Close in age = Best Friends?

I’d like to explore this notion that having kids close in age means they will be great friends.  I know that is why a lot of people have their kids close in age.  But is it always true? Has it proved true for you – for your kids and for yourself with your siblings?

 
BTW, I wanted to add that I think having kids close in age must be much harder than having twins.  At least with twins they are on the same schedule (and if they aren’t, you MAKE them be on the same schedule), but with two babies a year or so apart – that must be way tougher.  Different needs / different stages. 

Comments

[Menita]

Mine are 14 months apart (16 months and 2 months). They'd BETTER be best friends after all of this or some day the little buggers are in for it.

[Megan]

I'd imagine that at first being so close in age would aggrevate tension and competition because they're going through the same phases around the same time so they're vying for the same resources.. but probably later in life once they're more independent, going through the same stuff would be more of an asset.

As for me, I am 7 years apart from my sister and while we are pretty close, it can be hard to relate because we are at such different places in our lives. But when we were both little kids, it was a lot easier to be civil to one another because we weren't competing for the same things.

[Mel]

I'm close with my sister (who is a bit under 2 years older than me), but I'm probably even closer with my brother who is 6 years younger. It all depends on the topic, but I actually discuss IF with my brother more than my sister. That said, I like both my siblings and like spending time with them. Many visits go back and forth between the three of us who all live in different cities.

[Jessie]

I would have loved to have 5 years between my kids. I was 1 1/2 years younger than my brother and he made my life not fun at all until we grew up. Of course, you can't always pick the distance. Thanks to the wonder of IF, my boys are almost 10 years apart. And they are very very good friends. I'm sure that as they get older and move in different phases of life, that will change. But for right now? It's awesome.

[Katherine]

Hoo boy.

I've been reading your blog for about a year now, and it is very honest and interesting. Up until now I have never felt that I added anything by commenting, but you are asking a question that I actually am qualified to answer, seeing as my husband is a twin and I have a sister who is 18 months younger than I am.

The answer to your question is that nothing is guaranteed. Both my husband and I had terrible, hyper-competitive relationships with our siblings. I say had because, while we had periods of closeness and solidarity as adults, we have also had terribly destructive periods caused by the fact that we genuinely have sibling issues that started in early childhood (we are now in our early 30s).

We haven't seen much difference between our sibling relationships because both sets of parents made us be on the same schedules out of expediency. Thus my sister and I played on the same little league team, began and quit ballet and gymnastics lessons simultaneously, et cetera. My sister always resented that, but I understand our parents really couldn't deal with shuttling us to difference activities.

Basically, some siblings are close and others aren't, and no amount of family planning can predicate which scenario will play out.

[Egg Donor]

My brother and I are a little over 2 years apart. I couldn't stand him for a most of the time we were growing up. We fought and argued all the time. We were just different people.

We get along much better as adults, but there are still times where I really want to smack him. He is a great brother, but far from my best friend. I think the whole idea that similar age means kids will get along is insulting to the kids - they are different people and intelligent enough to decide what makes a good friend.

[Ruth]

I have a brother who is four years older and a brother who is 15 months older. They were both pretty hard on me growing up, but my closer-in-age brother was more likely to be my ally. Still, since he was a boy, we were only medium-close. Now that we're grown up, we're all friendly, but my two brothers are much closer to one another than I am to either of them. I agree with Katherine -- it's a crapshoot.

[Lisa]

Since I won a car with my last post, I'm inspired to post again!

My husband and his brothers were all born within 3 years. He and his older brother are 11 months apart (yeeeeaaah) and he and his younger brother are 2 years apart.

He has no relationship at ALL with his older brother, and a very acrimonious one with the younger.

According to my MIL, she raised them "exactly the same." Yet, to hear my husband talk, Older Brother was held up as a prince, and Younger Brother treated like The Baby, which left Husband nowhere.

Now, this is usually the case in most 3-child families. But when those three children are basically the same age, I think it's more hurtful because their interests and development are so close. Plus add to the mix they were all of one sex, and you have the mess we're in today.

My husband didn't even want more than one child because of his childhood, and when I balked at that, he said they had to be at least four or five years apart. (They're four.)

[FishyGirl]

I think it depends on so much, like just how close is close, if both kids are the same gender or not, stuff like that. My oldest 2 are slightly less than 2 years apart, and they are great friends and play together a lot, as their own interests allow. The younger two are two and a half years apart, and they fight like cats and dogs, unless an outside force threatens one of them, then they pull together. My boy is in the middle, and I think that makes a difference.

My sister and I are 2 years 9 months apart, and while I think we played some as kids, we fought most of the time, and even now as adults aren't that close - just too much of a major difference in personality. She is my friend because we're related, but she wouldn't be if we weren't - no reason for it. Does that make sense?

[Jennifer]

My sister and I are 15 months apart. I remember playing with her a lot, mostly because I had to. She was always there and there weren't really any other kids our age on our street.

I think we actually got along better as little kids than we did as we got older (this is also what our mom tells us). Now I like her OK, as long as I don't have to be around her for an extended period of time. We live in different cities now, and when we see each other, we generally get along for a day or two, and then old bickering tends to resurface. For the record, we are now both in our mid-20's.

[Katy]

I think it's a crapshoot. Each kid comes with his/her own temperament, and although being close in age _may_ foster a close relationship, it just as easily may not. Siblings with similar interests/temperaments are probably more likely to be close, regardless of age differences.

[Jerri Ann]

I am an only child so I was amazed by all of this sibling stuff. My boys are 22 months apart and so far they are inseparable. The youngest following the oldest trying to immulate his every move, the oldest making sure the youngest never gets hurt or even disciplined. However, I have a friend whose boys are 23 months apart and they aren't close at all. The oldest resents his brother a lot....just different people make different relationships.

[MommyWannabe]

Well, I can tell you that my sister and I are seven years apart, and we were entirely incapable of getting along. I was entering the Rambunctious Energy Bounce Bounce Bounce Phase when she was in her Squalling Infant Who Does Nothing But Poop Phase. Those did not mesh well. When she entered the Rambunction Energy Bounce Bounce Bounce Phase, I had moved on into Sullen Teenage Super Angst Phase. Those did not mesh well. And now that she's moved into Sullen Teenage Super Angst Phase, I've now grown into the Mature But Frequently Know It All Superior Adult Phase. Those, also, do not mesh well.

On the other hand, my aunt and uncle were 18 months apart, and they loathe each other to this day.

On the third hand, I've never known any twins who quarrel excessively. They're not always bosom buddies, but they usually get along fine.

In the end, I guess, temperment has as much to do with it as anything.

[Kreints]

It of course depends on the situation and teh family. My sister has 4 kids- 14,13,11,& 9 - They of course have there tiffs here and there... but for the most part are extremmly attacehd to one another and would not know what to do without each other. One night recently during a terrible storm they all ended up in the same full size bed together. No one was bothered by the others being there.... Again... the family dictates the relaltionship...

[Ute]

All going well our children will be about 19 months apart (EDD Oct. 24th). But we weren't trying to have them that close together in order for them to be best friends, as we're aware that a lot will depend on their individual development and personalities.

We're just hoping that family life will be a little more relaxed with our children being relatively close in age as well as in their physical & mental development. For instance, I imagine that going on a holiday with a baby and a ten-year-old can be quite tedious if you need to take into account how totally different their needs & interests will be under such circumstances.

[shari]

Like anything, I think it all depends on the individuals involved. My sister and I are 2 1/2 yrs apart and are now very close, but did NOT get along that well growing up. Wasn't until college age that we really became 'friends'.

My twin girls just turned 3 and are as different as night and day... I can see the personality/abilities/of my son developing very much like my one daughter, and can't help but wonder if she'll 'get along' better with him as time goes on than her twin sister!

As far as managing kids of different ages, in my experience it was WAY harder being pg with my son while dealing w/my 18 mo old twins than it was being pg with twins the first time around. Even now that things have settled into a great routine, it's tough for me having them this close in age and in a perfect world I would've wanted a little bigger gap between them. The girls are at an age where they're so much more flexible, and phasing out of naps (most days!) but my son still needs his two naps. Obviously there are plenty of days we need/want to do something and his schedule is compromised but for the most part we try to work things around his schedule, for the sanity of our household :) Also by the time my girls were 18 mos or so I was fearless - would take them anywhere or anywhere by myself. Then my son came along and all of the sudden I was much more limited...two 2yr olds who don't want to be in a stroller and a newborn.... there were plenty of days I felt trapped. This past year was tough though it's gotten much much better the past few months.

I cherish my son's infancy and look back fondly on those 'newborn' days (he is our last baby) but I'll tell you, I can't wait for the day I can walk out of the house with my three kids and not pack everything but the kitchen sink....maybe (dare I dream?) even carry a purse again?!?!?

[Hoping]

My brother and I are 3 years apart and are very close, but not until we were a little older. Him 18 me 15. I have a friend who was the last "oops" of his parents which made him 10-12 years younger than his youngest sibling and more than 20 of his oldest sibling. He did not get along with his siblings until he was well out of high school.

It's pretty situational if you ask me, depends if you are both in the same house and for how long.

[anon]

My brother and I are 11 months apart and went through school toghether (in the same grade). He was EVIL to me all through high school, went through a small protective stage in his early 20's and now in our mid 30's he's just a dick. We don't get along at all. Then again, I know another brother/sister pair who are also 11 months apart and also went through school in the same grade and they're very close...so it could just be my dicky brother.

[Meg]

I'm the closest to my sister who is 10 years older than I am. We ended up having children who are 14 months apart, and the experience of motherhood did help us relate in ways that we hadn't before, since we were at such different places in our lives.

If all goes well, my two children will be a little over 5 years apart. I would have liked them slightly closer, but i am trying to look on the bright side and relish having a good deal of alone time with the new baby, as well as enjoying the adventures of elementary school. My daughter is so excited about the coming of the new baby - i think that the biggest issue will be us teaching her that she is a sister, not a third parent...

[jen]

My sister and I are 2 and quarter years apart, and my half sister is 8 years younger than me. My sister and I fought all through childhood, and now do not speak (her decision), whereas my half sister and I are not hugely close, but see each other regularly.

We are currently 'thinking' about Number 2, and it's a dilemma. I really think it's based on personality rather than just age gap, and the way the parents handle the situation. My friend has 4 kids who have between 11 and 24 months between each one - they get on brilliantly. It's a lottery!

As for twins - they have never known life without each other, and therefore the 'sudden' competition issue is not there, and thus eliminates a lot of jealousy problems as regards attention from parents.

My earliest memory is of my sister being born, when I was 2 and a quarter. I was NOT impressed ;0)

[Kara]

My younger brother and I are 18 months apart, and we didn't become friends until college. Very bad sibling rivalry. My parents say that we each pretended like the other didn't exist and when we did have to deal with each other, it wasn't pretty.

I personally don't feel like that's a reason to not have kids close in age, however. I think that my brother and I would have benefitted from a little different parenting style, and how we were parented has more to do with the rivalry. Granted, our close ages exacerbated the problem, yet I think that it could have been mitigated better than it was.

[kate]

Not for me... My brother and I are less than 14 months apart, and my mum spent the first 5 years stopping him from trying to kill me (and maybe over-protecting me in the process), which set up a pattern of general dislike for the next 15 years. We've only been civil since we were adults and moved out of home; now we live in different states and can communicate by blessedly easy email.

[Chelsea]

Don't know about being close in age = best friends. However, my sister and I ARE best friends and there is 5 years between us. So, I guess it doesn't matter the age, just the personalities. As for twins being easier than two siblings close in age, you are spot on. I have 11 year old twin boys and I don't even want to think what a time I would have had with two that are close in age but not twins.

[Carrie]

My brother and I are 15 months apart. It was tough as kids, but really more because he has severe A.D.D. (undiagnosed because no one knew what it was then) and there is an intellectual gap that made me literally want to kill him at times. By my teen years, he was just annoying, but okay, because he was on medication and acted more "normal". We weren't close, but we got along all right. Now, as adults, I handle his finances and stuff like that, so it isn't really an equal relationship. But my little girl LOVES him and he feels the same way about her and while he isn't someone I chat on the phone with, I really appreciate him. He's a good guy, and I'm glad he lives nearby--most of the time. I think if we'd lived in a different town and he'd been properly treated as a child, we'd have ended up closer.

[Felicity]

My sister and I are 15 months apart. We are now, and have always been, best friends. Dispite, or in spite of, being very different, we just have that bond that comes from shared experiences at very similar stages all through our childhood and adult years.We have definate roles in our relationship, but they are blurred now that we are adults.

My husband and his brother are 17 months apart, and are similarly close.

We always said that we would space our children 15 - 18 months apart, then we had Twins! We decided that 2 children were perfect, a boy and a girl.. and they are great friends!

But 4 years later nature or God took control and we fell pregnant again! Now we have our baby boy, almost 5 years younger than our Twins to the day. We see the dynamics develpo.. He will always be the cute 'Baby' of the Family. Its great having had Twins first, because it seems to cut out the Third Child syndrome.. Ned and Cecilia are both the First-borns. They had shared, complete attention and adoration for 5 years, and now they are old enough to share that with a new baby. There seems to be very little rivalry, in fact, they protect Oscar very staunchly already. (As in.. Me crying with lack of sleep and trying to calm a newborn, and Edward and Cecilia saying "Poor Oscar, he is just a baby..." !! No 'Poor Mummy!' ) I think that all three will get on great all their lives.

Ned and Cecilia share a room, and when Oscar is old enough we will get a bunk bed and the boys can share that.. Im sure Ned and Celia will take turns being up on the top bunk! When they are older they can decide if they want Cecilia to have her own room, but Ned and Oscar will always share.. we dont have 2 spare rooms! (At least in this house; who knows what the future holds.. we may yet move into that mansion.. the one with all the cleaning staff!!!)

Having Twins is very hard, and has new challenges every stage. Its also hard having Twins and a baby! But three children are just hard, full stop!

One thing I notice about Twins is that they are WAY more influenced by each other than they are by us! I assume that Oscar will be so totally enarmoured by his big brother and sister, (He already is!) that he will also be more influenced by them than he is by us! Bah!

Felicity. :)

[Felicity]

lol, just reading the comments! My earliest memory is also of my sister, Jen .. in MY pram! I too, was not at all impressed. I must have been 15 months old, stuck in an uncomfy seat Dad made for the front of the pram.. I was crying, and turned around to see her; red, wrinkly and strange. Its a wonder we ended up so close!

[Molly]

I don't think age really has anything to do with it. My daughters are incredibly close and they are 5 years apart. I know twins who can't stand each other. I know siblings who are a year apart who have nothing in common, either as kids or as adults. I think how close they are as adults is more important than how close they are as children because childhood is pretty short. I'm closest to and have the most in common with the brother who is 13 years older than I am.

[AMY]

I think it depends on so many things. Gender, age, and stage in life. I have an older brother- 5 years older- and we have had periods of closeness and periods of distance. We were closest when we were both in our 20's and single. We had alot of the same friends and we hung out together on the weekends. We are both married now -he has two kids and I have struggled with infertility (currently on the adoption track, waiting for baby!) We're not very close right now but I think that might change when we both have kids.
There are so many variables- there's no way to predict.
I'm glad I have a sibling, though. He's there if I need him and
vice versa. Plus it's great being an AUNT!!!
Great topic, Tertia!

[Heidi]

Like you see with most of these comments, it obviously varies from family to family. I can only speak in regard to my family, my husband's family and our own family.

In my family I was 18 months younger than my brother, and have a sister 3 years younger than I am -- a middle child. My brother and I were incredibly close during our growing up years, not as close during high school years and then became close again in college. I can't imagine not having my brother in my life, although sadly my husband and brother don't get along all that well. My sister is a different story altogether since I don't have a "normal" sister relationship with her as she is mentally retarded. I feel as though I was almost another mother to her in many ways and still am to a certain degree.

As for my husband's family, he's the youngest of 3 and each of them were born 4 years apart, so he's 8 years younger than his older brother and 4 years younger than his sister. Because of the big age gap with his brother, he never had a relationship with him until he was an adult because his brother left home to join the military at 18 when he was only 10 years old. Now he is extremely close to his brother, but that didn't really happen until his brother was stationed near us for 3 years and he really spent more time with him. He is also close to his sister and was throughout his childhood. He certainly remembers family times with her much more than with his older brother. Still, I wouldn't say that they were particularly close as children, though again, as adults they feel very bonded with one another.

Our children are 20 months apart -- not planned that way, but we were just ecstatic when I got pregnant without assistance with #2 after all we went through trying to conceive our first. It was NOT easy to have two so close in age, and, as you mentioned, at two different stages, when they were little. Hell, having two toddlers (1 and 2.5) at the same time was damned hard, especially since they were both still toddlers but not doing the same thing or at the same stage. Now, though, I think our two have an incredibly close relationship. I'm not sure if it's the age or something we encourage, but it's pretty fun to see. They both truly love each other, love to play with one another and look out for one another too. It's incredibly sweet. When one stays the night with my parents, they both miss one another. In fact, the last time my daughter spent the night with my parents, when I went to pick her up she came running towards me but hugged her brother instead of ME in greeting! :-) I know my son (the younger of the two) idolizes his big sister and feels a bit lost when she is at preschool. I'm hoping we can nurture a good relationship between the two. We always stress that they need to be each other's best friend and take care of one another. I guess we'll see. Oh and that's not to say that they don't fight or beat on each other from time to time too. :-)

[Rachel]

I'm personally very close to both of my sisters. I'm the middle child, 2 years younger than one sister and 2 years older than the other. Both of my sisters get along just fine with each other as well. We had our usual sibling rivalry, arguments, and tantrums, but it all turned out well in the end. I can honestly say that I feel very lucky. My mom also modeled the type of relationship with her own sisters that I wanted with my sisters when I grew up. She was the middle sister as well, but her older sister was 8 years older than her, and her younger sister was 8 years younger. All three of them got along just fine in adulthood, with a few scrapes and bumps along the way.

For my family planning, I would like to space out my children (if given a choice, fertility willing) about 2-4 years apart. This isn't because I expect they will be jolly good friends their whole lives. It's because I don't want to spread my own "child-rearing" phase of my life out too long. I want to have and raise children, but I also want to enjoy retirement child-free, and not have to wait 10 years between children leaving the nest. If my children grow up to like and love each other, that's an added blessing that I feel has very little to do with how many years they are spaced apart.

[Liz]

My 2 kids are a little over four years apart, my older boy is very protective of his sister. My daughter is almost 2, she is one who likes to bug and annooy her brother. I think it is the parents' scarfice to have kids close in age, hoping they will be closer. It might be ture in most cases, not all the time. All depends on the kids and how parents treat each child. If parent shows favoritisim, then trouble will bound to happen. Doesn't matter how big or small the age gap is.

[jenny]

My brothers and I are great friends. I'm 5yrs older than one of them and 8yrs older than the other. Although, I must admit, they are even closer but I think that is more because they are both boys then being closer in age. My SD's are a year and half apart and at 12/14, I see nothing but trouble ahead.

[Kimberly]

My brother is 7 years younger than I and we are quite close. I think because there was such a gap between us we never had to compete for privileges/items. When I was 8 and playing with dolls, he was 1 and into his baby things. When I was 15 and on the phone, he was 8 and playing with cars and trucks. The only knock-down drag outs we had was about the one phone line in the house when he was 15 and I was 22 and still living at home. The fights were about who got to use the computer to get online. ;)

Now that he's 26 and I'm .. ahem .. we can actually talk to each other as adults. Very cool indeed. :)

[Rebecca]

I don't think kids close in age are GUARANTEED to be best friends, or even friends at all-- it's not a add-water-and-mix recipe, and I hope I didn't make it sound that way in my comment to your Sept. 17 post. As many posters have already pointed out, it depends on the family dynamics and personalities involved.

However, it's been my personal experience that large gaps between age *often* (not always) make it hard to have a close relationship. And conversely, the kids I've seen that are close in age are *often* (not always) fairly chummy pals.

Having my kids close in age is a decision I made for many reasons, and yes, hoping it will help them learn to be lifelong allies is not the least of them. But there's more to it than that-- the desire to have a family as big as possible before fertility declines is another big one.

Anyway, maybe it's wishful thinking to hope that my kids will be good buddies, but to my mind, there's worse things out there than cheerful optimism, you know?

[Shandra]

My sister and I get along well and we're 5 years apart. We each have best friends outside the family and like it that way - we are sisters which is both more and less. :)

[suzanne arnold]

My brother and I are 13 months apart. I remember most of my childhood as a continuous stream of fighting, being in trouble for fighting, having my parents yell at us for fighting...you get the picture. We were well into our mid-late 20's before we had conversations on a regular basis. At 38 and 37 I would know finally consider us friends. I do still however have the scar from when he threw scissors at me.

[beck]

I think I should chime in here. I'm the oldest of four and we're all 2 years apart; girl, boy, boy, girl. We have gotten along famously for the majority of our lives (I'm 24 and the youngest is almost 18.) I think it's tons of fun to hang out with my siblings; we have inside jokes and enjoy talking and laughing and teasing. It's a blast.

What about you Tertia? It sounds like you have good relationships with your siblings.

[Kez]

I am 23 months older than my brother. We had a typical relationship as kids, we played together, fought together, resented each other, but ultimately we got on pretty well.

As teenagers I quite liked him but he hated me. I had depression and he thought I was a bitch.

Now, at 33 and 31, we do get on well - the three times a year that we see each other. And he only lives 25 minutes away. He's been in his apartment for 2 years, and I don't even know his address, let alone ever been there. It a combination of a personality thing and a case of being at different stages in our lives.

DH has two older brothers, 6 and 10 years older than him. He has always got on brilliantly with both of them, particularly the one 6 years older than him. They live 400 and 1000 kilometres away respectively but DH speaks to both of them several times a week and we see them more often than we see my brother.

I have a friend who has four older siblings, the youngest 13 years older than her. She is exceptionally close to one, and can take or leave the others.

It's a personality thing, I think. I do also think it can have something to do with gender. I do think that children of the same sex generally get on better, but then again it can cause rivalry and jealousy.

I have a niece and nephew who are 18 months apart and have generally been raised as twins - doing the same things together. The older child is completely fine with this, but another child with a different personality might resent it.

Ideally I want a 4/5 year gap between my DS and the next one, but it will end up being shorter as I am worried about declining fertility and the idea of ending up raising a teenager in my late 50's. But whether they will get on or not, I don't think the age gap will make any difference. It's their personalities that will dictate that.

[gkk]

Just had to say "Oh yeah" to it being tough having 2 so close in age. My girls are 13 months apart and I often wish they had been twins. I feel I didn't really enjoy either infanthood because with #1 I was too sick with m/s and #2 I was just too busy trying to cope!

My girls are friends, but I can already see that probably won't survive the teenage years - they are just too different. Hopefully like my sister and I (20 months apart) they will find their way back to being friends as adults.

It is a balancing act and in a way I feel sad for both of them. For DD1 because a lot of her firsts she will end up sharing with her younger sister and I know she'll feel hard done by. And for DD2 because her achievements (learning to walk, talking, starting school etc etc) will never seem as exciting because we have all BTDT a year before.

#3 is due (fingers crossed) when they are 4 and 3, and I am so looking forward to having just one baby. And I really hope it is a boy, because another girl trailing behind the other two who are so close would be sad too LOL.

[Amy]

I have a brother who is 3 years younger than I am, and a sister who is 5 years younger than I am. We are closer than most siblings I know. My husband has a brother who is 3 years younger, and they are not close. Their relationship is cordial, but they are not friends by any stretch.

I think a lot of it has to do with personality - my brother and sister and I happen to have a lot in common. We all went to school to be teachers (the two of them stayed in the field, I didn't), while my husband is a rocket scientist (really) with a masters degree, and his brother is a construction worker with a high school diploma. My siblings and I all enjoy similar hobbies - reading, music, drinking :), while my husband is into computers and technology, which his brother hates, and his brother is into building things and music...

In other words, I am blessed with siblings who I would like as people, and probably be friends with, even if we weren't related, while my husband and his brother have very little in common, and probably would never meet if they weren't related, much less be friends.

I think parents can help foster close sibling relationships, too. I know I heard, "He's the ONLY brother you will EVER have!" a million times growing up... Guilt goes a long way in my family. :) I also learned by example - my mom is very close to her siblings - they all still live in the same town. My husband's aunts and uncles live miles and miles away from his parents, so he didn't see and experience those relationships much, except on holidays... Maybe that has something to do with it.

I think it's important to create opportunities to do things as a family, whether your kids are close in age or not, so that the entire family has a foundation of shared experiences on which to build future relationships. Part of the fun of my relationships with my siblings is re-living past events with them. You can't do that if everyone is locked in their own rooms from birth to age 18 doing their own things... Family dinner is extremely important, IMHO, toward building those shared experiences.

I could go on and on about this for days...

[Suzie-Q.]

First of all, I TOTALLY disagree that it's easier to have twins than kids a year apart.... At one year older they can do so much more for themselves freeing you to concentrate more on the newborn like walking, holding their own sippy cups, etc. When they are 18 months they can get up and down the stairs themselves, feed themselves and entertain themselves and on and on... With twins, as you and I both know everything has to be done for everyone all the time TIMES 2!! AAaaaacccchhhh!
I would have definitely preferred any age gap between mine greater than the 30 seconds that exists!
As for being close... well, that is the most important thing in the world to me.
I keep a journal for my twins (now 19.5 months) for when they grow up and just yesterday's post was about how much i hope they always love and support each other and are best friends. Very timely topic for me! Great timing Tertia! ;)
Personally, i don't think the age gap has anything to do with it. Personality does. But, i think parents do have some input into teaching their children to value their siblings above all else (or , at least i hope so b/c i am working on it already!). It will just break my heart if Evan and Samantha aren't the best of friends when they grow up.

[Billie]

I have two older sisters, one 7 years older, and one 5 years older, as well as a brother (2 years younger). While we are all very close, I am closest to, and have the most in common with my oldest sister. Maybe it depends on gender??? I wonder if my brother were a sister, would I be closer to him/her??? It's definitely an interesting topic.

I just hope that my twin girls will grow to love each other and develop a close relationship that lasts forever. I will be so sad if they don't.

[Jennifer]

My sister and I are 11.5 mos apart and my brother is 3 years younger than I am. As kids my sister and bro were closer to each other and I was always fighting with them. Now my sister and I are exactly opposite in every way but close as you can get. My brother and I still aren't close but he's still close to my sister. I also think that has to do with them having similar growing up experiences while I moved out to live with our other parent. So age and life experience definitely make a difference.

[Molly]

My husband and I are both from 3-children families. He is the eldest in his family, I am the middle child. My sister and brother and I were all born approximately 18 months apart. We are incredibly close. My sister and I have been best friends our entire lives. My husband is 4 years older than one sister, 5 years older than the other. They are all incredibly close. And now, his sisters are two of my closest friends. Maybe it has more to do with upbringing than years apart. Maybe my husband and I were attracted to each other partly because we had similar upbringings. At any rate, I feel lucky.

[jennifer]

My husband has one sister who is 4 1/2 years younger. They hated each other as kids and very rarely see or talk to each other now. I am an only child. Our boys are 17 months apart, which we planned hoping they would get along better being close in age. However, even though they are the same gender, they have very different personalities. We have to really work at controlling the rivalry and competition between them, and really promote activities they both enjoy. I was certainly unprepared for the amount of work it takes to teach two people to respect and appreciate each other. I think there is a lot of plain luck getting kids who just naturally "click" with each other.

[Erica]

I'm the middle kid of three. My older brother is 2 years older than I, and we cannot even have a conversation. My younger brother by 5 years and I are good friends. That's all I know.

[Miranda]

My first brother is 2 years younger than me, and while we were never close, we certainly got on better than I did with the youngest one (5 years younger wea re 20, 18 and 15). However now that I am out of home and deal with them on a less frequent basis we seem to generally get on better as a rule, especially as the 18yo and I are at fairly similar stages, ditching school, finding job, serious relationship. There's stil a lot of distance between the 15yo and I, which I figure will get better as he gets older, as it did for the 18yo and I.

However, my Beloved and his 3 younger sisters are all two years apart, and while they all get on really well, he is definitely closest to the youngest (15) while the almost-17 and the 19yo girls are the closer two. I'm close to the younger girls, as both a sister and a friend, while the 19yo and I just have a personality clash and prefer not to be in the same space alone.

I can't say I've noticed that gender or age has much to do with it really, it's a more a personality thing, either they will get on or they won't.

[Mo]

My sister and I were 12.5 months apart and we were pretty close as kids. Our 2 older brothers (22 months apart) and 2 younger brothers (17 months apart)didn't get along at all. Perhaps because we were the only girls we got along out of necessity. Unfortunately my sister passed away when we were in high school, so I don't know if this closeness would have followed us into adulthood. My own kids are 2.5 years apart and seem to get along quite well.

[LaurieC]

I have widely spaced and closely spaced kids. I have endometriosis, and one tube is blocked. My first 2 were difficult to conceive (seeing an RE, doing IUI, not too bad but not easy). The 3rd was a BIG surprise, given that with the 2nd we had ovulation trouble, blocked tube, etc. My 1st and second (both girls) are 4 years 1 month apart. They love each other but also fight quite a bit (this might be b/c the younger is in the terrible 2's, so we'll see). My youngest is only 18.5 months younger than my middle one. My middle one LOVES him, honestly. We'll see how it plays out as they get older (he's only 5 months and can't even go anywhere yet, so she loves him as a baby but she loves her dolls too - lol).

The interesting thing with my kids is that we have same gender, big age gap, different gender, close in age.

We'll see how it goes, but right now they all love each other. My oldest, of course, is very motherly toward the baby.

I will say that the middle one has a personality more like mine, so perhaps my youngest will be more like my husband and they'll get along? After all, dh and I do. :)

[Mboy]

I know this is off topic but I saw you mentioned in a MoneyWeb article http://www.moneyweb.co.za/blogs/mike_stopforth/183949.htm and what I really want to know is how did he get the link right while spelling your name wrong?????

[Nola]

My sister and I are fraternal twins. My mother kept us in seperate classes during primary/high school - this allowed us to develop our own identities/ personalities. We have always been part of a close knit group of friends and have been extremely close for as long as I can remember. She is my best riend. Growing up was good fun as we always had someone to go along with us and didn't have to face things on our own - I can understand how this could seem irratating but luckily it worked for us. I also believe it has something to do with the way you are brought up and how your personalities are allowed to develop individually.

Something that gets a lot of attention is the fact that my husband is also a fraternal twin, he has a sister, and they are also very close but have quite different personalities. On the plus side I can appreciate their relationship more because I "know where they're coming from".(You can just imagine people saying... oooh you going to have twins!)

[Stacey]

My brother and I were always close, we're 21 months apart.

Now that I have a daughter, we have trouble relating. He's still in "Party" mode, whereas I'm (naturally) concerned about taking care of my child.

It's too bad, we can still talk, it's just different now.

[ewe_are_here]

Close in age, best friends?
Favourite lawyer answer: It depends.

In fact, I think the relationships between siblings of any age depends on a lot of things. Two of the bigger influences I think come down to individual personality traits and parental attention. Some kids just don't like to 'share' or clash with others easily, etc. And as for parents, they have to remember their children are also individuals and need time as such. If parents make their kids compete for attention (which can happen for any number of reasons, including special needs of one child) or only really pay attention when their kids 'act up', there are likely going to be problems.

My younger sister is almost 3 years younger. There were certainly some serious battles between us growing up, and we didn't like each other very much at all for years at a time. Growing up was a different matter. She was somewhat sick and needy quite a bit as a child, struggled a bit in school, etc., and got a lot of extra attention when we were young. That extra attention came at my expense, of course, so there were some issues there. (She remembers this differently; don't we all? ;-) ) Luckily, some time apart as young adults means we get along a lot better. A lot better. She stood up for me when I married my husband, and I made her my son's godmother.

[Orange]

My sister and I are 15 months apart, and my mom was so stressed out by the newborn/toddler combo, she stopped nursing me and went on the pill.

My sister and I liked each other just fine earlier in childhood, but from about age 10 to 22, we fought a lot. We're close now (though different in many ways), but the teen years were U-G-L-Y.

[Crystal]

My siblings and I were two years apart (sister two years younger than me, brother two years younger than her, another brother two years younger than him). We weren't close growing up - hated eachother, actually. My sister and I only really started to get along in our twenties. Now we talk a couple of times a month and I feel like she is one of my friends. I feel that being so close in age was not a good thing because there was a lot of competition growing up.

[Stacey Thornberry]

My sister and I are 9 years apart. We didn't get along much growing up. If you can imagine sharing a room with your 9 year old sister when you are 18 you might get the picture. Anyway, we fought and I am suprise she talks to me to this day. However, my Mom is what really keeps my family close. I am probably closest with my sister but close to all my siblings. I really think it is too the credit of my mother. She always told my sister don't get mad at her she'll be your best friend one day. She was right-as always.

[Reen]

So interesting to read the range of responses to this, and the consensus. Crapshoot. My next-older sister and I are 2.5 years apart. She always had the role of babysitter/teacher to me and enjoyed that. We fought a lot as pre-teens but otherwise have gotten along wonderfully and can still make each other double up and fall over laughing.

My daughters are 11 months apart (I know, I KNOW!), ages 2.5 and 1.5. They don't go three seconds without stealing toys from each other or fighting. I think it may have been harder than twins at first, because the oldest was accustomed to having her needs met in a certain way and at a certain speed, and that changed with the arrival of a newborn and she was not old enough to understand it. Now, they're both interested in the same things sometimes and aren't old enough to fully grasp sharing/empathy. However, I can see that it's soon (please please please) going to get easier than twins probably are, and I hope with all my heart that they'll have as good or better of a relationship than my sisters and I did.