Well, that went down well

No, no!  I wasn’t trying to say that there is anything wrong with those who have legitimate allergies or intolerances.  What I was trying to say (clearly VERY badly) is that it seems like the latest fad is to self-diagnose yourself with food issues.  These type of people will decide one day that diary is the new evil and will go on and on ad nauseum about their new diet and try and convince everyone else to convert to their ways. They become pious and all-knowing. And frankly painful. Until they move on to the next Big Thing.

I promise, cross my heart, this wasn’t about people with legitimate issues.  Obviously, duh! Do you really really think I would be telling people that have legitimate issues that they should just suck it up?  Tsk tsk!! How long have we been together now?  I thought you knew me better than that.  It seems we don’t know each other at all. Makes me wonder, where is this relationship going? Sob.

(Note to self: Add food intolerances to the list of Things We Do Not Talk About Around Here.)

Comments

[Shannon]

I understood what you were saying as your two friends are my lovely SIL (who is currently living with us). It is soooo annoying, especially when they condone your own eating habits.

[emmy]

My 55 year old father had a heart attack last year and is now on an extremely limited diet, but if it mean 5 more years that I and my daughter will have time with him I am all for it.

'Yes, sure, you might live 5 years longer than I will. But to be perfectly honest, I’d rather live five years less and have a little effing fun for goodness sake.'

I disagree with you that restricting your diet isn't worth five more years of life.

[not for this one]

I know what you were saying. I find that the people with legitimate allergies/intolerances are prepared for it and don't make a big deal out of it. I had a friend in college who is vegetarian (religious reasons) and I did not know for years. He never made a big deal out of it. When it started to become "in" to be one, several sorority sisters had to bring it up AT EVERY EVENT.

I have a BIL who is vegan by choice and it is an issue.

I did not think you were talking about those with real intolerances. Just those that are flavor of the month.

[EJW]

As in all things, there's a happy medium. Do I want to die at 29 in a flaming ball of alcohol, rare steak, and cheesecake? Not really. Do I want to live to 110 on raw bulgar and tomato juice? Not really.

I'd much rather eat sensibly, from a variety of food groups, with an occasional splurge and die at 87 like normal people.

[Nancy]

I got it, I think you said it fine but then in the comments it went off on a comments tangent. I would have replied on the other post but then I would have sounded callous, since the commenters took it the other way.

Yes, drives me crazy too, this fad! Makes it damn hard to cook for a group too, once you leave this and that evil substance out, pretty much all you can serve the group is water (no ice!)

[Kay]

LOL at you! I got it.

[MamaPajama]

Just like husbands, you can't live with them, can't chop them up in little piece and bury them in the back yard.

My daughter is vegetarian by choice. When she cooks, I love what ever she cooks because someone ELSE is cooking. When we go out, I try to be considerate and know that a BBQ place might not have the right choices for her. When I cook, she takes her chances, there's always veggies but can't promise that everything is pristine and she knows that. Chicken broth might sneak into something.

Folks, take a chill pill. This is Tertia--she means no harm to anyone. Well, maybe the anti-drinking folks, but take it easy on her!!

[VGB]

I love reading your blog but it's annoying when you have to apologize for every damn thing you write or list 100 disclaimers before being even mildly critical about anything. People need to buck up, I think you said what you said just fine and if others are offended they should simply acknowledge that you can't please everyone all the time and move on. Jeesh!

[Judy]

Just posted on the other one, but had to share this little story that I think you can relate to.

Gal in my church is soooo difficult to work with - when we are planning kids' menus and such, she tells us, "My kids can't do dairy" or "My kids are allergic to nuts" and "no chocolate or caffeine because it upsets their stomachs". Apparently, though, that doesn't apply on Thursday afternoons because I saw her at the local McDonald's because sundaes were on special...her kids were eating hot fudge sundaes with peanuts on top. Er, whatever.

People who have legitimate issues with certain foods are actually getting the short end of the stick here because of people who "think" they have problems and go off the deep end about it when it isn't a legitimate issue for them. Apparently, said girl is the one with issues, and it ain't food.

Just thought about that after reading your posts!

I'm going to pick up my can of worms now.

[Mia]

Lol, you just can't say anything right, can you?

[Working From Home Today]

Turns out food can be an obsession in many ways.

I've been on both sides, I'm happiest on the fence. Little indulgence here, even if it makes me feel a little gross - it was worth it. A little restriction there, because a body needs the TLC to keep ticking.

For example, I ate all healthy this week. And one beer gives me a hangover. But it's Friday. It's 32 degrees out there. There's a cold Guinness in the fridge. Soon, there won't be.

[Amy]

Tertia, I totally got you! I love your sense of humour! I wish you didn't have to defend yourself every time your wrote something that at this point we (should) all know you are not criticizing, but explaining your view. Sheesh. Laugh at yourself a little people :D

[Danie'l]

Oh bloody hell!! My God will people stop being such asses...
Most people who have issues real or not know what they can and can not freaking eat and can find SOMETHING on the fuckin menu within 5min. Give me a break...
There is no need for you to apologize on YOUR blog. Seriously if the people "know" you at all... or even read the fucking post they would know you are not being mean especially towards a person who has serious health issues. Which your dear friends DO NOT, like you said.

grrrr

[Flidais]

I think the intense heat here coupled with my injured left wrist/thumb have made me grumpier then I needed to be, I'm sorry :)

My plea should have been for those who receive an explanation that the food issue is more then, "I'm going off milk cause I read it was bad in Cosmo" to then not dismiss it.

I'm told a lot that I am just "being difficult" when all I am being is pro-active about my health and the health of my Husband.

Because of our restrictive diet I always offer to contribute to the meal when we are invited out to eat at someone else's house. This has worked out great so far. Every once in a while we have a friend or 2 over and they always seem so surprised that our "weird diet" didn't mean they hated their meal. I cook with more ingredients now then when I could cook anything. Having to be more inventive has opened me up to a whole new world of amazing food.

Now, please pass the red wine! Not only does it make wild venison melt in your mouth as a marinade but it tastes damn good on a hot summer evening like this.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Okay, they may have gotten mad, but I think you were right. I'm not saying that people aren't allergic to wheat - I'm just saying that A LOT of people are allergic to wheat that weren't last year and won't be this year. And I don't care what your blood type is, it doesn't make you averse to spinach.

[Sheridan]

ha ha ha!

I will admit to reading the post and getting a bit huffy. Because Henry is allergic, truly allergic, to dairy. Not lactose intolerant, blah, blah blah. And when I was breastfeeding him I had to keep all dairy out of my diet. And I knew I was a pain in the arse to eat out with, because I was exactly like your friends!

But, crikey, I got the point you were making. Of course you were not talking about people with real health issues.

I haven't been in to read the comments. Like a good girl I removed myself from the situation and went elsewhere. But if course, I am back! Can't resist you. Smooch.

[Julie]

It's not about the food issues. It's about making a big deal about them in public. There are things I normally avoid, but if I am a friend's house and it's in the food they have prepared, I eat it. to do anything else is flat-out rude, unless there is a true health problem. People who do this want attention, otherwise they would choose not to eat out and socialize in other ways.

[C.]

I am on a no sugar "diet" for health and weight purposes. It has worked as I have detoxed and lost the addiction BUT not at the expense of others. I am also a vegetarian (20 years now) and I have never let it get in the way. some people (mostly dates) try very hard to accomodate, but I am flexible so it never interferes with anyone else.

If a "preference" (not a diagnosis) interferes with others, something is seriously wrong.

[Melissa4444]

I didn't read the comments for the last post, so who knows what happened there. BUt I COMPLETELY agree with you. It's all the rage here. And so much of it is self diagnosed. And it's all a bit much, you know?

I think you worded it fine.

Off to read the comments and see how it all went to hell. :)

[kathleen999]

I am one of those who had a gazillion allergies, all my life. To the extent of having migraines and vomiting at least once a month. I never made a big deal about it, I just have always had to live with it. But then I got all my allergies treated and suddenly I can eat things without my stomach hurting after every meal, without getting congested, without etc etc. I never realized how sick just about all food was making me. Luckily I was able to do something about it, after 42 years! :)

Anyway, now I realize that when people develop allergies later in life, they probably are suffering more than someone like me that was used to it. Or maybe they are making a big deal out of their food issues because they truly couldn't find anything that wouldn't make them feel sick. Or maybe they just like attention. Who knows? In any case, you should be able to comment on things you see without people screaming about it. For heaven's sake!

[Anon]

Oh I totally agree.

It is a pain in the butt and BORING. A diet fad to many.

I have seen a few people self-diagnose an allergy (not an intolerance) and end up with a whole range of other digestive problems inc malnutrition.

Many don't know how to replace what they are cutting out.

Whenever I visit one friend I need to stuff myself before I go and take emergency rations with me. Otherwise I would not get fed anything near my needed calorie allowance just to breathe. Gluten free chocolate! Yuck! Gluten free, wheat free, dairy free, fun free.

I have an intolernace and I know my limits and certainly do not bore people with it, disrupt dinner, insist on special food. Food is way too much fun.

Me thinks there is a little too much thinking/obsession being done!

MODERATION

[Julie Johnson]

I must be a complete moron, because I am still trying to figure out what "Gluten" is...

*sighs*

[anna v]

WTF? Gluten free chocolate is pretty standard unless you're eating chocolate with centres or flavours. Admittedly there are some Lindt chocolates that my dh can't eat but I just eat them for him. Works for me.

Gluten's a protein in some grains, Julie.

My dh is GF/SF/CF but he is well trained and we take food when we visit people. We try not to inconvenience others and certainly I would bitch slap him into the middle of next week if he sat and read the menu for longer than 5 minutes.

[anne]

LOL....LOVE your new ticker!!!!

[Jodie]

T, if you keep this up every post will be followed with an apology and a retraction! For what it's worth, I reckon you post what you want to post (without disclaimers), let people disagree (and if you look back most agreed, and most of those who disagreed were respectful) and move on. Comments are more interesting if they vary. You don't need to go back over it. Let it go. I know you've said you hate hurting feelings and you take criticism very personally, but to be honest I don't think people get as pissed as you read into it.

And I agree. My Mum and sister are vegetarians, plus very fussy and I HATE going out with them!

[moneo]

Hi,

I get where you were coming from with your post. My daughter is allergic to dairy and soy protein and at the moment she has colitis and is allergic to all forms of protein so is on an elemental formula. It completely drives me up the wall when other parents that I know say 'Oh my son/daughter x is a little bit spewy after I drink milk so I think that poor x is allergic to dairy. I had better cut it out of my diet'. I have in the past been very tempted to video the reaction that my daughter has to dairy and soy and show it to people who make stupid comments like that. I can say one thing with certainty, when she has a reaction 'a little bit spewy' does not even begin to cover it. I blame people like that for why it took so long to get doctors to listen to me when I said that she was allergic. They see so many people who incorrectly self-diagnose allergies that they assume that everyone is doing it.

[jenny]

OMG, I can't believe how many people didn't "get it" and still don't seem to. I have a great friend who has celiac's disease which means she cannot eat gluten. When I read the "fun-free" post I knew you weren't talking about her. You are talking about people that treat these things as fads or bandwagons.
If someone is told they HAVE to change their diet due to diabetes or a heart condition, then of course you do it. I think what Tertia is saying is that for somebody who is overall pretty healthy, why take it to extreme's - have a little fun.
You people are going to give poor Tertia a complex.

[amy]

I have a chronic digestive disease and I hate it when people make a big deal out of what I can and can't eat. I hate feeling like a nuisance so I just try and figure out what I'm going to have quietly. No drama. My brother and SIL, however, are lactose intolerant and we hear about it at EVERY meal. Who cares! Shut up and eat!!!

[Kim]

Yep - that'll be another thing to add to the list... What are the safe things to talk about again ???

[Rachel]

I know what will fix this whole thing...more wine! :) Maybe more people who read this just need to have a glass of wine when they sit down to read!! Yah!
You're great, never edit your thoughts to suit others, before long there will be nothing left to talk about (oh except wine!ha ha)

[Lou]

ok I think the thing here is that who are we to decide that self-diagnosing an intollerance makes it any less of a legitimate issue. I have been pricked like a pin-cushion over and over again to medically determine my allergies, but at 26 years old, I am still figuring some of them out myself.

Tertia, I know you weren't trying to abuse people with allergies/intollerances, but being on the outside of this world you could never understand what it is like, just as I cannot understand the life of someone with fertility issues.

But that said, I never push my decisions onto anyone else, and if I have enough warning I call ahead or research a restaurant before time. But I don;t always have enough time or warning, and usually have to suffer the consequences of picking hungrily at a salad while my friends enjoy a great meal. But I rarely whinge about it because I feel like such a nuisance in the first place.

Bottom line is it's hard for everyone, but their is not a lot we (the allergics or the friends) can do about it.

[Schnozz]

Haha, as the one who unfortunately launched the intolerance discussion, I want to note that my only goal was to point out that you didn't really mean "intolerance" even though you said "intolerance" ... and to raise the possibility that perhaps your friends' problems were more serious than you thought. I didn't for one minute think that you would feel annoyed at a real intolerance. It was more of a "you used the word intolerance, and I don't think that's what you really meant" type of comment. Doh. Sorry to start any wars. :)

[Orange]

I don't eat red meat, and there are plenty of ingredients I don't care for. It makes it so much easier to order at most restaurants—instead of having to decide among 30 dishes, I usually have it narrowed down to three or four (and occasionally will ask if they can swap one veggie for another). I swear it doesn't take me any longer to place my order!