So Close

Book update!!

 

V v exciting, had my first meeting with the publisher, editor and the team who will be responsible for my book yesterday. We had the official handover of the manuscript. We discussed the schedule and deadlines, it all feels very official. I think this book might actually be published and *I* will have a book on the shelves with my name on it. I get quite giddy with excitement.

 

The draft cover will be done by early next week. We are now in the edit process and the initial edit will take six weeks. Then we go back and forth with layouts and line edits or whatever. There is a whole production process that kicks in from now, and it is all very smooth and well managed. The book is due for release mid August, exciting huh!

 

We are still missing the tagline though. Damn. We will have a ‘blad’ ready by early next week already. That is a mini mock up of the book to take to the book sellers and marketing people. COOL! 

 

The edit team had a few suggestions re the book, which I initially find difficult to hear but it makes sense and the more I think about it, the more I agree. They also want the book quite a bit shorter. It is now 112,000 words; they want it down to between 80-90,000 words.

 

We will see. I am nervous about the editing process, but I am also a little used to it after going back and forth so many times with Tess, that has helped me a lot. She eased me into the process. (Thanks my darling Tessy)

 

The best bit is that they liked the book. That felt good.

 

Phew. V nerve wracking. I left the meeting exhausted actually, and not because they weren’t nice, they were very nice, but it is SO personal, that is my life on those pages. Talking about cutting parts feels like talking about cutting parts of my life. I know it is necessary, but it is hard to hear. But on the whole I do agree with them, and that is why I have them there, to present an objective view on what a reader would want to read.

 

They raised an interesting example of where we could cut, and as they were talking I realized exactly what they meant. They started talking about how in parts I get too personal, too raw, too sore. They said we should end the chapter sooner, let the reader imagine the pain rather than me tell in minute detail how I felt. Initially I balked at their suggestion, but then I realized they were right. In fact my non-infertile friend Meriel who also did an edit for me suggested the same thing. Often leaving things to the reader’s imagination is more powerful than a recount of how you felt. And I know why I had it in there, it is because what I went through was so fucking terrible, so so so bad, that I want the reader / friend / stranger, whoever is reading, to hurt as well. To make them go ‘ouch’. I had never thought of that before, but I realized it yesterday. And it is not necessary. The reader will go ‘ouch’ without me forcing them to read the detail of my inner emotional turmoil. And of course some of that stuff is necessary, and will be in the book, but there are other parts where it can be cut.

 

But still, phew. Hectic. The book is so personal, on so many levels. It is more than a book; it is my life. I just know that any negative reviews, of which I am sure there will be plenty, are going to be hard to deal with. 

 

But, they liked the book. And that is good. So far so good, things are happening.

 

I am v proud of myself for doing this.  I am normally such a terrible procrastinator. If any thing seems like too much of an effort then I give it up.  But this I have stuck to, even when it felt more like homework or a chore than anything else.

 

I can’t actually believe it.  Me!!  A book!  

 

 

The dreaded handshake aka E.coli swapping

 

This might not apply to you if you are not in the corporate environment, but then again, maybe it does. Have no idea how much handshaking gets done among the SAHM’s.  For all I know you could be shaking hands all day.  

 

I have a bit of a ‘thing’ about germs and dirt. I am doing my very best not to pass this on to my kids though. I know how important it is for them to explore their world and to get dirty while they have fun. I have done remarkably well, even if it meant physically sitting on my hands to prevent myself from running over with a sterile wipe to wipe their hands and face. So I really am trying with them. I don’t want them to inherit my little paranoia. Just today they dug in the dirt.  Horrors.

 

This little ‘thing’ I have means that I try my utmost best not to touch public things, like door handles and hand rails. Having to push the shopping cart around the supermarket is a nightmare for me. I can’t wait to get home and wash my hands. I am not obsessive compulsive, I won’t NOT push the shopping trolley, but I am very aware of germy situations.

 

The seemingly innocent handshake at work presents my biggest challenge. I hate shaking hands. Yuck! Touching someone else’s germy hands!! They could have just picked their nose or wiped their bum. And I am expected to press my palm against theirs?? Shudder. 

 

I try and avoid the handshake at all costs. When meeting new people I am quick to do a semi casual wave, a general ‘hi all’ kind of wave.  However, sometimes the person is too quick for me and sticks their germ infested paw hand out before I can do my wave and I am left with two choices: either pretend I don’t see their outstretched hand and wave anyway, or I have to press my pristine palm against their Ebola / E.coli infested hand. Unfortunately, as hard as I try and avoid it, sometimes I just have to shake the damn thing.

 

Of course the germ swapping handshaking usually takes place BEFORE one’s meeting and you have to sit through the entire meeting with someone else’s E.coli on your hand for the hour or so it takes to work through the meeting. After I have shaken the person’s hand my hand always feels heavy, as if the layers of their dirt have transferred to my hand and is now weighing me down. I have to use the same heavy hand to hold my pen. The nfestation abounds!

 

It is terribly traumatic, this handshaking business. I try and avoid it at all costs. What a stupid idea anyway, why the fuck should we have to touch each other? Whose idea was is? It is a stupid idea. Stupid. 

 

And some people aren’t satisfied with shaking your hand just once!  No, they want to shake your hand again when they say goodbye.  Good lord, where will it end? Next thing they will want to stick their tongue in my mouth or lick my cheek or something.

 

I can’t bare it. Am thinking of investing in a pair of Michael Jackson type gloves. 

 

Please don’t try and shake my hand if you ever meet me.  It is not that I don’t want to be your friend; it is just that I really prefer to keep my germs in-house.

 

Waving bye bye, time for bed.

 

 

I love these pictures

I do not look at my best in these pictures.  I was v tired, had a week of bad nights, teething babes, hangovers and had no make up on, but I love the feeling of these photos, they are so real.  My wonderful little family.  I feel so blessed. 

Some more pictures here.



I still feel blessed, even though I am posting this at 01:08am after being woken for the third time, and now can't get back to sleep! 

Signs that you are getting older and becoming a grown up

 

It has recently come to my attention that I am getting older. God knows how the hell that happened, or even when it happened. It was just yesterday that I was hip, cool, modern, ‘with it’.

 

Besides the obvious physical signs of aging*, of which there many and various, there are other subtle signs that I might just be growing up and getting older.

 

I am not *yet* at the stage where comfort takes precedence over looks / style, but comfort is playing an increasingly role in my purchasing decision when buying shoes / clothes. But as I say, it is not yet THE deciding factor.

 

However, there are other signs:

 

· I have switched from the commercial music radio stations to ‘talk’ radio, where they discuss and debate various topical issues

· I now make a point of catching the news, either on TV or on radio. I remember when world news was something my father was interested in, not me! If it didn’t affect me, it didn’t interest me. Now I actually care about what is happening in the rest of the world, the environment, global warming and world peace.

· I have asked people to “turn that awful racket down” when being subjected to loud music. Oh, the shame!

· I am not ashamed to admit I love the Carpenters and the Bee Gees.

· I don’t ‘get’ some of the music they play today.

· I say things about “the youth of today…”

 

Oh fuck. I think I might be a grown up. How the hell did that happen?

 

My lovely mother, who is nothing but excruciatingly honest, said the other day “you know you are getting older when you see your children aging”. Thanks mom! Buddies for ever.

 

Besides the physical, what are the signs that tell you you are growing up and getting older?

 

 

*Got a text message from my botox doctor reminding me it is time for my botox maintenance / upgrade. Sigh. I don’t really think I can justify spending that much money on my forehead. If it lasted longer, then fine. But to spend that much money every three months….. Not now. Money is a little tight. DAMN!!! Now I have a crinkly forehead to go with my spectacles and semi-comfortable shoes. Oh well, there is always the Carpenters. SOB!

 

 

AND TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN; I CAN’T HEAR MYSELF THINK AROUND HERE!

 

Cape Town translated into American

My dear nerdy friend Boulder decided to look up what latitude or longitude or global positioning quadrant Cape Town falls on and how that compares to a city in the US.  Apparently Cape Town (the city where I live, and quite possibly the most gorgeous city in the world) falls on the same coordinates as Laguna Beach.

Laguna Beach

Camps Bay, Cape Town (info)

Cool huh! 

I think this means we have a similar climate.

 

I don't stay in Camps Bay though, it is only for the v rich.  I stay in Durbanville, a more rural suburb that produces particularly delicious wine.  I am one of their most loyal customers. 

Babe questions:

 

Ok, I know you are DYING to give out some mommy assvice (it’s an affliction, once you become a mom, the need to dispense assvice is endemic, I do the same):

 

1. Shoes: How the hell will I ever get my kids to wear shoes?

As you might (or might not) know, our seasons are different to yours, so here in SA we are starting to head towards winter and it is time to think about putting shoes on the kids. I don’t really believe in putting shoes on babies, so up until now my kids have been shoe free. A belief that has come to bite me in the arse because my kids flat out refuse to have any thing on their feet. For the last 7 months or so (which equates to 50% of their life), they haven’t had any thing on their feet, not even socks. My attempts to put slippers or sneakers on their feet is met with derisive disbelief. ‘Dear Mother, are you completely fucking insane? You want me to put WHAT on my feet? Take it off you mad cow’. What am I to do? It is getting chilly in the evenings now. How do I keep the damn shoes on? 

 

2. Dummies / pacifiers / whatever the hell you call them.

Am I making the biggest mistake of my life? Up until about a week ago Adam hasn’t been at all interested in a dummy. Kate loves hers, but she is only allowed to have it at night, or for naps. It lives in the cot. She is happy with that arrangement because she is a happy child.  She doesn’t ever ‘need’ her dummy outside of naps. We had some old dummies (Avent ones, bought before Miss Muffet made her preference known for Nuk dummies) that we threw in the bath (poor kids, no money for real bath toys) and Adam has recently started sucking on them. In fact he has fallen in love with them, and any other dummy he can find, including Kate’s. Because it was so sweet and unusual to see him suck a dummy we let him do it. Now he has a dummy when he goes to bed. For the first time, at 14 months!! Am I making a mistake by allowing him to suck a dummy or should I just allow the little bugger the simple pleasures of babyhood? Remember, Adam is a PITA and wont put up with these ridiculous ‘only for sleep time’ rules.

 

3. Getting used to the camp cot / pack n play etc

We are going away in April, first time since the arrival of the babes. Quite a big thing. We obviously won’t be taking their cots. We have two what we call camp cots here in South Africa, I think you call them pack n plays or something like that. The portable cots. Cribs. My goodness this translation from English to American is bloody hard work, especially after a glass of wine.  Or two. Any way, we are taking the camping cots with us. Now, they are obviously not used to them, and we need to get them used to them before we end up with several sleepless nights. Do you think I should try letting them nap in them or sleep in them? Or should I let them play in them for a while? Any tips on this? In fact, any travel tips for me? We are driving, not flying. It is about a 3 hour drive, I think.

 

I am sure there were other things but I have just finished my second glass of wine and my brain is tired. Time to go wash my bits and pass out fall asleep.

 

Wait! Thought of another!

 

4. Sleeping attire

What do you dress your kids in at night (fall/winter)? We are still using the grobags – I can’t imagine not using them, the kids sleep much better in them and they know it is sleepy time when the grobags are on. When do they become too big for the grobags?

 

K, can’t think of any thing else now.  Been a long day, time for bed.  ‘gnight!

 

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

You know what I think is bullshit?

This and this is bullshit. After hearing about my friend’s terrible loss, I have zero fucking tolerance for nastiness.

 

How DARE people be mean to these two women? How dare they! What was their crime? Being honest?

 

Because of people’s outright nastiness and personal attacks both these bloggers have turned off comments and are both feeling shitty.

 

Why be personal? Why attack someone’s personality or personal appearance? Why? Does it make you feel good? Does it make you feel better about yourself? And if you are so sure about your opinion, why do it anonymously.

 

And don’t give me that bullshit about ‘if you are too fragile then you shouldn’t blog’. Bullshit. There is a thing like common fucking decency and manners. You can disagree with someone without calling them names or attacking them. Can we not have an intelligent debate without name calling?

 

Have some class, for goodness sake.

 

Goodbye sweet Holland

 

My heart is aching. My friend Vanessa’s beautiful daughter has passed away.  I am devastated. Little Kendra was such a special baby; she was born with an extremely rare genetic disorder called Jacobsen Syndrome.  She was doing so fabulously well; she was such a beautiful, happy soul.  She got sick last week and passed away in hospital in Friday night.

 

I am heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken for Vanessa.  Please keep her and her family and little Kendra in your hearts.  

 

Sometimes life is unbearably cruel. 

 

Goodbye sweet Kendra, we will all miss you so.  Say hello to Ben for me.

 

 

The reference to Holland can be found here: Welcome to Holland

   

Can you help a loyal blog reader?

There are vast differences amongst Tertia's blog readers. We come from different parts of the world, are of different races, religions, genders, and sexual orientations. Although, no matter who we are, or where we come from, we all inevitably become affected in some way by a most horrible thing. That common denominator, is Cancer. This disease does not discriminate. Personally, I don't know anyone who has not had someone in their life stricken by this disease. It affects us all in some way.

 

 

 

Would you like to help me raise money to find a cure? At the very least, money raised will fund awareness campaigns to promote early detection and contribute to programs that help support the newly diagnosed as well as their families.

 

 

 

It has become a yearly event for me to participate in the American Cancer Society's signature event, Relay for Life. Relay for Life raises money to fight Cancer and to raise awareness of Cancer in the community. It honors Cancer survivors, and remembers those who have lost their lives to Cancer. As of this year, Relays take place in over 23 countries worldwide. Why do I Relay? My mother is a 3 time Cancer survivor and is currently battling Leukemia. My father died of Pancreatic Cancer at the age of 52. I lost my grandmother, grandfather, uncle and mother-in-law to various forms of Cancer. The list goes on and on. My family members have all died from one form of Cancer or another. I became involved in the Relay for Life 3 years ago when my dear friend, Kathy, was also defeated by this dreaded disease. She was a 34 year old Super-Mom who never smoked and took great care of herself. She left behind her husband and two daughters, ages 8 and 5. The same ages of two of my boys at the time. It hit home for me. It very easily could have been me leaving my husband and young boys behind. I needed to act and try to make a difference. I walk with a Relay team named in Kathy's memory, made up of fellow PTA members. Her death struck us all very hard. When I Relay, I have Kathy's name on my shirt and memories of her and the many family members that I've lost in my heart. It's a very emotional 14 hours.

 

 

 As you probably know, this event is about fund-raising, and I would like to ask you to sponsor me to walk in this event. I will be at the event for the duration - from 4pm on May 5th, until 6am on May 6th. I will not sleep.... I will walk for a cure. I will walk for Hope. When I am not walking, I will be tending to my one of a kind on-site novelty booth. It is an idea that I came up with the first year I participated. I sell all types of things that the participants and visitors are interested in buying. All proceeds go to the American Cancer Society. Last year my booth brought in an additional $550 in on-site funraising. Overall, I raised over $700. This year I have set a personal goal of $1000. I may not be able to reach that goal, but with your help I will be that much closer. Ever dollar brings us closer to a Cancer-free world. 

 

 

If you would like to donate, you can do so right here through my web page using your credit card or debit card. It is a secure American Cancer Society site, so your information is protected.

 

 

 

If you would like more information, please contact me. I'd be happy to get any information you'd like. If you would like to become involved, I'd be happy to assist you, or contact your local American Cancer Society office. You may also want to go here and click "View the 'Why we Relay' Video". (requires Real Player)

 

 

 

Thank you for your interest in a cause that has become my passion.

 

 

 

Sincerely,

 

Dani Muccio
(dani3boyz@yahoo.com)

Blogger lunch date

Had fabulous lunch with two absolutely divine bloggers today. Alex from the Infertile Gourmet and Millie from Out Damn Egg who I met on her last trip to Cape Town.  Those are both such stunning women.

 

We had a fantastic time, divine food, such wonderful company. I had two glasses of wine and chatted my head off.

 

I can’t believe they came all the way to South Africa, just to see me. I feel so honoured.

 

Actually, they are here to do IVF. So please keep all your bits crossed for them, send all your positive karma etc. Their cycles just have to work. They need some ‘made in Africa’ babies.

 

I only got one pic and it is a little dark, what a pity because you can’t see how absolutely gorgeous Alex’s face is. She has the most beautiful skin, ever. Am v envious. And Millie looks about 12 years old. Cow. They clearly do NOT live under the African sun.

(blog reader helped me lighten it up a bit - is this better?)

'

Seriously, what lovely women. I had such a good time. Thanks dear bloggy friends, and wishing you both lots and lots of luck.

 

While we were away, Marko and the babes had their own version of al fresco lunch with drinks.