Brief for the poll

There are only four men left on earth; you HAVE to choose one to live with (and shag) for the rest of your life. Which one would you choose? Go do the poll!

 

Candidate A: Severely overweight short man with poor personal hygiene and an abundance of body hair. Likes to cuddle and wants to call you ‘mommy’, especially during sex. Comes with a small dick and a fancy sports car.

Candidate B: Hypochondriac with permanent postnasal drip and hacking cough. Lives at the doctor’s rooms, convinced he is dying. Is also soya / wheat / lactose and gluten intolerant. Expects you to cook. Comes with an extended medicine cabinet full of potions and pills and poor medical insurance.

Candidate C: Cowardly mouse of a man with several phobias, including the fear of socializing, public places and housework.  Comes with a live-in, interfering mother-in-law who encourages his neurosis.

Candidate D: A self-proclaimed frustrated artist with no talent. Believes that getting a job is selling out. Lies on the couch all day, waiting for inspiration. Expects you to provide money, meals and blowjobs.  Comes with a group of equally useless ‘artist’ friends who camp out on the rest of your lounge suite.

 

Comments

[anon]

Sad but true, I AM married to one of these...

[K.]

dude, i'm going to bat for the other team...

[Miranda]

Mr A sounds disturbingly like my ex, short, overweight, body hair. Thank god he didn't want to call me "mommy"!

[VanillaDreams]

Your candidates suck!! I choose to abstain from voting! So there! :P

[Kath]

I choose candidate E: Mister Hand.

[Jodie Buckland]

I'm with K, I would definitely go lesbian over this. Or wank.

[cath]

lesbianism is very promising if this is what im offered :D

[cristin]

ditto, I would choose none of these, um, ick

[Kez]

Dunno if my vote in the poll worked so I'm adding it here.

Candidate C. We can share our social phobias together and his mother can do the housework.

[Lynnette]

Let's see...I've had C and D, and A is just too depressing. It will have to be B. (I kind of have that now...hee..hee...) Couldn't you at least have given A a big dick?

[anon]

I vote (a). The mommy thing is definite gross, but the sports car indicates that he has a job/money, and plenty of short guys with small dicks make up for it by becoming amazingly skilled lovers. Bigger guys just figure that their size automatically translates into rapture for their partner.

[Chris]

I was once involved with a D, and I guess I will never learn because that is what I picked in your poll. He was passionate though, starving artist and all....

At least I had the sense to marry none of these choices!

[Danielle]

Oh, those're awful. Hopefully, there's at least one other G&D woman left too, and I'll move in with her!

[Carrie]

If these are my choices, I am buying a vibrator....

[Amy]

You are brilliant! How do you come up with these things? All the choices are completely revolting! Starving Artist better be Damn Hot, cause I'd rather hang with him, and his friends...gotta be good sex there >< (I also tend to agree with the aforementioned notion to go the OTHER way... women know what women want!!)

[Kim]

Definitely C by a long shot. Dealing with mothers-in-law are kind of a specialty of mine! Neither she nor Precious would know what had happened until it was too late. All hail the magic vagina.

[CursingMama]

Yep - I'm swithing teams if that ever happens to me....that being said if I HAD to choose I'm going with the hypochondriac and I'm baking a lot of bread ;)

[Jody]

I am definitely not taking this stuff seriously, but wondering: why exactly do we have to choose between these people? What's the premise? Because hello, vibrator! if these are the choices.

What am I missing?

[Jen]

UM, NONE OF THE ABOVE. I'd rather be alone.

[KellyH]

Damn, Tertia- if Bin Laden is ever caught alive, I hope whatever gov't catches him comes to you for torture ideas.

If I HAD to choose, it would be D.

[alchemist]

My answer is, chicks are hot.

[three minute palaver]

arghh. My ex-husband was a C, and what an irritating, pathetic dud he and his mother turned out to be. well, it was good riddence for them! But My current husband's type is missing form your choices? He's a hotty.

[wix]

If something happens to NC--and I've declared this many times--I'm done with men.

[Penny Farthing]

Would suicide be an option? No?

[Kay]

Yeah - I went with Mr. Dying. I think I'll get him to double/triple dose because he's REALLY sick. Then, I'm switching teams.

[Beth in Michigan]

Already married to C, but at least he's well hung and and crazy about me, plus the intrusive MIL lives a couple thousand miles away, thank goodness!

[Melissa @ Organized Chaos]

ICK! gross, gross, gross & gross!
No thanks - I'd switch teams I think.

[Garnigal]

I've changed my mind - I'm a lesbian now.

[Egg Donor]

I think I am in the camp preferring suicide, but I go with Mr. Dying. He doesns't come with Mother-in-Law or annoying friends, he must have decent hygine with all the germ worries, and he doesn't expect to be served in the sex department (If any guy I were with *expected* a blow job and told me so, I might bite).

[Patty]

D- Artistic can be fun. Have dated several of these types. The reward is usually really kinky sex and exciting dates (which I had to pay for of course) but if forced to pick the lesser of all eeeevils, I would choose giving a blow job to an artist over hairy guy with small wee/ forced to cook/ and neurotic mother-in-law any day. : )

[Tracey Dixon]

What the fuck kind of a world is it when those are the choices?!

Will Mr. Dying die soon? Cause if he does, I guess I'll go with him. He's at the doctor's all the time, so he's not around much, and surely sex must make things worse.

[Buffy]

None of the above???

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I picked D. I figued better the devil you know...

[Carrie Jo]

I'd say D is the lesser of all the evils.

[lisa]

I gotta tell ya, there's a reason I'm 44 and still single. THESE ARE ALL THAT'S LEFT!!!

[Andrea]

I followed your rules and actually picked one - D. I figure some of his artist friends must be hot, so I can swing.

[Lauryan]

Ok after much deliberation and reading all the comments. Twice... I chose "A". I shall then "expect/demand" a decent allowance and buy myself a lovely "companion" who shall be neither of the things Mr. A is. I shall also introduce Mr. A to the wonderful art of Body Waxing and tell him I am allergic to sex (with him) and if eh really wants a cuddle, it'll have to be with him wearing a gag... so I think that should do it... yers... That could work.

Alternatively I think I'd go with D - he'd have to have SOME decent friends and aren't actors generally good eye candy anyways??!??

Damn woman.... WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE??!!?? Please share your overabundance of wisdom with us lowly peons who would all rather be "independent" or gay rather :p

[spit]

Is D at least hot? If he is, I'm on familiar ground, I think I dated him once.

[Kim]

I think that out of the bad bunch if I really had to choose - it would be A cos I'm thinking if he is so fat he will be too lazy for sex or won't last long (hasn't got the stamina) and hopefully might have a heart attack at an early age. Also, I could always yell at him to wash - say mummy says he won't get this or that otherwise. I'm sure I could get my share of driving the sports car. As for the small dick - well I could always get a big dildo and maybe if I use that enough he won't be able to touch the sides and won't want sex anyway. Maybe I'll have a toyboy on the side.

[Lisa]

Haha I've already dated several Mr. Uselesses! In fact, that was my "type" for many years!

[margalit]

I went with D because you gave me no choices to opt out and switch to the other team, but I'm now a Lesbian with a vibrator and a LOT of batteries. You can find me at the local Walgreen stocking up on KY warming jelly!

[kel]

Ha Ha. This is hilarious. How do you come up with this stuff?

I really would have to consider changing change teams if this is all thats left.

[mdstblz]

OK, I chose C -
Cowardly I can cower over, I am hardly ever home, I can always pretend I am sick, his mother can clean house.... This, is almost my utopia... minus my son and husband of course.

[baggage]

Definitely B. I am a hypochondriac myself and I don't mind cooking. I couldn't deal with the small dick, or the live in mother in law. And I don't like to work much myself, so I don't want to support a guy AND give him a blowjobs. My god. I'm only one woman.

[andrea]

D for me, love those grotty artistic types :)

[projgen]

Can I pick one and then feed him arsenic? Cause that's the only way I'd survive being married to any of 'em.

[lisa]

Another vote for switching teams. Vile, truly vile.

[Anne]

No....can't do it!
All. Too. Awful.

(PS Have just had the BEST laugh! Thx.)