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You make me laugh.out.loud. We have a king sized duvet on our queen sized bed - makes for more equitable duvet sharing. That inspired choice was my salvation. (PS-wife owns the duvet sharing wars in my mind's eye. Has to be written down somewhere that it is our due.)

You THINK a separate bed is the answer, but I disagree. Whenever we are in a piss-poor hotel, and get stuck with the two queen sized beds, rather than a king I am miserable. In the single king or queen bed I can nudge, tug on the blanket, adjust the pillow, etc to get the "King of the Land of Snore" to stop. If I'm in the other bed I have to suffer the loss of my pillow to a lob up in the air hoping to hit the mark, or yell until the hibernating male in the room finally freaking stops for.the.love.of.God with the snoring already.

Wishing you a good night's sleep tonight, and that you are spared an amputation by his toenail (ugh!).


Beloved and I are cuddly, amicable, polite bed sharers while awake, but as soon as one or the other drifts off, it becomes an battle for bedspace and covers. I apparently win these fights, which really doesn't explain the number of times I have woken up uncovered, smooshed against the wall, and freezing.

I agree with Boulder, at least you can physcially fight back in the same bed once he starts snoring, because there is no way in hell I am crossing the room to smother him...

Bob and I went from a full sized bed (when we first started dating) to a queen (when we got married), then finally to a king sized bed. I never had a problem sleeping, but Bob has insomnia quite often, and he never quite got used to having someone else in the bed. Every time he'd roll over, he'd wake up. Once we finally got the king, he could sleep. It's big enough that we can both sprawl without disturbing each other, and we aren't small people, either. It's also great for sprawling in the bed while we're both awake too...

I say: a big bed and TWO duvets! If you want to do some nice co-sleeping things, you won't notice the number of duvets anyway, and the other 95 percent of the time you'll enjoy sleeping and reading on your OWN.

Before we had our new king size bed a couple of months ago, I spent half the week in our guest bedroom being completely annoyed and awake thanks to bed-space-and-blanket-stealing but very sleeping male.

Now we only fight over me reading too much at night, so the bed light shines in his I-want-to-go-to-sleep-eyes. Can't wait until I'm at that certain age where having your own bedroom (plus pool boy, Porsche) is considered normal :-)

I agree with Boulder that you don't really want a separate bed (been-there, done-that), and with Emma that the answer is two twin-sized duvets on a king-sized bed (they fit perfectly). You'd be surprised how much room there is on a king bed when you've got your own covers!

We LOVE our king size bed for this very reason. How in the world we managed in a double (eeks!) or a queen is beyond me at this point. It is like having your own postal code.

I have to agree with everyone else on the separate bed thing - in theory it is great, but in practicality, I'd spend all night walking across the room to kick him and make him STOP SNORING. I guess one way around that would be separate rooms, but then that's a remodel job, a tad more expensive than simply a king size bed.

Good luck with sleeping tonight!

Amen and amen. I could have written your post myself. I spend a ridiculous number of nights on the couch, driven there by husband's flailing limbs, scissor toes, and snoring. Let's not forget the snoring. I sleep beautifully on the couch. *sigh*

My grandparents have their own rooms. They've been married 57 years. A few years ago they were all, "Screw this stupid sharing a bed crap. We want to sleep!"

I've been married 7 years. I think if we're going to make it another 50, I just might have to adopt their idea at some point.

This is exactly why we are investing in a really good (I'm lobbying for a Sleep Number) King bed when my husband gets his bonus. I literally dream about it.

Yikes, am I the only one here who sleeps separately? We tried the sleeping together thing for years, and the ol' H still whines about me sleeping separately, but the snoring, toenail-slashing, blanket stealing, and endless thrashing was just too much, along with the heaps of his junk piled around the bed and his insistance on total darkness which would reslult in me killing myself falling over said junk on the way to the bathroom. And he thinks I have the problem! ;-)

Sleep is essential for health, I sleep in my own bed now. And I feel so much better! I say do it! You can show your love in ways other than sleep deprivation.

A king size bed, with a king size bottom sheet, two twin size top sheets and two twin size blankets under the pretty king size duvet will do the trick. More space, no blanket stealing, the bed still looks nice when it's made, and he isn't too far away to kick when he starts snoring.

I must admit, I do sleep better on the couch than in the bed with DH but he gets a little offended when I do it. I "accidentally doze off" on the couch at least once a week. ;)

I'm curious to see what you decide and how it works out for you.

We do the two duvet thing. We got used to it when we stayed at a hotel while moving to Germany and when we finally got our own house and tried to use one duvet again we realized how stupid it was an how much we liked having two. It has made sleeping a much more pleasant experience.

We have a california king bed (even bigger than a king), two sheets, two duvets. STILL dh is an insomniac. When he does fall asleep, he snores. If I so much as creep out of the bed to feed the baby, he wakes up and can't get back to sleep. I literally have to move inch by inch to get out of the bed to feed the baby, and then once I'm done, I canNOT go back to the bed. I go to the guest room. When we have guests, I sneak down to the couch. We hardly sleep together the whole night anymore. I think we both wish we had real separate rooms with separate beds, but are too "sappy" to admit it. We've been married 6 years....give us another 4 years, and I'll bet we'll have separate rooms! And we really are happily married....

You're so right, T!

one bed, two duvets.

sorry to hear that marko has werewolf toes.


Just get two beds already!! There are no rules - I know of several married couples that don't sleep in the same bed. Don't fight it, just do what works for you. It's not like society will think less of you if you have two beds.

we have our bed and then there is "the other" bed funnily enough made up with all my personal fav sheeting and blankets. He snore badly He steals blankets He dares to touch me with his toes of death. I move rooms it's simple I don't live in the other room but I make good use of it, strangely enough it's after I've been in the other room for the night that I am more tolerant and more likely to be huggy. get another bed your sanity and sleep needs it.

When i met my ex husband i lived in a tiny single college dorm room and we shared a twin!!! I guess that's why we eventually had no problem when we got married and shared a Queen and one comforter!
But, i agree with you now and have never been able to sleep with anyone comfortably *unless passed out drunk, since my divorce 16 years ago!
I prefer the couch in the other room if there is a snorer around in particular...
Big bed. Two blankies.

One king sized beg. Two duvets. Saved our marriage.

beg? Erm. bed even.

Am I the only one who thinks that sharing a bed is one of the most awesome things about being married?? Oh, man! I LOVE it. We did want a queen-size, I will admit, but our bedroom furniture is family antiques, so it's only a full. Still have plenty of room. Share one 80x80" quilt. Quite lovely. On our honeymoon, we had a king-size bed and joked about needing to roll over 3 times to reach each other & being in different zip codes. Slept v well, but felt like in own beds :( I will say that my mother was jealous b/c it took me 7 months to get used to sharing a bed and not waking up when he came to bed after me. She said it took her almost 20 years lol! LOVE SLEEPING TOGETHER, WOULD NOT TRADE IT <3

Two words. Super King. When we go to a hotel or stay the night at someone's house, we have to either take turns to sleep on the floor, or we just don't sleep at all. It's great for snuggling at the start of the night, but roomy enough for 2 adults, 2 big cats and one very wriggly munchkin. Fab.

HAHAHAhahaha. Edward Scissor toes had me. Oh, that fits my dh so perfectly. Oh and in addition to the endearing snoring habit, he has the habit of sleepwalking and/or sleep talking. Last week he sat up and started muttering angrily and then started trying to do battle with our ceiling fan. I had to talk him down. At 2am. After I had just been up with our 5 month old. I should sleep in his room instead.

We share a room but our bed is two singles tiewrapped together. I want my own matress and my own duvetcover! I cant imagine sharing one.. That would be the begining of the end of out marriage

When my husband and I first started living together we slept with two seperate comforters.

Now we share, but when it gets cold again I'm pulling another one out of the linen closet.

Let's see, I am 32, so I think my parents haven't slept in the same bed in over 30 years. And they are still married. My father snores like a freight train, and forever my mom slept on a sofa bed. Now they have a big house and separate bedrooms. My mom loves her girlie room. She hates them sharing a room while on vacay.
There are many times I wish I had my own room and could visit for sexcapades:)

How timely--I just read this New York Times article about the very same topic. See http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/19/health/19slee.html?ex=1159156800&en=ac574904f48864a2&ei=5087%0A

ha haaaaa!!!
i just LOVE my biiiig emptyyyy double bed that i have aaaaaalllll to my self!
except for an occasional cat of course...

we have one king-sized and one queen-sized comforter on our bed. she gets the king, i get the queen. and we both have lots of pillows. and the world's most expensive mattress. that doesn't move on my side when she tosses and turns on her side.

the only down side is that it doesn't bounce a lot when we fuck.

But the problem with having separate beds is that when husband snores, you actually have to get out your own bed to kick him. Solution is to have a cal-king (bigger than a king) and separate covers.

WOW. Had no idea this was such a common issue! Have been sharing a bed with the husband for almost 10 years now. The one and only reason I have ever had to leave the bed and sleep on the couch is when DH has a large bowl of chili before coming to bed. Just can't breathe.

Haha! It is exactly this reason why I like that my husband works shift. About half of the month I can be guaranteed my own cosy bed. Although I will say that up here in the cold, cold North, I do enjoy sharing a bed in the dead of winter, my husband being somewhat of a space heater.

We have one fitted sheet, 1 flat sheet, 2 standard blankets that overlap in the middle (1 each), and an extra quilt. So we get two quilts and 2 blankets.

Do y'all do a thick duvet cover only there? That's becoming more popular here, but I think most of us in the States have a thinner coverlet/bedspread/comforter and then another blanket underneath.

Get a giant bed, and you that should fix you right up. Also, Hearos is a brand of earplugs that is fantastic. When DH is particularly loud with snoring, the Hearos come through great!!

Good luck.

I've been on the couch for 5 years. I just can't sleep in a bed, whether there's someone in it or not. People are shocked, but I don't care. I need my sleep. And I do still love my husband.

But, if you don't quite wanna go the separate beds or rooms yet, then yeah, the two duvet idea is good. Back in the day, when I did sleep in the bed, this helped. You can wrap your feet in your own duvet and you won't have to worry about razor toes.

I love sleeping with my husband. When we're on vacation and have a king size bed, we always end up together on one side or another. He was going away on travel a lot for work before the twins were born, and I always had a horrible time sleeping while he was away. It's the cats that make sleeping tough for us. Who would think that a little 11lb cat could steal covers, sleep perpendicular to us and take up all the room, and wake us up with her drooling, snoring, and farting? And then there's the other one that wants to sleep on my husband's face. We could get a larger bed to share with the cats I suppose...we'de have room to both wiggle away from the wet spot then. ;)

My MIL & FIL have different beds now. Not becuase she steals the doona, or because he has scissor toes and not because they don't love each other any more (they have been married for over 50 years now and are still going strong.)

They sleep in different beds... because they have diffrent orthopedic matresses!

Sing it, sister! I've finally gotten over the idea that not sleeping with my husband means something's wrong with our marriage. I'm telling you, there'd be a lot more wrong if I were sleeping as poorly as I do when we have to share a bed!

Oh, you're all wrong and I'm right. My husband and I started sleeping together in a twin bed, and we slept great, both of us. Then we graduated to a double bed and then to a queen, and 18 years later, we still sleep quite nicely in the same bed. My parents had separate beds/rooms, his parents have separate beds/rooms, my grandparents had 'em, my sister- and brother-in-law have separate rooms—and they all had their reasons. But we love-love-love sharing a bed. Even with the occasional beef-stew fart, even when I snore, even when I wake him up shouting about imaginary spiders, even when somebody's feet are cold—we sleep so well. And who wants their own set of covers? Then you can't snuggle up to another body and steal their warmth.

Now, when the six-year-old climbs in, he completely destroys our sleep quality. He gets his own room, but we'll share, thank you very much.

OK, I'm unusual in that I'm in a three and there's no way we can all sleep in the same bed (we did try it but it was cramped and no one slept well). Our solution: the two of us women in one enormous bed with a duvet each to stop arguments about blanket stealers (er, that would be me apparently!) and the snory man upstairs in his own room. He has a history of insomnia, needs pitch blackness and utter silence to sleep (despite making a noise like a very badly tuned Russian tractor once he is asleep!) so he finds it easier to sleep by himself, although he does miss sleeping with us because he's a big softy. We are open to switching if we can get the big bedroom dark enough for him but we haven't managed it yet and he doesn't like sharing his bed upstairs so he's doomed to sleep alone until we work out a solution that works for everyone. But we all have our own rooms if we need peace and quiet or are feeling ill and not wanting company. It's only civilised to have your own space and I really don't understand couples who live on top of each other the whole time (unless they have very little space and no other option). Yes, it can be nice sharing a bed with someone but it's also nice to have a choice about it. And it's good when exercising that choice doesn't involve hurt feelings and guilt.

But if you don't sleep in the same bed, how will you keep your toes warm? Socks just don't compare to wedging your frozen feet under someone else's toasty body.

Single mom here, so I have the run of my queen sized bed (well, except until sometime between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. most nights, when one of my twin girls runs down the hall, chased by "monsters", and joins me), but boy oh boy, that's not something I really miss. In fact, when I think about the one man I would still consider marrying of all the ex'es, it's the one with whom I slept like a baby. You can hit it off with a person on so many levels, but if you can't sleep with him? Torture!

Oh, and "Edward Scissorhands toenails"? SNORT!

And I always thought I was the only one. Not having my own space at night drives me bonkers. We just bought a new bed that's the equivalent of two extra long twin beds pushed together, so not too bad, especially because we have extra duvets and blankets. But anything smaller? No way. Can't sleep and I envision snuffling his-loud-breathing-sometimes-snoring-self with a pillow.

Dh and I share a king sized bed, but we each have our own top sheet and comforter. :)

Amen, sister!!

Stop that. I could love to have some big hairy man in my bed. LOL

Now... let's find me one.

We have a Cal King and seperate covers...yet I still sleep on the couch at least twice a week.

I COMPLETELY AGREE. And so does my husband if he would just 'fess up. But somehow he views spearate beds as advertising to the world that your marriage is over.

As an orthodox Jew, for part of the month we have to sleep in separate beds, (long story, if anyone wants I can explain) so since we have a pretty big room, and I seem to always have at least one if not two kids in my bed with me, we got two fulls instead of two twins which other people do. Perfect solution, because my husband totally hates having anyone in his space while he sleeps. Plenty of room in the full for both of us, but once we are sleeping, there is plenty of room for both of us to have our own space. Since they rae pushed together, it's still close enough for me to roll over and shove him when the snoring wakes me up. Apparently, both he and his brother have the same problem with sleeping cuddled, which is what to do with the other arm (my sil and i discussed this, much to the guys chagrin). Although i give him a hard time about not liking to cuddle, this works pretty well.

Surely you jest? My hubby and I LOVE sleeping (actual sleeping) together. We don't know how we ever slept alone for as long as we did. We love to just get all tangled together.

I forgot about what it was like to share a bed - there are some advantages to being a single mom. Like Jo, I still end up with company in my bed in the middle of the night...

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