Can’t cook / Wont cook

**warning – this is a ‘2 and a half glasses of wine’ post, so there will be some swearing and not much logical flow. Sorry.  **

I need to elaborate a bit more on the cooking thing.  Or lack of cooking thing.  As I said, I don’t cook.  I can’t cook.  In fact, I hate cooking.  I really do.

Deciding what we are all going to have for supper at night is the bane of my fucking life. I hate it, with a passion. I HATE that I am the one who is responsible for supper.  When I was single, it was sandwiches or take out or wine nothing.

Before the babes, I used to cook v occasionally.  Always two meals because Marko doesn’t eat what I eat (too ‘rabbit food’ / stinky / weird), and I don’t eat what he eats (too bland / boring / fattening / Afrikaans).  I used to make myself a salad or some pasta and I would either make something simple like meat and potatoes, or get a ‘heat and eat’ meal for him.

I hate cooking because I can’t cook. I suck at it, I really do.  But besides that, I am completely NOT at all interested in cooking.  For a few reasons:

1.    I am not very good at cooking.  Some people can taste a dish they are cooking and say ‘oh, it needs a little more of this, or a tad more of that’. I can’t do that.  I have no fucking clue what the dish needs.  This is not a complete deal breaker as I know I could, if I wanted to, follow a recipe and this issue would be solved.  However, ….

2.    I have no ingredients in my house.  I don’t even have staple things like, um, what is a staple thing anyway?  Like um, staple cooking things.  Herbs.  Flour. Whatever.  I don’t have those things.  Every few months I decide that I HAVE to do something about the cooking thing and I go out and buy a whole lot of staple ingredients like spices and butter and stuff.  I then cook for approximately 2.5 days after which I am so irritated / despondent / annoyed that I don’t cook again for months.  The ingredients go off and I have to throw them away.  I recently baked something (I can actually bake, funnily enough) and I found baking powder that had expired two years ago.  I used it any way.  The cookies came out fine.  However, even if I did have all the ingredients, I don’t think I would cook because……

3.    I work.  And the last thing I feel like when I get home from work is standing in front of a hot stove, the very LAST thing.  But of course millions of women do, and that is no excuse so I have to admit that the truth is…..

4.    I hate cooking. It takes time, it makes you hot, it makes the kitchen messy.  Cooking to me is a chore, a PITA.  I don’t get any enjoyment out of it, although I can see how other people would. I just don’t enjoy it.  And even if I did enjoy it, I don’t think I would cook elaborate meals because…..

5.    Marko doesn’t particularly like food.  Both Marko and I would quite happily swallow a pill instead of having to eat a meal.  He doesn’t even really like take outs.  Food does nothing for him.  So there is absolutely no motivation for me to cook for him, because he really doesn’t enjoy eating.  I can, and have, offered to buy/make him whatever meal he wanted and he really couldn’t be bothered.  He eats because he has to.  And I feel the same, although, I will be honest and say…

6.    I have a particularly unhealthy attitude towards food.  I see food as a necessary evil, simply as fuel to keep going, rather than something to be enjoyed.  Plus I have the whole ‘will it make me fat’ thing.  And while I *know* this is all wrong / unhealthy / fucking stupid, and I will do my utmost to make sure I don’t carry this seriously unhealthy attitude towards food over to my kids, the urge to cook an elaborate meal for myself is just not there.  But I know it is not about me, and I have Rose and the babies to think of, but it is still not an urgent thing for me because …

7.    There is good, wholesome ‘homemade’ food available for me to buy for Rose and the babies.  And for the moment, it is easier to feed my family this way.

So you see, not only do I hate cooking, not only do I suck at cooking, but I have all these other reasons making me NOT want to go there.  My poor mother despairs of me.  People get so irritated with me.  They try and make me love cooking, and although I understand how therapeutic it can be, how lovely it can be etc etc, I still really really do not enjoy cooking.  I don’t think I will ever ‘love’ it, I really don’t.  I know it has become a ‘thing’ in my life, almost a phobia, but I really hate it.  And I really think I suck at it.  I have been known to fuck up a fried egg.  That is how bad I am.  Ask Marko!  He’ll tell you.*

But of course I need to make a plan for my kids.  And I will. I can’t feed them jarred food to the babies forever (can I??), so I will have to make a plan.  Rose is more keen on the cooking thing than I am, and perhaps between the two of us we can work out some kind of plan. 

I really do hate cooking.  Sorry, but I do.  And don’t try and persuade me otherwise.  I do not like cooking and nothing you say will make me feel otherwise.  What a stupid idea, this whole cooking thing.  Bane of my fucking life.

*Today Marko sent me a message asking whether he had to pick something up on the way home.  I told him that he and Rose were having mash and schnitzels for supper. He asked who was making the mash and when I said ‘Rose’ he replied ‘oh good’.  Bugger! 

(Wrote this post on Saturday night.  Sunday night I made spaghetti bolognaise as an experiment, to see if the kids would eat it.  Adam loved it!  Yay.  Kate not so much but there is hope.  SOMEONE liked my cooking!)

Comments

[Nicole]

I think this posts makes me understand your position so much more. Because you see, I love eating, hence, I love cooking. Although w/3 little ones to care for I don't enjoy cooking as much b/c it makes more of a mess then I already have. But I'm also lucky in that my hubby loves cooking - so between the two of us we occassionally have a super yummy meal. A lot of the time, though, we just live in our staples, pasta, burritos, steaks, burgers, etc.

But now I do have a question for you . . . what do you eat? Not what do you cook, but what is a typical week of eating like for you? Just curious.

[DoctorMama]

I feel the same way about cooking -- it is SO not relaxing. It's nothing but an annoying chore, and the end result is just something to chew and swallow to keep you going. I actually CAN cook, I just don't enjoy it. (Like you, I do like to bake, I think because I think dough tastes good.) So my husband is in charge of what we eat and how we get it. Sometimes he cooks a bit, a lot of times we get delivery, but we all eat together, which I think is the most important thing anyway.

[Egg Donor]

What the hell is mash and schnitzels?

[Kay]

I could cook if I wanted to. I don't. So, we eat out. Or we scrounge around the house for something that doesn't need to be cooked. Like sandwiches, bowl of cereal, salad.

My husband likes to cook. So, if he feels like it, he will. This isn't very often.

Thing is, I love food. Hmmm.

Don't feel bad for not enjoying cooking. There are lots of us out here.

[21stCenturyMom]

Today's good news - kids don't really like eating, either. You can raise them on the simplest food in the world (pasta, hamburgers, hot dogs, soup and sandwich, scrambled eggs and toast for dinner or whatever the S. African equivalents are) and they are perfectly happy. A little bbq'd or oven baked chicken once in a while and they will think you are a gourmet.

I didn't bother cooking for my kids beyond that because all they did when I made good food was to complain about it.

[Jacqueline]

I could have written this word for friggin' word. Nothing wrong with me; nothing wrong with you.

Our kids will still be fine.

[Em]

I kind of like to cook (sometimes - as a hobby not a 3 x daily chore) but I can add another thing that sucks about it. You can spend an hour (or more!) cooking and no matter what, how long can the meal last? 20 minutes? Half hour? Totally not worth the preparation.

[Jen-Earthchild]

I hate to cook also. I am not someone who can whip up a 7 course meal with nothing but an egg, some basil, and a box of cereal. Some people can and I envy them.

When I was married, I cooked every single day. I made huge homemade meals from scratch. I did have to follow recipes though.

Once the baby comes home and he/she is old enough to eat adult foods, I am going to try the once a month cooking thing. From what I read about it, it is cheaper and a hell of alot easier. You do have to spend one entire day cooking all of the meals, but that ONE day out of the entire MONTH. I think I can make that sacrifice for my kid. Cooking every single day...not sure if that is a sacrifice I can do.

[Jessica]

No good at cooking either. Not talented. Would burn water if water burned. Do enjoy eating well-prepared food though, so that is a bit of a dilemma. Luckily, husband both enjoys cooking and is v good at it. I do the cleaning, which he hates. Win-win.

[Gina]

I believe you because I also hate to cook. I get no enjoyment out of it and it is very messy. I am so-so on the eating. Could take it or leave it. I am grateful that my husband likes to cook and is picky about his food so he cooks. I have to clean up his mess but at least he cooks and has to worry about what to cook. Finally one thing that is not my responsibility.

My BF cooks elaborate yummy food and her son still eats PB&J and chicken nuggets almost every day! LOL!!! I could cook that.

[MamaPajama]

Can you keep Rose as the children get older? Have her learn to cook, and then she can be cook and nanny, with the appropriate salary adjustment. You can spend 1 hour with her a week planning menus, keeping it simple for work nights. It's a bit easier in the winter when soups and stews can be made and plan for meals with leftovers.

Husband and I both work, he has a second job teaching college at night so our meals are a combination of easy fix and some take out. I have today off so will make meatloaf and mashed, gravy from a can, frozen veggies. Should be enough for two nights.

/end of earnestness. Wine for dinner?? That's good. Makes the babes sleep well too.

[Nancy]

Well, if neither of you really like eating then cooking will be hopeless, you need motivation to want to cook and be any good at it!

I'm a pretty good cook but still, when I'm working I don't want to cook either, so you have two strong strikes against you.

As long as you guys are healthy and aren't missing food, then who cares? Good cooking and a love of food just makes you fat anyway. If you don't have it now then you're probably actually ahead of the game.

[toni]

Forget cooking! Seems like you enjoy lots of other things in life. The toddler years are easy - they like simple stuff - butter noodles, cereal, fruit, vegetables, organic hot dogs, rice, cheese ... There is so much good frozen stuff (organic and non).

I like to cook - but hate to CLEAN. I abhor cleaning the kitchen, so I avoind it and then it becomes a disgusting place and it takes hours to clean. This is not something to beat yourself up over.

[Melissa]

A crockpot/slow cooker can be a life saver. It takes no talent, time or effort beyond throwing everything in and walking away. Soups, roasts, chicken breasts, pork chops, any meat really, tossed in with veggies makes for a simple meal. There is also no hot stove to contend with.

[-Blue]

oh dear god I wish I had your 'unhealthy attitude toward food'! I love food, I love to cook, and - unfortunately for my arse - I love to eat. Why why why couldn't I be like Tertia? *sob*

-Blue

[Suzie-Q.]

I lurve baking, but, oh what it does to my hips!
I like cooking, but, also have a problem with how much energy, time, etc. it takes to put into it and how fast you are done with it.
Totally not worth it.

[lisame]

OMG! I wanna come live with you! I love love love to cook. Fortunately, I'm great at it. Bad news? I tend to over cook - as in, we have thousands of extras all the time. Just today I made Jambalaya (froze the extras in plastic labled containers) and chicken manicotti. Dave takes all the extras for lunches. Which is good. I also, send frozen extras with his ex wife when she picks her their son after the weekend. They love it but oh how I would love to have a group to cook for every day! An empty freezer is just a dream. I wanna feed the world.

[Hope11]

I felt the same way, exactly, and then I read Nigella Lawson's "How to Eat." Truthfully, it is just a good read about being a busy wife and mom and teaches you how to shop. There is also a great section on feeding kids easy, wholesome, healthy stuff and another section with the easiest, super healthy and simple meals for weight loss/maintenance/"girl food" that you may appreciate.

I used to have no idea how to keep a fridge and pantry stocked so we weren't constantly calling for take out, and I would freak out when we had to have guests over, especially after a long day at work. But this book changed my life...pathetic, I know!

For example, she teaches you how to roast a whole chicken, which before would have grossed me out or sent hives upon my skin. But as she explains, all it entails is rinsing it off, rubbing with olive oil, putting half a lemon inside it, and sticking it in the oven for an hour or so. Who knew?

I totally support you in your cooking boycott, but if you're interested, Nigella's tricks made my life a whole lot easier. Also saved me $$$ and made it easier for me to eat for weight management/food issues. You don't have to love cooking, but you will probably be doing it a bit more as the kids grow, so I thought I'd send my big plug for this book like a big dork.

[Mainland Mum]

I feel exactly the same way. I admit, I was sort of hoping that motherhood would somehow make me interested in cooking; it didn't. We're big fans of the cold plate and fruits and veg. at my house--and take-out pizza (you know, for balance!). No scurvy yet. I've ruined eggs, too, something I take a rather perverse pride in. And I don't think your attitude about food is totally unhealthy. Food should be seen as fuel, I think--not just something to be enjoyed. In North America, too much of the latter attitude has gotten us alarming rates of ill health!

[victoria]

Wow. That was intense. I had no idea anybody could feel that way. It's like something out of Oliver Sacks's The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat. It's like that part of the brain that is interested in combining pleasing odors, colors, tastes,textures,and temperature is just missing in your head. Like you had a brain injury or a tumor or some weird disorder or something.

I mean, I totally get the thing about not having enough time or energy & not wanting to get fat & how it makes the kitchen hot & messy -- we all have that.

What I don't get is the idea that you could never enjoy any aspect of cooking at all, under any circumstances, even if you had a beautiful spotless stainless steel commercial kitchen air conditioned to remain at an ideal temperature complete with a fleet of sous chefs and maids to do all the scut work and clean up and shopping and chopping and scrubbing and sweeping and mopping and cleanup for you . . .

What I can't get my head around is that it is the ACT of cooking itself and not the peripheral annoyances that you hate, that just totally blows my mind.

You enjoy other creative things, don't you? I mean, obviously, you enjoy writing this blog . . .

[Laura(southernxyl)]

I agree with Em about not wanting to spend a whole lot of time preparing something that is eaten in a few minutes, then having to wash up. So I'll take a fair amount of time making a big pot of beef stew or chicken soup that we'll keep in the refrigerator and reheat a bowl at a time, or a medium amount of time making fried rice, half of which will go for leftovers for another meal.

I buy family-sized ground beef things, make patties and put them in the freezer, then it's pretty quick to cook a couple of hamburgers. Slice some onion and tomato, or saute some onion and mushrooms, voila.

Don't want to stand around in the kitchen, either, when I come home from work, but if I don't or he doesn't, then somebody has to go out and get food every day. And at the end of the day both my husband and I want to go into our house and shut the door.

[kim]

I'm a bit crap at cooking too. I lived in loads of flats and couldn't be bothered - there was always a mess in the kitchens and I couldn't be arsed with the dishes. I also was in London and they do wonderful bake in a box - Marks and Spencers, Sainsbury's etc. I can even fuck up a recipe - but have managed to fluke a few O.k meals too. Funny thing is I could make exacty what my friend makes using the same ingredients etc but it cam out tasting different to hers - hers yummy, mine like shit - so i know what you mean and how deflating that can be. I used to slave away trying to make bolognese but discovered sachets of tomato bolognese (that you add to the cooked meat) - yummy and so have never looked back. I am originally from N.Z and have spent many a time trying to make a pavlova but the amount of times I've ended up with a sticky blob! I attempted to make macaroni cheese and a pavlova for guests once - the macaroni cheese was a gooey blob and the pavlova a sticky blob. We ordered pizzas! So, i can sympathise and you're not the only crap cook out there.

[Erin]

My problem is I love eating and I love cooking--but I fucking hate cleaning up. Supposedly J does the washing up after I'm done. In reality, I cook. Three days later (amidst continuous nagging), I need those dishes again and end up washing them right before I use them. Pisses me off no end. We will sometimes go for days without actually cooking a meal in there while I wait for him to give in and clean up. You'd think that after almost 7 years of marriage, I would have learned better than to expect this to change.

I second the slow cooker suggestion. Just throw everything in and walk away. And you can get the ones that go in the dishwasher, making cleaning up really easy.

[Liz]

I can totally understand how you dispite cooking. When I was working, with a hubby and our first child. I couldnt stand cooking. Like you, it was the last thing on my mind when I got home from a day of working. Luckily hubby got home earlier than I did, and he did most of the cookings.
While on maternity leave with our 2nd child, I watched a lot of "Food Network", since I stopped working, I had more time on my hand. So I tried out a few simple reciepts (simple meaning, nothing takes more than 30 mins). I found myself actually start to like to cook. Just simple dishes, but absolutely no baking, especailly from stractch. THe thought of cleaning blenders, pots, pans alone make me want to gag, not mention a completely messy kitchen.
I think one of the reasons I started to like to cook was hubby. He always gives me compliments on my cooking, even in the beginning, when it wasn't so great.

[stubbie]

it really does take all types!

i love love love to cook, and luckily for me my girlfriend a) loves my cooking and b) is much cleaner than me and so is happy to do the washing up afterwards. it's a perfect arrangement!

[Linda B]

Lots of people work and then go home and make a full meal but that doesn't mean it is an easy thing to do! After a full, tiring day at the office, in traffic or wherever, sometimes just trying to think of what to cook can be too much effort.

I enjoy cooking but mostly on the weekends or when I have a day off. I try to make pretty simple dishes on workdays, like some sort of pasta or just steak and rice.

In terms of your kids eating jarred food, I'm sure it's ok as long as they continue to like it. My daughter stopped liking jarred foods around 1 year, so we just started to feed her what we were eating. She mostly likes noodles and rice. Ah, carbs.

The one thing I noticed about keeping her on the jarred, smooth foods for too long is that she has issues with things that take longer than 4 seconds to chew up. If I give her a small piece of meat, she'll chew it up and spit it out w/o swallowing. I think she gets impatient and doesn't quite jive on the concept of chewing to break the yummy food down and eat it! So, i would just make sure to incorporate some chunkier textured foods to your kids when feeding them jars. Or who knows, maybe my baby is just picky and I am making this all up?

[cc]

hey tertia, i learned this from my mother (who had 4 kids and was a full time doctor all our lives) - if you suck at domestic stuff, pay someone to do it and don't feel guilty. mum hated cooking & housework so she outsourced it, first to various people and then when we were older to us kids.

why not pay rose a little extra to cook some meals & leave them in the fridge for you to heat up? she'd be happy for the extra cash, you'd be happy for the homecooked food and there would be no stress or guilt.

[L.]

My husband says I have no right to say, "I love to cook." He thinks that the only people who have a right to say this are obsessive-compulsive gourmets who love cooking so much that they want to spend every waking hour doing it. Obviously, this is not me -- so the homemade meals I make whenever the mood strikes don`t count for shit, according to him.

But he eats them.

[Elizabeth]

OMG! I almost never comment (read you every day though) but I had to for this one. I could have written your post almost word for word...except that I don't even work so I have even less of an 'excuse' not to cook. But everything else...including the stress over what I am going to feed my 9-month-old when she needs 'real' food...

I frequently go days just eating microwaveable food, take-out (sometimes healthy, sometimes not-so) and CHOCOLATE.

[Elizabeth]

PS - fried eggs are HARD.

[Heather]

I totally feel your pain!! I SUCK at cooking!! Plus, I don't eat hardly ANYTHING!! I could suffice on Pizza and Mac & Cheese with a few hot dogs thrown in for flavor!! Oh, and PB&J. Basically I have the menu of a toddler to five year old. So my attitude has always been, why cook it if I'm not going to eat it?

Luckily my husband cooks. And he LIKES to cook. So when we have kids I will make them eat with him (HeHe, I say this like it will be easy. Most likely I will have to attempt to eat something "outside my box" or they will be just as picky as me!!)

[Jen109324038]

To Jen-Earthchild:

My mother and have had a lot of success in sharing the monthly cooking routine. Between us we have 4 crockpots, and then we also usually make something in the oven and a soup or two stovetop. Then we divide everything up, and it works out really well. It's also much more fun this way. We don't do this every month, but enough to benefit.

[projgen]

Oy, I SO hate to eat (I hate to eat, I don't hate food) and hate cooking. Although I can cook eggs (barely), I can't cook anything else worth beans. I once ruined a pot and a spatula. I somehow cooked the spatula? I prefer soft, mushy foods that don't need much chewing, but I have no idea how to prepare them.

BUT! I also can bake - my husband says it's a left brain/right brain thing. You need to be anal to bake.

There are places where I live that will put together a week's worth of food for you: they make all the dishes, you take them all home and toss them in the freezer and all you have to do is heat them up. It's homemade food, just made by someone else. Much healthier than box food or take away. Maybe look into that? If there's no place like that where you are, maybe you can pay your mum to do the same?

[Joey]

I am the same as you - well, not quite so much a pathological hatred of cooking, but no time, too hard, too messy, can't be bothered.

BUT, for the sake of your kids you have to make some sort of arrangment. I'd be happy to eat a pill if it filled me up, taste doesn't excite me. I eat to live. But I think kids need to grow up with a healthy attitude for food, and cooking, and they can't eat the jars forever. I'm lucky my Mum cooks a lot of interesting meals for my kids, but I try to do a bit of extra really easy cooking on the weekend, or buy good quality pre-made food. As some of the others have said, pay someone else or pay Rose extra.

Worrying about 3 meals is a PITA, but it comes with the Mummy territory. Don't stress if you hate it that much - outsource!

[Wylie]

Cooking isn't a talent, like being able to fold your tongue three ways. It's a skill (or an art, if you're really good) that you develop. It can be boring, bewildering, tedious if you are trying to make works of art with no idea how to use a paintbrush.

Me? I love food and started watching the food network. The more I learn, the better I am, the more I enjoy it.

Not more than five years ago, I was an awful cook. I only made the minimum requried to eat and that was never a square meal. There was even a year I lived on rice and popcorn. . .

[Orenda]

Please excuse babbling. It's very late here and my brain is shutting down.

I love cooking, but even I only love it when I don't HAVE to do it. I think one of the biggest stresses with cooking is just figuring out what to make. That, in my mind, is the big draw of "convenience" food. It's often not a whole lot quicker than making healthier food from scratch, but you don't have to think about it when you get home from work. Would it make it any less daunting if you made up a schedule in advance so you already knew what you were planning to make when you got home and had all the ingredients on hand? I'm terrible at this personally, but you seem better at the organization than I am. If you don't care much about taste, there are a fair number of cookbooks out there based on things like all recipes having four ingredients or less or taking under 20 minutes to make.

There are some great in-depth books out there on really learning how to cook if you decide it's worth it. The problem is that like any textbook, they tend to be thick and on the dull side (especially for someone who's not interested in the subject.But knowing the basics of how certain foods react makes cooking SO much easier. When things go wrong you have an idea of how to fix them, and you're not stuck following a recipe exactly.

On Food And Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen, by Harold McGee and Cookwise: The Secrets of Cooking Revealed, by Shirly Corriher are on the long and pedantic but fabulously informative side. The former is pretty hardcore and doesn't include recipes.

I'm Just Here For the Food: Food + Heat = Cooking by Alton Brown and What Einstein Told His Cook: Kitchen Science Explained are supposed to be much more pleasant reads, are shorter, and have a much stronger emphasis on actual recipes. I've never used either, but they've been on my wishlist for a while.

Cooking is a handy skill to have, but if you really can't stand it I don't see anything wrong with buying premade food or paying someone else to do it as long as it's healthy. The kids can always learn to cook from someone else, but they'll learn to make healthy choices by watching you.

[Coral]

one, send Rose on a cooking course.
two, love the polls!!

[cath]

being someone who commonly burns RICE, im with you all the way.

it amazes me that you seem to read my fucking mind.

although, yes i do cook just about every night (never used to - before Cameron it used to be one night on, one night off and m would cook - not sure what happened there!) I would happily, happily, happily, hire someone to cook for us. in fact, if i had it, i would pay large sums of money for this.

and fried eggs? fuck the only eggs i've ever fried are my ovaries.

[Kez]

I have also fucked up fried eggs. Admittedly it was sorta on purpose so hubby would never ask for breakfast in bed again. Did the same with his cricket whites - totally failed to get the red stain out of the bit where they rub the ball on THEIR balls and I've never had to do it again.

The kitchen - you failed to mention the kitchen. I think a timely photo would convince above commenters you shouldn't be allowed in the kitchen.

Gotta go - son is screaming for dinner. Thank Gawd he's still on microwaved formula!

[paola]

OK. Sounds to me like you need to make learning to cook a project. ANYONE with a basic level of intelligence and two hands can learn to cook, it's a skill like any other - everything else is just excuses and you've never struck me as an excuses kinda gal ;)

Get yourself Delia Smith's 'How to Cook' books. They are aimed at the COMPLETE beginner and are fab with detailed instructions and lots of explanations and pictures.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0563384301/qid=1140515872/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_2_1/202-3446027-0006252

Nigella's 'How to Eat' is also good, but the next level up, I think, and Jamie Oliver's books are full of quick and simple recipes. Watch cookery programmes - they are full of excellent tips.

Aim to cook, say, one night a week at first (stops the menu preparation paralysis which is the most difficult part of cooking). Learn to roast a chicken (I know I keep saying this but it really is the easiest thing to cook, the house will smell wonderful and you will feel like a domestic goddess.) Marko can have it with a jacket potato, you can have it with some roasted vegetables, even the twins can eat small pieces of chicken breast with their fingers.

Get Marko in the kitchen. The Husband and I prepare the evening meal together and chat about our days and I'm hoping the Minx will join in when she's old enough.

The twins should be coming off jars already. They're too smooth for babies with lots of teeth.

I'll go away and stop nagging now... :)

Pxx

[Vannessa]

Cooking? Yuk, hate it. Eating though, love it. As I am also a terrible cook this is a problem. My husband can make nice food if a) he is home on time(practically never), b) he has the energy (practically never) and c) he has the inclination (ditto). But in the interests of health and saving money, I do try and do some cooking. Most of my meals however are the quick and easy type as I get home at 5pm and then it is bathtime for kids, then homework time for son (which still requires fair amount of supervision) plus have to make food quickly as son is starving. It used to be wonderful when he was at creche as they always gave healthy food for lunch so I did not worry too much but now at aftercare all they get is sandwiches.

So, supper for him is often fish/chicken fingers plus frozen veggies (cooked of course - in the microwave) and Smash (instant mash). For us I do the same except use fish or chicken which can just be thrown into the oven for a while. Or instant pasta. I found I don't really like the taste of most of the instant meals which you get or else you have to buy 2 boxes.

I have also been feeding my daughter (9 months) jar food but she has a very sensitive mouth and the sister at the clinic advised to try and get her eating home made food as well as soon as possible in order to desensitise her. I think I must send my nanny on a few cooking lessons. Really, really , really hate this cooking thing.

[paola]

PLEASE don't use instant mash. It's only close relative is wallpaper paste. It's so easy to microwave a potato in its jacket (it will take around 8 mins depending on the size of the potato and the power of your oven but cook until soft) and then scoop out the potato and mash with butter and milk, or olive oil, or creme fraiche or cream cheese or... (I love mashed potato).

No wonder you people don't like eating if you eat such horrible food.

I'm not usually so sanctimonious but I'm actually finding it rather sad that all you non-cooks and your children live like this. T. I'm going to email you a foolproof recipe for roast chicken and dare you to try it...

Pxx

[Bookworm]

Can very much relate to the non-cooking - I also have burnt eggs and melted pots! My saviour was a book called 'How to Boil an Egg' by Jan Arkless - which LITERALLY tells you how to do basic stuff like boil an egg the way you like it! Most of the recipes are also pretty quick and don't call for really fancy ingredients. My cooking is slowly improving and the better I do the more fun it is. I now make the occassional Jamie Oliver recipe (gorgeous!) and also stuff from the Avoca Cafe cook books (anyone who likes baking will LOVE these books). Haven't mastered baking yet though ....

[jenny]

I wish I had your problem. I love to cook and I love to eat. I probably spend almost as much time thinking about food as I do infertility. I am always hungry.
I can relate to doing something you hate everyday. The way I feeling about driving is the way you feeling about cooking. It is the worst part of my day and I wish I never had to do it.
Bookworm is right, the "how to boil an egg" book is great, I bought it for a friend and it is her kitchen bible.
There are alot of great suggestions here so I won't bother repeating them all.

[Cory]

I personally love to cook and eat (being Italian, it's a way of life, lol) but I can totally understand why someone would hate it. Okay, maybe not the eating part, but definitely the cooking part, lol!
Cooking isn't for everyone!
I love to cook, but I detest baking, and am terrible at it.
I think a lot of people are either good at one or the other...even a lot of professional chefs.
As for tips...I saw someone mention a crock-pot above, and that IS a good idea. Although, "stuff in a pot" (as my sister calls it, lol) can get old after a while. However, they just came out with these new liners that actually go into the crock pot, so there is no mess AT ALL to clean up now! Not sure if they have them there in SA, but they are by Glad...they make baggies and plastic wrap and stuff.

[Dani]

Tertia, I sounded exactly like you up until about 5 years ago when I only had one kid eating solid foods and two still on baby food and formula. I love all types of food and I am usually willing to taste new foods but DH is not and is v v picky. I not only was a horrible cook and despised doing it with every fiber of my being, but I found myself only keeping the bland and "safe" foods around that DH would eat. Once the two little ones started eating solids I realized that I could start buying the things that *I* liked to eat without feeling like I was just indulging myself, because I could share with the little ones! Now, I have my 11 year old that eats the most plain, bland, hum-drum foods and turns his nose at anything new or different, and a 5 and 6 year old that will eat almost anything and try everything at least once. The two little guys will also opt for the healthier foods when given a choice. I firmly believe that exposure to a variety of foods regularly, and at a young age, makes for less picky eaters. That just my opinion, of course.

I'm still not a great cook (I don't really desire to be one, either) and I still abhor doing it, but I'm slowly finding short-cuts and idiot-proof ways of cooking a variety of foods that are healthy. With three growing boys that are already eating me out of house and home, I too need a plan.

When it comes to what I have in my pantry... it's not much of anything too exciting. I'm not a herb/spice user because, like you, I can't say when something "needs" something and know what that might possibly effing be. I rely on the foods themselves to be tasty enough without drowning them in something that masks the taste. Less chance of me destroying something that way, too. ;)

People mentioned cookbooks but I'm surprised no one mentioned "Cooking for Dummies" ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764552503/103-9805397-9842266?v=glance&n=283155 ) which is as basic as it gets and can be quite funny, as well.

In a separate email, I'm going to send you some v v easy (ie: idiot-proof) 3 or 4 ingredient meals you can easily use, or pass along to Rose. It's stuff that the babes would even be able to eat now, or very soon.

Thanks for being so open and honest. You finally answered my question of, "WTF do you and Marko eat???". :)

[Orange]

I'm with you, T. I know I have to feed the kid, but fortunately, he loves ramen noodles!

[Andrea (tessit)]

Tertia, I absolutely love to cook. So I cannot understand you and think you are tetched. However, in the spirit of open-mindedness, I took your post almost verbatim and changed the topic of cooking to a topic that is the bane of my existence: scrapbooking. I have friends constantly trying to drag me to all-night crops and scrapbooking stores and conventions and making me look at their cutesy flower laden scrapbooks, and it all makes me want to shoot myself: to me all that is a waste of time. So I guess I can understand how much you hate cooking when I compare it to how much I hate scrapbooking.

Here's my rendition of Tertia's "I hate cooking" post applied to scrapbooking:

I hate scrapbooking because I can't scrapbook. I suck at it, I really do. I am not at all interested in scrapbooking:

1. I am not very good at scrapbooking. Some people can look at a page and say, "Oh it needs a border here and some cute cut-outs shaped like clouds there". I can't do that. I have no idea what the page needs.

2. I have no scrapbooking tools. I don't even have staples. I do have staples, actually, in a stapler. And scissors that I either cut raw chicken with or cut loose threads on clothes. And some white-board markers. And a dried-up stick of Elmer's gel glue. That's the totality of the craft supplies at my house.

3. I work. The LAST thing I want to do with my spare time is hover over a page of manilla paper with scissors with a scalloped edge cutting out ladybugs or firetrucks or sticking letters on a page that say "Bobby's First Bath!!!".

4. It takes time, it gives you calluses, it costs money, and it makes any flat surface messy. Organizing our family photos to me is a chore, a PITA. I don't get any enjoyment out of it, although I can see how other people do.

5. DH and DS are never going to sit down and pore over a scrapbook and say, "Oh, remember that sweet day when DS was a baby and I was mowing the lawn! Aw, how cute!" They don't care. They really don't care.

6. I have an unhealthy attitude towards anything crafty. When DS brings home math or reading homework or a science project, sign me up; let's do the best job in class. But when we had to "decorate a box for Valentine's Day" last week, I was ready to slit my wrists. It was torture. I don't care if DS gets an unhealthy attitude towards scrapbooking. Just watch, he'll probably marry so pro-cropper and she and I will hate each other!

7. We can look at our pictures on the computer and edit them to make us have funny faces and crop out strangers walking by and it's more fun than looking at a 4 pound scrapbook on your lap.

8. My mother does despair of me, because she made her wedding dress from a bag of cotton balls and some white rocks she found in the woods. I understand that scrapbooking preserves memories and all that crap, but do not try to make me like it. I do not enjoy it. It makes me want to rip my eyeballs out.

[victoria]

I just reread this post, and I think it DOES leave open the possibility that you would enjoy cooking if the peripheral annoyances were removed. Whew. Good to know you don't need to see a neurologist. :-)

[Jen-Earthchild]

Thanks Jen109324038!!!

I love my crockpot and think I will get another one and try out this 1-2 times a month cooking thing!!

[Renee]

I hate cooking. It makes me irritable. However...I love to eat. I LOVE food. When something is really good, I have been known to get up and do the I Love Food dance. It really bugs me when people tell me that I hate cooking because I haven't given it anough of a try, or that it is because I am bad at it. I can follow a recipe, I have cooked before on several occations and it was really good. Only... I lost my appetite and was grumpy all night. Believe it or not, crockpot cooking still fits in this category. I also hate cookbooks. Why can't that just be ok? I'm usually very easy-going but you'll notice the very subject of cooking makes me cranky. Luckily babyfood comes in jars, and I'll stretch that one as long as I can, because really, Skyler would rather have a happy mommy and store-bought food than a grumpy one that makes her meals that don't only comprise of cut up blueberries, grapes and beans from a jar:)

[Laura]

Andrea(tessit): that was hilarious! But what, pray tell, is an "all-night crop"?

I was totally cooking-averse for years, and it's still not my favorite thing to do, but my husband developed Type 1 diabetes three years ago and I felt like we needed to start eating healthier and more regular meals. I never learned the basics and I have yet to master keeping the mysterious "staples" on hand (was just emailing with a friend about this today, in fact). I learned to cook by getting out the cookbooks, picking things to make (easy things--few ingredients) for a week, writing down all their ingredients, buying them at the store, and making them. Lather rinse repeat. It turned the shopping and cooking into a research project each week, but I like research, so that was okay with me, and it got me over the sense of not knowing where to start. Through repetition, certain things have gotten easier--I am better at cutting up vegetables without nicking my fingernails, etc.--and I have figured certain things out, like how long you can leave meat in the fridge without needing to move it to the freezer (forgetting to defrost meat is my cooking nemesis). I am slowly, slowly developing the ability to improvise.

Again, I still don't love cooking but I have managed to see it as an accomplishment, another skill I am mastering, and that motivates me.

[Judy]

I am not a cook, but I am a poor - v v poor - mama who has learned how to throw things together for a meal. And, if the family doesn't like it, they can wait for the next meal!

We eat LOTS of peanut butter here. I'm v v good with that!

[Lisa]

I am right there with you! I suck at cooking and I would rather scrub toliets then cook. But the number one reason I will never get divorced......my hubby after working all day comes home and cooks dinner for me everynight and cleans it up and a huge plus...he is an excellent cook. Now if thats not the best thing in the world for someone who sucks at cooking oh and one more cool thing..he doesnt complain about it ever!

[Jen]

Oh, Tertia, I know how you feel! More than anything, it is a sense of being overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at the supermarket, at the array of ingredients, at the plethora of cookbooks, cooking programs on television, at the variety of ethnic cuisines...how could we hope to get it all down? Tertia, you don't have to cook, but you have to have a PLAN. Sounds like spaghetti went over pretty well for dinner. Well, from now on, make Monday night spaghetti night. Stick with the same sauce, or do a simple tomato one to see if Kate likes it. Back in the old days, before women were made to feel woefully inadequate without a mountain of recipes, cookbooks, and fusion cuisine repertoires, women cooked the same things week after week and did NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. My dad hated Fridays because it was liver and onions night. Kids love eating the same (healthy!) things over and over, and once you get a one week plan down, you only have to re-think it if and when you feel like it. And if you cook a large piece of meat on, say, a Saturday, then Sunday is Whatever We Had Last Night Made Into a Sandwich Night. Good luck, and you are so blessed to have someone like Rose to help you out.

[liz]

Nu? So don't cook if you don't want to.

If you want your kids to know how to cook, bake with them. Or buy Pretend Soup and learn along with them.

[z.]

I was expecting to see a photo of the burnt kitchen again.

At least you know you do not like cooking because you do not like to eat and you are aware is not a healthy attitude towards food so you won't pass it along to the babes.
My mom didn't have the time to cook so she used to pay my great-aunt. She would come home one day and make food for the entire week. Two or three dishes plus a couple of soups. That way, I could come home after school and eat by myself. Paying someone to do it is a good solution.

[Minna]

Tertia, I'm with you on the cooking thing. I can't cook. Just can't. But I'm pretty good at baking! :) Anyway, my husband's dog is a spoiled a-hole. If HE eats my tomato sauce, then I know I've done exquisitely well. Mostly he doesn't but there's been a few times that His Highness has found my tomato sauce edible. He always eats the sauce if my husband cooked it. That bastard! The dog I mean...

["wishIknew"]

Tertia,

THANK you for being so bold and honest.
I have been feeling guilty and bad about myself for my lack of cooking.
It really helps to read your post and others to know I am not alone and to not beat myself up about it. (at least not so much...)
I am also an "eat to live" not "live to eat" person.

Dh just tried out this place here called "Let's Dish" - it is the place another posted talked about where they prepare all the food and you just collect it in bags and then take it home and freeze it until it is time to cook it. I don't eat meat/poultry and he does so now he has a bunch of chicken dishes to try. Maybe they have something like that near you - don't know what it would be called but here is a link to our local version. http://www.letsdish.com/

Thanks for continuing to boldly putting yourself out there.
(sorry for whatever BLOG stuff was going on - didn't really follow that)
You have many fans,
'wishIknew'

[Neda]

Cooking is like chemistry and I flunked chemistry in high school :) Scrapbooking is like cooking, except that everything is pre-made pre-cut with no additional flavoring of your own.

[SandraD]

Don't like scrapbooking? This site does all the work for you. If you can put a picture on a page, you're in.

www.hipstertots.com