A literary lightweight who reads on the loo

Last week, or was it the week before…. can't remember, so much on the go. Anyway, a few evenings back I was asked to participate in an “Authors Evening”, described as an opportunity for people to “come and meet their favourite authors and find out what is on their bedside table”. I was most flattered to be included in the esteemed line up and rather nervous about being among real authors. You know, the whole “impostor syndrome” thing.

 Part of the brief for the evening was to bring along the books that were currently on your bedside table. Each author would then talk about what they were reading, what they enjoyed about the literary work and recommend it to others.  Which put me in a complete spin. I have no time to read unless I have to read the book (for a review) or it is something I have bought to learn / inform / help. I have zero time for novels or any other reading for pleasure. Something I miss dearly.

 I had visions of the other authors bringing War and Peace and Charles Dickens and me ending up looking like a complete pleb. I thought about making up a bedside reading list that would include a bit of Shakespeare, a smattering of Jules Verne, and a compendium of the Best of Burns. In the end I decided fuckit, I am just going to take with me the stuff that really is on my bedside table and be myself. I suck at pretending.

 The evening turned out to be pretty much as I imagined, with the other authors talking about the timeless style of classic works, about discovering fresh new talent, full of angst and creative genius etc etc. One author said she was reading the debut novel of some chap who had written a highly complex novel that was extremely difficult to read. She said she was almost finished the book and still hadn’t a clue what the book was all about. But, you know, he was very, very talented.

 While I was sitting there listening to all of this, I had a huge wave of self-doubt. I have received fantastic feedback about my book from people. Really great, heartfelt responses from many readers. Most of whom said that part of what they loved about the book, besides it being so “real” and “honest”, was that it was so easy to read. After listening to the author who spoke about how she was reading this complex, deep, complicated book, I felt all lightweight and amateur’ish. My book is easy to read, I must be a crap author. I am obviously not deep or talented enough if people find my book easy to read. But afterwards I thought about it, and thought: what is the point of reading a book? What is the motivation? Is it to struggle through a complex story that leaves you even more confused and bewildered that before? If the book is easy to read is it worth less? And, as an author, why are you writing a book? Are you writing the book to appeal to the literary connoisseurs or to the person in the street? Is the opinion of, lets say an academic or literary professional more important than an ordinary woman who lives an ordinary life in an ordinary town. Is reading meant to be hard work?

 And further more, how is success defined? Is it defined as the recognition of your peers and other literary professionals?  Or is it an overwhelming positive reaction by the target market for which it was intended?  Or, to put it in a rather crude way: is success actually defined in how many copies you sell?  Is Jilly Cooper more successful than Brilliant Angst-Filled Creative Genius Who Sold 3.5 copies?  Is about the accolades, the reception or the totals on the sales sheet?

 I’d love to hear what other people think. Both authors and readers.

 Anyway, getting back to the Authors Evening, after the other people had been through their Tolstoy, Browning and Bronte, it was my turn. I pulled out my plastic grocery bag and hauled out the three books that really were on my bedside table.

 “The Five Love Languages”
“Supernanny”
“Who said elephants can’t dance” (about IBM’s historic turnaround in the ‘90’s)

 Those three books represent the parts of my life that I continuously strive to balance, to be the best I can be.  My marriage, my kids and my job.

 I’d love to say that I spent hours studying the prose of timeless literary giants and rising stars, but instead I spend five minutes* on the loo reading about the best way to discipline my kids (the naughty step technique), the best way to be a good mate to my husband (speak in his ‘love language’) and the best way to navigate my new career (the IBM way). 

 I must say, I got a very good reception.  I think people found my honesty and ‘realness’ refreshing.  Which is just as well, because I don’t think I could fake it long enough to convince people I was any kind of literary heavyweight at all. 

 * Please do not be fooled into thinking those are five actual uninterrupted minutes.  Don’t be silly. If I am out of sight for more than 2.5 seconds I have little people calling “Mama?  MAMA!! MAMAAAAAAAAA!!!” And even though I yell back “MAMA IS ON THE TOILET MAKING A POO”, this does not deter them and I am soon surrounded by an audience, either wanting me to read them the “stowwy” I am reading, or to give them a “piecey piecey piecey piecey” (of toilet paper, which they then want to throw into the toilet bowl and flush away, while I am still busy!) or I get instructed “Up! Finishednow! Flush!”  Sigh. But I have a cunning plan: I now keep a stash of their books next to the loo which I hand out to them so that we each have our own book to read in the bathroom.  I used to be able to poo in peace. I used to be able to read for more than five minutes and in places other than the loo.  I also used to be able to flush without having an appreciative audience wanting to bid official farewell to the contents of the toilet bowl.  Isn’t motherhood wonderful!

 

Comments

[21stCenturyMom]

I'll be until you started speaking about your reading list the audience was divided between people who hated the pretentious author for making them feel intellectually small and people who thought 'Oh really - whoop dee do for you'. And then you pulled out 3 real books about real stuff that really matters and they all thought "oh thank God - there's someone normal up there. I ♥ Tertia".

That's how it would have gone for me (and I would be in the "la dee da" camp on the hard to read book)

[Rosemary Grace]

I am already in training for this: my cats run in when they hear the toilet flush so they can watch it swirl. Also, my husband has been known to bring me my dinner when I am "on the throne", he's so pleased with his creation he has to present it to me IMMEDIATELY, depsite the bizarre location.

When I was growing up, nobody locked the loo door, we just closed it, and if it was closed you assumed it was occupied. Clearly I need to start locking the door.

[MamaChristy]

I'm thinking the other authors are a bunch of blow-hards trying to make themselves look good.

I read for knowledge, for pleasure and for my book club. If it sucks or is hard to read, I stop. I think I would much prefer your honest, "easy to read" book to something suberbly written that is unintelligible.

[Tine]

I'm not only a book author and a book reader, but also a book editor (of widely ranging genres). And it's my opinion that an incomprehensible book isn't worth reading. It's a useless bunch of pretentious BS.

[jenny]

If a book is difficult to read I quit after the first chapter. I consider myself an intelligent person but I don't read to be confused, I read to understand. I can't wait until your book is in North America.

[jen]

It's when they flush when you're still actually 'busy' on the loo which is the fun bit.

That 'Five Love Languages' book - I bought it for my hubby and I, he's loving it so much I haven't yet had a look-in! I keep telling him that it's no good unless I am allowed to *touch* or - god forbid - *read* the book! Anyway, thank you for the recommendation T!

[jen]

Hey. lookee at me - everyone gives intelligent comments about authors and books, yet i focus on the toilet. Mature, sensible person that I am. Spot the fellow mom with toddlers, eh.

Books? If it's too pretensious I can't be arsed. If it grabs me, good - if it doesn't, I always have a pile of laundry that needs folding. Right now I am in the middle of 3 books, but that's cos I keep forgetting to take one out of my handbag (the 'waiting room' book), off my bedside table (the '5 minutes before bedtime' book) and the one stashed on the back of the loo (the 'genius mummy who put a stairgate on the downstairs bathroom door' book!!!)

see, there's me talking about pooping AGAIN.

as for lightweight Tertia - yes, in a svelte, G&D lightweight way. not in a lightweight author kinda way.

[Lisa]

I'm a writer, and a reader, and I find books that are so complex that only the author can understand them have failed their mission -- aren't authors trying to communicate with their audiences? If the audience can't understand, than they have failed.

I think an ideal book should be able to be read on many levels. Gabriel Garcia Marquez is one example of a writer who writes in a sophisticated, yet accessible fashion.

[Chickenpig]

I love to read, and I love to shop in bookstores, or at least I used to. Now when I want to find a book that I think I will enjoy (I don't have time now to waste on books that are a challenging read , although they have their place)I have to rush through the store before Thing One and Thing Two start to crank. The result is that I now have two books sitting on the end table that I haven't been able to 'get into', and two more that I have finished reading that I mined from my stacks of old favorites. There are some beautiful books out there that aren't easy to get into at first, some because they are just plain bad, and others because the language is out of date, maybe, or whatever...but when you are raising twins and your mind is already exhausted and in a fog, you want something that is both GOOD and EASY to READ. They just aren't easy to find. I'm betting that yours falls into that catagory, because your blog is both entertaining and to the point.

[Gina]

Wait until you are in a public bathroom and they both yell out "BYE POOPS!"

Also reading "The five love languages" great book.

[Orange]

Nobody would ever read a book about infertility that was both emotionally wrenching and challenging to read. Your book is designed to share your story with a broad audience and hopefully help people understand what infertility is like or know they're not alone. Plus, "beach novels" sell a hell of a lot better than literary novels, which certainly have their place—but so does mass-market fiction.

Love your poo tales!

[Jen3 @ amazing triplets]

It's got to be a good & easy read (i.e. something that interests you). Several years ago, my husband and I set out to read a book a month. He is still stuck on the first book - a non fiction story about the fall of ancient civilization. Meanwhile, I've blazed through all the Harry Potter's ... Bill Bryson collection ... Dan Brown & John Grisham books that I can get my hands on. (And to think he got flustered with me when I bought him all the Dr. Seuss so that he could meet his end of the bargain and read 1 book a month!)

Reading has to be FUN ... otherwise, it's just tedious and puts you to sleep. To me there is nothing better than a book that is so engaging that I cannot put it down and stay up 1/2 the night so I can finish it. Or ... it keeps me on the toilet so long that my legs go numb.

Yes, books for the kiddos next to the loo is important. I've brought in coloring books, crayons & fingerpaint for our 2-y.o triplets so that they can stay entertained while I'm "busy". Now that I am spontaneously pregnant with our fourth child (4 kids in <2.5 years) - I've been spending a tremendous amount of time in the bathroom, and will do whatever possible to keep them happy. Even if that means cleaning fingerpaint off the walls...

[Stephanie]

I read for FUN. I want something lightwieght and entertaining. I think and analyze and concentrate enough at work- I do NOT want to do that in my precious off hours. On my bedstand right now? A Lady of His Own, by Stephanie Laurens. Next book on my list? Valley of Silence, Nora Roberts. Both easy to read, engaging, entertaining romances.

[Chantal]

One of the reasons I enjoyed reading your book so much is because it was such an easy read. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that when I was done reading it, I was so disappointed and thought: "Now what? What do I do with my time now?". It's like wanting your chocolate to last forever.

[tess]

our Bible study group did the five love languages and the workbook about three years ago, a great book.

oh, to make poo time more enjoyable when the kiddies are with you, get them to supply faux grunts. actors in action...very cute.

[ewe_are_here]

I read for enjoyment primarily. My 'me' time is valuable time these days, so why waste it on something that doesn't interest me?

As for the bathroom, I have a feeling it's going to be a loooong time before I get to pee in peace again.

[Heather]

Thank you for keeping it real. I don't think any of my bedside reading is very "literary" either. And I usually read in the loo too! It doesn't get any better as they get older. My six-year-old still has a "Mommy's on the potty" radar. She can be completely content playing or watching tv, but the instant I go in the bathroom, she needs me for something. DH is no better. I made a joke once that I should create a star chart for them both for leaving me alone when I'm in the bathroom!

[Whitney]

“MAMA IS ON THE TOILET MAKING A POO”----that is the first time I have laughed all day!!! Thanks for bringing me back to earth.

I love love love to read, and with 2 kids under 4 now, the only time I get to read is on the toilet. That is, when I can manage to sneak in there unnoticed. So I feel your pain!

[Suzie-Q.]

I haven't *read a book since before the twins were born, so, I'm probably the wrong person to ask!
(*I have, however, purchased many books in the hopes that one day when my kids are in college I will have the time and energy to read them).

[Betty]

Read this yesterday and then heard a discussion with contemporary author Zadie Smith on my local national public radio station's Bookworm program. One bit covered her take on the responsibility of readers to become skilled at reading, as would someone who has to become knowledgeable about art or music to truly appreciate those forms. She was pretty interesting. Available as a webcast online, http://www.kcrw.com/etc/programs/bw/bw061109zadie_smith

[Bag Girl]

Agreed on “The Five Love Languages” as being a worth-while read. There is some very good material covered there, and does help build balance in a marriage. I've been amazed at the content that Dr. Chapman covers and how practical the material is.