The way things work around here

aka Tertia’s Blogging Rules

I thought it might be a good time to have a little chat about the way things work around here.  Not for any particular reason other than the fact that Typepad have introduced this cool new thing where you can make a post ‘sticky’, keep it on top or something like that.  Anyhow, I have been thinking about this for a while and I’ve decided now might be a good time to talk about this.

Firstly, a little bit about how I blog, the style of my blog, so to speak.  I write about all sorts of stuff. Mom stuff, babe stuff, infertility stuff, South Africa stuff, life stuff.  I often write about how I am feeling at any particular point in time.  I am completely open and honest about what I write and about how I am feeling.  This often gets me in trouble and opens me up to all sorts of judgement and criticism.  Initially that used to bother me but I am doing my best to develop a tougher hide.  I am open and honest, warts and all, because that is just the way I am.  It takes too much energy not to be so, and I simply don’t have the energy to pretend or make stories up. 

 

Just about everyone I know reads my blog.  My best friends read my blog.  My sisters and brother read my blog.  My husband reads my blog. My in laws read my blog.  My co-workers read my blog.  My effing CEO reads my blog.  Oh, and so does my cooter doctor and my shrink.  It is very difficult for me to bullshit on my blog. Which is good on the one hand, because you know you are getting the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  The bad thing is that I am unable to have a good old fashioned bitch about anyone because, well, they READ MY BLOG!!

 

I try to be sensitive to people’s sensitivities and beliefs and morals etc.  However, having very few of my own, it is not always easy.  Only joking. Mostly. I do have some morals, promise. They are just deeply hidden and mostly self-serving. 

 

I swear / cuss, quite a lot.  I can’t help it, I really am trying not to, but it is so fucking hard!  I keep forgetting. If I call you an asshole, I mean it in the nicest possible way.  It is my term of endearment. I also drink. Quite a lot. In fact, about 90% of my posts are written when I am drunk slightly tipsy.  But I do my best work then. I’m a fun drunk; it’s ok! I am trying to drink less.  Actually, that is lie.  I am making no effort to drink less. I’d drink more if I could, but two glasses is my limit.  Things go pear shaped after that.

 

I love joking around, and I love teasing.  Some people don’t like that. I once teased the Americans about not knowing their dialling code. They got very cross. I try not to tease the Americans any more. I stick to teasing the Australians because they are fun to tease. And there is always so much material there.

 

Ok, enough about me. I thought about giving a run down of the ‘cast’ here, but I’ll stick it in my ‘About’ page.

 

Now to the important bits: how I would like YOU to participate in this blog. Because it is all about YOU. (Not really, but I am trying to make you feel all important and loved).

 

BTW – I hope you appreciate how difficult this is for me to type, I accidentally broke the ‘N’ key on my keyboard. Do you have any idea how often ‘N’ appears in words!!

 

Back to you. I love love LOVE comments on my blog.  Having you participate in the way of comments makes me feel all important and loved.  So, please do leave a comment, even if you are saying the same thing someone else has said. I read, and appreciate, every single comment. Even those that perhaps do not agree with what I have said.

 

Which brings me to a very important point. I often receive emails from people who are too afraid to comment with a dissenting view because they are scared of being lynch-mobbed by my loyal supporters.  And that is wrong. I welcome dissenting views!! I often ask for your opinion, and in doing so am fully aware that some of you might not agree with me.  So, please please don’t attack anyone who says something that you don’t agree with, or that disagrees or takes issue with what I have said.  I appreciate you wanting to defend me, but you really don’t have to. 

 

I am formally stating that I welcome everyone’s opinion, even those who disagree with me.  It is fine! That is the way I learn.  Please disagree or tell me where you think I am wrong.  I might not do as you say, or take your advice, but I will take account of what you say. And for the rest of you, please do NOT attack other commenters or dissenting views on my blog.  Or else we will all be one flavour, one world view.  How boring would that be!

 

On that note.  I’ve decided that I will allow anonymous comments.  Because even though I’ve said that I welcome dissenting views, I understand some people will still be too nervous to comment.  So, comment anonymously if you want. I hereby officially promise that I won’t ‘out’ you.  If I break my promise, I will only be able to do it once, because you will know that I am not sticking to my word.  And I probably won’t even look up your IP address because I honestly do not have the time. 

 

However. What I won’t stand for are comments that are offensive in any way.  I wont ‘out’ you, but I will delete your comment.  And any other comment that says something nasty about someone else.  You can be nasty about me, I’ll leave those (as I have always done), but I will delete comments that are offensive, or that attack other people. I’ve only ever delete two comments, one that was particularly nasty about a fellow blogger and another that was disparaging about someone in my life.  Sorry folks, you can attack me all you want, but not other people who aren’t there to defend themselves.

 

For those of who are scared you will get spammed if you leave your email address, you have the option of leaving a fake email address (although that means I wont be able to respond to your comment, and I do try to respond to at least some of my comments), or you can put NOSPAM in the middle of your email address.

 

If you do email directly, please be patient about getting a reply. I really do try and respond to every email I get, but I am sometimes just too overwhelmed by life / mothering / working / writing / blogging / drinking that I am unable to.  Plus, the longer I leave it, the shitter I feel and then I end up NOT responding because I’ve left it so late.

 

Hmm, can’t think of anything else for now.  To end off, I would like to say to those who are new, welcome! Have fun, please participate if you can.  I love hearing what you think.  To those who have been around for a while, thank you.  For as long as you want to keep reading, I will keep writing.  I write not only for myself, but also because I know you read.  And for that I thank you.  For those who hate me and think I suck / can’t write / am whatever horrible name you want to call me, all I can say is ‘byeeeeeee’, don’t let the door knock you on the ass as you leave.

 

I’d write more, but it is bed time.  G’night.

 

Comments

[Bridgette]

Did I miss something again? Is there trouble in blogland? Oh I hope not. I love it when we all just get along.

Night night T.

[Judy]

Wow, you are a brave woman to open up your blog like that! My family reads mine, but rarely any acquaintances read (because they are usually who I am griping about in my posts). I do know what you mean about not being able to talk some smack about people because you know they'll read it! I could write epic novel on all the junk about my family!

[gkk]

All common sense Tertia, though I'm too much of a cynic to think they will be followed! And lay off the Aussies today, we're a little tired and emotional this morning after staying up all night to be pipped at the post in the soccer.... lets pick on the Italians instead, K?

[Boulder]

Good thing Julie doesn't read your blog - so at least you can still bitch about that asshole.

xoxo

[Woody's Girl]

Rules? Now we have to follow RULES?!

Sheesh. This "reading blogs for leisure entertainment" sure has gotten complicated.

So what's up with the second radio interview? Was it the same station? A follow up on your previous interview, or something separate? Sure do wish I could have listened... LURVE your accent!

XXX
Jennifer

[Nobs]

I never really commented 'cause I normally can't think of anything very clever or funny to say! Like your no bullshitting bit though - that's where my blogname comes from NO Bull Shit. But there was a NOBS already so I had to take nr 2. Anyway - love your blog and read it everyday first thing in the morning.

[jax]

Read on a daily basis but often too shy to comment so thanks for the "permission" to do so. Also thanks for inviting dissenting views ... you're right, there often is a lynch -mob mentality which very often puts me off commenting. I also like the fact that you're accepting "anon" comments and keeping it an open playing field ... I was quite upset and taken aback when a while back I left a comment on another much loved blog site which at that stage was being vetted and I didn't make the cut to be posted - I really don't know what it was that i wrote that meant it couldn't have been posted but there you go!

[Emma]

I loved the comments your readers had on your international dialing code post. No need for stereotypes on big macs and croissants and kangaroos, the comments said it all.

How funny that some American readers were actually insulted, not because "the others" (eg non-Americans) didn't know their dialing code, but because "we" sort of presumed they'd know their own code. And how some readers felt never travelling was an excuse for not knowing. Quite an insight :-)

And now I still don't know how to dial the US, reading about 1's and 011's and 101's and 00's. But then, I'm Dutch and all. We're always stoned AND wearing wooden shoes, so should be forgiven.

But, that wasn't what your post today was all about. I still think you're the most interesting read on the internet. Your blog is the one I read brushing my teeth (G&D!) before running to my car & work.

[jodie]

Hey T,

Nice post! I too have often held back comments that weren't in line with the common view. I love you dearly, and would never post a mean comment but felt like if I wasn't sucking up your bum and agreeing with what you said I would be shot by the Tertia Vigilante. And I know that's not of your doing. I love having discussions with differing opinions, and as long as they are put forward respectfully it doesn't matter if I don't agree. I still like to read them.

It must be so hard having a blog that people in your "real" life read. I'd be too chicken to say anything!!! You're amazing (see, sucking up your ass so I won't get lynched ;) )

Oh, and feel free to take the piss out of the Aussies. We LOVE that shit.

[Amber]

cool! a refresher course! Hope everyone gets it, You made it quite clear so I can only assume we will!

[Em]

So now you are saying that we Americans have no sense of humor?!!

Totally kidding. I would love it if you made fun of Americans more often so I have a clue about what people outside of here think of us (besides thinking we are fat, lazy, overindulged and self obsessed - those, I know. I think that myself).

Rock on, Tertia, baby!

[luolin]

I have sometimes been amazed at how open you were. And sometimes I have been leery of even reading the comments when you blithely brought up controversial topics.

Also, I think of you everytime I need to remember the international dialing code for the US.

[Kay]

You were poking fun at Americans - IN FUN. What came later in the comments was a bashing. Even by the Americans ourselves. That's the part I didn't like. I can totally make fun of myself and the fact that Americans are not very "worldly" - it's the hatred for America that spews forth that I didn't really like.

For example - your poll of the cool guys - one was a rich American businessman. There were comments about how Americans are not so great. I'm so over the hatred.

As for your rules - I think they are good ones. Divine, even.

[Andrea]

Feeling a little ego-centric here... I read your post earlier and decided to come back and comment when I had some time, and I originally thought you'd written: "How would you like to participate in this blog?" So I've been constructing my answer for about an hour, then I come back, and realize you wrote: "How I would like you to participate in this blog." Feeling very deflated. I had a nice meaty answer for you.

{deleted entire paragraph here as I was rambling on about myself}

In fact, that is why I come back to your blog over and over. YOU never make me cross. You make me laugh A LOT, you make me think, sometimes differently than I'm disposed to think, and you often make me smile. But YOU don't make me cross. And there are a sore few bloggers I can say that about! The bloggers who consistently make me cross are the ones I've either sworn off completely or go back to occasionally, only to be made cross again. You somehow manage to post on controversial topics without being nasty about it. I like that in you.

And I'm amazed you let your in-laws read about your bare cooter. I have a blog that in-laws, co-workers, neighbors etc. read, so I keep it way clean and sober.

AND I really like my wine, so there's that too.

And I have no idea even what an "international dialing code" is. I don't know anyone out of the country to call. Go ahead and tease us 'Muricans. We can take it.

[Sakoro]

Hey Tertia, the Christian Science Monitor has an article on carrying babies African-style.
http://www.csmonitor.com/2006/0627/p20s01-lifp.html

I've never understood why North American baby-wearing proponants always use slings that go on their front. It seems to be that it would be much safer to put the baby on your back, especially if you're cleaning, cooking and working while wearing your baby. Also, wouldn't it cause fewer back problems?

[MIM]

Well, I wholeheartedly disagree with . . . um, well, I disagree with that two drink limit! I think it should be 3 drinks!

Now get on that!

Sooo, what if someone is afraid to even leave nice comments for fear of your loyal supporters?

[caygraymomma]

Is there a secret handshake? I really would love a secret handshake.

[Cristy]

If you want a vent journal try Livejournal. Mine is Cristy24, but most of my posts are friends only. If you make a journal let me know and you can read about my boring life in America ;) I can take a joke and won't cry because I don't know what my dialing code is...

[Jen3 @ Amazing Triplets]

You're so much fun, Tertia. I wish you were closer so that you could come stitch & bitch with us on our B4 campaign (Bridgette's Baby Blankie Brigade). I think you'd have a grand time. There will be lots of drinking. I'm sure you'll be here in spirit though, right? :)

[kathleen999]

It's true that you only need to know your own country's dialing code if you travel to another country. And it can't be Canada, theirs is the same as ours.

I do know it, nyah nyah! :) I like teasing, I agree that the hate-mongering about Americans is hurtful. Hey, there are a lot of us who don't like what certain other people in our country do. I, for one, did not vote for this president, but when I was traveling for 4 months in Europe, people gave me a lot of crap about him. Like I was responsible! All Americans are not alike, any more than all South Africans are alike. So let's not bash anyone. Or Tertia will come and get you.

[Anonymous]

I disagree. Asshole.

:)

[Nikki]

Wait the United States has an international dialing code?!?! Thanks for the support. I'm sort of new at this blogging bit and I will admit I was slightly shy in commenting on your sight because you are so popular. I will have to add my 2 cents more often. Love your writing and your children are beautiful.

[Kim]

Hahahaaaa to the secret handshake. and to the 'don't knock yourself on the ass with the door as you leave'.

[annonymous american]

Dialing code? Ummm, what's that? Seriously...... And please don't hesitate to make fun of us, particularly our healthcare/government/president.

[Dani]

In the interest of international relations, I offer you;

Country Calling Codes

There. Now we can have world peace. No excuses.

[purrkat]

As born and raised American, please, don't stop teasing Americans. In fact, feel free to say disparaging things that you might have observed about Americans. I think the only people who get offended will be the ones who are actually guilty of the things that you make the statements about.

Go ahead. When you do, I'll take an honest look at myself and see if there's any personal truth in it. Either way, I won't be offended.

[jennster]

this is a kick ass post! i love it! it rocks that your fucking shrink reads this page! HAHAHA! awesome! do you discuss your blog during sessions?!
anyways, i just found you the other day and i'm enjoying myself! i love that you say FUCk. seriously. i'm all for the swearing, foul mouthed mom. WOO HOO!

[JustLinda]

My first trip to London I had to call the hotel desk to find out the dialing code for the US. haha I mean, I knew we had one, I just didn't know what it was 'cause I had never used it before. I knew several other countries' codes, just not my own. :)

[onetallmomma]

I raise my glass of wine to you in salute! Cheers!
That was a marvelous blogger manifesto. Can I just cut and paste the whole thing as a warning/welcome label for my site?

Oh, and I'm from Maine. Yes, we are formally a part of the U.S.A, but in our hearts we are not. Make fun of us Mainers all you want. We are hardy folk.

[Nobs]

Hi T!
Check out this website featured on 5FM's website this week. http://www.abovetheinfluence.com/the-influence/mythbusters.htm I think it's pretty cool. Growing up I've never been exposed to drugs and the other day I wondered how I would warn my children off drugs one day (should I be so lucky as to have any). I have never even been offered drugs, or been to a party where drugs were used (that I know of...). Could it be that I'm just a big kloosterkoek? Or would it be because I grew up in a eeny-teeny-weeny little town with a very conservative (and Afrikaans) background? Don't know - but am sure going to save all this info. Hugs Cxxxx

[angel]

BRAVO- BRAVO!!