So, anyway….

 

You’ve spoilt my fun you know, taking me seriously and getting all defensive about why you stole from the store didn’t take the item back to the store.  I was going ask you about how, for some, the value of the item seemed to determine whether you would take it back or not. I wanted to ask what that value was that would make you keep it or return it, and how you calculated that value.  I would then tease you about being all “Indecent Proposal’ish”. But I suppose then you’d get all cross with me and then you’d write a snippy comment and I would get cross with you for getting cross with me and blah! It would just get messy. So I am not going to go there.  Just forget I even mentioned the trip to the store.  We will not speak of it again. Store?  What store?

 

(For what it is worth, I wouldn’t take it back.  I’d feel terribly guilty, for about 5 minutes, and then I would think ‘score!’)

 

So instead of talking about that, I wondered if I should tell you that we had ANOTHER poo’ing incident last night.  Again involving Kate and cupboard. I thought about describing how I had a funny feeling she might do it again and so I climbed into the cupboard and pulled her out so that I could dress her before she poo’ed.  Except she had already started poo’ing and I only realized once I put my hand under her naked bum.  So this time she poo’ed all over my clothes, my leg, my hand and some of it plopped onto my slipper.  I wanted to tell you how upset and childish I got about the poo on my slipper, all because Marko was secretly laughing and I was shouting “I am NOT wearing that slipper again, THROW IT AWAY”.  But then I thought if I tell you that we had another cupboard poo’ing incident you will be all grossed out and think that we just let out kids poo everywhere in the house and that my house stinks of poo and then you won’t ever want to come visit me.  So no, I am going not going to mention that either. No store talk, no poo talk.

 

And so I thought perhaps I should tell you about an absolutely HILARIOUS moment on Saturday night that happened at a dinner party I went to.  Was so funny. I have been dying to tell you how half way through the dinner, the host got up to go to the loo and how as he walked away from the table he started farting.  Loud. Step-fart-step-fart-step. Like a machine gun.  Marko and I whipped our heads around to stare at each other in disbelief, then back to stare at the farting marcher, and then collapsing in laughter at the look of absolute horror on the face of the farter’s wife.  Hahahaha!! And he didn’t bat an eyelid. As if farting at a dinner party was the most natural, normal thing ever.  But I can’t tell you that either because I am paranoid either the wife or the husband reads my blog, even though I haven’t given them the URL.  Damn, because it was so funny.

 

There is other stuff I want to talk to you about, interesting stuff, but I am not in a deep or interesting mood at the moment.  So I am not going to talk about any of that now.  

 

Instead what I will do is try and think of a fun poll to take our minds off the store debacle and the poo’ing and farting incidents. I think it should include something about sex. That always does a good job of jollying things up. Yes. That’s a good plan. Sex it is. Good. I’ll go do that now. Or actually, perhaps after a cup of tea.  Yes, I think tea first, then poll. Come back later and check. 

 

 

Comments

[Andrea]

Tertia, I want you to know that I'm up right now at 3:25 a.m. working on a work catastrophe... yet I still make time to bop over to your blog. Am I a serious case of blog lurkitus or what. Thanks for the middle-of-the-night giggle at your farting host!

[e]

Seems to me she might be hiding in the cupboard deliberately to do the poo, ie getting embarassed about doing in public. Might be a good time to introduce her to Mr Potty.

[Jodie Buckland]

I thought it was quite an interesting conversation going on at ye olde store!

For what it's worth, I would absolutely sleep with someone for $1 million. And I'd encourage my husband to do likewise.

Sorry about the poo. But still laughing about the farter!

[Kez]

6 month old DS pooed in the bath for the first time last night. Green floaters everywhere. Horrified. Husband laughed his head off. Spose I better get used to it.

Love the farter story. When I lived in England, we were in the car on an outing with some new potential friends. I surrepticiously let one go, but it was one of those silent but deadlies that had us all winding down the windows and hanging out like panting dogs. I had to own up to it - thinking there goes the new friendship - when the female of the couple breathed a huge sigh of relief, explained to us that she had severe Crohn's disease, that she needed to fart constantly to relieve pain, and that she had been dreading telling us. Luckily I broke the ice, so to speak, (as well as peeling the paint off the inside of the car!) and 11 years later we are still friends.

I must admit that the closest friendships we have are all ones where there had been some sort of farting incident. It seems to seal the friendship. But then I am Australian and I might just be possibly grossing out the rest of the world with this admission.

[Whitney]

I think anybody that has children will not judge you for the pooing incidents.....my kids always hide to poop, and have both taken off their diapers very quietly and pooped right in their beds!! YUCK!

Farting....when I was in labor with my second, had my epidural, thought my sleeping husband or my sleeping best friend was farting loudly, so I woke them both up and yelled at them that "whoever it is needs to stop it NOW, it is gross and rude!" Turns out it was me farting and I had no feeling or control over that whole area. One of the most embarrassing moments of my life, but also one of the funniest!

[sheilah]

Well, I didn't vote in either poll because I couldn't check more than one answer. Actually though, I probably wouldn't return it because I am basically lazy. I would (in both cases) set it aside (with all good intentions) meaning to return it the next time I visit the store and it would sit there for days and then weeks and then months and then I would say screw it and then use the item.

I would, though, tell my son that it was wrong to take it.

(love the pooing incident...my son never poo'ed on the floor but has in the bathtub...)

[CursingMama]

I liked the store polls, but I fully admit to being flawed - I'm so much more fun that way. My kids are also older so I've had more time to chill out about the whole perfect mom thing...I'm not one. I read a quote recently that had me laughing - it was attributed to Kelly Ripa - and went something like this:
Kids are like pancakes, you always screw the first one up but they get better from there.
Heh - I screwed them both up....

[Hoping]

I so love you Tertia. I was quite interested in the poll and the discussion, anwyays I really enjoy reading about your experiences as a mother good and bad. I am really starting to think of you are as a Mother Superior type :) looking over all us rookies :)

[heather]

ahaha, loved the farting story. thing is, if i was the one farting as i walked away, i bet i wouldn't be able to help bursting out in laughter - those fart-step-fart-step farts are the funniest!

of course, i have the maturity/sense of humour of a 4 year old. an immature 4 year old.

hmm, come to think of it, why don't i get invited to dinner parties ever?

;|

[sarlivesound]

Hate to admit this, but...

At one of my sister's dinner parties, I did it. I figured that my BIL's mother counted as family and already knew that we routinely fart at the dinner table. I did not notice the looks of horror I from BIL or his mother. And I did it more than once. And laughed at it. Didn't notice that nobody else was doing it.

After the fact my sister told me, "Btw, I've never done that in front of her, and she was horrified." Oh boy. Couldn't look the woman in the face again. Ever.

[jen]

A cup of TEA?!!! Tertia, you're slipping - where's the chardonnay?!!!!!!!!!!!

[Coral]

Tea, what's wrong with you T? It's always suitable to drink wine, ok, not at work!!

[crohns disease]

When diagnosing Crohn’ s, your doctor may decide to take a look inside your colon by ordering a flexible sigmoidoscopy. With this exam, after a stringent bowel prep, your physician will insert a flexible scope through your rectum to take a look at the last two feet of your colon. Again, a visual look can tell the whole story if the those last two feet of colon show signs of Crohn’ s disease. Just like the colonoscopy, the flexible sigmoidoscopy has its limitations too. Talk about invasion of privacy. What is in the western diet that causes the ever increasing condition of crohns?