drinking my wine.  But that would a cop out. If I am going to do this, then I need to do it properly.  And this marketing / PR stuff is part of the process of publishing a book. 

 So dear hearts, that is where I have been for the last three days.  I hope you noticed I was away. For the local dudes: I’ll let you know which show and when as soon as I know.  For the rest of you: I am working on that international release.  It is moving forward.  Things are happening; albeit painfully slowly.

 I have to tell you a few quick Marko stories that happened over the last few days. Now, while I am tipsy enough to tell you. Firstly…. what is it with men and sex? Why is it that their first reaction to stressful situations is always “let’s shag”?   Have a fight?  Solution?  Let's shag.  Big day ahead?  Solution?  Let's shag.  Marko’s solution to the pre-filming nerves is a shag. Is he fucking mental? A shag is the very last thing I need or want at that moment.  No matter how much he tells me “but it will relax you”. I don’t care. A shag is out of the fucking question. Shut up and help me tidy up.

 Then, 30 minutes before the camera crew and interview people are about to arrive at my house (yes, they interviewed me in my house!!), I am running around like a mad thing, trying to get dressed, get the kids sorted, clean up, make the beds etc, and Marko is busy …………………… sweeping the driveway.  Oh.My.Fuck. He can’t help me tidy up because he is sweeping. the. fucking. DRIVEWAY.   THEY ARE NOT GOING TO FILM THE DRIVEWAY. Make the effing beds instead.

 Sigh

 I have to say, besides the wanting to shag and sweeping the driveway thing, he was really good. The producer and interviewer said he was really great in his interview, and he helped a stack with the set up and running around etc.  He’s not too bad, I think I’ll keep him.

 Oh wait!!  OMG, forgot to tell you this! Firstly, the film shoot was supposed to happen last week, but.  Well. It didn’t happen for a few reasons, which was why I felt so let down by people last week.  Anyway, it’s fine. It worked out fine.  Then, the morning of the first day of shooting (Friday), I was extremely stressed. Obviously. Just as I am about to get ready, Kate pukes all over me.  I had a pool of puke in my lap with rivers running down my leg into my slippers. Poor baby. On a normal day, having sick kids stresses me out terribly.  Never mind on a day like that day.

 Then, on the second day of shooting; the day I was to do my interviews, I went off to have my pre-booked blow job. Scheduled for 08:30, so that I could have lovely straight, blow dried hair for my interview and not the thatched roof / mushroom look I normally sport.  There I am, sitting in the chair with my sopping wet hair when the effing electricity goes off. For the entire block. Lovely. Perfect. Winner. I waited around for about 15 minutes but then had to go.  They filming was starting soon, if I wasn’t going to get the sleek look I had better work on taming the ‘shroom. Thank goodness the very kind, very amazing hairdresser offered to come to my house to do the blow job there.  Which was really sweet of her. I am going to write a letter to my local newspaper to tell them about the excellent service I received from Marissa.  She really went out of her way to help me. I ended up looking particularly G&D with my lovely sleek hair.  But it was close. (If you live in Durbanville, do yourself a favour and go to Mumtazz – they give the best head massages ever.  That alone is worth going there.)

 Anyway, this has turned into a marathon post.  It is bedtime for me. It’s been a long three days. 

 

Oh shite, sorry! One more thing.  Here is the photo from the Femina shoot – it is a story about friendship, and in particular my best friend’s friendship with me during the infertile years. Isn’t my best friend absolutely divine. Love her. Notice the lovely blow job I had that day as well.  Apologies about the missing eyes – no idea where my eyes have gone.  (What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. No eye dear – gettit?  Hahaha)

Ok, really going now. Nighty night.

 Signed:
Tertia: Media Personality
Xoxox

 

Comments

[Suzie-Q.]

OHMIGOD! You look like a fucking celebrity! And, yes, of course we noticed you weren't around... Hope you can get your YouTube act together so that we in the States can get a glimpse of your television fabulosity! Congrats on the media attention! You deserve it!
xoxo

[Andrea]

I totally noticed you hadn't posted. I think this is all just fabulous and couldn't have happened to a nicer person. Enjoy your 15 minutes darling!

Lovely photo of you and your BFF. I am now even more jealous of your fame and beauty since I see that you have nice feet. I covet nice feet.

[Flicka]

So much to say but I can't get it out until I tell you---in America, a blow job is something, er, a little closer to what Marko likes to do when he's stressed. If you get my drift. :-)

xo

[Judy]

Oh my goodness - I love her jeans! You both look amazing! Congrats on all the attention - you definitely deserve it.

[e]

Pretty frock.

What d'you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no-eye deer.

[Sue]

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and who has been castrated?

No fucking idea.

But seriously, congrats on the recognition. Sounds like you are having a blast.

[Sue]

Oops. Sorry, I messed up the punch line.

It is...

still no fucking idea.

ba-dum-dum

[Isabel]

It's Carte Blanche right? Has to be - nothing else is bigger than them! Please let us know before the airing of the show, I want my folks to tape it for me! Congratulations, well done and all that goes with it. Thank you, for speaking up and out for so many infertiles!

XOXO

[caro]

Would it be foolish to admit how many times I re-read the bits about the blow jobs before realizing this was one of those idioms with a whole other meaning than I knew about. Aaah, now I get it...

[Menita]

"Notice the lovely blow job I had that day as well."
Bet Marko was thrilled.
Hahahahahaha : )

[blackbird]

K's usual answer to all problems is a blow job -
and he is not referring to my hair.

You look fabulous -
what a whirlwind!

[juliette]

you look beautiful; eyes or no eyes!! I am cracking up still about your mushroom comment; that gets me laughing everytime! Sounds like you are having an incredibly exciting time!! Good luck xxx

[Em]

Blow job - heh.

Is it me or is your hair also looking blonder? Looks lovely regardless.

So happy for the attention your book is getting. Not knowing any SA television, I am imagining Oprah herself interviewing you about your book. Pretty awesome.

Congrats about your busy and exciting life (and I had been wondering what was up - where my guaranteed daily read was! Glad to hear what it was postponed for!)

[Billie]

Nice blow job (hehe), super cool jeans, pretty dress, and love the blonde...but I just MUST mention the teeth! Your teeth look fabulous! The braces really paid off, eh?

[Luann]

when did you go blonde? Still laughing about the blow jobs.

[mama-beans]

Good Lord, you look positively GIRLY in that photo!

tee hee... blow job.... *snicker*

( American here, can you tell?)

[gina]

Okay, the blow job thing is cracking me up here. Is that what you really call a blow dry there, and if so, then what do you call the act of, well, what we up here in the USA call a blow job?

Inquiring minds want to know.

[heathersak]

you two look ADORABLE. and thanks for the marko stories, they're always amusing (MEN!!! eh?)

[Bee]

Bloody gorgeous friends. Grr. Love you lots. You both look FAB! Yay. xxx

[Coral]

Carte Blanche, Ruda Landman, and I know I don't get the Noddy Badge, but I am right, right? Gotta get your autograph!!!

[V]

No, (in answer to some of the other comments) we do not all call a blow dry a blow job, I think that is just a Tertia-ism. Or have I had my head buried in the sand for a while?? We also have a delightful drink called a blow job. Try and order that at a pub overseas!

Tertia you look absolutely G&D. I cannot wait for the TV show. Has to be CB. And I totally agree with you about men. Mine had a car accident, broke his collar-bone and guess what he wanted when we got home from the hospital!!

[Cristy]

I wish I lived in SA so I could see those shows, the mag, and the book! When is it coming to the US already!?!?

You kept saying blow job and while I know what you meant it still cracks me up. LOL

No Eye Dear BWHAHAHA! Man either that is fuckin hilarious or I REALLY need to get to bed.

[sheilah]

Blow job...hehe...and you can get them to come to your house?

Marko must love it.

[Rosemary Grace]

What a great photo, you are getting blonder with every photo shoot, it is a side effect of the dazzling spotlight of fame?

My parents just got home from their week near Cape Town, they loved it, I think my Mum wants to retire there now!

[DebbieS]

Tertia, you look even more G&D than usual! Love your dress, too. I knew blow jobs were supposed to be healthy, but wow!!

(That's what you get for having all of us pervy Americans read your blog!)

[mama-beans]

Totally off subject.. WHERE did your friend get her AWESOME PANTS???? Am salivating all over the computer.... must have those pants!!

[Heather]

Glad to see you're back. You were missed. BTW, you look fabulous in the pic! Congrats on all the publicity for the book. I'm so sorry I can't see any of it, being here in America and all. If you can post any of it on YouTube, let us know! BTW, some friends gave us a bottle of wine from SA the other evening. I can't remember what winery.

[Jen]

T, my infertile friends and I will be glued to the TV on Sunday night....yes, we do get M-Net in Zimbabwe! Let us know if it is definitely being aired ok? Can't wait!!!

[Suzanne]

OK - must ask - is Marko a Virgo?

When crunch time is upon us, DH (Virgo, son of Virgo, father of 2 virgos - I'm a virgo magnet!) can be found dust-busting the car, rinsing his laundry for the second time (and he uses liquid laundry detergent!) or sweeping the sidewalk in front of the house.

Sigh.

[Kate]

you really do have to stop saying blow job. It is soooo distracting.

you look gorgeous and deserve every minute of it!