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I SO feel your pain!

We had 2 beds next to eachother when we first got together - his and mine - and it looked like we were in to group sex.

Seriously. :There was so much BED. People would look at us like we were freaks.

Finally along the way we moved from that to a full size, and then to a queen. We've stayed in the queen until last year when we lived in hell, but we had a KING sized bed (two full-sized box springs with one large mattress over them), and I now that we are back to our own queen I remember those nights very fondly.

Longingly even. I cannot WAIT to be back in a king bed, and I'll kick my worn out queen to the curb!

The bed, not my husband - he's no queen.

xoxo

PS - this would be a good poll or two!

Bed sizes and if you could would you move to your own bed/room?

Do you have King Beds in SA? Seriously they're wider than they are long. You'd love it :)

I SO completely relate. Hate having to KICK the man awake so I can get him to turn over in order not to be breathing on me. He gets all irritated and it does not make for good relations. I DO like to cuddle sometimes but I NEED my space to sleep - to LIE all over the bed etc. OWN the bed. Good luck with this one Tersh! : )
Love
Your very weird friend
Belinda
(the one you are not available to on Google Chat)

I love sharing a bed except for when my husband gets up during his baby shift (I know, I'm lucky he takes his turn). He literally throws his body back on the bed. Completely startles me and wakes me up. Whereas I get up softly and ease back into the bed so as not to wake him.

We have a king size bed and we don't really cuddle when sleeping. I like knowing he's there though. I would miss him if we had separate roomns, except for how messy he is. I am constantly cleaning up after him. His dresser gets so filled up with papers and junk that it's a fire hazard. And he never lifts a finger to clean it up and talks about how everyone else makes a mess of his stuff. Drives me round the bed. I would actually like an entire separate house for him and all his crap so I could have a well-organized house without lots of stuff everywhere. Seriously, if I ask where something should be put that he left on the floor....he says, "leave it there. That's where it goes."

Argh! We need two houses on one property. Then I'll let him come over to sleep, but only if he takes all his crap away with him in the morning.

I remember reading a magazine article by a "relationship counsellor" (she was a sex therapist). She said she and her husband had separate rooms, like your parents. One was very girly, the other very masculine. Each partner loved their room, it was their haven. And when they wanted to "get it on" they would seduce each other into his or her bedroom. But she said the best thing was that when it was time to sleep, THEY SLEPT. I am a true believer that we weren't designed for this crap. When we slept together as cavemen it was on a solid floor. Now with these bloody mattresses you get bounced, and annoyed. We have a king size, "low disturbance" mattress, which helps, but I sleep way better when DH is away. We don't cuddle in our sleep and generally DH gets up way too early and wakes me. I love the separate bedrooms idea. And BTW, I love the sound of your parents' relationship. How wonderful!

The parents of a friend of mine had a king bed with one base, but two separte mattresses on top which you could incline/decline with a remote control. That would help! I'm sure there wouldn't be much disturbance there (but it doesn't stop the snoring).

Anyway, know how you feel

I hear you! We have a HUGE king, but my husband is a cuddler. UGH! I like my space, and a lot of it. And he wants to spoon and snuggle. AND he snores and gurgles in his sleep (personally I think he has sleep apnea). But, right now he is sleeping downstairs because of my nursing schedule with the baby (he's nearly 5 months old and STILL gets up every 2-3 hours to eat). So that means I get the bed All. To. MYSELF. It's been heavenly. He visits a few times a week, and then heads back downstairs for sleep. How long do you think I can breastfeed the baby??!!

We are cuddlers here. I love sleeping with my husbands arms around me, and luckily he likes to sleep that way too. On top of that our dogs usually sleep with us (I have 2 Ridgebacks). We are not small people by any standard....and well, you know how big Ridgebacks are...and we have a queen size bed. Add to that the occasional toddler. I'm just waiting for the bed to go crashing to the ground one day with all that weight!

Seriously if my DF touches my pillow in bed it freaks me out. Don't touch my pillow, mofo, I am trying to sleep! I can't stand it when I wake up in the middle of the night and he's got his stupid face shoved up against mine, snoring at me. I'm waiting for the day we move to a house with a spare room so I can bugger off in the night!

I guess the rabbis were right. As an Orthodox Jew who observest the laws of family purity, we sleep separtely too. We slept ONCE in a king at a hotel and said 'never again'. We like our own space.

Get a King size bed - you can stretch out and not even know someone else is in the bed. :)

I totally agree. Given the choice between cosleeping with my snoring, cover-hogging, wanting the bedroom freezing-my-ass-off cold, tossing and turning husband, my squirming, kicking 15-month old, and my cat who politely keeps her distance at the foot of the bed which warms my feet, I choose my cat.

Right now, lack of sleep is more damaging to our physical health and our marriage than loss of intimacy. So my husband and I choose sleep, which for us, means sleeping separately. And I think it's more common in "healthy" marriages than most think.

A king size was definitely the answer for us. Although, my husband still drives me nuts sometimes with his desire to cuddle. I am constantly pushing him back to his side of the bed...he likes to migrate over into the middle. We have a couple that we are good friends with, and they could sleep in a twin together if they had to. They are spooned the ENTIRE night!! I can't fathom...like you, I need my space to sleep.
I don't think I could ever get with the whole separate rooms thing, however I know it does work great for a lot of couples.

When I say the title of this post I thought, OMG, does Tertia co-sleep with the babes (not that there is anything wrong with that)? I almost snorted my coffee when I saw you were talking about Marco.

I clicked on your mom link and got about half way through. It's really hard to make it look like you are working when you a bawling and sobbing into your computer screen. I am sooooo jealous. Please send your mom to Canada because I really need a mom like that right now. I haven't even told my mom, it's better not telling her then dealing with whatever her half-assed reaction will be.

see - crying so hard I can't even spell. damn you for getting me all weepy!

So totally agree. I often wonder who thought of the idea that couples have to sleep together? What's the point? You are sleeping for gods sake. My grandparents had seperate bedrooms. It seems like once you've been married a certain amount of time it becomes oK to sleep apart. Someone tell me when that magical number is? please?

If you can get it, a California King-sized bed is the bomb. We like to proportions better and the first time we slept on it after years of a queen, we luxuriated in the wide open plains of space we had. So, we get in a good cuddle right before sleep and then migrate (flop) back our respective roomy sides. My leg splays out? DK doesn't even notice. He throws off the blanket? Eh?

We both like our space when we sleep and we thought we were doing ok in queen size bed. Until we got a king. I will never, ever go back. We both retreat to our separate sides when it's time to sleep and don't have to touch at all. I can still hear his snoring, though, but the king size pillows are great for wrapping half of it around your head to muffle the snoring sounds...

I have never been happy sleeping in the same bed with any man. I have spent numerous nights on lumpy couches avoiding snorers. I actually told the man i am currently dating that i would prefer two separate houses (in two separate states!)...
Hmmmm, no wonder he is not calling so much anymore!!
;)
BTW... i also just read your post about your mother and am glad to know you are so appreciative of her. My mother has not contacted me since i had my twins and although it is horrible and hard, it is also v. healthy for me since she is the total and complete opposite of your G&D mother.
Have finally stopped bawling.
Send her flowers today for no reason at all. She deserves them.

ME TOO! So funny and true. Your parents definitely have the right idea.

I feel your pain as well. Our lives improved when we went to the European system of two seperate duvets on our king size bed. That way, we roll and move without disturbing one another.

I remember being quite shocked the first time I checked into a German hotel room -- the "double" bed I intended to share with my fiancee was covered with one large duvet, but turned out to be two mattresses divided by a wooden barrier. It was possible to roll over it if I wanted to join my man on his side of the bed, but it was far too uncomfortable to sleep on. It ensured that both of us kept to our own sides while we were sleeping. Every double room we stayed in during that trip to Germany had the same type of bed. Perhaps you and Marco should order one, that way anyone who peeks into your room will think you're sleeping in marital bliss, and only you two (and me, of course) will know about the Berlin Wall under the blankets.

Personally, I like sharing a bed with my husband; it keeps me warm at night, and our house is usually very cold. We do need to have an extra-large blanket, though (king sized duvet on a queen bed) because I am a terrible blanket hog. But even I have a litany of complaints about sharing a bed with him: the cold feet, the snuffling and snoring, the farting. Okay, so the farting part is usually me and my bad digestion, but it would be nicer to fart without a witness!

It took me3 15 years to stop kicking my husband and if we ever sleep in a hotel were they have a double matress and double duvet we fight constantly so I hear you.. But we do have the best conversations in the middle of the night so we'll keep our one room!

I don't sleep with my dh. My first dh worked nights so I got used to sleeping alone. I sleep with my cats. We do like your parents, snuggle then when he starts to snore, I'm outta there. It works great for both of us.

Seriously.. ( jumping on band wagon here..) get a KING size bed.
We got ours 2 months before mini-me was born, and now I don't know how we survived without it. Worth it's weight in gold. Yes, sheets are more spendy, but how NICE is it to have my own sleeping space! Plus, DH is ALWAYS cold so has a heat blanket under his half of the bed.. and we make the bed then, when time to sleep, I fold the top 2 blankets over on to his side... both comfy. I need to be able to reach accross that stretch of bed to touch him in wee hours of morning... Just rest a hand on his arm, etc.... but the rest of the night... we have MY side and YOUR side, quite happily.

I gotta say....my hubby has been out of town all week, and I've missed him all day every day, except at bedtime!! I love having the bed to myself. Nobody clutching and grabbing in his sleep :)

That said, I hope I didn't jinx his drive home today!! LOL

I feel your pain. We used to have a queen. It was fine pre-kids. But I still felt cramped. After kids, sometimes the older one will get in our bed. Oh boy, it was so crowded. Finally we got a cal-king, it is even bigger than king size. LOVE IT! Especailly after hubby leaves for work, I have the whole bed by myself. I feel like I can swim in it.

My Mom, Sister and I are prefer sleeping alone so we can read at night. My Mom always slept in a different room and although my Dad thought it odd, it worked out better for my Mom. She wouldn't have slept any if it weren't for their sleeping arrangements due to his extremely high decibel snoring. Now, my sister and I have the same arguments with our spouses. We have a king bed which helps and I wear ear plugs and use a small flashlight to read with at night. He knows not to touch me at night because I shove him off during my sleep but we do enjoy sleeping together now with a few aids.

King, king, king!

We just got one in January and it's so different. Plus it's one of these swanky new mattresses where it doesn't bounce or move when your partner moves or gets in/out of bed. I'm lovin' it!

And California king is longer but not as wide, standard king is wider but not as long. We're both 5'6" (though husband claims to be 5'8" or 5'9" har har), so we don't need the length anyway.

Me: get under covers, assume some sort of sleeping position, fall asleep. Roll over maybe 3 times in 8 hours (no kids, can you guess?).

Husband: come crashing into bedroom 2 hours later, fall into bed, roll around for 20 minutes, finally fall asleep. Snore, scratch, flop around, and pull covers off me throughout the night.

I've learned to sleep through most of his antics but the king-size bed is key. Otherwise I'd get an elbow in the face every time he moved.

Why not get a bigger bed? We have a king size bed and it has made a HUGE difference!!!

Neen and I bedhop. We are chased around by Hannah, who refuses to sleep in her bed, so we either both 'sleep' in her single bed, 'sleep' perched on either side of our bed, or just give up the pretence and lie there sobbing, begging for death to take us.
What is sleep, and where can I buy some?

Sam and I don't like the same kinds of blankets, we don't like the same kinds of mattresses, we don't like to sleep at the same time, *I* don't like being constantly woken up by his tossing/turning, walking, talking and flailing in his sleep and *he* doesn't like constantly being punched in the head and told to STOP SNORING BEFORE I KILL YOU AND ROLL YOUR BODY DOWN THE RAVINE in the middle of the night.

We slept in separate rooms for a long time, and I was pretty happy about that, but then we needed the space and moved into the same bedroom, but separate beds, separated by a nightstand. This arrangement works VERY well. He has a queen, because he likes the space, and I have a twin, because I like that you can buy ultrapremium twin sheets, mattress pads, duvets, etc, for a song.

We still snuggle and watch TV in the big bed, and sometimes I sleep over, but mostly, I just sleep like a happy little log in my bed. It's bliss.

We got a king sized bed. Sometimes I don't even know if my husband is there or not.

AND the twins both fit in with us if necessary.

The top thing on my "replace it" list when we moved was our bed - we went from a double to a king, and OH.MY.GAWD. I'm never going back. You can't make me.

We .... are now sleeping in seprate spaces and our marrige isn't on the rocks either. He thought so at first because he missed me ..... but he FARTS in the middle of the night like BULLETS in the night which would be fine but I have spent time where there WERE actually bullets in the night and HIT THE FLOOR every time he farted...... that got old and he couldn't stop farting so.... I'm out of there.... but we never could find a big enough bed anyways.... we went from a double to a queen to a king and it was NEVER big enough.... soon he will go down to a twin and that will be that... Sleeping together after the first pangs of lust are done is .... as you said for the birds.

We have two twin size beds pushed together. It's wonderful.

King-sized bed!

Jeez I'm glad my guy doesn't fart in bed like that - I'd be outta there too! I'm in Germany and we have one of those beds with two separate mattresses side by side and one frame - no Berlin wall though. He doesn't snore too much but when his head is facing my direction and he is right near my ear I become aware of the noise of his breathing - so I do the top and tail thing and sleep with my head down the other end of the bed. It works for me - although a couple of times in a state of drowsiness I was a little disoriented and ended up booting him in the head by mistake.

I'd be sooo outta there if he didn't whimper and whine when I left. The snoring is atrocious, he has bony elbows and knees. Not only does he snore, he snorts and scares the beejeebers out of me at random intervals, all night long. I'm seriously considering a defection into the guest room permanently. It's that, or choloroform the poor darling some sleepless night.

When I travel on business, I get a room with a king bed and sleep diagonally with a half dozen pillows. I LOVE it!!!

I do love sleeping with my husband at home. A king bed does us well, until a child or two climb in then it gets crowded fast. LOL

In the 10 years that we have lived together, I have slept on the sofa for most of them. I need to have my face and head squashed up against something and DH is just too hairy/hot/smelly/farty/noisy for me to use him as a bolster. We only have a two bedroom house at the moment so I can't have my own room, but believe me, one day we will.

I have just managed to convince my parents to have separate rooms. Mum took my brother's room when he left home. They don't like the idea, but the fact that they're both sleeping better than ever before is too irresistable. They keep saying they're going to go out and buy some fandangle memory foam giant bed thing with remotes and stuff for the master bedroom and go back to sharing, but somehow they never seem to get around to it.

I would kill for my own room. And if you can't share a bed, your marriage will be happier if you're both well rested. And I like the whole "paying visits" to seduce DH. Nice surprise for him to go to bed and find me nekkid under the covers.

If you can't go to a separate room Tertia, go for a bigger bed, but more importantly, get separate duvets. When it's cold you can wrap yourself up totally and you almost forget the other half is there.

I have tried to get my wife to sleep with me in my old twin bed from my parents' home. It wasn't pleasant for her for a couple of years. But, I love it. The girls that I have been with before my marriage all thought the twin was the ideal bed. I married the wrong woman, I guess. But, I do love her. She slept in the twin bed with me throughout the pregnancy. Now that the twins are with us, she finds the bed very roomy.

I'm divorced and the thing I love most about that? The only bed sharing I do these days is when one of the boys is sick ... or just plain cuddly (which, with my Big Boy is at 1am every morning). I'm not one who likes to sleep spooning and I always have to face with my back to the other person ... no stinking breath in my face, thank you very much.

In Tokyo, our entire family used to co-sleep together in one room, in several futons rolled out on the floor every night, and put away during the day. It was like one big cozy pajama party.

But once I got used to sleeping on the floor, I CANNOT sleep in a western-style bed with my husband -- every time he rolls over, I think the springy vibrations are an earthquake, and wake up in terror.

Unless it`s very cold, I like sleeping alone.

We've always had separate beds - DH is a chronic snorer with a dicky back - sharing just doesn't work - doesn't mean we don't "visit" though.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I don't sleep well with someone else, but we have a king bed and it's not too bad. Hubby likes to cuddle, but when it's time for sleep, I need my space.

Today is my 16th wedding anniversary - and we haven't slept in the same bed for years. It works for us. He snores like a freight train and I'm a light sleeper. When we were first married, I was sleep-deprived and grumpy - I would pray for a cold so I'd have an excuse to sleep in the guest room. I moved to the guest room 'cuz I was coughing with a cold one winter and never went back. We are both happy and content - it isn't 'typical' but it works. We have separate 'master suites' in our house and 'visit' each other frequently. Keeps the marriage 'fresh'. And it's so nice to get good, sound sleep. I highly recommend separate beds. It saved our marriage.

Up until a few months ago I was REALLY against the sleeping in two places. Jake's parents did it, however their marriage was crap at the time, but I just had it in my head that if we didn't sleep in the same place we would be misserable. Now, I don't know what's changed, but if we've been out and I know that he's been drinking and will snore, I have no troulble letting him stay at on the couch!! I kind of like the non-interrupted sleep once in awhile.

I just moved upstairs into my own room. My marriage is most definitely on the rocks, but I have to say, since I moved up to my lovely little refuge, I am getting a much better quality sleep (husband has "restless leg syndrome"), even though we shared a king-sized bed for the last two years.

I'm beginning to think that if this marriage doesn't endure, and it very well may not, that one thing I will take with me to my next relationship is the firm commitment to having my own room. Good sleep = better life.

The only crap thing right now is that the master suite I moved out of is outrageously nice, and we spent boatloads to make it that way. We only moved into this house a couple of months ago, and I feel quite displaced, like I am a guest in my own home, since I'm in the "guest room." But still, it's a beautiful thing, having that room to myself, no one comes in unless invited. And I smile each night as I climb into the queen-sized bed... alone. Ahhhhhhh.

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