Time Out

That’s it. I’ve had enough.

Sorry, but even an asshole like myself can take so much crap before it starts to become just a little unpleasant.

I know you get tired of me apologizing all the time – but I am not apologizing this time. 

I have nothing to be apologetic for. This is me, this is my life, this is my opinion, this is my world, my blog. If you don’t like it, then move on. I am not perfect, I have never said I was, I have never pretended to be any other than a normal, flawed, trying-my-best-in-my-world human being. 

If what I have to say upsets you, please do yourself a favour and don’t read my blog. Really. Why put yourself through all the angst if I upset / annoy / offend / irritate you so much. Just don’t read it?

If you want to disagree with me, please do so!! I have always welcomed all points of view. But really, there is a respectful, grown up way to say things. Lets have a debate, a discussion; lets not have ugliness – is that really necessary? And you know when you are being deliberately nasty, when you are trying to get a dig in. Does it feel nice to try and hit where it hurts? Leave you with a sense of satisfaction? How does it make you feel inside?

Then, if some one does disagree with me, or even if a troll does a nasty drive by, please don’t be nasty back. As much as I appreciate the sentiment, I really can defend myself. Most of the time I just let it go. Other times I will mail the person privately and we will discuss things civilly. Please, no name calling, no commenter bashing. What is does do is discourage people from ever disagreeing with me – how will I ever learn that way? Imagine a world full of people just like myself – how horribly one sided and narrow. Please allow people to disagree with me. And also know that not every one will like me or what I have written – that’s ok. I’m a big girl, I can handle it.

I have only ever deleted comments twice, once a long tine and one today. Both times was when the commenter had something nasty to say about someone besides me. Say what you want about me, but I wont stand you saying any thing nasty about any one else. 

Armchair critics – the world is full of them. It’s so easy to point fingers. How comfortable are you with who you are? How comfortable would you be sharing your thoughts and views with strangers? Would you be able to tell the world how you really feel inside? 

Look, I fully understand that this is an occupational hazard of blogging – you go public, you get all sorts of interactions. You ask the question, you should be prepared for all types of answers. And I am. Which is why I ask the questions in the first place. It is my style, I ask questions, I like debates, I engage in conversations. If you’ve raised a dissenting view, have I ever told you that you were stupid / a bad mother / an idiot / vain etc? 

But just as in my real life, where I wouldn’t put up with people attacking my character, or any one else in my life, I wont put up with it here. 

I blog to engage in conversation. I want to converse with you, to debate, to talk, even to disagree. I honestly don’t have the time or energy to have a fight. What the fuck for? It’s a fucking blog for goodness sake. It’s not about world fucking peace or something of any great significance. It’s a journal, about my life and my world. You’re welcome to participate, you’re even welcome to disagree with me, you’re not welcome to attack me or any one in my life.

If you think I am bloody mad for doing Botox – say “Tertia you tired old ‘ho – are you bloody mad!! I would never do it”. I’m happy, you’re happy, we are talking, disagreeing, conversing and not an ounce of nastiness. See – easy. 

Anyway, forgive the rant, I don’t want go on and on about this, I know how boring it is to read. I’ve just really had enough of the melodrama. 

What is about the Internet that brings out the worse in people? 

I’m tempted to close the comments – because I don’t want more melodrama, or more commenter bashing. But I wont – I trust you ;-)

End Rant.

Comments

[Amy]

I started a response yesterday and deleted it because I was so farking mad at some of the responders. You hit the nail on the head with your entry today. Some people just need to BLOG OFF! Sounds like things on the IVFC boards when I used to visit them...anyhoo, hats off to you T for being so G&D and trusting those of us who love you and need you to help us through the dark days.

[cyndy]

delurking here...

Tertia...I haven't been reading the comments, pretty much because I knew it probably was gonna be a free-for-all - I wouldn't do botox, mostly because I HATE needles (the epidural during the birth of my daughter was a big deal for me...I wanted it, but couldn't stand the thought of the needle in my back...I did get it though!) You do what YOU want, forget what everyone else says...it's your life - live it to your G&D best!

As for the trolls, ignore them and eventually they will crawl back under the rock from which they came!

Going back to lurking...love ya!

[Kateri]

Fuck them, Tertia. You are fabulous. And brave. And all kinds of good things.

[Bridgette]

Very well said Tertia. It makes me so mad when people get bashed for writing in THEIR blog. Its your blog, and you should be able to write your feelings and thoughts without nastiness. If someone doesn't like it, fine. Go away. No one is holding a gun to their head and forcing them to read.

Write on T. I will keep reading.

[Andrea]

I didn't read the comments yesterday. Damn! I hate it when I miss the train wreck.

Why other people are so concerned about what we do to our own bodies I don't understand. There are SO many more important things to get fired up about - wish they could get fired up about something productive and beneficial, instead of beating up a lady who wants to look better. Sheesh.

About Botox - wouldn't do it, BECAUSE: I don't think Botox treats any of the problems I'm concerned about. Isn't its main effect reducing the vertical lines betwixt your eyebrows? I don't have those. I have horizontal lines on my forehead, and my face just doesn't look as tight, uplifted, and perky as it used to. It doesn't sag or wrinkle, but when I compare it to younger pictures, I can tell. I don't think Botox fixes that either. In fact, I'm not sure what Botox fixes besides the vertical lines between the eyebrows. Can anyone clue me in?

My dream surgery would be something to uplift my boobs. They aren't terribly saggy yet, but what I wouldn't give for a nice tight rack with righteous cleavage. I think showing cleavage where it shows saggy boobs mashed against the skin, ala Whitney Houston or Kirsten Dunst, is SO gross looking.

[Angelia]

Tertia, You are G & D. I love to read your thoughts from botox to babies. Now while I may not agree with everything you write. You are entitled to your opinion as I am mine.
Keep on blogging sister! Dont sweat the petty things, and well dont pet the sweaty things either.

[esther]

A-men, sister.

When I was reading comments from the first post, I read one that was questionably disrespectful...like, one could decide because of the tone that perhaps the writer didn't KNOW that she was coming off the way she did--or maybe she was just an a-hole.

But then the insults directed at her from other readers in reaction to her post were clearly ugly.

I'm not sure which is worse.

But I'm really glad you addressed it.

[Rosemary Grace]

You know what's funny? Everybody manged to get through discussions of race, and even abortion and "when life begins" in a fetus...then we get into cosmetic procedures and the fangs and claws come out.

What's up with that? Was everyone saving the vitriol from all of the tricky discussions to vent over something that should have been a bit of fun?

Good for you, Tertia, for telling us all to calm down!

[Moxie]

I haven't read you in awhile so I missed this whole brouhaha. But I have some cents to add in:

1) No opinion pro or con on Botox.

2) Definitely do the braces. I was told by my dentist that I could get the braces or wait until my teeth were so crooked I had no option but the veneers. The thought of having my real teeth sawed down to nubs so faces could be put on them just creeped me out (not to mention that veneers can be glaringly obvious). So I went for the braces. I got the old-school, all-metal ones, which are both least expensive and also work fastest. It hurts when you first get them on (not really the process of application, but when the wire first connects--ouch) and it was very painful for the first week. I think the shock to my system threw me into depresson for the first week or two. If you know about it ahead of time you can deal with it, but I was so blindsided I was truly miserable for about 10 days there. But then I sometimes even forgot about them. And now they're off and my teeth are nearly perfect and I feel like a bad-ass and am sooooo happy I did it when I did.

3) For people with bad underarm perspiration, try Certain Dry. You apply it at night and it stops perspiration. You'll probably have to do it every night for a week, but then once or twice a week can maintain your status.

4) I can tell from one of the photos that Adam's clogged duct hasn't opened and that eye looks a little smaller than the other. I just wanted to let you know that my older one's eye was just like that (and my second one's eye is currently just like that) but within a week of the "operation" (they knock him out and poke open the duct--I'm guessing in SA they do it at around a year like they do here in the US) his eyes were even and a year later I couldn't even remember which eye had had the plugged duct. So if you were at all worried that Adam's eyes would be asymmetrical from it, don't.

Kisses.

[Luann]

fuck em all Tertia!!! Don't you HATE mean people? What is the point of taking the time to say something nasty? Do they get off on it? like I told you before. i'm too sensitive...so I shut my blog down completely due to nasty, opinionated people.

Oh and BTW. I have my baby now! He's 7 months old and cute as a button!! We'll know in 6 months if we'll be able to adopt him. Please keep your fingers crossed!!!

[Blondie]

Dammit, I have to wait out a hurricane and I miss all this?? I saw the posts but wasn't able to really comment because my electricity was spotty.

I say, fuck them all...your body, your peace of mind and YOUR happiness. I don't have anything negative to say about any of it except I hate it when the online world gets all junior high... Some people just need to get a life and realize that we're priveledged to be able to read about your life in general...I love the view I get from your side of the world.

You're G & D, as is Rose, Marko & especially, those beautiful babes of yours!!

[Orange]

Tertia, you tired old ho! (You said to say it.)

Does Botox work on ass wrinkles?

[Chris]

Wouldn't it be great if those nasties put all that energy into something worthwhile? (I've got plenty of closets they could clean out for me - help them get rid of some of their aggressions).

[Louise M]

Tertia, it is your body,do what you want. Personally, I don't buy the "God given body" thing. God gave us our souls, our parents genetics gave us our body, and what we do with it during our life is up to us. The sex of each of us was decided by which sperm swam the fastest to find the egg (or if a petri dish, got injected), at that moment, our genetic make-up was decided. Short, tall, blond, brunette, green eyes, blue eyes, early gray hair, balding at 30, you name it, these are things we have no control over. We all have free will, the choices we make in life will affect our bodies (smoking, drugs, suntanning, whatever) but it is still our free will. Why should you not try Botox. It is your body, your decision. Is it life threatening or harmfull to anyone else? NO!!! Good luck Tertia, hats off to you for trying something different, can't wait to see the before and after pictures (with the "frozen" smile hahaha, you old bat!!!)

[b]

wow. it wasn't me this time was it? i swear, i've cleaned up my attitude, i haven't knowingly been obnoxious in MONTHS.

of course, i haven't done a public comment in months either, but whatever it takes, right?

remember what you say in your intro? if you can't play nicely here, play somewhere else?

block their ip addys. if/when they send you an apology you can post publicly vowing to never be evil again, unblock them.

oh, and by the way, thanks for unblocking mine. MOST kind of you!!!

much love!

[21stCenturyMom]

The reason people get ugly on the internet is because on the internet nobody knows you're a dog

[Dan in MN, USA]

Tertia,

Screw the haters, grrrrl. If you want to get a boob job (of any sort), or botox, or a full-on suite of cosmetic surgery, that's your business (OK, and Marko's too). Not anyone elses, which I am sure you know.

Enjoy

[wessel]

I didn't read that entry or the comments so don't know what the heck is going on, but I still say "you GO, girl!"

All I know is that if they came up with a cure for cellulite, I'd probably sell my firstborn son to get it.

Uh-oh . . . does that make me a bad person? :-)

[Lisa V]

I missed whatever the dust up was, but sweetie it's your blog, and I agree say what you want. It's nuts that people think its okay to judge your choices about your life. I love you and most everything you say. And I what I don't I keep to myself.

[wix]

tertia, i haven't read the comments (we were just dealing with pre- and post-hurricane stuff here, so i've been out of bloglandia for a while), but i would like to go on the record and say that while i wouldn't be interested in doing what you're doing, i absolutely see no problem with you doing these things. i think you're beautiful and you don't need any 'work', but if it's something you're looking forward to and want to do, then i hope none of the grief folks are giving you has diminished your joy.

[Nicole]

So, are you going to post the before and after pictures? :)

[Suzie-Q.]

Pictures please?????
BTW... nice to see you anti-apologizing for a change. :0
xoxo

[blackbird]

shall I quote my most recent email to you?
okay.

"fuck em"

[Mamachristy]

wessel - If selling your first born for the cellulite cure makes you a bad person, I certainly won't tell you here! :)

[Camille]

Of all the assanine things to quarrel over.... botox?????? Eh? I don't get it. Let's talk about religion and politics to cool things off a bit. Gawd. I'd do it if I had the cash. I'd also find the miracle answer to my stretch marks, get all the jiggle sucked out of my ass and thighs, and get a boob hoist.

[Rayne of Terror]

what if you got Botox for your ass wrinkles, then couldn't poop right? Boy that would be embarrassing.

[Mollie]

Here's one thing you and I definitely agree on: you are an asshole.

xo

[eve]

I soooo love the way you wrote this post, I want to use it as a terms of use/disclaimer for my own site!!

I'm sorry to say that I no longer read the discussion/comment section on this and several other blogs for this exact reason. (So I have no idea what this brouhaha is all about). There's so much negativity in the comments sometimes. For the life of me, I can't understand why people post negative things about someone, about their blog, about their decisions, or about other commenters. I understand why people dissent respectfully - because we're all unique and different and expressive - but negativity and name-calling and attacks? No, I don't get it.

I wish that commenters could follow the classy and graceful example led by blog authors like you and disagree respectfully or disagree disrespectfully OFFline. Just my .02. :)

[serina]

Who's been upsetting our Tertia? I, for one, am dying to hear if Botox works, hurts and is worth doing. We own nothing but our bodies when we are born, so what we do with it while we are alive is pretty much up to the owner. Personally, I don't like being served by waitresses with eye/nose/lip jewellery, but I figure, it's HER face, who am I to judge? Who cares what I think?
Keep writing, and bugger the rude bitchy people out there!

[Jo]

I've only just discovered blogs, didn't know what they were a couple of months ago. Maybe I'm just an arsehole, but I thought they were about people sharing their own lives, thoughts, opinions - for others to read. Maybe comment on. But good Lord, getting abusive because of something you CHOOSE to read (no-one's forcing anyone here). Crikey. Clever people know how to disagree, how to debate. Stupid people think insults are clever retorts.

Not worth wasting key strokes on, really. Forget 'em, maybe if they are ignored they will disappear up their own bums.

[e]

Tertia, you old ho', I completely farkin agree with you. :)

[Amber]

I haven't read any comments, and missed whatever happened. But I was thinking that maybe you wanna do botox just for the needles, you are probably going thru withdrawal since your cycling days could possibly be over.

I know some days, just for the heck of it, I grab a lupron needle, and slam it into my thigh.

xoxox

[Ellen]

I don't know what happened, but there's enough bad shtuff in the world. And T, if you wanna have Botox it's not anyone else's body. Speaking of which, I've begun to lie about my age and the crow's feet are starting to further define themselves.

[Blue]

No time to read all the comments, just wanted to let you know I think you are G & D! Thank goodness someone around here says what she means without apology (or insult to others).

[sheilah]

Hmmm...I thought I'd read the comments...didn't see what the brouhaha was all about. Guess I am just clueless...

Oh, by the way, Tertia, you ARE a tired old 'ho and you are DEFINITELY bloody mad!

I wouldn't do botox, but that is just me and just now (I think I look okay for an asshole). You do whatever you want to your G&D body.