Toenailphobia

 

I suffer from toenailphobia. It is a terrible affliction. 

 

Definition: Toenailphobia

 

Toephobia is the debilitating fear that while lying in bed your husband’s, (or anyone else’s) toes will accidentally scrape against your leg, causing their toenail to break the skin on your leg / foot and deposit whatever dirt and germs there are that live under toenails into your bloodstream. And then you will have dirt and germs in your blood. Toenail dirt and germs. 

 

It grosses me out. And so I have forbidden Marko from bringing his toes anywhere near me. It obviously helps that we have demarcated the bed into separated halves so that I can sound the alarm and release the guillotine when/if his toes cross the dividing line. 

 

I mean really, toenail dirt and germs, can there BE anything grosser? I think not. If he really loved me he would wear socks to bed all the time.

 

 

Comments

[RainbowW]

You're an asshole. If his toenails were to cut you, you'd bleed. The blood would go out, carrying the infectious nastiness away. You're hallucinating.

It's a good thing his butt crack isn't sharp. Then you'd really be up shit creek.

Er.

[Lisame]

I don't know about all that but...I HAVE TO wash my feet before going to bed. You wanna sleep with me? You too have to wash your feet. I want no dirty feet under the same covers as me.

My point? I ain't judging you.

[Lauryan]

LOL... ROTFLOL...

I can't stop laughing... hehehe... that's a strange phobia, buuut hey! ;) Of course you should be worried about cross-infection/pollination with this man... I mean just because you're married and share a bed (and all that comes with that;) ) is no reason to allow his toes to lovingly caress your leg :D

hehehe.

[Josie]

Oh yes, here's something grosser. And I'm only telling you to be cruel.

My sister used to BITE her toenails, up until she was an adult.

Yes, she was rather flexible. And completely foul. This is the same sister that used to fart in a jar and hold it over my face.

[jodie]

So....sex with this man is OK, exchange of bodily fluids is fine...but his toes worry you?

You're a nut, girl :) A lovely one.

I am with Lisame, my feet MUST be clean before getting into bed. Can't sleep otherwise.

[Kim]

and whilst we are at it ... toejam, cheesy smelling feet, sweaty smelly arm pitts, sweaty stinky balls, a high butthole smell - all are disgusting too..

[blair]

How much wine had you drank when you wrote this post?

In general men's feet are gross and I don't want to touch them, nor particularly for them to touch me... but I have NEVER worried about a freak toenail injury!

Too funny!

[Jul]

Feet are inutterably gross, men's feet in particular, diseased/injured feet in ESPECIALLY particular. I wore a pair of heels to a concert last night (why am I such an idiot?), and now my feet are festooned with all sorts of ghastly blisters and scrapes. Why can't I have hooves or wheels instead?

[Amanda]

I completely understand. I have a foot phobia. The exact opposite of a foot fetish. I do not like feet. They are warm and moist and fungus-y and gross. Baby feet are an exception, but my 2 year old boy's feet smell already. So disgusting. I don't even like to share shoes with my sister. Ugh. Someone else's foot sweat - disgusting. I do NOT touch my husband's feet. Even fresh from the shower. So gross.

[Nancy]

Where did you get the toe guillotine? I need one.

[blackbird]

Tertia dear, why the HELL is my toothbrush in my car? a block away?

[Orange]

Yeah, my son kinda likes to chew on his toenails. Thinks boogers are delicious, too. (Argh.) But he doesn't care for the taste of earwax.

[Lisa]

Ugh..I hate toenails too. But my biggest fear is someone taking their finger and flicking my toenail back or it getting pulled back on something. That has to be the grossiest feeling in the world and yet my hubby uses it against me all the time.

[Lisa]

By the way my hubby gets athletes foot all the time. Want to come play with his feet?

[Judy]

OKAY...put down the Desinex and go to bed!

[liri]

This reminds me of that disgusting toenail fungus monster from the commercials...actually lifting up the toenail and making himself right at home..ugh.

My worst foot-related gross out is other people wearing my shoes. My mom used to get so mad at me when I'd pitch a fit about her wearing my slippers to go to the mailbox. I'd tell her no, I don't want your warm foot impression on my shoe. The feeling of putting your foot right on a spot warmed up by someone else's bare foot. Topped only by the already warm toilet seat. Shudder.

[Meri-ann]

Ewwwww I HATE feet and toenails- I lie there as I go to sleep just waiting for one to cross the invisible divide and touch me..... Maybe we need a Toenailphobics Anonymous?

[Jujubee]

You're missing an option for the toothbrush poll! Whenever I've been without a toothbrush, I do the toothpaste-on-a-finger routine and use that as a substitute until the next morning when I get home to my own toothbrush.

And I so hear you on the feet. I wash my feet before going to bed.

[Mary]

Hey Lisa, several years ago our patio door somehow caught me by the big toenail...and ripped it 3/4 of the way off. My nail was flapping in the breeze while my toe bled. Hurt like a mother & there was nothing the dr. could do for it but give me a painful tetanus shot to make me hurt in an additional spot. Nothing like it before or since. Your gross-out is completely justified. Be very afraid. And don't touch me with your feet.

[projgen]

I'm not toephobic, but hey, this is a legitimate fear! My hubby simply cannot cut his toenails properly and always has sharp edges. He has actually *sliced* my legs with his killer nails many times in bed, and one cut took forever to heal.

I keep trying to get him to wear socks, or at least buy me a king-sized bed so his feet won't come near me.

[Kristine]

OMG I have the same phobia. It totally grosses me out if my husbands feet touch me at night. Ughhh....

[thrice]

You are SO fake anal! What happened to the "Not to worry, I have extra toothbrushes in my toiletry closet?" box? What would happen if you had a houseguest that forgot her toothbrush and decided to do a choice "A" on you?

I have never hated anyone’s feet more than my husband's. He refuses to cut them properly, because he has a fear of ingrown toenails. He has runner’s calluses that have never been shaved. The nails are thick and turning yellowy. He knows not to ever, ever, ever accidentally touch me with those nails. Uggh, it's just so gross! I can't even bear to look at them. Why can't men learn to have proper pedicures?

[Marie Gilbert]

Ha, ha. I read this aloud to my husband and 1/2 way through he said "that sounds like you". I can relate - I'm totally creeped out by the idea of his toenails coming into contact with my legs. *shudder*

[3littlepigs]

You would just fucking freak at my house then. When dh clips his toenails, he MUST poke someone with them. They are very sharp things and for some sick reason, he gets a kick out of poking me or the kids with them. It completely disgusts and irritates me!

[fuzzit]

I have the same exact fear. I actually nicknamed him "razor toe". I too think my dh should wear socks in bed at all times. How do we force them to?