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I'm was in exactly the same place, except that we opted for condoms instead of the pill (because I was staggering along with such miserable milk production while breastfeeding and didn't want any extra hormones in the mix). We also were going to stop using birth control when the kids reached age 3 and "see what happens." Lo and behold, I get my first monthly cycle for SIXTEEN YEARS and husband backs away from the "see what happens" position faster than...well, faster than a man with three kids backing away from the remotest CHANCE of conception.

Sigh.

On the other hand, I haven't exactly been missing the newborn stage, reading your reports from the front. ;-)

I, too, am on the pill after many years of unsuccessful infertility treatments. I am on it for the same reason, inconsistent periods. I lost a sister a year and a half ago from uterine cancer that was caused by going too long between periods (also PCOS), so I don't take any chances. And, like you, I would love to "accidentally" get pregnant and have one more child, but I don't dare tell my husband that!

Okay, I can give you some insight into this. I had my first son 5.5 years ago - a miracle in and of itself from a v v infertile couple. I won't bore you with the details, but that was IT. I was sooooooo thankful for my little family of the three of us, and thought, "What? Me? On the pill? Nahhhhhh" My doc advised me to go back on, and I just laughed and told him I couldn't see throwing money at something like BC with all the problems we already had.

Fast forward 5 years....SURPRISE. Hello, Mr. Baby #2. OMG, I was excited. And devastated. I had never intended on being pg again, especially given our history. My mind wasn't ready. My body certainly wasn't ready. And our bank account DEFINITELY wasn't ready (nor our insurance coverage - minimal at best). Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to have my second child - something I never DREAMED could happen. But, at the same time, the past year has been horrific for us, financially, physically, and emotionally. We were NOT prepared.

Don't look at going on the pill as losing a chance at another child, but rather try to see it as a way to put a little control in the situation. I threw control out the window (rather, in the paper shredder, which is where the prescrip ended up from my doc!) and in the end, got a BEAUTIFUL gift, but the ride there was scary and unprepared. Use the pill as a way to ease back into life without having to always wonder, "Am I? Am I not?" And, when the time comes that you ARE ready to see if anything will happen, you can step aside and see if nature has anything else in store for you.

I'm babbling - sorry - my hands are full of an almost 6 month old this morning!

I'm afraid I cannot speak from the infertility point of view, only from the second time around POV. My first pregnancy was relatively easy and I had relatively few PG symptoms except for some water-retention right near the end and a little high blood pressure. I find it absolutely amazing how one forgets about the 'bad' side of pregnancy and early babyhood though. This amnesia thing is obviously there for a reason otherwise many people would never do it again. Nonetheless it still took us six years to try again.

I am having a bit of a painful pregnancy this time around. All the niggles I seem to have missed the first time around have struck this time. Only 5 weeks to go now and I badly want this baby out but at the same time am almost as nervous as I was the first time around. Anyway, I am rambling now, bottom line is that I am sending my husband to be snipped as soon as this baby is out so that I don't go all gooey and change my mind once that amnesia sets in.

Looking forward to seeing you back at work, if I am still around then.

I want you to have another one too. But the whole bedrest thing...kinda makes taking care of two other kids a bit difficult...damn irritable uterus.

Just have another one anyways, lol. You make cute babies.

I can relate very well to the ironic situation you're in.... doesn't it seem so incredibly odd to talk about birth control after everything you went through? I have bad stage 3 endo and multiple other IF problems -- after ttc for 4+years, five IVF attempts, and one m/c before giving birth to our twins I remember talking to my ob/gyn at my postpartum checkup and we both agreed birth control wasn't necessary, esp. since dh and I both agreed that IF by some miracle I got pg on my own, then that would be fine.

Well guess what? Got pg when my twins were 5 mos old (and freaked OUT - way too soon!)...chem pg at 5 wks. Got pg again 4 months later, no hb detected at 8 wks, miscarried. Got pg again last Nov. when my girls were 14 months old and so far so good - I am due in August with miracle baby #3.

It absolutely blows my mind that later this year I will go on the pill or more likely dh will get snipped (I think he can go through this one little procedure after everything I endured with IVF and multiple m/c's). If you would've asked me 3 yrs ago if I needed birth control I would've laughed in your face (or cried, depending on the day).

So I am now one of Them - those miracle stories you read about but never quite believe. I am so utterly amazed and grateful for this pregnancy, yet find it even harder to relate to other pg women and/or infertiles this time around... pg friends don't understand why I'm so paranoid (still have DBT's a lot even though everything has been textbook perfect so far - 4 more wks until that magical 28-week viable stage) and I know some friends still dealing with infertility find it hard to be around me or hear about my situation(understandably so).

So if you/Marko aren't sure about ttc more kids, I would say go on the pill because, as much as I hated hearing this phrase myself -- and still do -- "you just never know"!

(sorry for the long winded post if you've made it this far!).

I went back on the pill last year after the boys came home from their 18 week in the NICU. It felt so weird being on the pill. I stayed on it two months and came off. We use other things to stop pg right now. We don't think I would get pg without treatments, but you never know. We are waiting one more year and see wear we are in life. I want another baby, but I do not want to go through infertility treatments again, so it would have to be natural. We will see.
Brandy

I have PCO as well, and after I stopped nursing my daughter I resumed normal (although a bit long -39 days) ovulatory cycles. Prior to randomly getting pregnant with her on CD 105, I would go w/o a period for months and months. So anyway, I've read PCO can be reversed/improved by pregnancy, so you may be more fertile than you think.

Do you mind me asking why you say you won't do IVF again? I can imagine with all you've been through you would just hope to conceive the good ol' fashioned way. BUT I thought I would at least ask if there is another reason why you say no IVF.

Just curious and nosey :) Thanks!

I actively prevented pregnancy until I was ready to try each time. When we had trouble conceiving our second, I thought for sure I was being punished for being such a control freak and for judging people who got pregnant "by accident." Even though I lamented the fact that I never was that lucky. After I had Elle, my dr. made fun of me for asking so many questions about the IUD I had put in. I was petrified I'd get pregnant "unplanned." Silly me.

Still haven't experienced an "oops" pregnancy although this one was damn near. But I was crying about that one too.

Silly me.

I was going to wish that all mole rats could become infertile, but because of Neen's and my battle to have a baby, I didn't. Now I just wish some big mole rat had kicked the other one wher it hurts, and that he was temporarily incapable. Stupid molehills. I get oversensitive, and then too insensitive: I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, or anything, )see: pesticides that interfere with ability to conceive...
Neen still doesn't trust me with the birth-control- She is convinced I will try to sabutage it, as I would love to have loads of children. She's sensible that way. It is weird to prevent what one spent all those years trying to do, hey?

I hear ya loud and clear. I was ready to go on the pill. DH thought I was freakin' insane since we were off BC for over 2.5 years TTC DD and nada. I bf DD for 12 months, so I'm sure that had something to do with it. Anyhow DD is 16 months old now and still no BC (or pg). We are going to try an FET sometime early next year.

Think of it this way, if you were a normal fertile person, you wouldn't think twice about BC. I do think us IFers have lingering guilt about even considering BC given the lengths we've gone to acheive pg. Sounds like you are doing what is right for your health and your family.

I totally understand.

I have horrific pregnancies. After my ds my drs flat out told me not to get pg for at least a year simply because my body couldn't handle it. After my dd was born my parents asked me if I was going to get my tubes tied (very hopefully I might add) because my pregnancies are so traumatic for all involved.

Now I have an almost 3 year old and a 4 month old and this little voice in my head that swore up and down there would be no more pregnancies while I was pregnant is wanting another baby- simply because: Babies are Good. There is something about a baby that is just so warm and good I never really want to be w/o one.

THe terrified realist in my head is also screaming about not getting. She's screaming so loudly I've opted out of sex for the time being.

So I want one, but I'm scared silly. So maybe someday. Thinking about it again in 2 years is a great idea. It is just hard to get the thought out of your head :-)

My two cents:

We don't have your traumatic history with IF--got pg on our 1st IVF/ICSI after being told we had a 5% chance of natural conception due to DH's morphology issue. But the whole process sucked nonetheless and I swore I'd never do it again.

So, no BC for me when the midwife asked at my 6 week post-partum checkup. Plus I was exclusively BFing right? You can hear the next part coming...The day dd turned 10 months old (the only day we had sex that month!) I got pg 'naturally'--now 36 weeks along with a ds.

Thrilled, a little scared, and a lot lucky I suppose. Now we too are talking about a vasectomy and I can't believe it after all that.


I'm impressed that four months out from having twins you can even think about having another one. You must be made for mothering.

Takes about 18 months for the new born amneisa to set in...then you start getting these strange little feelings!

uhm...speaking of twins...babies...amnesia...it's been DAYS since we've seen new pics....one hardly remembers what they look, can barely imagine what/how they've changed....


no guilt, mind you....

isn't it weird to think of bc? It was the weirdest thing going to my postpartum visit after my first ds was born and my dr. asked what I was going to do about birth control? I almost started laughing in his face - but then reconsidered.

I have a friend who has IVF twins, and found out when they were 6 mos that she was expecting again - the 1 in a million chance had happened. so unless you don't mind having babies close together, you have to think about bc, even if it does feel weird.

me, I practiced LAM for 6 mos, but you have to be bf for that to work. Now we just practice fertility awareness (NFP) - as in - me: are you aware that I could remotely get pg? dh: yes. me: is that okay with you? dh: yes. of course, I could ask for the moon right then, and he'd say yes ;-)

I felt the same way after having twins.. That maybe, just maybe it was in me again to have another, a singleton to see what that was like after twins. Hubby decided otherwise, after two months of feeding every two hours 24/7, he decided NO MORE! and got a vasectomy. (We DO have three kids but still...) Hmmph! Good for you for taking precautions yet keeping your options open.

I totally understand. My child is 2 months old and I can't wait to have another one! What is wrong with us, Tertia? ;) I am mailing your package tomorrow. Is there anything specific Beauty and Rose would like? Ask them! I can send a good-sized package for a flat rate of $9. Pretty good deal.

I was just waiting for the "I secretly want another baby but I suppose birth control is an ok idea" post. I have been feeling the same way. Dragging my feet to get the prescription.

Rachel

Me, circa several years ago, but without a couple of mini Markos.

**advance warning, potentially assvicey assvice ahead**

I knew I wanted a child or three, and I knew I was hardly the goddess of fertility, and that it'd be a miracle for me to get pregnant on my own. Taking the pill each day seemed a little excessive, considering I probably wasn't ovulating anyway. Or at least, not with any regularity (think 'once in a blue moon' and you've just described my cycle)

So I used a fertilty monitor, the Maybe Baby ovulation detector. Its market is women wanting to get pregnant, but I used it the other way around, the theory being if it detected a fertile period, we'd use condoms. It never showed up with the tell tale fern pattern though, and that, as they say, is another story again. ;)


*long, drawn out and not very interesting story

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