I got this
comment from a reader (in response to me talking about Adam’s potential SID
issues) that I thought I would address publicly; hoping to get your input as
well.
Tertia,
I am a huge fan of yours and do not want this to be taken the wrong way. But
have you wondered whether it’s fair to your son to be discussing him in such a
public format.
Not
saying you should not for sure, I am just thinking that in these days when
every record can be stored and located via Google forever after, it may not be
in his best interest to have this all out there.
Just a
question. Curious to hear what others think about this.
What
do you think?
Firstly, thank
you for asking the question so respectfully.
I must admit when
I read your question my first fleeting reaction was “ouch”. As in “what are you trying to say? That I am
being unfair to my son by discussing him in public?” But because you asked it in such a respectful
way, that reaction really was fleeting.
My second
reaction was: I am in no way ashamed or embarrassed
about Adam’s issues and I am pretty sure he won’t be too. A diagnosis (if he is indeed diagnosed as
such) of SID is nothing to be ashamed about. In fact, I know that I suffer from it too. Which makes me truly understand what he is
going through. I’ve thought about it
hard, and I really don’t think me talking about him on my blog is being unfair
to him.
However, on a
more general level, what your question did do is make me think about whether it
is fair to post about one’s children at all. Especially in light of the recent goings on in
Blogland.
As you know, I am
absolutely honest and 100% open about myself on the Internet. My full name is posted as well as where I work
etc. My family read this blog, as do my
employers, my friends, my publisher etc. There is no place to hide or pretend. Sometimes it makes it hard to blog, but this
is just the way I am. I’ve told you
about my previous drug habits – which means my family now know too. I told you
that I was feeling depressed; that I was in therapy and started AD’s. Which means that the whole world (who know me),
including my employer, knows that too. This
type of total open blogging is not everyone’s cup of tea, but this is just how I
am. I prefer being this way, I am this
way in real life too. It is too hard for
me to pretend to be someone I am not.
It is a constant
conscious effort on my part to draw a line around myself when it comes to my
open style of blogging. I realize that I
can say pretty much anything I want about myself, but I don’t and can’t do that
about other people. See yesterday’s post. I know that not everyone is like me. My poor husband gets discussed a lot more than he would probably like to
be discussed. He is essentially a very
private person and the poor man is married to someone who blogs about him, and
even worse, wrote a book all about him doing his ‘thing’ into a specimen cup. He is really good about my blogging and
although we’ve never discussed specifically, he seems to trust me to know where to draw
the line when I discuss him. I know he
reads my blog sometimes and he knows I love him way too much to talk about him
in a way that will hurt or upset him.
But my kids are
different. They have never given me
permission to blog about them, and yet I do. I blog about them about as openly
as I blog about myself. Way more openly
that I blog about anyone else, my husband included. Is this fair? Going back to the reader’s question, but generalizing it beyond the
current situation: Is it fair to blog
about one’s children with what is essentially, done so without their
permission?
I’ve thought long
and hard about it, and I think what I am doing is ok. I don’t *think* I am being unfair to
them. However I fully admit that I am
making huge assumptions here – the biggest of which is that they will be like
me, open and public about who they are. I
think they will be like me, but I can’t be sure. They could take after their father instead. Poor
bastards, I hope not. Only joking! Sort of.
One thing that
does make me feel a little bit better is that everything I say about them here is
something they will know about one day. Because
I intend recording everything that refers to them on this blog in a document of
some sorts for them. This blog is partly
for them. There is nothing I have said
that I will hide from them. Not even the
fact that I called them little assholes. Because they really were, and still are
sometimes, little assholes!
So, I am not
worried about them Googling themselves and finding this information on the
Internet – they wont have to, they will have it already. Is it fair that I talk about Adam’s potential
SID issues in public? I don’t see it as
something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. We all have issues, these are his. Hopefully he will see in what I wrote how
much I love him and that will matter most of all.
It is an
interesting debate, and one that is very topical in light of all the drama
going on at the moment. About whether we
should be blogging so openly; whether by blogging openly you are fair game to
anyone who takes a dislike to you and wants to take a pot shot at you*. And whether
that extends to your children as well. I’m
interested to know what you think. Try and be as respectful as the person to
originally raised the question. I’m
interested in debate, not judgement.
*For what its worth, my feeling is that the same rules
that apply to the real world should apply to the online world. Simple common decency should prevail and if
you wouldn’t do it in real life; hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet
doesn’t give you permission to act like a total dickhead. But that’s just my opinion.