So Close

So Close: Infertile and Addicted to Hope

The book is available on Amazon here.

 This is the heartbreaking, exhilarating, devastatingly funny story of Tertia Albertyn’s battle with infertility. Tertia wanted a baby so desperately, that she went through nine IVFs. Most people give up after the third.

I don’t think I am being brave at all. I am just too terrified not to try again.

In her worst nightmare she could never have imagined that making a baby would take her four years, each treatment bringing her and her husband Marko closer and closer to making a family.

During Tertia’s journey everything that can go wrong does go wrong. Until, finally, everything goes just right.

Tertia is as hilarious as she is irrepressible, as approachable as she is knowledgeable. If you are struggling with infertility, have triumphed over infertility of have felt empathy with someone who is going through this experience, you will find a friend in Tertia.

The Amazon Reviews

**This is an amazing, poignant book that will make you laugh and cry as you go with Tertia on her sometimes heartbreaking journey through infertility. The book, adapted from her very popular and wonderful blog, "So Close," is not just for people who have suffered infertility, stillbirth, miscarriage, or the death of an infant. It's for every parent who has had or is thinking of having a baby. It's so important for people who have never grappled with infertility to know what others are going through, and for those of us who have been there know we are not alone. 

**This is a beautifully written, hilarious and heartbreaking memoir. Sure, it's about infertility and would be a great choice if you or someone you love is grappling with that. You'll definitely be cheered, inspired, and you'll learn a lot. But I haven't had fertility problems and neither has anyone I am close to. I was nevertheless delighted to discover the acerbically funny Tertia and to go through her long, agonizing journey to motherhood with her. You'd think a memoir like this would be all warm and fuzzy mixed with earnest longing and sadness. You know, important, good for you, but ultimately kind of deadly. Not with Tertia as narrator, all prickly bad attitude with Chardonnay in hand and wisecrack at the ready. Somehow she manages to be snarky and sincere at the same time--how perfect is that? "So Close" is just a terrific book, funny and tragic, full of hope and, ultimately, joy. You'll wish, like I do and like her thousands of blog fans do, that she didn't live so far away (South Africa) so she could be your BFF.

Most Customer Reviews 5.0 out of 5 stars Best infertility memoir from female perspective If you are going through fertility treatments (or have a loved one doing so) and you plan to read one infertility memoir this should be the one! Read more 5.0 out of 5 stars beautiful story! I couldn't put this book down and I read it in one night. I found myself laughing and crying throughout the book. Read more 5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing, Heartbreaking, Inspirational I've been waiting for this book for ages to be available in the United States and was very eager to read it. I wasn't disappointed.Read more 5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Read I have been waiting for this book to be available in the states. Definitely worth the wait. Tertia is an amazing woman with a great writing style. Read more 5.0 out of 5 stars I first read Tertia's blog when I was in the throes of infertility... ...and I immediately recognized a friend who not only had "been there done that" before me, but who survived to tell the tale with wit, compassion, and an amazingly generous... Read more 5.0 out of 5 stars A raft of hope in a sea of pain Tertia's ability to write about infertility, the highs and lows, the overwhelming joy and the complete sorrow, as well as the life after infertility are just incredible... Read more 5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for all affected by infertility, directly or indirectly Moving, heart wrenching, hilarious, shamelessly hounest.   A must read for to all affected by infertility, directly or indirectly. Read more 5.0 out of 5 stars You will love this book! I've read this book about three times in the last three years. Tertia's wit never loses its appeal. Read more

The endorsements

Dr Sheila Faure, specialist in perinatal psychology:

‘So Close is a compelling and inspiring book for couples who are struggling with fertility difficulties. It is also an invaluable guide for those who care about them. With unflinching truthfulness, Tertia Albertyn describes the crushing cycles of hope and despair entailed in infertility treatment. At the same time, the book resonates with a wicked sense of humour and is an extraordinary testament to the power of mother love.’

‘Dr D’ (Dorianne Weil), well known clinical psychologist:

It is rare and an honour to witness and participate in a journey written from the point of view of participant and observer. It is only with the highest level of self awareness and insight that it is possible to BE your story, open your heart and mind and invite others in.

This is a ground breaking documentary for anyone who travels this route and anyone who wishes to understand. Most of all it is for everyone who feels they can’t do it again. Not again, whatever the ‘it’ is……. usually another IVF or some invasive treatment that has taken its toll financially, emotionally, socially and sometimes spiritually.

It is Tertia’s story - but it’s everybody’s story about possibility even probability, courage, tenacity, determination and the undoubted value and healing power of support.

Dr Sulaiman Heylen, MD, Cape Fertility Clinic

Infertility treatment is different from other medical interventions, the stakes are so high and the results so unpredictable, which makes it all incredibly difficult to deal with. Tertia Albertyn's book gives an accurate, first person description of the ups and downs of infertility treatment. It will provide great help and inspiration to couples struggling with infertility, and is also a source of information for those wanting to understand people affected by it. Tertia's book is a harrowing reality show between two covers and will appeal to anybody who appreciates a real story that comes straight from the heart.

 

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 Where to buy the book

On Amazon - http://www.amazon.com/So-Close-Infertile-Addicted-Hope/dp/0620430303

On Kalahari - http://www.kalahari.net/books/So-Close-Infertile-and-Addicted-to-Hope/632/33945551.aspx

The book

It’s out! The book is out! Although only locally I am afraid. For all the non-South African residents, please hang in there and hold on to those kind promises to buy the book, I am working my ass off on getting the book published in the rest of the world. I am hoping to have it available internationally by the end of the year.

But as of today, I am officially a Published Author.

Please carry on reading for details on where to buy the book (order online here), what it is about and for some of the early reviews and endorsements.

Microdermabrasion?

I want to freshen up my skin a little, and try and get rid of some of the pigmentation marks on my skin. 

 Thinking of having microdermabrasion done. Any experience / opinions on this? Better than a peel? Is it sore? Does it work?

Leaky faucets

9 months later...

...a new smile was born

WARNING:  SCARY TEETH PICTURES TO FOLLOW

Nov 05

Jan 06


July 06
(sorry its such a bad pic, my breath kept misting up the bloody lens!)

cool huh!  now must just get rid of that horrible metal filling.

Like a (pregnant) gazelle

Trying to get the perfect action shot

And finally, the ultimate action shot. 

Notice the very pregnant looking belly.  And this with my arms up and my torso stretched upwards.  Nice. Not. Bloody olive.

 

Hahaha! No assholes, that is not OUR bus / truck thing.  It belongs to some arty farty producer guy who does a travel programme for TV.  They live at the bottom of the road in the cul de sac. It is the vehicle they use to travel across Africa to record their travel shows.  Tee hee. Can you honestly imagine Marko driving any thing that isn’t low slung, fuel injected, twin cam, blah blah super dooper sporty?

 

The reason for the pics?  We have a new camera, and Marko and I are so excited about it.  It has these cool new features and I wanted Marko to try and get a pic of me leaping in the air, doing an Interflora type move.  We were hysterical with laughter, because he kept missing the crucial moment. So I kept having to run and leap and then he would say “Again!  I missed it!” The asshole! I think he did it on purpose actually, now that I think of it.  The kids were looking at me as if I was mad.  And because my pants are too big (NOT because I am thin but because I bought the wrong size and couldn’t be assed to take them back) they kept falling down.  So you will see me hitching them up in one pic.  V v funny. God, I hope the neighbours didn’t see us.

 

Quick tooth note

I can’t find my damn camera!*  I’ll look for it tomorrow and post pics of my gorgeous new teeth.  I’ll post some before and after pics so that we can all marvel at what an improvement it is.

I think my orthodontist hates me.  I have no idea why.  I don’t think it is because I wrote him a long email telling him how much he sucked because of the shit service he gave me during my first few appointments.  It can’t be that. Or the second letter I sent him along a similar vein.  No, can’t be. But I do think he hates me, he seems to like hurting me on purpose, sadistic little fucker. 

He has decided that I need to wear that non-permanent plastic retainer thingy at night for three months before I get the permanent one.  It hurts like a motherfucker!! OMG, how long does it hurt for?  It feels as if my teeth are in a vice grip at night.  They ache the whole night. Does it get better?  Won’t they keep moving during the day and as a result always be sore at night in this grip-from-hell thing?  He says he wants my teeth to settle first before I get the permanent retainer but I think he just likes torturing me. Asswipe. 

 Ugh. This whole teeth thing is getting v old. 

 
*Must MUST tidy up my study soon. This can’t go on. Next thing I will lose a child in here and never find him/her again.

 
PS Want to write more about the Shape of a Mother blog but tired now.  Perhaps I will do so tomorrow. 

 

Hitting the open road

A break in the rain, at last!

We couldn't get outside fast enough.

The Shape of a Mother

You probably have all been to this site already, but for those who haven’t, it is pretty powerful stuff.

 How does this make you feel? 

 I don’t have time to put my thoughts down now, (off to get my braces removed, yay!) but I would like to talk about this a little when I am back.

K, back.  Braces off, teeth feel divine, more on that tomorrow. Back to the subject at hand.

 

So here are my feelings are this: Firstly, I think this is a wonderful site and it is doing a great service to plenty of women by making them realize they are not alone. I admire the women who have posted immensely. I think they are wonderful.

 Will it do any thing to make a dent in the stereotypical image of the perfect / ideal / airbrushed woman? Probably not. But it is doing good things for many, clearly.

 It does make me sad, in a way, to think of how it must hurt for the people who are still struggling with infertility and the adoptive moms.  For every woman who complains about her stretch marks etc, think of the many women who would give any thing to be given the opportunity to have them at all.

 On a personal level, it makes me realize that I came away relatively unscathed by the pregnancy and birthing experience, purely from a physical point of view. Even with my ‘olive’ and my bigger hips, feet, hands, butt etc, I still came away less ‘scarred’ than some. I have no stretch marks, a fact which I do not understand at all because I put on 66 pounds in my last pregnancy.  Not that this is any better or worse or any thing at all really, it is merely a superficial observation.

 However, on a deeper level, I was surprised to realize that my underlying emotion was sadness. And that surprised me. I am trying to unpack this reaction.

 Yes, these women are beautiful, and yes these women are marked in beautiful ways by a beautiful, magical and honourable process, the process of pregnancy and childbirth.

 Yet, somehow, if I look at the marked bodies of these women, and my own, and I see the perfect, intact bodies of my children and my husband, I feel sadness.

 It makes me sad is that this process, this rite of passage is such a permanent, scarring one. So few people go through it completely unscathed. Afterwards you are left stretched, scarred and empty. And of course you would do it again and again and again if it meant bringing into the world your magnificent children, but I can’t shake the sadness. And I am not entirely sure why.

 Is it because it is such an intense labour of love that is not revered enough? It is as if the mother is a pupa, a shell, protecting this most wondrous thing inside, that once it bursts through is off on its own journey, leaving behind the shell.

 I don’t know why I feel this way; I can’t seem to find the answer in myself. I am not sure if I am sad because I am mourning the loss of the ‘airbrushed ideal’, or because the pregnant body symbolizes something I fought so hard for for so long, and might not ever see again.  I wish that society really really believed that these were the type of bodies that were truly revered and desirable, but I fear that is a pipedream of mine.

 Is it because I had four pregnancies and only one successful birth? Is it because I know that for many the pregnancies were easily come by where as mine were so traumatic, so devastatingly sad?  I am not sure. Perhaps it is a little of the infertility hangover coming through. I don’t know.

 It was a bittersweet experience for me to view this site. An intense dichotomy.

 I think the site is a wonderful thing, I really do, but I can’t deny that a part of me feels sad. And I am not entirely sure why.

Morning breath

Poor Adam, I hope he doesn’t mind me posting this, but I am trying to see whether he is a bit of a freak, or whether there are others like him. I hope this doesn’t scare off any of his future wives (or husbands).

See, the thing is, he has terrible morning breath!  I thought babies were supposed to have sweet breath, but not Adam.  It smells like something died in there during the night. Perhaps it is because he has his lips lightly sealed the dummy the entire night.  Once he has had his bottle etc his breath is completely fine, but oh my word, that morning breath! It’s enough to make one’s eyebrows singe. We hug with my head turned slightly.

 He gets this from his father of course.  

 Does anyone else have kids who have stinky morning breath? Do some kids just have stinky morning breath?  Will he ever find a wife? At least there is always Charlie if the girls reject him.