What would you do?

To all those who are completely uninterested in silly blog politics, I apologize in advance.

By now I am sure you are aware of the mini drama going on in blog land. In the grander scheme of things it is completely insignificant and all very childish. Rather than speaking about any one in particular, I am rather more interested to hear how you would have reacted if the same thing had happened to you.

In summary, a blogger decided she would host her own ‘blog awards’, handing out awards to bloggers she felt belonged to categories like:

“Blog that thinks they know everything and really they totally don’t”

“Blog where the blogger thinks they are hot shit and they totally aren’t”

“Blog where all the commenters kiss their ass”*

“Blog where the blogger thinks they are totally hot, but dude? They’re totally not and you so want to tell them but don’t for fear of hurting their feelings”**

And a few others, some funny, a few complimentary, others in a similar disparaging vein as those above. The blog where the nominations were discussed was hosted on a ‘by prior approval only’ basis and not everyone could get access.

Naturally the people who were nominated for the above categories (i.e. myself, Julie, Julia, Jo and Karen and a few others, but it was mostly about the five of us) were not invited to participate. Unfortunately for all involved, we got to see what was written. The content of that discussion surprised me enormously.

So here is my first question:

If you were a regular or even part time reader of the blog in question, would you ask to be given access to the private site, knowing that these alternate blog awards were going to be given out and there would probably quite a bit of bitchiness going on?

My answer: Yes I would. That stuff can be very funny, and it is exciting and little bit ‘naughty’ to be part of a secret / password only club.

The only issue I have with it being a password only club is that if you are so confident in your opinion, if you feel so strongly about your view, then why hide behind the ‘eyes only’ stuff? Although I suppose it allows one the freedom to have a good old gossip.

Which brings me to my second question.

If you were part of that password only site, and the nominations were announced, would you laugh and giggle and perhaps participate in a humorous way? Or would you use the opportunity to be nasty and personal, to attack people’s character, to say really personal things about their appearance?

What is it about the veil of secrecy that brings out the worst in people? Is it ‘pack mentality’? Oh, let me join in the slagging off and go one better. Is it cool to be nasty? To be ugly about people? Is your worth judged by how much vitriol you spew?

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Of course they are. You are absolutely allowed to say things like you don’t like my blog (just don’t read it then), or you don’t like my writing style (again, just don’t read it). But is it really necessary to say that you think I am a blog whore, that you think I can’t write at all, that I think I am hot but I am actually unattractive. Is it necessary to say, “Tertia looks a man. She looks like her father, and that’s not a good thing”? And many other really nasty, hurtful things about myself and some of my blogging friends that I don’t want to repeat for fear of hurting them.

Then, and this is the biggest question and something I have been grappling with the whole week, how would you react if you found out that you and your blog had been nominated for most of the particularly nasty awards, and further more, what would you do if you got to read the comments left by people in which they attacked your character and said other nasty things?

I’ve gone back and forth on this one.

Some people say “just leave it alone, ignore it because if you show them how much you have been hurt, then they have won”. But ‘won’ what? This is a competition or a war I knew nothing of, and don’t ever want to participate in. And I am hurt. I am deeply hurt.

I don’t mind that my blog was nominated for and will probably win most of the categories, but I do mind how nasty people got, how attacking, how personal. I think that is wrong, and I think it is cowardly.

I seriously thought about taking a long break from blogging. I know logically that this is the view of only a few people, a handful of people and that most of the people who read my blog do like reading it (why would they be reading it if they didn’t), but I am just so damn hurt at how personal, how ugly it all got. Was it really necessary to get so personal? And of course what ever I write now is completely misconstrued and commented on in their private domain.  Imagine how much fun it is knowing there are a bunch of people just WAITING to rip you apart.   

I’ve written and deleted many blog entries about it. I didn’t want to fuel the fire, I was also worried they would get even uglier, if possible, but mostly I deleted all of them because I was just too emotional to make any sense. I have already wasted too many hours this week agonizing over this, feeling shit about myself and yes, doubting myself. I don’t want to waste any more. I wish I didn’t take these things to heart, I would I could just brush it off and say ‘to hell with them, I don’t care’. But I can’t, I do care. So, if their objective was to hurt, then yes, they have definitely won. Of course if their objective was to be funny, then they clearly have a very warped sense of humour if being personal and nasty is considered ‘funny’.

So, how would you have reacted? Would you have reacted with anger? Amusement? Indifference? Hurt? Would you have done any thing about it? Would you be tempted to post the entire transcript of the conversations between the nasty commenters on your own blog? Or would you just leave it all alone and hope that they lose interest in you and move on to the next poor sucker?

What would you have done? And what do you think is the ‘right’ reaction to something like this?

* Apparently being supportive and friendly when you leave a comment on a blog is called ‘ass kissing’. Julie, Julia and I are running neck and neck on this one. You know what is so amusing, is how apparently it is ok that commenters on the blogger in question’s site are all supportive and ‘ass kissy’. It is ok when it applies to YOUR commenters, not other peoples.

** Apparently I am the leading nominee for this one. Who knew.

Comments

[Katy]

You know, I'm not an infertility blogger, and I'm not part of the mini-drama. But some people just seem to need to make themselves feel bigger and more powerful by tearing other people apart. It's mean and it sucks and it is so very high school, but there you have it. It can be hurtful if they are (were) people who were pretending to be your friends, BUT now you know the truth about them, and you can move on.

[Isabel]

Fuck 'em all! T - that uninformed girl is mightily jealous of you, Julie, Julia,Jo and Karen. You guys have lives that she would kill for! Treat her as a troll, and ignore! I know how difficult that may be, as you write honestly and did not and do not expect people to bash you! Please keep on giving all of us a peek into your life!
Much love - Isabel

[Katy]

p.s. Yes, I would have been tempted to post the transcript of the post. Revenge is sweet. But I don't think I would have done it, b/c it just adds fuel to the fire. Take the high road.

[mamaPajama]

I would think of it in the same terms as Blackwell's Worst Dressed List. It's good that you're famous enough to be noticed.

But I can also understand the exclusion, having long been one on the outside looking in. It really smacks of high school alpha girl cliques.

[gkk]

This is probably terrible advice, but me, I'd name, shame and kick some serious ass.

A few months back something similar happened to me, it was IRL but with women I had met on IVFC. Normally I speak my mind and then regret it, so this time I decided to be the "bigger person" and just let it go. All this time later and I STILL wish I had called the ringleader and given the fking bitch a few well chosen words, wouldn't have changed a thing but damn it would have made me feel better.

Sorry you even have to deal with stuff like this.

[Jenn]

I'd like to say I'd be angry and then not do anything. I think that's probably the best thing, not fueling it, etc. But I didn't read what was said, and I'd probably want to at least say something about it. Or post the site and password so everyone could get involved and it wouldn't be so secret anymore lol. But I think you never really know what you will do until you are actually in a particular situation.

[Kath]

This whole thing is dusgusting and vile and gratuitous and unkind, and I'm horrified that the person in question didn't reconsider her initial impulse. If life in high school teaches you anything, it's that the brief heady rush you get from being mean to someone results in rather more long-term, agonizing shame -- and often ostracism.

If I were you, I'd be very deeply hurt, but I think I'd drop it in the end. I think this person, like my prototypical high school meanie, has just self-destructed.

Living well, as they say, is the best revenge -- and you, my dear, are living well. Carry on!

[Kath]

Tee hee. I mean "disgusting" of course. "Dusgusting" is how my four-year-old nephew says it.

[Amber]

Kill 'em with kindness.

That is what I try to do. Always. Even when it hurts. I never find myself with that "good feeling" when I stoop to a lower level. Keep your head high.

Not everyone likes you. So what. Kind of makes the fact that I adore you a little more special. :)

[colicmommy-1]

I've not tried to read the "private" stuff, nor would I want to, but I've looked at her pictures and read a bit, and I can tell you that I think perhaps it's more about her than about you or anyone else.

Sometimes in life we feel things about ourselves that make us act in certain ways. And I'm sorry to say, but you must must must learn to stop caring and worrying. Life's not always perfect. People aren't always happy. People aren't always nice. And you know what--my dad told me long ago: "You'll come to find out, many people are stupid, low and mean." I hate the way that reflects on the human condition, but in fact, it seems to be true. Gawd, remember high school?? Not everyone grows up.

Freedom of speech means she can attack anyone she wants. Why, the commenters on Julie's site attacked Spears, yes? I think Spears is a terrible mother--and it's fun and funny to joke about it! But maybe some people think that it's "just plain cruel".

Life's life. Accept that this woman has a nasty sense of humor and is joined by like-minded people. Your post is a fine reaction: "hey, I'm hurt. That wasn't nice." And now, move on. Anything more fuels the fire.

[Melissa4444]

I don't know how I have missed all this secret blog stuff. I went away for 2 days, I come back and there are 3 posts about it in some of my fave blogs. What's going on????

As for you, and people bitching about you, Tertia. Stuff 'em. You KNOW how much we love coming here. We love hearing about Adam and Kate. Marko being a PITA (not wanting to chat). Rose. SA. The Book. The B's. Everything. WE keep coming back. Why would we do that if we didn't love you?

Ignore. Don't let them spoil things. I don't know what they are saying, so this is all very easy for me to say. But I hope you don't let it stop you blogging.

[Bridgette]

I was angry when I read Karen's blog. I felt bad when I read Julia's blog. These women don't deserve to be made fun of, or talked badly about.

But now I'm pissed! How DARE they talk about you like that! How dare they hurt your feelings. I really hate when you get your feelings hurt. That type of personal attack is just wrong.

I won't resort to name calling or personal bashing here because that just lowers me to their level, but damn, I'd really like to.

I'm sorry they hurt you T.

[Laura(southernxyl)]

You shouldn't have looked at the comments. There's nothing more infuriating to that kind of person than to have her ugliness go un-looked at. But then, most of us outgrow that kind of thing in middle school, if we ever indulged in it at all.

Seriously, I wouldn't have read them. And I would have thought of it like, if they were stoned out of their minds and showing their butts, I would have the class to look away.

As to looking like your father: my daughter looks so much like my husband that strangers have asked me if she's really mine. My mom said once that my daughter is a pretty girl and that she looks just like her daddy, and that she'd always heard, if you want to see a pretty little girl, follow an ugly man home. (He said, thanks, I love you too.)

[Hope11]

Alpha girls? Don't think so. More like sour grapes and jealousy directed towards the "cool girls," which seems totally sick and sad in this blogosphere where women are trying to support each other in the hard-won journey to become mothers and parent.

Am I the only one who finds it ironic or pathetic that this "voting" started because someone did not win a legitimate blog award for "snarkiest blog? Was this a pathetic effort to campaign in some way?

At any rate, the jealousy of other people's writing, glory, physical beauty is so transparent and so very wrong in this little corner of the Internet where we have retreated for refuge to cheer each other on.

Tertia, you rock.

[Boulder]

I love that you get "it." And I love you.

xoxo

"Chief Ass Kisser"

[cath]

we love you. fuck em all.

your anger and hurt is justified. stupid wenches all of them.

xx

[Gina]

Wow. I find this nastyness pretty sad. This is how people chose to spend their time? Making fun of others? Sounds like mean, jealous girls in high school.

I would like to tell you to take the high road and ignore it all but I just can't. Why are they reading here and the others just to make fun? Why post hurtful comments? No one is forced to read here. I honestly don't get it.

I guess you could put me as an "ass kisser" I tend to think it is a more what my mom taught me " if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it" than ass kissing. Unless you (or another blogger) askes for opinions I only post when I have something to add or positive or supportive to say. I don't think that is ass kissing.

I think this is similar to the tabloids and the people who buy that stuff. All they do is take bad photos of and poke fun at celebrities. People forget they are real people and have feelings too.

Hugs. I am sorry you all found this "secret" site.

[paola]

Haven't read the blog in question but it sounds to me like they're completely jealous of your popularity - and I can't believe their blog is going to appeal to anything more than a very narrow clique if it is so riddled with nastiness. Most people hate bullying of any kind.

If it were me I'd just TOTALLY ignore them, and go on your own sweet way with your book deal, and your huge blog traffic and loads of interesting and witty commenters and everything they would secretly love to have....

[b]

hmmm, so, this other blog (or other bloggers, as the case may be) is a published authores?

Been in more then one magazine?

Writting a book?

Had a movie kind of person contact her?

Gets over 2000 hits, average, per day?

Has your wit, charm and DISGUSTING way with words that make us all laugh, cry, cringe or whatever else it is you are so eloquently/easily/ decisively trying to convey?

I'm betting the asnwer is no.

you are much nice now then you used to be. it USED to be that we could count on YOU to post this bloggers name, blog and e-mail address so we could PROPERLY chastise the wench.

but NOOOOOOOOOOO

you are now taking the high road!!!

how disappointing!

much love!!!

[Lisa]

I would probably have done just the same thing as you. I've always been out of the loop, and reading your post, I feel particularly glad not to be in this particular loop.

[Menita]

Sure I'd want to read it. Even though I probably know better than to set myself up that way. In fact, I tried to read it but couldn't (technologically very, very challenged).
Was the setup a little disengenous? Yeah. Do people have the right to say whatever they want on their blogs? Yeah.
About content: again, I have not seem it, so I can only react to what some of the affected parties reacted to: the only part I think went way over the line was dissing other people's kids (I'm thinking of Julia's Patrick). The rest...we're big girls, we should know how to distance ourselves from things that upset us that don't really matter in the greater scheme of things. But dissing children...that was the part that lost me.

[gretchen]

You are a brave and strong woman. The way you have dealt with all the hurdles and heartbreak to build a family and the way that you give of yourself so openly on this blog. I admire you immensely. I would be hurt too. Big hugs to you!

[Jo]

Since the Internet began people have been hiding behind the anonymity of it all. I say waaaay more in posts to one of my support groups than I would face-to-face. Unfortunately, some people (the bastards you talked about) take this level of security to mean they can say hurtful, nasty, catty things about another (REAL) person, and think it doesn't really matter.

You know celebs cop this all the time. The paparazzi, unkind words, lies, intrusion into privacy. It goes with the turf. Unfortunately, I think the nature of blogging is that you put your heart out there, and that means there will be those that choose to stomp on it. They are assholes, of course, and you have every right to be angry and hurt. But it's going to happen. And unfortunately, with the "tall poppy" syndrome that seems to be going around, the most successful bloggers are the ones who are going to be tartetted. I guess the one small consolation is that it is utter proof that people are reading your blog. They know a lot of detail about your posts, your photos, whatever, for people who claim not to like you. It's not funny or interesting or contraversial to diss someone nobody knows or cares about.

So Tertia, I say they are total pricks. You just have to accept in your heart that you know you're a good person, a great writer and an attractive lass.

Welcome to the world of being a celebrity!

[Amy]

-“Blog that thinks they know everything and really they totally don’t”

-“Blog where the blogger thinks they are hot shit and they totally aren’t”

-“Blog where all the commenters kiss their ass”*

-“Blog where the blogger thinks they are totally hot, but dude? They’re totally not and you so want to tell them but don’t for fear of hurting their feelings”**

The real kicker to this all is the person with the secret blog deserves to win EVERY SINGLE CATAGORY! I could get really mean here but will refrain. What she has done is pathetic, childish, and just plain sad.

I love reading your site (let me pucker up here) and look forward to your posts. You have a beautiful family, you are fun and witty, successful...it's easy to see why some "people" (I use that term loosely) would be jealous.

[Anon]

Hey, Tersh. Isn't she the one who redesigned Karen's website a while back? Or was it Jo's? Whatever. Seems to me though, that I've seen kssing up comments from her on all of your blogs in the past.

Incoming snark:

I went to her website for the first time today to see what all the brouhaha was about and um, well, if I were her, I don't think I'd be making comments about anyone else's looks....

I'm just saying.

[Em]

I had no idea about all of this going on. Here are my thoughts (because you asked)... If it were me, I would probably crawl under a rock and never come out because I am not strong, not even a little. But you are.

I don't know what the right response is, either but I suspect it is just to ignore it.

Why did they do it? I have no idea but it reminds me of packs of nerds who start up an "I hate the popular girl" club. They spend afternoons popping zits and tearing her down because they are trying to make themselves feel superior to her (really knowing deep in their hearts that its futile).

Comments - you probably just have respectful commenters. Personally, if I you ask an opinion, I sometimes give one. If I agree with you strongly about something, I will comment on that too. If I think you are way off on something (which, actually, I don't recall ever feeling on this blog but this applies to any blog I read) I usually keep my mouth shut. Perhaps I don't know the whole story. Certainly, the blogger has the right to state her opinion (esp regarding her own life) and why would I get into an arguement with someone over their opinion on THEIR blog. To be honest, for a while this happened somewhat often on Karen's blog. But it is her blog, I kept coming back to read it and I know that she was feeing emotions that I didn't have to deal with so I respected that. I read and kept my opinions to myself. I'm glad I did. I don't think that means that I kiss her ass, it just means I treat her like a friend.

I'm sorry you are going through this. For what its worth, I bet they were just grasping at straws to think of disparaging things to say. It just shows dull wit to go for the personal. No creativity at all. Its easy and instantly painful. Being a wanker is on thing but being a lazy wanker? Unforgivable!

[londonmisfit]

As others have said, I've also seen this other person's blog (thankfully never bothered asking for permission to see the so-called 'Awards' site - I've seen this kind of thing happen before and it never ends well) and I really believe it says more about their opinion of themselves than their opinion of other people. There seems to be a whole lot of insecurity going on over there - as my mother would say, they are more to be pitied than scorned.

I can't see the pleasure to be gained in attacking other people, it's not particularly clever, and it serves no purpose except to hurt other people in a rather vicious way, especially when children are involved. The main blog has had some pretty nasty stuff in it, so if the secret one is worse, I'm very glad never to have seen it.

I'm sorry you were hurt by it - for what it's worth, I think your response is the best possible: don't dwell on it and whatever happens, don't ever be tempted to go back and read it again under any circumstances.

[Billie]

Tertia,
I am totally not into blog politics, and honestly couldn't care less about what anyone negative has to say about you or your blog. I love it. I check in everyday, and I look forward to reading what you have to say. I know by reading what you write that you have a big heart. By being so open and honest, you put your heart on the line. It sucks that anyone would have anything bad to say about that.

I read because I really relate to a lot of how you feel and what you say. I think we may be a lot alike in many ways. Don't stop writing, and don't stop reading. Just stay away from those who don't have anything useful or positive to say.
Billie

[gretchen]

Just found the site......CONSIDER THE SOURCE!!!!

[Alchemilla]

Tertia,

De-lurking to say that I agree with Jo. However hurtful it is (and I have to admit that if it were me I'd be chewing the acid over, again and again), it's a measure of your success. You blog is great and very well-read - you're going to have people seeing you as a legitimate target and taking shots at you. No, I haven't been to the site and once the initial curiosity faded I don't need to. Can totally understand why you did though.

For me, the worst must be not letting it affect what you write in future. I gave a presentation last year to an audience composed of 98 supportive/neutral people and 2 antagonistic ones. Guess which set I allowed to totally dominate my mind in the preparation and giving of the presentation? It sucks, I know.

Does it help if I ask whether you think that allowing a few sad trolls to affect this fantastic relationship you have with masses of smart funny and occasionally supportive readers would in fact be a real insult to the latter? I know, SO much easier said than done.

C'mon darling, chin up and ignore the vicious little lowlifes. Don't you DARE stop blogging.

[ashpdx]

Hi Tertia,
I don't agree with those comments about you at all. I have looked at the ringleader's site and it is interesting that the people she is attacking, are in my mind the most literate, interesting and funny blogs.
I read a bit of her site and found it trashy.
You are in good company with Julia, Julie and all. It is almost like what happens to celebrities but in a blog way. (-:
I'd chalk this up to jealousy for sure. And, please keep writing- we love you! *big ass kiss*
Amy in PDX

[melina]

I just posted a long comment at Karen's about how I think that the collective work of these infertility/adoption/ birth mother/parenting blogs is actually kind of important -- redefining the boundaries and the meaning of motherhood and the sociological and structural constraints within which we struggle to become and understand ourselves as mothers/parents. And then I came here and thought about your question and realized that an essential element of the multiple discussions that make reading blogs (rather than just one blog) compelling is the publicness of them. You put yourself out there and then people come and comment and misunderstand you or disagree with you or support you and that pushes the discussion to another level. And then someone who reads you posts about the same topic from a different perspective and that pushes it further. And what matters is that all those voices get heard and in many instances recognize/acknowledge each other. And because it is the internet people are pretty frank and bolder than they would be normally. (I remember some blogger criticizing your post-baby blog and I read the comments and you wrote "ouch" and I cracked up -- the internet gives you all the freedom in the world to speak your mind, but we are accustomed to speaking only in safer more protected spaces.)

So, yes, the secret, password protected sites are titillating in their bitchiness, but I have never tried to get in (I would fail, because no one knows me) because the fun is the unregulated openness of it all. I love the degree to which you all choose to face each other and speak in a world in which we silence ourselves or talk behind people's back or yell "go fuck yourself" to a fast food worker and drive away or have hour long conversations with our best friends from college who live across the country and we never see anymore and then return to our polite friendships of the present.

So you are doing what you should. Putting it in the light of day. Starting a discussion about what the boundaries of appropriate behavior might be in a strange new media. We, your ass-kissing, ass-kicking readers, can't tell you, because we are all making it up as we go, what it means to belong to such a big, self-conscious public. But you will do something lovely and I for one will be watching with glee.

[Leggy]

I was confused by this when I read Karen's & Julia's posts so I admit to a bit of curiousity because I was so totally out of the loop. Then I found the site (not the super-secret part) and it just sickens me. The Internet can be wonderful, but this represents everything I hate about it.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this stuff.

[Meganann]

You've really gotta ignore that shit. You have about 2 million readers and 7 of them participate in this crap. The rest of us didn't even know about it until it was brought up on one of these blogs. We read you because we like you (or at least the internet persona of you, and don't know you IRL). We enjoy your honesty.

However, it can look like you have it all (although we know you work very hard), since your blog has such a positive tone (and so many readers). I bet some people are like "no way Tertia so positive in real life, it is all an act." As a pretty positive person myself, I get that too. People think you are fake because you are nice. Stupid logic, but some people are like that. They also seem to misinterpret G&D as "Botox lady thinks she is hotter than me".

Sure, the other 1, 999,993 of us don't always agree with everything you write, but we choose to come back to this site because you offer us such an honest and fun view of your life.

Don't let the bastards get you down. Write what you want to, with the honest and genuine voice that you have.

Let them bitch over there, you stay over here with the much larger readership who are interested in hearing what you have to say and we will all *kiss your ass*.

Don't forget that you are G&D!

[Sarah]

A little more ass-kissing for them to add to their list...

Jesus H. Christ, I'm pissed to hear about this. I read a bit about this on Karen's blog, so I knew something ugly was going on, but I can't tell you how angry I am now that I know the sorts of things that were said. What a bunch of jealous nitwits those angry, unhappy people must be. I'm so sorry you were the victim of cyber-bullies. Sounds to me like a bunch of girls haven't moved past junior high.

You are loved, Tertia. I read your blog every day, and I can't wait to buy your book--even if I have to fly my arse over to South Africa to get it because no agent here has the half of a brain cell it would require to see that you are onto something big. You hang in there, and remember, there are many, many, many more people who have good things to say about you than the few hateful people who participate in this secret, bullying, "mean girls" blog.

Much love (and gratitude)-Sarah.

[cari]

Tertia-
I haven't read all of the comments yet, but I will. I just wanted to say that I did request a password and I did read the "awards." I was so disgusted by it, I wrote a post on my own blog about how mean and hurtful it was. I did not, however, post the list because I am a little afraid of said blogger and don't want to do anything to bring unwanted, negative attention towards myself.

I'm sorry all of you "nominees" were singled out. It was very mean. It's one thing to criticize someone... it's another to do it "behind closed doors." If you are confindent in your beliefs you should be able to state them right out in the open.

I love your blog (shameless ass kissing here). Again, I'm sorry to all of you who were attacked in this manner.

Cari

[Ingrid]

What would I do if I were you????? I'd fucking take it as a compliment that I'm visable and popular enough to attract that kind of jealousy.

As someone said earlier, consider the source.

Of course it's hard; it feels personal. It's one of those situations where your only satisfaction is knowing that you behaved correctly. Now carry on with your marvelous, gorgeous, divine blog and life.

[Lindsey]

Wow. I didn't even know there WERE blog politics.

T, we love you (and if my lips are kissing your ass at the moment so be it) and I would HATE it if you stopped blogging.

I don't even have the littlest bit of advice, I'm sorry. I'd probably lash out and kick some ass. But it's prob not the best thing to do? What do I know?

SMOOCH.

[Ingrid]

AND FURTHERMORE.

Yours is a fabulous blog and hands-down my favorite. Your voice is friendly and welcoming, as well as interesting and hysterically funny. You really put yourself out there, no pretense or crap, and people like you. More than any other blogger, you are the one I'd invite on a girls night out.

Just in case I hadn't said it recently.

[Nancy]

These blog-dramas drive me crazy on two levels. The first level is obvious, but the second one is how there are two levels of cliques- the first is the one doing the original nastiness, but the second one supposedly notifies the rest of us nerds about it yet "discreetly" doesn't mention where it is happening so we can actually look at it ourselves.

If it's worth discussing, it's worth linking to so readers can decide for themselves. We're grownups (or not, but anyway), we can take it. Otherwise, if the fire is not worth fuelling, please don't mention it at all.

It's nothing personal, just exasperating to read on so many blogs lately (you had the misforturne of being the 10th or so where I saw it) that "things are not good in blogland", when if you don't include the reader in any meaningful way so that they can choose to be a first-hand reader of it or not, that it's just another layer of cliquiness, and that's just a bore!

But obviously I like your blog an awful lot and am only stating this on yours because I know you can take it!

[Lynn]

Tertia,

I am so sorry that you have had to deal with all this nastiness. The thing that almost makes me the saddest is, why is it always women that end up doing this kind of thing? You would never see a group of men bashing other guys like that. We are all supposed to be here as a group of women, supporting each other and inevitably it always ends up getting ugly.

I love your blog and obviously so do many others. I hope that you can find away to ignore all the nasty things that were said. You are gorgeous and divine and don't you forget it!!!!

All the best,

Lynn

[Lioness]

Why am I not surprised. Seriously, women can be absolute jealous bitches, and the key word is "jealous". They are jealous of your having a Posse, jealous of the way you attract commenters, jealous of the impact you have on people's lives, jealous at what they perceive as glamorous factors (e.g. location, writing style, special hobbies, things you're good at, wealth).

I would jump right in I'm afraid. Sure I'd be hurt but my biting sarcasm would be so fucking excited! Imagine, FREE MEALS!

Tertia, you are NOT ugly. You look like your father, and so do most of your siblings - and why is that a bad thing? Your father is still a bloody handsome men! You have a hot hubby who adores you, a wonderful job, a lovely house, two absolutely edible babies, a family who would do anything for you, help around the house and even said help loves you, women - and men - from all over the world come to your site bcs they too have grown to care abt you and respect what you have to say, you post abt helping someone and presto, the money simply materialises - that is too much for those poor people whose souls are barely there. You hold a lot of power, they want to be like you - and they desperately want to be able to wear a skimpy black dress like you, BELIEVE ME - and they cannot. Hence the physical remarks, women are particularly sensitive to those. I'm the Anthropologist, I know these things.

Jealousy is a very ugly thing. Since I'm a right cow who hates petty, small, vile leeches, I would link them till kingdom come, yes I would, and pronounce the games open. Claws are sometimes an asset.

[Lioness]

And one more thing, people who denounce "ass-kissing" are usually the ones dying to have their buttocks sniffed and licked and nibbled and know it will never happen, bcs what they call ass-kissing is simply a form of love.

Plus, their asses are ugly.

[L.]

Some people are just meeeeeeean. It`s more about THEM than about you -- and that goes for all the sheep who bleated their nasty comments over there.

But I know how you must feel -- I had a similar experience, in a less-public way. I was logged on to a computer as someone else, and I got an IM from my boss (whom I liked and respected), and he started saying some pretty unkind things about me, and how capable I thought I was when I really wasn`t (thinking he was talking to the person I was logged on as) and I was....um, DEVASTATED is the only word for it. Just pick up the pieces and move on.

[Shandra]

In the past I've reacted to Internet Drama by buying into it and being angry/hurt/whatever. I'm sure I will again. (I've been on the nasty side too, I hate to say, although I'm learning to stay out of it.) What I personally have tried to do in recent days is ignore it and just spend my time in a way I enjoy and think is valuable.

Ultimately I think what you can take away from it is the way that people will project onto you all kinds of their own insecurities. That way you'll be prepared for your bestselling book tour!

[mama-beans]

Here's what I'd do...... I'd "leak" out the URL and Password. They want it a secret?? Well, your name is on there. YOU don't want the ugliness she is spewing to be a secret... reveal the Be-Otch. Rally your supporters around you. She has a right to be nasty, I guess... and you have a right to defend, and be defended. Seriously, let us at her. I'm not sure that I would comment at all, since comments are a compliment of sorts... But no one likes a bully, and the more people that recognise the bully for what she is, the less power she has.

[mama-beans]

Oh, and BTW.. I think you're beautiful.. and my hubby has said wistfully on several occasions that I should look more like you.. after all, you have TWO children, and look how fit and healthy you look.. whilst I just have the one child and look...um.... like the kind of lady you want to sit next to if your plane goes down in the mountains and you may have to eat your neighbor.
And I say this in the least ass-kissing way possible. It's just the truth.

[lobster girl]

Hey T. Haven't commented in a long while, but wanted to now because I hate to see you hurting. I don't have a password to the other site, so don't know what exactly was said, but I'm getting the idea. What would I have done in the same situation? I probably would have cowered and stopped blogging. (Part of why I did stop was because I couldn't handle even a tiny amount of this pissiness. My feelings get hurt v easily.)

BUT I am not you. You, I think, are much more courageous and brave than I am, and that's why I LURVE you. I hope you keep blogging. God, please do. When I go through my bloglines, I always save your blog for last, because it's the best. The whole time I'm reading other blogs, I'm looking forward to my last read, to my Tertia treat! You are wonderful and funny and honest and if I lived in South Africa, I would stalk you and beg you to be my friend.

People are just stupid, mean idiots some times. They really are. It's nothing new, of course, but blogging allows what used to go on behind closed doors to come out in the open (even with passwords). I think that when people are this nasty, it mostly has to do with their own damaged selves, and it has little to do with you. They are their OWN problem, and because they are small and petty and insecure, they lash out and get some kind of rotten comfort from trashing others. It's pretty sad when you think about it.

Sorry for hogging all this space, but I had to de-lurk to let you know that there is one reader out here who adores you and will defend you to the end. Peace.

[DD]

I haven't read the "secret blog", an oxymoron if I've ever heard one...and I didn't read all the comments ahead of me because I didn't want anything to color my opinion of the whole sophomoric mess. And let me be frank right here: I believe the bloggers who are being attacked are perpetuating the popularity of of another person's desire to be in the lime-light, and I don't want you to take offense, by why not let her blog die a quick, soul-rotting death?

People are jealous of your popularity. *I'M* jealous of your popularity, but in the grand sceme of things, I'd rather not have to go through what you or Julia or Julie or whoever to get that kind of popularity. You have earned your stripes. Let the whelps yip and whine in the background. The commentors who come here and play kissy-face with you and then go "there" and stab you in the back? Well, that's their issue as well, not yours.

[Scout]

I'd probably post the thing that pissed me off the most, let everyone know the source, respond to it line by line and let that be it.

Setting up a semi-secret blog to talk trash about other women is just pretty pathetic. Even more so if society considers you legally an adult and biology has blessed you with children. I wouldn't feel any remorse about exposing that person.

[Irina]

I'd be very happy. Bad publicity means people think I'm important enough to criticize! I'd be flattered actually, and my curiosity would certainly get the better of me, so I would definitely do my best to get access to that blog.

[Suzanne]

It's like comedy - it's easy to take the low road and do the bathroom humor and appeal to the lowest common denominator but take some time and be a little clever and you'll get more of a following (and respect). So you're like the Seinfeld of the blog world and she's Andrew Dice Clay.

[Karen/Naked Ovary]

I agree that we need to let the blog drama die. But I think it's important that Tertia and I and Julia wrote about it. Because, you know, it was a thing in our lives, and we needed to write about it. I know I wrote about it more for me than for anyone else--I just needed to get it out.

I, for one, would have LOVED to publish all the stuff that was said--I have word for word transcripts. And what I love most is that many of the women "kissing ass" (ie, as T says, being supportive) over there (and blasting other blogs for it) are ones who have kissed ass (were supportive) on one of our blogs before. But I won't publish those transcripts, because I just don't have the energy and I don't want to take up that kind of space on my blog. Too much negative.

The overriding jist I get from all of this: some people over there are very very angry, and bitter, and defending the right to be ugly in the name of free speech is just pathetic and so, so sad.

T, I love you. Now get your lips off my ass and I'll get them off yours ;)

[mirabel]

So, how would you have reacted?

Not having read the posts in question, I don't know. But I do know that I am (perhaps overly) sensitive to criticism, and I always feel hurt when people get nasty, even if it has more to do with them than me. Sorry you have been feeling bad!

I think that this post was very honest and classy. Like you.

[wessel]

Tertia, there is nothing funny about disparaging other people. Even between good friends who trust each other, a little of that kind of humor goes a long way and should be used sparingly.

I am more disgusted at all those who were eager to obtain a password and run over there to participate in the character assassinations -- what base characters. You would never have done that; you know you wouldn't have.

All the targeted bloggers you mentioned are excellent writers, creative and sensitive and deep. People who are common, crude, vulgar and base and who have no writing talent are left with the one thing they've got in abundance -- JEALOUSY.

[lindsay]

ahem, amen to the chorus singing your praise. you are g & d and people in glass houses ect.
i really don't understand how some women get off on attacking other women. it is just icky, and ignorant. and the time that person would of spent in creating such RidiculouS BS? i am getting incoherent in my flight of irritation~!!!

[wessel]

"And one more thing, people who denounce "ass-kissing" are usually the ones dying to have their buttocks sniffed and licked and nibbled and know it will never happen, bcs what they call ass-kissing is simply a form of love.

Plus, their asses are ugly."

And Lioness, I love you. I want to nibble your left buttock. :-)

[Mary]

I didn't read all 54 comments, but I am sure there are a few that feel the way I do. Sorry if I am repeating. It is unfortunate that some people have to do such things. I personally feel very sorry for someone who has to bash or talk negatively about others just to make themselves feel better. I agree that everyone is right to have their own opinions, but honestly what do they actually gain by being negative?

People are going to continue to do stupid shit regardless. I don't think you should alter your daily routine or way of life just because of someone else's insecurity. Keep blogging, say what you want, do what you want. I know there are many people out there who enjoy reading all about your "stuff". Keep it up and be true to who you are. Just be thankful you are not one of the insecure ones who act that way. Hats off to you for a very classy and diplomatic post.

[Summer]

This has nothing to do with your question, but I think the fact that not one of the bloggers being attacked by this "secret" blog have posted transcripts of any of this vicious post or given out the url and password to this site goes to show the kind of people you are. I agree with the commenter who said that vicious attacks are about exercising a certain power to fill a void your life is lacking. You, Karen, Julie, Julia and Jo all have a mass readership because your writings are poignant, funny and tap into an emotional pulse many people can relate to. Unfortunately, many people can also relate to envy and jealousy and it seems to me that is what's at work here. Perhaps it's the only way this blogger can get people to read her posts and comment on them.

Of course, what I'm saying could just be ass kissing, because, you know, I have nothing better to do in my life than kiss the asses of people on the internet.

[Mary Scarlet]

Tertia, I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. She is a nasty piece of work and I have long been mystified about her. I found her blog because she had redesigned sites for people whose blogs I really like, but I unsubscribed from her after a short period of time because the nastiness was just too boring.

There are a lot of interesting (bad and good) things going on in this world, and I love reading your take on them in your blog. It's hard to tune her out when, even if you choose not to read her, people will still tell you about it (as Nancy has pointed out, above). But that would be my advice: ignore. However, if you decide not to ignore but rather to take some kind of action, you'll have help. There are plenty of us who were not directly attacked by her but feel as if we have been because she is basely attacking women we respect. And if someone, oh, came up with a "Say No to Aitch" web button, I know I'd put it on my blog. Without a link to her stinkin' site.

[Anon]

I saw Aitch's pic on her blog and I'm thinking there's someone who is in no position to criticize anyone's appearance! You're G&D, Tertia.

Hey Aitch, Woof!

[korin]

I have been hearing about the drama all week... as someone who didn't even know who 'she' was.... I was of course oblivious to it all. However, to me it smacks of jealousy. Someone who wants more blog traffic (lame highschool crap) and is getting it due to this. I refuse to even look at her site. Fuck her and her meann ass bitch friends.

So what would I do? I'd probably cry, feel bad, talk to everyone I know about it, and then in the end take the high road and do as you've done. If I were incredibly witty, I'd probably write some amazing blog post about how fantastic she is for all she's done for the blogging world... but really be saying what a fucking assclown she is. However, i'm not terribly witty, and i'd end up just writing what a fucking ass clown she is.

i'm sorry you've all been hurt. Your (all of the posse) words have given so many infertile/adopting bloggers hope and courage to keep going. Fuck her. She's an ass clown.

[Kirsty]

First of all I'd be surprised that they even knew about me but then I'd definitely be hurt and angry.

I don't blog to be popular and I'm sure you don't either, but really, whatever our reasons for blogging, no one likes to be on the end of out and out bitchiness. I don't think you should stop being who you are or change the way you write because of this sort of playground namecalling. Easy for me to say, I know, not having been the recipient of it but I think that the best thing to do is just to shrug your shoulders and walk away. You can always stick your tongue out and curse them in private.

And fwiw, I think you're totally hot looking and I'd definitely do you. ;) Well, if you weren't straight and in South Africa and if I didn't already have a gf, but hey, it's the thought that counts, right.

Oh, and I must say, I'm surprised they think we're all ass-lickers considering some of the stand up arguments these comments have seen.

[e]

I,d probably just dismiss it entirely as the rantings of madwomen (and how could they not be women? only women could be that catty and unnecessarily unpleasant) and ignore it utterly- treat it with the contempt it deserves. I'd be just as happy knowing nothing whatsoever about it. It's like those nasty little girls in the primary school playground who pretend to whisper about you, and who knows? maybe even do, but giggle and stare evilly at you whenever you look at them, near them or in their general direction. I find it hard to believe that some women have not managed to pass the age of ten (at a pinch), but there you go. Takes all sorts. I suppose.

[Lioness]

Wessel dahling, you can nibble my left buttock and my right one ANYTIME.

Also, those anon commenters who have remarked upon the blogger's looks ANONYMOUSLY here, makes me a bit sad. Not very diff from what she did is it, but if you're going to do it, show your face.

[kerry]

Hi
I'd be hurt, angry and upset, but I'd not give them the satisfaction of bleeding/reacting etc... you have more class and that in my book counts for a LOT more. The problem with nasty commentators is they generally don't seem to have much of a life and it's easier to slag off somebody else than develop their own!Sad group, best ignored and I wouldn't bother getting into dialogue with them.What goes around, comes around and they'll be feeling pretty low and a/shamed about their characters at some point. Hand in and take the high road dahling and a wee sip of wino!
sending lots of love
x

[Jean]

I wouldn't worry about it all Tertia, as many commenters have already said its more about her lack of self esteem than anything else. However its a shame that all you 'nominees' should be so insulted in this way
One question, is it just me or does anyone else wonder what she's on about at times? its like a foreign language blog!

[Jessica]

Apparently, every one of the blogs I particularly love is nominated .... which tells me something. As countless others before me have pointed out, this is about jealousy. They wish they were like you, but they aren't, so they try to tear you down. There's a nice fable about a fox and "sour" grapes which hang high out of reach that illustrates that point rather nicely. ;-)

Still, it's hard for even the most confident person to just brush aside such nastiness, and I know I couldn't. I would be hurt, too. But what a very shallow thing to do. Especially trying to pick at people's appearance, something ALL women, no matter how objectively attractive, are sensitive to. Totally low-life. You're a lovely woman with a superb figure and a striking face, Tertia, if your pictures are anything to go by. And you're warm, and kind, and funny ... which is probably why so many people, myself included, read YOUR blog and not the one in question. Love from this proud ass-kisser. ;-)

[RaeAnn]

The thing to remember is that eventually those who are participating in the nastiness will find themselves the target of the very person they were 'supporting.'
You are the bigger person here, and honestly, as curious as I am about that certain site, I refuse to give in to her obvious need for attention, negative or positive.
I love what you write, I love what you share, and yours was the first place I ever felt comfortable enough to comment on. So consider me a loyal ass-kisser.

[Jen]

It just sucks that people are so nasty in general. Can you quickly email me? Ive lost your email and I need to ask a quick question...Thanks Tertia..and Im so sorry that people SUCK

[k]

well, the sad thing is that the owner of the site in question is going through some scary life stuff. i have a feeling that she is not quite as tough as she lets on. and while all of your anger and wrath is totally warranted - and it is easy for me to be mellow, as i was not the target - dont jump on her too hard. well i cant really say why, its just a feeling i have...

[claudia]

Okay,

What would I do? Read it, get pissed, think of revenge then ignore it.

As people have said it before, this person is just angry and in desperate need to empower herself (or himself, don't know may be a shym who is insanely jelous of T)by being cruel and horrible.

T dear, drink a glass of wine (or more) and know you are loved and have a whole posse of women who willingly kiss your ASS!

Now go work on that book so we can buy it, make you rich, and leave thoughts of that other bitter bitch blogger behind.

[amalah]

A few weeks ago I was ripped to shreds (twice!) on another blog whose sole purpose is to rip other blogs to shreds. The comments got so nasty and it basically become a fun little forum for the I Hate Amalah But Still Read Her Everyday So I Can Find More Reasons To Hate Her Club.

I was so hurt. I don't know these people or what I ever did to them, and while yeah, you write on the Internet there's bound to be people who don't like you and they're free to say so...but do people have to get so junior high about it? Do they have to behave in a way I can't imagine any happy, well-adjusted adult behaving?

Anyway, I was kind of paralyzed for a few days after it happened (not to mention it happened during my first week back at work after maternity leave and I was crying every day anyway), because all I could imagine was this anonymous pack of people reading every word and mocking me.

And then I decided, FUCK THAT. They're sad, sad little people and the Internet has been so good to me and my family: from my "ass-kissing commenters" to blogs like yours and Julie's and Julia's and Karen's and hundreds of others. Fuck them. Keep writing.

But don't feel like you should "get over it" or whatever the offenders say. They got caught and are panicking on getting called for the assholes they are. They hurt you, and it's not your job to pretend that it doesn't bother you to ease their guilty consciences. I HATE that.

[Lisa]

I haven't read the other comments so maybe I'm just repeating what others have said- I've been reading your blog for awhile now, and it seems like you have a great life- a supportive husband, two (hard won) beautiful children who always seem to be smiling, and a comfortable existence. You are also a beautiful woman (I don't think you look like a man).

This seems to be a textbook case of 7th grade jealousy.

I'm 27 and I've been trying to stop talking shit about people, trying to reach some sort of higher ground, because it really just makes ME feel bad in the end. I think part of growing up and becoming a "woman" rather than a "girl" is trying to become a better person. I think the women who've done all this nasty shit-talking have some real lessons to learn. I hope they don't pass on their negative energy to their children.

Lately, when someone pushes my buttons, I just repeat to myself in my head, "Be the bigger person." It makes me feel more at peace when others seem to have negative attitudes. It seems to be the only thing to do in this situation. (And if naysayers say that my comment is ass-kissing, then awesome. I'm the bigger person I guess.)

[Janie]

I'm so saddened and shocked, really, to read that you would even for a minute consider not blogging anymore because of this. Any one of us who has ever seen said blog knows that the writer is surely very insecure and sad. (Not that one should excuse such behaviour, but at least it explains it...)

Sweetheart, if you were criticized by a real writer I could understand your hurt, but this is just someone who is v. jealous and is lashing out. Please don't let it bother you any more and realize that she is to be pitied more than anything else.

I haven't read the secret site - I was curious until I read your post and Julia's. I thought it would be like a roast - you guys had even been applauding her in a previous post. I always admired her willingness to disagree in the comments and take the heat for it, but I didn't realize things had gone so ugly so quickly.

So many commenters hit it on the head with the celebrity analogy. Sadly, this is part of being famous. Please just ignore it. We who support you will ignore it, and anyone else doesn't matter anyway.

[Sonetka]

After the shitstorm broke I tried to look out of sheer, ghastly curiosity. I'm glad I wasn't able to read them now, by what others have said.

Here's how I see it:

Often I do disagree with the big bloggers (including you). But we're all adults here. The way I see it, I have three options:

1) Inform said blogger (politely!) of disagreement, offer constructive argument.

2) Suck it up and move on, since I'm an adult. (Usually what I do, unless something really strikes a nerve).

3) Vent somewhere that is FAR better protected than that site was. I mean, for God's sake - telling people in a public entry that she's going to be smacking people around and dropping hints about how "It could be you!" She was waving a cape in front of a bull, that one, so all of this "I didn't think anyone would SEEEEE it!" stuff rings a bit hollow. If she was really unhappy and wanted to vent privately, there are so many roads she could have taken which would have been FAR less prone to discovery - but putting pword protect entries on her regular blog, having the login on the side, talking about it in public entries - that was asking for trouble.

People can say whatever they want to on the web - no blogger is or should be immune to criticism. But that includes those who make it their priority to rip on other bloggers. Cynicism and snarkiness are not Get Out Of Criticism Free cards. So about posting what was written? Do whatever you want. Personally, I would pitch any copies I had and try not to think of it again, but if you feel it would be more cathartic (or clarifying) to post it, go for it.

[Mollie]

slurrrrrp.

muuuunch.

Oh, excuse me, I'm just here to kiss T's ass.

Carry on.

[Sara]

Back in 7th grade, when EVERYBODY acted like this, I remember crying to my mother about how awful someone was being.

and Mom told me, "Honey, you're never as tall as when your foot is on someone else's neck."

That's what crap like this is. Trying to feel better about yourself by cutting someone else down. Pure and simple. The fact that they need to cut you down shows where their own insecurities lie.

[beaver girl]

but her ass is so tasty.

[Susan]

Do good work, get "famous" and people will start to tear you down. Doesn't mean it's nice or should be tolerated, but I think it is a fact of life, a fact of putting yourself out there.

Sorry things got so nasty and your feelings were hurt. Mine would be too. I just hope all the nice things the rest of us think about you make up for the rest....

[Carolyn]

I don't know anything about any of this stuff, but I do know that you have a great blog and that you seem like a great person. People that are insecure about themselves feel the need to tear other people down to make themselves feel better. I like you and I think you are beautiful. If this is kissing your ass, so be it. Ignore them!

[Jessica]

Please allow me to be the 82nd ass kisser today.
Here's what I would have thought had it been my blog vilified like this. (HA! the mere thought of my blog with it's 3 lost visitors a day getting that type of attentiong... but wait I digress)
I would have retreated under my low self esteem rock and hidden there mortified that some people don't like me.
However, when I read this about other people's blogs, I can't help but feel pitty for the poor person who has to build herself up by tearing others down.
You have had over 70000 visitor in the last MONTH. That should tell you something about how people feel about you, not some lame ass 'secret' site where jealous people go to bitch about the people they are jealous about.
Isn't it sad that this is what has gotten her the most hits ever? That must chaffe.
Don't quit. I'd miss your witty writing and view into the world.

[eve]

Wow. Hadn't heard a thing about this before, but then again the cattiness and clique mentality is a big reason why I'm not that active in certain parts of the blogosphere anymore.

I'm actually quite surprised that this has bothered you so much (or appears to have bothered you so much.) Seems like thoughtless people have said so many more hurtful things to you in the past regarding much more important topics, that I would have thought a few juvenile and silly comments would have made you laugh more than anything else. I don't say that to belittle you or try to say that your feelings are in any way "wrong" or misplaced, just to express some surprise. I haven't seen this part of your online persona before - another layer to add to the Tertia we know and love. :)

Personally, having been on the end of a childish attack before (I post pictures of myself on my website, and I found some on another website calling me ugly, etc.), it does sting the first time it happens. But I took it to mean that the internet is not the happy place we always like to think it is, and I personally just let it go. Then again, I am used to that sort of thing from childhood, so I can't say it was a new experience.

I'd like to tell you not to let it bother you, but you're entitled to feel however you want, so if it bothers you, it bothers you. I hope that something positive will come from all this in the end.

[Emmie]

Tertia,
What crap. You know, during all this, it occurs to me that what I appreciate most about your blog (other than the twin-mom-after-infertility-hell connection) is your vulnerability. That is, you're not just a good writer, but you're courageous, willing to say things that might be controversial, that you might get a bunch of crap for. You combine that with a kind tone and a concern for the world you live in, and even if I really diagree with you sometimes, that makes it ok. You, I'd imagine having a lovely conversation with were we ever to meet. When I read Aitch's blog once a long time ago, I thought "I'm not sure I'd so much as want to share a bench on the bus with that woman". She's just a bitter, foul-mouthed, unpleasant person with no class at all. I wonder if she gets it through her scull that the oppportunity to cause other people real pain is nothing to be proud of.
Sorry things got so nasty, but it will pass, and your blog will go on as long as you have that courage. Hey, when I kiss ass, I try to be specific.

[Erica]

Tertia, I'd just keep in mind that if you were truly so awful why would they keep reading your blog in order to know things? Sounds to me like they are a bit jealous of you.... Hang in there and don't let them bug you. I knew nothing of this before you mentioned it and haven't read the link but, I do check in on Julie and you and sometimes I agree, sometimes not. I learn a lot either way. Anyone who hates it here so much wouldn't come back you know?

[Natalee]

I'm going to be big enough here to openly say that it was ME who made those comments about Tertia's appearance.

Was it a really mean, asshole, bitchy thing to do? Yes. But, as I said on Aitch's site, and my own-I would NEVER say that to Tertia in real life, because I do think she's a nice person, and would never deliberately hurt her feelings. However, I *have*, and for that I am deeply sorry. There are times in every person's life where they do or say something they are not particularly proud of, and this is one in mine. I have posted, verbatim, what *I* said on Aitch's site (about T and others) in a post on my site. I have also invited anyone who wishes to come to my site and talk all the shit you want about me, as I believe in Karma, and that I deserve it.

I do not think I'm hot shit, or better than anyone else. What I did was petty, but at the time was not done to deliberately hurt anyone, although that happened anyway.

You wanted someone to be angry with? You've got it. I doubt anyone else would have the balls to come here and admit that they were wrong, and to invite you to come to *their* blog for retribution. I'm inviting you to my blog, not to get attention, but to close this discussion on Tertia's. If hate is going to be vented towards the appropriate person (me), then it needs to be done on my site, not T's.

Tertia, for what it's worth (and I'm sure right now, that's not much), I am truly and deeply sorry for having caused you undue pain. I now know how terribly I have hurt you, and I am extremely ashamed of myself for doing so. I am someone who has posted positive (aka asskissing) comments about you numerous times in the past, and I'm sure you were shocked at seeing what I said. The biggest portion of my shame came when I saw that you had posted word for word what I wrote about you. It was then I knew I was truly wrong, and not only did you know what was said about you, but you knew I said it.

I know it is hard to believe anything I say, but please, take with you the knowledge of my shame, embarrassment, and remorse, and know how deeply sorry I am to have caused you (and perhaps inadvertantly your family) any pain. You have my most sincere and humblest of apologies.

[bec (and Charlotte)]

Hi Tertia,

I don't have time this am to look through all the previous comments so I'm just giving you my two cents worth.

I pity people who are nasty and bitchy, I feel sorry for them. I am (on the whole) a person who strongly beleives if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. Having said that I am no saint!! People who are so nasty inside are generally very unhappy people, imagine having that nastiness festering inside you all the time. Also people that are that awful are usually jealous - actually that's probably the bottom line.

I had a quick look at the site and will never go back there again, it made me uncomfortable - not an easy feat! This is NOT a sucky 'oh you are so wonderful, lovey dovey post' this is my honest opinion.

If it had happened to me I would have been shattered, it's horrible to have somebody be so awful about you, no matter at what stage in life it happens it jolly well hurts often to your core.

Feel sorry for these people they really must have very unhappy lives to be that awful.

Sorry this is a ramble I'm in a hurry to get out the door but had to post.

Like everyone I love your blog (still not sucky still being honest) you often have me in stitches. This obviously enrages some people and fuels their jealousy. I hope this post adds to the ass kissing awards and you come out in first place. Wear that Tiara with pride my friend, hold your head up, stick your boobs out and keep on going.

Love Bec.

PS We are still better at Cricket. WE RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jennifer]

Tertia, reading your blog has gotten me through many hard times and selfishly I would like to say, "Please don't go. We need you."

Call me ass-kissy, but that's how I feel.

If this had happened to me, I would be very hurt and sever all ties to the women in question.

[chris]

Actually, I've always thought you were very pretty.

At first I was angry that this happened. Then I went to her blog. Some people are really hurting, and I think she's one of them. Let her have her little moment of glory. Ignore her.

[Suzie-Q.]

Tertia, my love, the time to start worrying is when people STOP talking about you!
:)

They are jealous, mean, immature assholes.

Mean people suck.

You are still G&D and we LOVE you! Get over it! I would be hurt too and then move on... everything that everyone has said above is correct and true... and i haven't read of word of those other trash blog sites.
I will not.
I don't want to.
I will boycott purposely.... just like i boycott Tom Cruise now!!! hahahaha!
xoxoxoxoxo
Suzie-Q.
On a higher plane with you.

[Lynnette]

I got the gist of it from some of the posts, there. I don't want the private stuff, I can barely stand to read the public stuff. I think that kind of crap is awful. I mean how old are these people? Does this make them feel better? Sad, really. I guess its another case of girls will be girls/boys will be boys. I think its best to ignore it and it will go away, and you will know who your "friends" are. Hmnn...seems like those words might have come out of my mother's mouth 30 years ago...I personally love your blog, and will kiss your ass any time. Keep up the good work, and make time for me in May, please!

[Heather]

I LOVE your blog and I think this woman must be absolutely dreadful to post such things about other bloggers. I was so upset that I felt compeled to blog about it, and I'm not even being attacked (thank goodness, I'm not sure I'd have as much grace about it as you do.)

Anyhow, stay strong. I love reading your site!!

[Lexie]

As someone who went to the site and registered, but did not comment. I am feeling a little shame about the whole thing. When I registered, I did not know that it would be that ugly or nasty. You have gotten me out of a many funk, as well as Julie and Karen. Keep up the good work.

[leslie Sobel]

Tertia-

It makes a strong statement when someone puts as much time and effort into being nasty as she has. Think of all the good, entertaining, productive things one could be doing instead - sheesh! As many have already said - this is 12 year old girl stuff. She's an allegedly grown woman. Pretty sad really. I hope you won't stop writing on her account - it would be giving her more importance than her ugly attitude merits. I read you, Jo and Julia daily and cannot imagine wanting to diss any of you even if I don't agree with everything you all do or say. That's part of why I read you- you have a different perspective on life than I do and an eloquent way of writing about it. It would be a dull world if we were all alike! Some people have such a paucity of imagination that being nasty is the best thing they can think of to do with their time.

[kim]

Wow, unbelievable. Probably jealous as heck cos you are so popular (and slim) and so have to take a swipe at you to bring you down a bit and give themselves a boost at the same time. How old are they anyway? reminds me of the schooldays. Don't let the bitches get to you cos there are enough of us that know you are a good soul and don't believe all that bullshit.

[Y]

Well, I was just informed I was trashed pretty badly. I had no idea any of this was going on. Feel free to PLEASE email me what was said about me if you know, because, I'm nosey like that.

[Kelly]

It's all a load of shit, T. How much of the stuff in the tabloids written about the stars is true?? People love to gossip about and diss those who have achieved something. And you have. Not just this blog, but your beautiful babes too (ass kiss, ass kiss).

Natalee I think it was at least decent of you not to hide behind the cover of anonymity. I'm not sure why you wouldn't say something to someone's face because you respect them, but it's OK to post it. But I think it's great you came out an apologised and didn't hide behind passwords.

As for the asskissing aspect, I think it's a bad name for something there is a tiny bit of truth too. It seems on this and most blogs you get a fan club, the protectors. I notice there is a real culture that it's not cool to disagree, you face the risk of "You stinking whore, Tertia is G&D" even when you're just putting across a difference of opinion and you're not being personal. But it's a free country, and people are entitled to ass kiss if they want to. And I guess they entitled to devote a website to putting down other bloggers. But no that's what I call uncool. Getting personal about someone for a few cheap laughs is low, low, low.

Sorry you're going through this babe/

[alice]

This just sucks.

You're under attack because you're good. Because you're interesting. Because you're happy. And there are mean, petty, small people out there who can't take that, and want to bring you down to their level.

Should you rise above and ignore the whole icky brouhaha? It's easy to say that, but on the other hand, you have the right to share what's going on and how you're feeling. Better that than to stop blogging.

I know the impulse to quit because of a few assholes, but after a while their idiotic contest will become a dim memory, and your blog will keep going and keep attracting more and more devoted readers. Hang in there.

[gingermog]

Hi another arse kisser from the UK. I'd give all the "bitchers" the metaphorical finger. You hurt now, but as you well know this time will pass, and you'll see the perpetrators are saddos who feel unsure of themselves and wanted to make themselves feel better by poking fun at others. Sounds like someones bit of fun, malicious intent or otherwise has got a bit out of hand. Chin up lovely girl. x

[Shannon]

SMOOCH!!!! Big kiss on the ass to you! I love all you guys,read you every day and am writing just to give my support.I don't know this woman who started this,but I have seen her post comments on all your blogs many times.I did visit her site and from what I can tell,it's no suprise she did this.She seems to revolve her life around being a bitch and she seems quite proud of that.I guess she thinks it's cool,but I think it just shows her lack of CLASS.Which by the way,all you great gals have an abundance of.I will continue to kiss all your asses on a daily basis.*MUCH LOVE ALWAYS*