Should I make more of an effort?

I have touched on this subject before, quite a while ago.  (too lazy to link the earlier post).  It’s about wearing make up.  On weekends.

See, I am a real before and after girl.  I can look v gorgeous and divine ‘after’ but even I must admit my ‘before’ look is pretty scary.  When I go to work I dress up and look quite G&D.  I have to as I see clients.  So by the weekend I am so sick of make up and dressing up that I go uber casual.  No make up, sweatpants etc.  Not so G&D.  It is only due to some sense of decorum that I remove my slippers.  Only joking.  (Would love to wear my slippers to the mall, imagine how comfy)

This weekend I went out and saw a few people I went to school with, dressed up the nines, full make up, smart clothes, matching shoes etc.  Sometimes I hid away and other times I thought what the hell.

My thinking is that underneath all that make up they also look like me.  When they wake up in the morning they don’t look like that.  And this is me.  This casual, no make up look is who I am. 
 
I HATE wearing make up and dress up clothes.  Comfort is key for me. 

BUT…  should I be making more of an effort, if not for me, then for my husband?  Or should I even be doing it for myself? 

Should I care what I look like?  Should I make more of an effort?  My sister is also a before and after girl and she looks gorgeous when she goes out to the mall.  I am sure she feels gorgeous too.  Maybe I am missing out on something?

My mother says I should make more of an effort.  She is never without lipstick on. 

Damn.  When I was younger this was NOT an issue.  Bloody old age. 

Comments

[Nicole]

T, I'm like you a before and after girl. I am a SAHM, so I don't have to get all dressed up for a workday. However, sometimes for myself, I do put on some nicer clothes and put on lipsitck with my makeup.

Maybe you could tone it down for the weekends? Not nearly as much, just a touch so you have some on, but it's not as much as normal wear. I do this, I'll put on foundation, powder (combo evens out the skin tone) a bit of blush and mascara, no eyeshadow. So, I still look a tad made up, just very light.

Also, lip gloss instead of lipstick to lighten it up, but still adding a touch of color.

You can do it. It may take some experimenting, but it will be worth it.

You're G&D no matter what you do, Tertia!

Nicole

[susan]

I know what you mean. You shouldn't HAVE to wear makeup to keep your guy interested, but...

I always said I wouldn't become one of *those* women...the ones who, upon becoming a mom, immediately abandon the "lover" role, the chiquita bonita who entices her man to bed. These days I'm so exhausted from just trying to get pregnant, I can't imagine finding the time (let alone the inclination) to put makeup on if I had twins to take care of.

In the end though, I DO feel better about myself when I've had a shower and put on some nice clothes and a bit of makeup. So, I guess I'd do it for me.

On the flip side, what's Marko doing for YOU, darlin? Is he contemplating body hair removal, some highlights perhaps? Amazing what we go through for them, when the thouht to do any such thing for us would never occur to them, eh?

[e]

Make up! Urgh! Never touch the stuff. I go for the clean, natural, as healthy as possible, look. Keep that panstick far from me!
Armpit hair is a different matter.

[Slim]

Back in the days when Bo Derek was the subject of many a male fantasy, she and several other women were interviewed about whether they were 10s. And all these gorgeous actresses and models were saying, "Oh, no no, I'm a 9/I'm only an 8/blah blah blah." Then Bette Middler came on and said, "I'm about an 11. I'm a happening girl."
You, my dear, are a happening girl, and that's what's so G&D about you, makeup or no.
I guess you could throw on a little lipstick and some nicer track pants if that would make you feel like you were doing something nice for yourself or Marko. Me, I'd rather be comfortable so I can feel G&D even if the rest of the world wonders why I'm wearing that baggy sweater out in public.

[beth]

I would ask Marko what he likes. My boyfriend actually prefers it when I don't wear makeup.

[Egg Donor]

Makeup, Schmakeup. I own no makeup, and while I'm younger and am not opposed to eventually using, I'm very anti women feeling like they NEED to do it - especially to "keep their husbands interested". After all, it's not like you never get dressed up and look nice. A husband who would lose interest because his wife doesn't doll herself up on the weekends is not a husband worth having.

[lurker delurking]

I don't own makeup much less wear it. My bf doesn't care and would actually rather I didn't. Most men I've spoken to feel the same way. The armpit hair is another story! Do what makes you feel good. And I cannot imagine you look anything other than G&D at all times ;)

[VHMPrincess]

Recently, I realized that I only dressed up for other people. My poor hubby only ever got to see me in old flannel pjs! And he's the one I care most about! (remember, this has been going on for 3 years, my son is 3)

So the past couple of months, I've been making an effort to find and wear nicer clothes (still totally casual) on the weekends, and do my hair. I never wear make up anyway, so that's not an issue. I found some totally comfy stuff, that looks better than my old flannel pj pants! And I think he appreciates not having to look at the hag version of me! And I feel better about myself too!

[asil]

This is one I struggle with as well. I love not wearing make up, until I catch a reflection of myself and then I feel bad for my husband!

I often get asked if I wear make up, so apparently I don't wear much! On the weekends, I occasionally omit the eye liner, but if I'm going to put the rest on, what's one more step?!

As for dressing, I'm super casual, and so is my husband, so at least we match! My problem is that I'm the most casual/relaxed dressed in my group at work. I often wonder how it reflects on me (my boss is suit and heels every day), but I just can't make myself dress up like that!

So, should you make more of an effort? If you want to do it for you, then yes. If you're feeling guilty about it because of something your mother said, then hell no! My mother doesn't understand why I don't wear more make up or carry a purse, and I can't understand why she drowns herself in her perfume! You do what you're comfortable with.

[j]

I almost never wear makeup any more, even to work. I was never a big makeup girl, but I always wore it to work, felt naked if I didn't. But that was the 80's/90's, when I also had to wear a skirt/suit to work every day. Pantyhose, the works. I admit, I've let myself go a bit. Honestly, with twins and a toddler, and a full time job, I just don't have time. Getting out of the house on the weekend is such a lengthy project that I have no time for myself. You know your husband better than any of us do. If he is happy seeing you look gorgeous and divine all week, and whenever you go out, and doesn't care if you are comfy on the weekends, then I'd just go ahead and be comfy.

[stephanie]

LOL...I've been in a no makeup phase, even to work, for awhile now. But I do notice that it can help me feel better about myself when I do go that extra step. What does Marko think?

[Ninotchka]

I'm not a fan of sweatpants. Switch to stylish yoga type pants with cute t-shirts (not tents), trendy jog suits (you know the type - cute hoodie and yoga style bottoms) and find yourself some really great jeans that are AS comfortable as sweats and boom, you'll be G&D anytime. I don't wear makeup on the weekends and my hair is up in a ponytail 99% of the time but as long as I'm neat and clean and have cute jeans and tee's on (with my ghetto fabulous sneaks), I feel and look good. If you dress frumpy, you feel frumpy.

I totally get what you're saying though. I see so many moms dressed to the nine's early in the morning dropping off their kids at school. It's like a damned fashion show. Give me a break!

[ManhattanAnne]

I think Ninotchka has it right. The trick is to strategize and find clothes that are simultaneously comfy and G&D. I find I don't feel nearly as self-conscious about the naked face if I've got on some cute exercise gear. Suddenly, it's a look. Cause, who wears makeup to exercise? Even if all the exercise you're getting is walking through the mall ;)!

[beth]

i can only tell you my take on the matter. it depends on my mood. although, i don't think i'm a B & A girl so much (not that makeup isn't an improvement; i just don't look all that different w/ it on). some weekend days i feel like wearing a nice shirt, makeup, showering. other days i'm wearing my rattiest pants / t-shirt, the hell with showering, makeup? don't make me laugh. it's all about how you feel.

i do have one rule, though, about weekend dress: i have nice jeans and i have ratty jeans, and if i want to wear a nice shirt, i wear the nice jeans and nice shoes, but...i ALWAYS wear jeans on weekends. i'm not allowed at work, so weekends are jeans-only.

[Leigha]

I have to say, as the mother to a four month old baby boy, I, too, have been going the casual route lately. I do get dressed up and made up for work, but on the weekends I've been a purely casual girl - no makeup, track pants and a t-shirt, and the hair...well, it's usually in a clip or a pony tail. Either way, I'm not all that fancy schmancy.

But lately, I've realized that I need to do this, not just for my husband, but also for me. I just feel better when I know that I look pretty. It doesn't have to be office wear - a nice pair of capris and a comfortable button down shirt will do me just fine, and I look human. Or a pair of jeans and a fitted t-shirt, along with makeup and jewelry, makes me look human again.

And it's not like it takes me that long to get the makeup on in the first place - fifteen minutes at the most. So, I've been making an effort, and my husband has been letting me know that he appreciates it. And it makes me just feel better all around.

[Samantha]

Yes, you should put in the extra effort on the weekend for your hubby and yourself. Don't dress to the nines or put on as much makeup but go simple and pretty. I suggest you go to your favorite makeup counter and tell them you want a "weekend" look. Not much makeup just a little to make you sparkle. You have beautiful eyes so I dont think you would need much at all.

[Judy]

Sorry - not much help with this one - I threw out all my makeup about 8 years ago and have been going fresh and clean (with a moisturizer) ever since. It took some getting used to, but it is now a part of who I am.

A couple of months ago, we had church directory pictures made, and I got some little makeup samples from my Mary Kay seller sister-in-law to look maybe a little dressed up. Those are the worst pictures I have EVER taken. Probably because I put on the makeup and after 8 years of NOT doing it, I'm a little out of practice!

Do what makes YOU feel comfortable, and get Marko's opinion, too...my DH actually prefers me this way...no makeup-ish taste when he kisses all over my face! LOL

[Tracey Dixon]

I'm very much a before and after girl too.

But, I hate makeup and NEVER wear lipstick. However, without makeup, I tend to look very washed out and sick, so I wear eye-makeup to work.

I too have wondered the same thing as you... should I put more of an effort in on the weekends for my husband? I'd be happy to stay in my pj's all weekend.

[Ute]

That's a hard one... What's your husband's opinion on this? Would he like you to look "G&D" on weekends too? If not - who cares?

[Brandi]

I NEVER NEVER NEVER wear makeup on the weekends. Like you I doll myself up on the weekdays when I have to go to work so I just want to relax on the weekends. I don't care who doesn't like it honestly. The people at the grocery store can talk all they want :)

[Cricket]

I only wear makeup if I have a zit I want to cover up. Pretty ironic to look better whilst trying to camouflage PMS-y acne.

[Rhonda]

Hi T,

I think it is important that you feel good. I have always been a jeans and t-shirt/sweats, etc. kind of girl after work and on weekends. I, too, hated dressing up during the week. Now that I am a SAHM I never dress up and found that I was feeling rather frumpy. A sign in the local mall summed it up: "Your clothes don't have to scream Mom, you have kids for that." I also like my husband to see me looking nice. He does not like makeup but I have to wear a little--that old age thing. I wear a light foundation, bronzing powder and a light blush. I feel comfortable that way. I have also found other clothes that are both comfortable and stylish. My husband definitely appreciates it. I think it is as important to dress for him as it is to dress for myself. We have a mutual respect that has kept our marraige wonderful for the last 7 years.

My mother never leaves the house without looking fantastic, regardless what she is wearing. She always said that people respond to you better when your dressed well.

Let us know what you come up with.

[Rhonda]

Hi T,

I think it is important that you feel good. I have always been a jeans and t-shirt/sweats, etc. kind of girl after work and on weekends. I, too, hated dressing up during the week. Now that I am a SAHM I never dress up and found that I was feeling rather frumpy. A sign in the local mall summed it up: "Your clothes don't have to scream Mom, you have kids for that." I also like my husband to see me looking nice. He does not like makeup but I have to wear a little--that old age thing. I wear a light foundation, bronzing powder and a light blush. I feel comfortable that way. I have also found other clothes that are both comfortable and stylish. My husband definitely appreciates it. I think it is as important to dress for him as it is to dress for myself. We have a mutual respect that has kept our marraige wonderful for the last 7 years.

My mother never leaves the house without looking fantastic, regardless what she is wearing. She always said that people respond to you better when your dressed well.

Let us know what you come up with.

[Wendryn]

I have never worn makeup, at first because I was allergic to so much of it and then because I don't like the stuff. My boyfriend prefers it that way. I'll wear makeup on stage because otherwise I fade into the background, but other than that it doesn't happen. I wear nice clothes to work and look quite nice when I'm there. If I leave the house I always make an effort to look nice, but at home I wear what we refer to as "frumpies" and so does my boyfriend. If people come over with no warning, they get to see us in sweats. My boyfriend has no problem with this.

As long as you look good when you need to (with or without makeup!) I don't think it matters what you wear when you don't need to look great (as long as it's decent, of course) as long as you feel good wearing it.

I agree with several of the other people - what does your husband think?

[Anonymous]

I have to admit that I really didn't dress up or do much makeup until baby was 6 months. Just too busy and enraptured with him. But after looking at pictures of me with him and realizing how much time I was going to spend in Photoshop removing the blemishes and under-eye circles and editing the funky hair and clothing issues, I decided it was actually faster and easier just to make sure that I wore something I wouldn't hate to be photographed in and put some coverup on. I can always Photoshop in some color to my cheeks or change the color of my nursing shirt so it doesn't look like the same five over and over (though it is!) DH of 9 years thinks I'm G&D no matter what I wear!

[Terri]

Hey T!

Since becoming a SAHM I've totally forgotten how to dress up. I do dress up when we go out but around the house I'm in yoga pants and baggy t-shirts. I do wear makeup but very little compared to what I used to wear when I was out and about.

Do what makes you happy. A Happy Woman is a great wife, mother etc.

[Manuela]

Oh... I SOOOO hear you on this one... I am the definitive before/after girl. Before girl has invisibly blonde eyebrows, non-existant lashes, large muddy under-eye smudges, and a clear and smooth overall complexion... that sadly... resembles the colour of Philly cream cheese.

So... my nails are always done, my eyebrows are always plucked to a perfect arch, hair is always removed in the appropriate areas... BUT... My weekday routine is drastically different from my weekend routine. Monday to Friday (or special occasions) is the full-on high-maintenance act complete with sexy shoes (well... as sexy as I can get away with in a strict corporate environment), skirt, blouse, jacket, expensive but discreet jewelry, a good watch... I generally strive for modern lady-like. Come the weekend??? Oy... I live in a black velour track suit and bare feet... make-up?? Not a stitch. It's what makes me feel relaxed and comfortable... it's what I need to refuel myself for the upcoming week ahead. My dh? He's one of those rare breeds that actually thinks I'm g&d ALL the time... and I don't even think he's lying.

Besides... who am I fooling?? He knows what I look like under all that gilding... so to have to put on all that stuff just for him?? That would make me feel like his love and appreciation of me is dependent on how I package myself... and that just wouldn't fly for me.

After all... my love for him isn't based on how often he shaves, whether or not he puts gel in his hair and applies a bronzing-moisturizer... So why should it be any different for him?

But that's just me!

[Heather]

See, I'm on the fence. While I agree that you shouldn't put the makeup on FOR Marko (He should love you no matter what, and I'm guessing he does, and you weren't even implying that..), I know, IMPE, I've ALWAYS felt so much better about myself even just dabbing some lipgloss on! All you really need is some mascara, and a dab of lip gloss, and you're set! :) But then again, I've never had to deal with makeup, a job, baby twins, and what ever else! LOL! I think you're doing a marvelous job Tertia! Just do what you think is best for you and Marko, and the babes!

[parodie]

I am generally a "natural" girl... I don't wear makeup unless necessary. However, I do occassionally dress up on weekends just to run errands for two reasons: 1- it's fun, I feel better, there's something psychological about putting your "best foot forward" so to speak (but it's only a reasonable outfit, no makeup or anything too uncomfortable) 2- if I want to be taken seriously (I look very young if I don't put some thought into my wardrobe, and there are times when I would rather vendors didn't think of me as a highschooler just hanging around when really, I'm not!).

Just my 0.02$.

[korin]

I'm a before girl. all the time. Make up for me is occasionally lipstick and mascara. OCCASIONALLY.. meaning 6x a year. Hair? Long and straight. never 'done'.
it's not that i'm lazy... (yes it is) it's just that I'm naturally this G&D!

[Sarah]

I've always been a "before" girl, and felt like--to borrow a phrase from my mother--a two-bit whore whenever I went for the full-on "after" look. But sometimes I'll still put on makeup when I remember that I do live with someone who presumably cares about how I look. (Same goes for the grooming downstairs, if you know what I mean.) Sometimes I'll also just throw on some mascara and lipstick to feel better about myself, and while every feminist bone in my body hates myself for it, it really works. G&D is on the inside, after all. :)

[katie]

Your mother would love my mother. She is always telling me to put lipstick on. So, even if I am not dressed up, I put lipstick on and comb my hair. I too love to schlepp around in slippers and ponytails. Ponytail is key as hair is way greasy. Yep. I know, I gross even myself out. Pedicures are necessary now though becauses the weather is warm and the shoes are open. Gotta get a pedicure. Shaving the legs seems important as it is shorts season. I hate shaving. I love smooth legs, but hate the effort. Makeup is a necessity any time I go outside, because I need sunscreen. There's spf in my foundation. I'm fair skinned and want to keep my pelt from looking like leather.

Of course, right now I am sans makeup, lotion, hair is in a band and I am wearing nikes. In short, I am comfortable.;)

[katie]

I find it funny, reading the comments, that I dress up more on weekends than weekdays. I am SAHM so I don't have to go out during the week. I do go to church and maybe out for a date on weekends, so this is when I pull out the stops: hair, makeup, ironed clothes, jewels, you name it. It makes me feel beautiful. I do it for me, and for the praise I get from others. So true. I love the praise of others on this one.

[Kim]

Don't go changin'...to try and please me...

[JenH]

Argh! My mother-in-law sounds just like your mother! She always has lipstick on too. She says "it was her upbringing and she can't help it." Sounds to me that she needs a little C.A. (Cosmetaholics Anonymous) therapy.

I say be comfy except for a few good events per year!

[Angie]

Hmmm....I might wear make-up once a week to work. I do dress to the nines for nice occasions or when I feel like it. The rest of the time I am ME...what you see is what you get. Do what makes you comfortable. Just my two cents.

Angie

ps...no one complains about my appearance - very often!

[Crystal]

Well, I personally could give a crap about what others think about my non-make-up-wearing self. My husband's opinion is the one that matters to me, and he doesn't care if I wear make-up. He says I look G&D without the make-up, and I just look extra special with it (I personally don't think he can tell the difference, ha!). So, I go without unless I know there are pictures being taken, or when I go to work (I do care what people who pay me think!). I figure it's good to give my skin a breather!

[Lisa C.]

My job is a techie gig in a locked room where we can't come in contact with customers unless they break in, so it's pretty casual here. Which is good, because I don't dress up for anything. I think I look terrible in dress up clothes.

I don't wear make up, I can't shave my legs very often because of a skin condition, I spend all my time at home in PJ's... and my husband loves me just the same. I used to get all worked up because I thought I wasn't "pretty enough" for him. The truth is, as I finally figured out, he really doesn't care.

So if I were you, I'd ask Marko if he cares, and then work from there. Don't project your own insecurities onto him, and then try to please him, because it won't work.

[Rosemary]

I'm trying to be all modern about this and I would dearly love to say that I don't think it matters what you do. But, I can't. I admit it. I'm one of those girls who gets out of bed and gets straight out of my pyjamas.

I no longer own any sweat pants, only yoga pants and I always like to have fitted clothes on. (ie t-shirts that come near my waist and hips, rather than billowing like a tent). I don't actually wear make-up much, but I always like to have clean, brushed hair and clean, brushed teeth. It just makes me feel better.

I went through a bout of depression, and long after I came out of it, my husband said how much more he enjoyed coming through the front door on the days when I had managed to shower, wash my hair and put some fresh clothes on. He said that it seemed to make me feel more attractive and worthwhile.

So, do it for your self esteem, but don't feel you need to wear makeup too. Do it only if it makes you feel good.

Thanks for writing each day. I really look forward to my daily Tertia fix.

[MollieBee]

It took me a year before I could even fathom getting gussied up. I think you're doing pretty damn good lady.

[RainbowW]

fuck clothes. just be naked. marko certainly won't mind, and your kids won't know the difference. ;-)

[Karla]

I totally subcribe to the idea that putting some effort into one's appearance makes a world of difference psychologically. But I have a new baby myself, so my looks are not necessarily first on my mind. When I'm home alone all day with my 2 month old, I look like shit on a hot plate, but before my husband comes home I put on some mascara and powder and fix my hair a bit--I don't exactly look like a supermodel, but at least I'm presentable. I do slob around the house in shorts and a t-shirt--I don't have the energy to be one of those soap opera women who clickity-clack around the house in heels and tight skirts all day long. But at least I look passable.

My husband is a great guy who claims he loves me either way, but I don't want him to stop looking at my as his lover and start seeing me as someone's mom. I'm sure that will come with time whether I want it to or not, but I'm going to stall the process as long as possible.

But then again, I don't have two babies to juggle, just one. I might have to rethink things if I had two.

[Moxie]

I wear lipstick every day when I go out of the house, and half the time inside the house. Picked it up from my mother, who picked it up from her mother. My grandfather was always so proud to be married to a woman who always had her hair looking neat and wore lipstick. She knew she got taken more seriously (part of being pretty and short is not being taken seriously, apparently) when she was looking "polished," as she calls it.

So, there I was in the first few months of motherhood, boobs leaking, spit-up all over my T-shirt, but still with lipstick on. One has to draw one's line in the sand somewhere.

[Kate]

I'm with Nino. Invest in one of those cute velour yoga pants/hoodie sets. I live in those 99% of the time.

As for weekends, I told my husband I'd do full hair and makeup if he shaved and didn't wear a baseball hat.

[Laura]

Too funny! I'm the same way. I look so different with vs without makeup that I get kind of embarrassed when people recognize me when I'm out and about without.

Sometimes I don't even bother with a shower on weekends. Aaaaaaaaaah! Relaxing.

[MomSquared]

I'm with the other women who never wear makeup!
It's icky.
But I would also ask Marko. Or I would pick one weekend day to get done up and one to be lazy. That way Marko knows that you will get done up for him and not just your work people.
I know I get a little annoyed when my husband only shaves/showers/etc when he's going to work. I like it when he does it for me, too.

[Ceanne]

Is the pre and post pregnancy Tertia, the before and after you're talking about?

I ask because in the other posting you mentioned meeting your boss, trying to find clothes outside of the holey ones plus being unhappy with post-twin weight. (It's only been a few months so don't beat yourself up.)

(assvice warning...)

If so, I say: GO SHOPPING. Indulge in a couple of nice but casual pieces in your current size that make you feel good on the weekends. On an emotional level, your body is now totally yours (as versus the RE's) to do with what you'd like. Reclaim it. Retail therapy is wonderful.

(end assvice)

[Jaine]

...what's going on with the song lyrics tongight? but T? (if i amy call you) -- I've had one bottle and a half to myself of SA "Swartland" merlot (which is a favorite and amamzing; bought by the f-ing case in this household) to myslef...I'll take the good times, I'll take the bad times...I'll take you just thewaay you are..." (harmonica, please or is it the piano?)

[Annelise]

My husband is so firmly convinced of my natural beauty that he has been trying to de-glamorize me since we met! He got me to give up mascara (hard for this pale-lashed gal; I wore it since I was 12) and now that I let all my highlights grow out while I was pregnant, he's trying to get me to let my hair remain au naturel. My dilemma is how far to go with this. I would like to be believe in his rosy view of me and it would certainly be less trouble, but I really feel like I look better when I take a little trouble.