Mother’s Day

 

I’ve been trying to write a Mother’s day post for a while.  There is so much that I could say, that I want to say.

 

I could writes pages and pages about how much my mother means to me, how much I appreciate her.  Although I have already told you how much she helped me, carried me through out my infertility and loss, I haven’t told you about how much she has helped me adjust to and learn about motherhood.  I am learning from the master. My mother is my mentor, my role model and my muse.  I owe her everything.

 

I could also write about how much incredibly honoured and privileged I am to be able to celebrate this day as a mother, finally. I could try and convey to you how surreal it feels.  And how deeply grateful I am.

 

I could try and tell you what it feels like to be a mother of a lost child on Mother’s Day.  About how much I miss my son. About how I drove past the place he died today.  And how much it still hurts, so very much.

 

Or I could try and explain to you how tough this day is for so many of my infertile sisters. I could attempt to paint a picture of how this day of celebrating motherhood alienates and ostracizes even further the already hurting, lonely, isolated infertile woman. 

 

Instead, what I will do is dedicate this day to all the women who so desperately long to be mothers. All the women who, on this day, feel their isolation even deeper than usual.

 

I dedicate this day to you, my dear infertile sister, and I give you my oath that I will never forget from where I came.  I will never forget you. I will continue to fight for your rights, for the acknowledgement of your pain.  I will write about it, I will talk about. I will do my best to do whatever I can to make it a tiny bit easier for you. I will support you, I will educate others. I will keep you in my thoughts and in my heart, always.  Fight for as long as you can, I know it is hard, I know it is lonely, fight for as long as you can.

 

I dedicate this day to all the women whose children are not with them on this day, who have passed on, whether it was an early loss or a late loss. You will always be their mother; they will always be your child. Gone, but never forgotten.

 

I dedicate this day to a woman who never got a chance to become what she so desperately wanted, a mother. Farewell Jessica, look for my boys when you get there. My heart aches. 

 

I dedicate this day to all women. Mothers of living children, mothers of lost children, and mothers who have still to find their children.  

 

Peace and love to all of you.

 

Comments

[Suzie-Q.]

Just beautiful. Really. You are a very good person to remember these gals today. V. good.
Sniff, sniff....
xoxo

[MsShad]

I'm still a mother to a baby who died 23 years ago. The year he was born just happened to be Mother's Day. I miss him still, but without the pain, which is a blessing. Click on my name for his story.

[JDEgirl]

The site mentioned above in the comment by MsShad... phenomenal.

I've just read as much as I could take in one sitting. Conveys grief so well that its spooky.

[Jen]

Thank you Tertia for remembering us infertiles on this day,I know it is as they say, you never forget the struggle! your dedication was beautiful and very much appreciated.
I know that Ben will be looking down on you and wishing you the very best mother's day, and although Kate and Adam are still too small to understand the day, they know the meaning in their little hearts and I know they think they have the best mom ever!!!

[Jen]

MsShad's story, so very heartbreaking!!!!!

[Judy]

Awesome post, Tertia...thank you for sharing it with the rest of us.

[Charmaine]

I love you T. Happy Mother's Day.

[Mary]

I am an infertile and wanted to thank you Tertia for remembering your sisters. I know you always will.

Have to admit though, I came here today, on Mother's Day, for inspiration, for hope, for positive stories. There is so much loss and grief and death in this post, my heart is heavy. I am sad, I feel hopeless.

[Liz]

Thank you for remembering. I dread this day...the looks of pity are so much worse today.

[Boulder]

Thank you for a thoughful, loving post to so many.

I'm so pleased that you are able to celebrate with your mother, who means so much to you, and yet, I know how much it must hurt to think of Hannah and Luke and Ben.

I love you dearly, my friend.

xoxo

[jenny]

I just read Cancerbaby's post. My heart is breaking

[Jodie]

After reading all this I've been listening to a gorgeous Art Garfunkel song - "All I Know". Here are some of the lyrics, which seemed appropriate after reading about Jessica, Ben, Kendra, and MSShad's story. If you can get hold of the song, it's well worth the lyrics although it always makes me cry:

All my plans have fallin' through,
All my plans depend on you, depend on you to help them grow,
I love you and that's all I know.

When the singer's gone let the song go on...

But the ending always comes at last,
Endings always come too fast,
They come too fast but they past too slow,
I love you and that's all I know .

When the singer's gone let the song go on,
It's a fine line between the darkness and the dawn.
They say in the darkest night there's a light beyond

But the ending always comes at last,
Endings always come too fast,
They come too fast
But they past too slow,
I love you, and that's all I know.
That's all I know, that's all I know.

Oh Jessica, I wish you'd received your wish.

[Jodie]

Er, I meant well worth the listen. Sorry. Pretty cut up here.

[Beth]

Thank you Tertia for remembering. My heart, too, has been breaking over Cancer,Baby.

[One of Two Mommies]

Thank you Tertia for remembering all of the moms out there. This day is actually going much better than I thought it might. My partner gave me a nice mothers day card and a gift and then cooked breakfast. How can a day go wrong when you start it off with bacon??!!!??

[ninaB]

I'm always touched that you haven't forgotten about us, and that you haven't forgotten what it was like to be on this side of things.

[Vannessa]

Thanks for thinking of us. It has been an up and down kind of day. MsShad, you expressed your feelings so well. All I can say is ditto to many of them. Though you had it a thousand times harder than me. I was blessed to have 11 months with a fairly healthy baby (only in hospital 3 times, 4 including birth) and a supportive husband.

Happy Mother's day to all the moms out there and also thinking of those for whom this day is painful for various reasons.

[Orange]

T., I love your empathy. You're a good, good person, you know that?

[Danie'l]

Thank you. Thank you very much for that post. I know I don't have it as bad as some, but it still hurts. Sometimes it seems like no one understands. Then I get online and here you are!! Such a ray of sunshine on a rainy day!

Thanks!
Danie'L

[Amy]

Oh Tertia- I'm sorry it still hurts. I wrote something on my blog about isnt every day mothers day- meaning from the perspective of- even if you are not a mom, everyone has had a mom. I never stopped to think how that make might someone struggling with infertility feel. Thanks for reminding me to be more mindful.

[Liz]

Happy Mother's Day.

[jenny]

Oh my, crying at my computer so early into a Monday? Yesturday was hard, so hard. Nobody forgot me as a stepmom but they don't know how hard I am trying to become a "mom". Reading this tells me that at least somebody does. Happy Mothers Day to you!

[lisa]

I lost my father on mothersday this year.it was hard for us cause we have to live with out a father.My fathers mother was sitting next to him in the hospital waiting for her son to wake up but he did not wake.every day I think about that day.A mother as to let go of her childonc its time for her child to go.