When the babes were first born life was pretty chaotic. We had no routine besides the one set by the babies themselves. Looking back I think I was actually a little scared of them. I would put them to bed for the night and wait with anxious trepidation for them to wake up again. I was scared to take them out of the house. What if they started screaming? I was scared that they wouldn’t eat enough, I was scared that they would get sick. They seemed so fragile, so vulnerable. Their crying used to make me very anxious. I felt overwhelmed, exhausted and scared shitless to be honest.
Fast-forward to today, and life is so so much easier. Somehow, along the way, chaos has given way to order. We have a routine. It works for all of us. I put them down at night and I am not longer scared of what the night might bring. Things don’t seem so overwhelming, so scary. If they cry (and they WILL cry some or other time) it is fine, we will sort it out. If they don’t drink their entire bottle, that is fine, I know they are getting enough through out the whole day.
I am not sure when this change happened, when I stopped being scared of them. It was probably a gradual change, although the six month mark does seem to be a watershed time.
When you have your first child, every thing seems so overwhelming, and to be honest quite damn scary. And when you are in the middle of the newborn stuff it seems like a never-ending onslaught of scary stuff. People tell you ‘it gets better’ and you cry out ‘WHEN?’ You find it hard to believe that this bundle of need will ever be like those other happy babies you see. Six weeks they say, it get a bit easier after six weeks. SIX WEEKS! You mean I have to live in this scary state for SIX WEEKS? It seems impossibly long. You feel like you can’t manage another (sleepless) night, never mind six bloody long weeks.
And then, before you look, six weeks has gone by, and it *is* a little easier. The next milestone – around 3-4 months, it gets a little easier still.
For me, the big change was around 6 months or so, once the babies start entertaining themselves for a bit. You can put them down with all their toys and they can amuse themselves for 15 mins or so – pure bliss!
And I have to admit that things took a quantum leap forward with the sleep training we did. It was a huge turning point in our lives. The power balance gently tipped from the babes to me. It is amazing how it has permeated through the rest of our days and nights. Adam has two good naps a day now, he is a different child – happy, friendly, well rested, lively, talkative, interactive etc. The child was probably so sleep deprived. Ironically, Marko says he still doesn’t believe in sleep training. Even though Adam is probably the poster child for sleep training. No, Marko believes that it was just coincidental – things would have suddenly gotten easier at this magical mark of 6 months, 3 weeks and 5 days.
And it just gets easier and easier. Sure, there are some things that become more difficult. Their little personalities start shining through, along with stubbornness, wilfulness, temper etc, but it is so much easier for me – because I am no longer scared. If they cry and yell – it is ok. You’ll sort it out and they will stop.
I am absolutely loving this stage. The babes are so damn cute. It really does get better and better. Although I find it hard to believe any thing can top this – this is just so divine.
It is for this reason that I am a little sad I wont have another baby. I want to go through the newborn stage armed with the knowledge that it is not forever, that it will get better. I want to see past my fear and enjoy those hectic first few weeks.
You know, it’s weird – you all told me it would get better, that is just the first few weeks that are so hectic, and yet I didn’t quite believe it. I think that no matter what any one tells you, it is just so shocking to become a first time mom that you aren’t quite sure that you don’t have the one child in the universe that will always be that way. It must be so much more divine the second time around?
Looking back at the pictures of the babes when they were brand new, I can’t quite believe they were ever that small, that fragile. They grow so damn quickly.
I am starting to feel like a seasoned mother now. And it feels great.