I seem to have fucked up.

Ok, I don’t know if it is because of this horrible pill but I am feeling very emotional.  The comments on my post below have made me cry.  It must be the pill.  Or maybe I am just tired.  Or maybe they really do hurt.  Jillian, what a horrible thing to say.  Horrible.  I feel ill.

And to the darling Europeans, I honestly didn’t mean to offend you, I have insulted your weather.  I am sorry.  I just meant that coming from warm Africa, can you imagine how hard it would be for me.  I was trying to use an analogy of being like a tropical plant transplanted into a cold area.  I am sorry.  I honestly didn’t mean to offend.  Would you like me to remove that sentence?

Then, I have offended someone else by saying that I couldn’t move away from my parents.  I am not saying any thing against those people who have had to move away from their parents, many many people have to.  It is just that I am so dependant on them that *I* can’t.  I sometimes feel like a pathetic baby for not being able to be away from them. 

And let's not forget all the American's I have pissed off by saying that individualism is more prevalent than collectivism.

I actually feel like taking down the whole post.  I was trying to make you all understand why I love being here.  Instead I have offended just about every one.

This is the not so nice side of baring your soul.  You open it up for hurt.  I suppose if I expose myself I should take the good with the not so good. 

And you know, the funny thing is that I have been feeling particularly cave’ish lately.  Yesterday was the first day in months that I didn’t do a new post on my blog.  (Did any of you notice?)  Then this happens.

I am going to bed now.  Please let me know if you want me to remove my post, it will only be tomorrow when I wake up though. 

It must be the pill.  I am feeling pathetically emotional. 

What a fuck up.

Comments

[Thalia]

Sweetie don't let that discussion get to you. There was only one horrible comment, and one that was a bit unpleasant. All the rest I thought were the usual balance of agreeing with you wholeheartedly and praising you for your thoughtfulness and great writing, and a few who disagree but who said so in an appropriate way.

Please don't go back into the cave, although as you go back to work I'm sure you'll have less time for us with good reason!

[karyn]

Tertia, go to bed and have a nice rest and try not to worry about inadvertantly offending a bunch of very thin skinned people. I live in Canada, where the weather can be, um, chilly, and yet I wasn't offended about you wanting to stay toasty warm in SA. In fact, I was thinking that you may have the right idea, and I LOVE my country.

Your opinions are just that, YOUR opinions. This is your blog, where you can say what you like. People can agree with you, respectfully disagree with you or get the hell away from your blog. The people who know and love you know that you are not sitting at your computer thinking "now who can I offend today?" People need to take a break and cut everyone some slack.

And Jillian can go to hell for being such a tit on a stick.

Chin up, Tertia. Go hug those beautiful babes.

[victoria]

Oh my God! Tertia I am so sorry you felt slammed by the comments on your last post!

Tertia, your last post, about the beauty of Africa, and your love for your coutnry and its people, was truly moving. I don't feel that way about my country -- partly, I think, because my country isn't coping with some of the challenges that the new SA is facing, and so I don't have that same tenderness and excitement.

Anyway -- I want to let you know that even when your readers leave snarky comments, they still love you. I think I left a comment on the circumcision discussion way back when that probably hurt your feelings. You were bighearted and kind enough to forgive me, apparently, for which I am very grateful.

But what I want to say is, even when your readers are less tactful, gracious, and respectful than you yourself are, I think we always feel thrilled to be a part of your life, and we always respect your writing talent, and your generosity in sharing your life with us.

Sometimes we're just not as classy as you are. But even as clumsy and tactless as we can be, we always appreciate you.

I'm writing on my own behalf (and I didn't even leave a comment on that post) but I suspect many of my fellow readers would feel the same way.

[Donna]

Tertia,
No need to remove the post as I see it, but this being your blog, you do what makes you feel comfortable.
I really enjoyed that post when I read it. I was thinking - Wow I love to hear all these wonderful things about where T lives. Drinking water right out of the tap? YUMMY! I am a hardcore water drinker, I'm very fussy about good tasting water.
Actually , that post was the one post so far that made me want to visit SA more than before!
I never saw anything wrong with it *shrug* I think there are some other people out there feeling more overly sensitive than you! Geez.

[Jen-Earthchild]

T...

Don't you go apologizing for what is in YOUR blog. This is YOUR space. YOUR'S!!!

It is like TV. If you don't like a program, change the freaken channel. Anyone who doesn't like this blog and what is in it, has the choice NOT TO COME HERE!

I haven't read the comments to your last post yet. I came and read this first.

I was not offended by your last post. I hate the heat....you love it. Am I offended by that? No. I don't think you said anything that was offensive in any way.

Sweetie, you still rock and always will.

[Becca]

Seriously, that Jillian woman is a horrible wench. Why would you ever say that to anyone? Did she not pause to think that having bars on your windows (not to mention a homosexual guard dog) means you are protecting your family? Sure, bars are not pretty, but they are what some people need to feel safe.

As for her "don't generalize about America" bullshit, (a) it's hard to have an opinion about anything if you can't generalize based on the facts you have, and (b) Americans ARE very individualistic on the whole, a fact many of us in the US are not pleased with. It doesn't mean we lack a community spirit, but it does mean that our sense of community is very different from South Africa's.

[jc]

Delurking to say please don't take down the post. I thought it was lovely and completely non-offensive. It made me want to visit South Africa. Ubuntu - if only we all had that spirit.

Don't worry about the weather remark. It is nice to have four seasons, but frostbite sucks. As much as I love Canada (hi Karyn), my husband and I are working and saving hard so that when we retire, we can spend at least half the year in a warm country.

I think it is wonderful that you have such a close relationship with your parents. As much as I love my mother, we'd drive each other crazy if we were neighbours. Different distances work for different families. I'll say it again: there was nothing offensive about your post.

Jillian is just a mean stranger with the personality of a yeast infection.

jc

[ericalil]

Dang! Don't do anything differently, Tertia!

Couple of people get their panties in a bunch, who cares? You didn't do anything to offend them, they're just being oversensitive.

And I agree that this Jillian person is horrible. Horrible, horrible. Such stupid and nasty things she said.

Love you, don't change! And is there any chance your doctor could try a different mix of hormones for your pill? It's a shame to feel awful like that...

erica

[casey]

Tertia,
you always say how we should not be so concerned with offending people; being so "pc". you did not offend me, and i am a resident of the u.s. i respect your opinions completely, and even if i dont agree with them i dont take them offensively because you are OBVIOUSLY not trying to hurt anyone. it is your blog, you do what you do and do not worry about those jillians. there are so many that have your back.
-casey

[deborah]

T

I am a young South African temporarily living in New York so I have some perspective on living in both hemispheres.

I have been living in NY for two years now. Never in my life have I felt so safe. I can walk hom ony own at 3AM being absolutely devoid of fear. It's wonderful. BUT SA is my home. I will return to those sunny shores because as you have so often said, there is no country more beautiful, welcoming, multicultural and so full of promise and hope.

My number one reason to return to SA is this - read carefully Jillian - I WANT MY CHILDREN TO GROW UP THERE!
I want my kids to be able to have a wide mix of cultures and people in their lives. I want them to know that extreme poverty is a reality, and to learn compassion and responsibility from that. I want them to be able to run around naked in the sun (with sunscreen of course!) and not be worried that I'll be accused of paedophilia. I want them to experience ubuntu, and I want them to be close to their grandparents.

I could go on but I think you get the picture.

I and my immediate family have experienced violent crime more than once. And even with that experience, with alarms in my house and bars on my windows I still maintain that my children (when I have them) will grow up in SA.

Tertia I admire you and don't you dare take down that post. Stick to your guns girl. I came across your blog a while ago and I keep coming back because reading your posts on SA makes me proud and relieves some of my homesickness.

You rock!

I'll guess I've just emerged from lurkerdom.

[Me]

Tertia - Jillian has no idea. Ignore her.

Trust me on this - in America you are scared every time someone gets road ragey at you, you are scared becasue of the homeless people, you are scared because of all the guns. it's no paradise of safety - it's bloody scary and crime ridden!

And sense of community? Um, that would be expressed HOW? They have no sense of community, no care for the people around them.

And rude!!!! So incredibly rude!

I come from a warm, friendly place with a sense of community, like you do, although we are lucky enough to not have the same crime problem. I despise having to live away from there - you're lucky not to have to.

Jannine just has that typical arrogance that says everyone must love MY country more than their own - to me it speaks of insecurity - they KNOW that there are severe issues, but they are unwilling to admit that or try to work aroud them.

[CountessAmy]

Tertia,
I loved your post. i very much like hearing about what it is like to live in other countries. Alot of Americans refuse to open their minds to the rest of the world, and that sounds like what happened. Also, they think their little state is perfect while the rest of the world is horrid. People are like that, just don't listen to them.

If you removed your post or stopped posting about your country I would be very sad. All i would know about SA is what i read in National Geographic. Think of your posts as a learning tool for others who aren't able to travel or live in new places.

Also, your children are absolutly adorable, but i'm sure you know that already. :p

[mijk]

Dear Tertia,

As a European reader (didn't check last entries comments for others) I really wasn't offended!

But reading my comment I can see it sounds that way. All I tried to say was I found it just genuinely funny that we both wouldn't change were we live. I would love to see South Africa once in my life but all that sunshine al year through just doesn't do it for me.. I guess my comment was one in wich I struggeld with english. In a second language it is always just a little bit harder to be precise!

So dont take away the post and do ignor Jillian. That was just mean!

Mijk

[Judy]

Please don't censor yourself. Your post was poignant and wonderful. Those are YOUR feelings and WHO YOU ARE. I love it.

As for rude, crude and socially unacceptable people who comment on your blog - ignore them. You are way better than that, and it embarrasses me to tears to think that those kinds of people are speaking on behalf of where *I* live. We are NOT all like that, Tertia!

Get some rest - I can imagine that your stress level is peaking with returning to work and all the other life changes you are going through.

And I, for one, missed your posting yesterday. I almost emailed you to make sure you were okay!

[Kim]

Tertia-

I am with the group. You post what you want. I do think the hormones make you more hurt by the comments, but hormones get me going quite often too- ask my dh.

Guess what? I love where I live too. I think it is perfect for us. Just like Marko is perfect for you- so is SA. You don't have to move or justify yourself.

If I don't like what you have to say, I can disagree respectfully. You always listen. If I continue not to care for it, I can take you off my favorites (never!). I truly enjoy your point of view. I say, luckily for us, you have to stay in at night and blog.

[Lala]

Dear g-d Tertia, please don't let people who cannot respect differing opinions dictate your blog style and your mood. Thank you for sharing as much as you have.

[RainbowW]

anybody who doesn't like your blog can go read mine. don't worry, i'll keep reading.

one thing occurs to me tho: you seem to really dislike the pill's effect on you. you know my feelings, and you've shared yours to a certain extent ... and given the likelyhood of "anything" happening ... why put yourself through this misery?

love always.

[sol]

Dear Tertia,

I love reading your blog, I feel honored to have access to your opinions and experiences and it really makes my blood boil to think that some of the comments by certain tactless/mindless people make you feel (or Marko) sad. Those folks are just not worth it...

Please ignore them and keep up your wonderful writing and please don't feel like you have to explain yourself in your own space.

Go get some rest now and please don't you give this a second thought. Take good care,

[Aimee]

You know... if you want to live in a hole in Afghanistan with your husband and two kids then so be it. If you have YOUR reasons for thinking that hole is beautiful and suitable for YOUR family then Praise God and go on with your life. Screw the person that writes a stupid ass comment. Some people think they are higher than everyone else... press ignore. You are awesome!

Just my ramblings...
A

[Mary]

I don't think I've commented before - maybe once - but don't take that post down. Screw what everyone else interpreted it as; it was lovely to see and hear all of the things that make you happy in your home. I can't believe that someone would take something so personal and pick it to pieces, just so they could turn the attention on themselves by being "offended". Life is too short to be bitchy about a fact like, as a European, one doesn't have as much warm weather as Africa. And I'm an American who can obviously see that individualism is dangerously abundant here; the idea of an open "Ubuntu"-based community sounds as fresh and special to me as it must be for you to live there every day. The sort of people who leave such wounded comments are the sort of people who shouldn't be reading a blog with as much humor and honesty as yours. They're not going to have as much laughter and happiness in their lives because they're too busy taking themselves and the world around them too seriously.

Thank you for all of the things you've written on South Africa; I would never have known any of it otherwise, and even though it's obvious you love it enough to inform us, there is a certain amount of work involved that I really appreciate.

You have a wonderful family, and those very adorable babies are also very lucky. :}

[KellyH]

No, Tertia, don't change a thing. I was really bothered when I read the post title- why does it matter to anyone else whether you stay or leave SA? You've said numerous times you'd never leave, that should be enough for anybody. I couldn't leave my country either.

[Mary]

Also, I adore my parents and would hate to move too far from my brother or father. My mother died when I was 20 and it breaks my heart to know she won't get to see her grandchildren. You're giving your children a very special gift by letting them know your parents and showing them how important family really is.

Sorry for the long comments! I was moved. ;P

[Leggy]

Please keep writing about SA and please try to ignore peoples' insensitive comments. Who the hell would say something like that to another person?

I can see why the comments would have upset you- I'd want to rip someone's head off if they said that to me. But I also agree with Rainbow- perhaps the pill is messing with you a little bit. Normally it seems like you'd let stuff people said (except Jillian's crazy comment) roll off your back. Aren't there other birth control alternatives you could look into?

[Ninotchka]

OK I'm cranky as hell anyway so here goes. I must be a fucking idiot because I read your post yesterday and saw NOT ONE THING wrong with it. And since you addressed 3 topics of interest, I'll answer to those here:

Weather - I'm a Florida transplant. I love where I live but, whew yeah, do I miss the year-round warmth and beach visits? Hell yes. I miss them desperately.

Parents - My entire family (I'm the youngest of 7) save for one brother lives in Florida. I get homesick a lot, even after 11+ years of living apart. Yes, it's tough. I don't blame you for wanting to stay put. Your family sounds wonderful. I'm very close to my Mom and siblings. I miss them desperately.

Crime - All that said, Dallas is the city with the highest crime rate in the nation. But I LOVE IT here. As someone mentioned earlier, there are "pockets" of bad areas and well, you live as best you can and take care of yourself as best you can. No-one in this entire world is entirely safe. And anyone who professes they are is a fucking liar.

This is just further proof that people are crazy. That whole Kate rape comment was EVIL and uncalled for. My GOD, how could someone even suggest such a thing? SICK.

I apologize for all the profanity in this comment, bad even for me, but like I said, I'm cranky and this whole thing is stupid.

Tertia, the only way I'd think any less of you is if you change a thing. I'm sorry you feel bad, hun.

Carry on.

[getupgrrl]

Well, I disagree with everyone else above. I found your last post to be HORRIBLY offensive.

First, you were prejudiced against cold weather! "I need the warmth," you said. On behalf of pale people everywhere, let me tell you to kiss my fish-white ass! So I burn and don't tan. So what? You think that makes you better than me??

Second, you said that you like "space." Way to be prejudiced against tiny NYC studio apartments! What's so effing great about space, anyway? Have you never used your toilet as a dining room chair??

Third, you said that you like "warm and caring" people. Way to be prejudiced against assholes, Tertia! On behalf of all assholes everywhere, I am highly offended. What, we don't deserve to be loved too? Fuck that!

Finally, as for liking clean water, all I can say is, WHATEVER. Like hydration is so important! Way to focus on the minor things.

All in all, I am terribly hurt and upset and offended by your post, and I expect a HUGE APOLOGY.

Yours in miffedness,
getupgrrl

[meganann]

Oh Tertia, I wish that you didn't have to be faced with this horrible ethnocentrism and people who say spiteful, cold-hearted things about you and your children.

Why would anyone want to stay in SA--like you, Nelson Mandela, Nadine Gordimer, and plenty of others? Because fighting to make a place that you love better is stronger, kinder, and more compassionate than fleeing to southern California.

You love your home, your family, and your children. Things are getting better in SA, and you are staying there to help heal your home. That is noble.

Cruelty, unfortunately, seems to be a human universal. I am sorry that an angry person lashed out at you in that way and used you as a whipping boy to try to feel better about themselves. Compassionate and contented people have no need to lambast others for their feelings. She is in the wrong. You are right to stay in SA with your family. One of your children may be the next great healing force of this country, and if you raised them elsewhere, they might never learn the lessons that will help them do that.

She was wrong. She lashed out for unknown, personal reasons that probably have very little to do with you. You are a good mother and right to stay where you are.

My heart goes out to you.

[Ashley]

I loved your last post, I thought it was beautiful. I'm an American living very far away from my parents and I wasn't offended at all. It never even crossed my mind to be offended. Sometimes people comment thoughtlessly and you have every right to feel hurt by their comments. I don't even know you personally and I was angry for you! But please don't let us idiot commenters stop you from writing whatever you want to write.
P.S.-Adjusting to the pill sucks! I hope your hormones stop giving you hell soon. :-)

[Meadowmouse]

Tertia,

I hope you are feeling better by the time you wake up and get back to your computer.

Don't take down the post.

I'm an American who lives in London, just moved out of Nigeria and I go to Joburg all the time - that is where my young stepdaughters live. In other words, I have experienced - and have ties to - each of the places you mentioned.

Each place has their pros and cons. You have every right to love living where ever you want. Everyone has their home, and their reasons for it. Plain and simple.

I agree that the comment about Kate was uncalled for. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

[Meg]

It is almost worth saying something stupid to hear getupgrrl's take on it.

Tertia, I thought your post was very interesting and not at all offensive. I thought the part about community was the most interesting of all. I can look at pictures and imagine what it is like to be there, but you do a great job of describing the feeling of it. I live in the US and you are right; we are individualistic. It is part of how we define being American. And, to be honest, I think we could use a little more community...the modern world and all it's "conveniences" seem to be isolating us more and more in some ways. The same with the extended family. How nice it would be if we all had the kind of ties that kept us close and wanting to be geographically close! Anyway, just because you describe how it is there doesn't mean people need to get all bent out of shape of how it is here...unless of course they have issues in the first place. "Me thinks thou doth protest too much" or however the saying goes. People who get defensive so fast usually have something they are trying to hide/deal with anyway.

Same with the rape thing. That is just strange. Not the thing most people would usually jump too...it really isn't a normal reaction. So all I can think of is how glad I am that I am me and you are you and we are not (her) them, going through whatever issues brought all that out.

As for the weather, of course warm is better. That's why people who live where it is cold come here on vacation, for crying out loud.

Anyway, don't stop writing. The only way not to offend someone is never to say anything interesting, and what is the point of that?

[Rosemary]

Please don't take the post down!

I'm an Aussie expat in the USA, and I understand exactly what you are saying, and the responses you get when you say it.

People are truly amazed when they find that I will be returning home to raise my children as they can't imagine not raising my children here. I can't imagine not raising my children in Australia. I get some of the comments in person that you get on your blog. I just think that sometimes it's hard to hear that other people think your own country has problems (I know I get really defensive when people bag on Australia, but I've learnt to be polite and respectful in my responses.)

Before I read your second post, I was commenting to my husband just how beautiful I found your post on your choice to live where you live. Please add me to the list of people who truly respect what you say, how you say it and the generosity of spirit you show to all of us by opening yourself up like that. I appreciate you and I'm very glad you are in my life. Thank you.

[Jan]

Please don't take down the post. Its honesty and that of your followup are part of what binds us in ubuntu on your blog.
I'm sure the hormones are talking to you, but do you also get cavish and easily hurt when you face what you think is going to be another big change in your life? Maybe yes?
My house was just broken into, and I live in a bucolic, safe area. If I could install bars all over I sure as hell would.
Get some rest and enjoy being back at work (and making MONEY!). The G&D babes are going to be just fine.

[Miranda]

Delurking to tell you the post is fine! The pride you have for SA is not one I see often enough when I talk to some of my e-friends about their hometowns.

There's nothing wrong with the post Tertia, just something wrong in Jillian's understanding of it!

PS: Think of the money you will save by not having your windows broken by Adam and Kate when they get old enough to run around outside with balls.

[Ellen]

Cut yourself some slack, Miss Hormones. If I am remembering correctly, you are going back to work this week (as am I.) I don't know about you but I have been internally stressed for about two weeks now and haven't been sleeping well at all. Add twins and starting the pill onto that, and whoo boy!

[Lurker delurking]

Please leave your post. There was nothing remotely offensive about it. The only people who could think otherwise must be those very very insecure in their own differing choices to take it as a personal attack. I for one empathised completely, was totally jealous of your weather and think that SA sounds like a really interesting country. I cannot imagine wanting to bring up my kids in a foreign country far away from family just because of a differing crime rate. I love where I live (most of the time) and I can see you love SA. You really shouldn't have to defend your decision to live in your own country to anyone. And as for Jillian, she clearly has "issues" to be imagining things that sick and then telling you about them.

Your last piccies of the babies by the way were gorgeous!

[Elizabeth]

please, don't change a thing. its your space and it sucks if everyone else took your comments as attacks on them.

[Bridgette]

I read and reread your post, and I can't find anything you wrote that was offensive. I don't think you wanting to be near your family is wrong. I don't think living where you were born and raised is wrong. I don't think talking about cold weather somewhere is wrong.

I'm sorry your feelings where hurt. That was wrong! You deserve an apology.

[Ellen]

Sorry, wasn't meaning to imply that the post was offensive due to hormones, because it wasn't anyway.

[Amnesia]

All I can say is just as everyone recommended...ignore the stuff that is useless. You can read through the comments and grab the good stuff and let the rest go.

You know, I was raped in college - in (gasp) the United States. In a nice small town in Indiana. Can you believe it? I should leave the US based on previous comments, however safety is an issue everwhere. There are things we do to live where we love being. There are sacrifices that we make everyday in order to live near family or near work, or in a climate that we like. I don't think we have to apologize for that.

I don't think that I made a poor decision of schools to attend simply because something bad happened. And, I don't think that the risks are less ANYWHERE else. What I do think however, is that I love hearing about your life, your choices and why you make them. I love that you live in SA and love hearing about it...so screw everyone who doesn't agree with you. Seriously.

[heather]

you know you could say to others, why live in a country whare earth quakes, volcanos hurricanes, and so on, kill your children and leave children without homes and families, or why live in a country when you can go to your corner shop and buy a gun, if tertia is irrasonsible for brining up her children in SA than what about all the people who live with this threat above them, you cant just move every time " something might happen" and moving counties isnt like moving across town,

me id love to move somewhare nicer than rainy old scotland, but thats just me, id love to live whare the sun shines.

and id just like to say i have a few friends connected to SA, some here who are desperate to go home to SA some who have gone back and opend an ophanageand school and some scottish people who have gone out there to stay and work in said orphanage and school.

Tertia i thank you for sharing your experiences and allowing us into your life through your blogg. i love reading about you and your family, maby sometimes you do things differnt to i would or think in a differnt way, but by no means do i feel the need to tell you, that you are wrong, because your not. were indivduals

[Dona]

I was one of the commentors(ers?) earlier and I hope you know that even while I stood up for American community, I felt your post was great and echoed the feelings of so many that have had to move away from home...and can't wait to return.

Please, leave your post.

[Mary]

I thought a blog was a place for a person to express thoughts and opinions????? Tertia was nice enough to share some information about SA with us. If you don't like what she is writing then DON'T READ HER BLOG! It's her blog she should be able to say whatever she wants.

[Abby]

From what I've read of yours ... it's a combination of hormones and a really pissy woman - who probably is more jealous of you than anything because you do live in a place you love and you do have a loving family and you do have gorgeous kids.

Forget her. Life is too short to dwell on crap like that.

It's best for you and your children to live in a place that makes you happy. It's healthiest.

What the heck does she know?

She's obviously touched. It's best to just say God bless her soul and leave it at that.

Here in the South (U.S.) we just say Bless Her Heart! (Not a compliment, I hope she knows.)

;)

[cathy b]

Wow Tertia, you shouldn't feel you need to take down the post. I can't see how anyone could be offended by what is YOUR own opinion, fairly and openly stated.

I haven't read any of the comments on the last post or this one, but I just wanted to let you know that I value what you write, and I am always glad to hear how you think and why you think the way you do.

I've also wondered at times why some people don't move from the places they live, when there are deep problems there--a friend who was born & raised in Belfast, friends who lived in West Bank/Israel. But my mother's parents emigrated from their homes when they were in their 20s, and I know from my grandmother's stories that it was very hard--and she WAS the sort of person who wanted to leave her parents, wanted a new way of living and being. It wasn't all it was cracked up to be for her. Everyone has to follow their own right path--and whether that path involves leaving or staying, it is the right thing if the individual was following his/her own heart.

Thanks for being you, Tertia. I've always wanted to see S. Africa (ever since a beautiful SA boy was an exchange student at my high school--in 1980--and talked about his home and friends), your writing has revived that curiousity. It sounds lovely.

[eve]

Hugs to you, Tertia. If you are anything like me when starting that damn pill, the slightest thing set me off. It was horrible. You're probably right, that is probably the case with you.

I haven't even read the "offending" post and I already know you had no intention of offending. Frankly, anyone who would be insulted because someone doesn't like the weather of their country sounds a bit thin-skinned to me!!! It's weather, people!! Yeesh!!

Tertia, do take a rest or hug a baby or a husband or something and I'm sure this whole thing will be put in perspective for you and you'll feel a lot better. :) We all still think you're G & D!!!

[MJ]

Tertia

I didnt find your post offensive in the slightest. I love the glimpses in another countrys culture and your totally different perspective. The rest of the people that made rude and insulting comments( i didnt read them) perhaps have lost their g and diviness ... :)

[Em]

Wow, yeah, I only read half of Jillian's comment and I'm offended. You just don't go there. Ever.

I'm surprised everyone was offended. I am American. I wasn't offended by your comment about individualism. I don't know if its true, I have nothing to compare it to but I didn't think that much into it. It just made South Africa seem even nicer.

As for moving away from parents. I am in that boat with you. I keep telling my husband how nice (and CHEAP!) it would be to live someplace else. I'm noticing more and more thugs in my neighborhood. We have some very nice mountains to the north with lots of open space good for kids. DH and I could easily find jobs anywhere but I just can't leave "home". Its the only home I've ever known. My whole family, since they came here, have been born and died here. Thats hard to walk away from. I wonder how the ones who DID come here were able to do it. Maybe it was the weather ;-)

Anyway, how can someone be offended by stuff like that? Eh - screw 'em. Just write for me.

[Sarah]

I love your blog. It's so funny and touching and your descriptions of South Africa are evocative and beautiful and honest.

Don't let assmunches ruin even one more minute of your life. There was nothing even remotely offensive in anything you've written, and nothing to apologize for. It's absolutely lovely that you are so close to your parents that you want to live near them, and you're right about American individualism and you're SO RIGHT about cold weather. And even if you weren't? YOUR BLOG. Asshats stay out.

Rock on, Tertia. Hope you feel better soon.

[Kimberly]

Tertia

Please do not start censoring yourself on your own blog. There are a certain percentage of idiots and assholes in this world, surely several will find their way to you eventually, much to the dismay of all of us who love you, and who love that you post so freely and so often. (I DID notice the missing post, chalked it up to back-to-work dread!)

I second everyone else who reports that they love hearing about real life in South Africa. Tell us more, and no censoring!

But truly, I am very sorry you are going thru a rough patch now, with work, pill, etc. What else can we do to help?

Much Love,
K

[Susan/holdingpattern]

Tertia, Don't pay attention to those effing effers who are offended by warm weather and wanting to live near one's parents. Eff them! I don't understand what's wrong with them! It's YOUR blog and you shouldn't have to worry about offending people with the most benign statements.

I am sorry that you are having a tough time with the pill, however. Is there any way for you to use alternative birth control - condoms, diaphragms, IUDs, the sponge, the cervical cap, a vasectomy for your hubby?

[stephu]

no, honey - be yourself. We love you however you are and whatever you say.

[Julie]

Y'know, I have never really liked you at all. So please remove that post, all others on this blog, and anything else you may ever have posted on the Internet.

Thanks in advance,
Asshole

[mandie]

tertia,
jillian's comment was both ignorant and just plain horrible. there are PLENTY of places here in the states (and every other country, for that matter) where people need bars on their windows. maybe that makes all of us terrible parents just asking for our children to be raped too. ridiculous. don't even let that get to you. people will always have their opinions and make judgements of character. it doesn't make you any less of a good mother just because you don't want to leave your beautiful country where you have friends and family. how terrible of you to want your children to be surrounded by loved ones!

[Nicole]

T-
When I was an exchange student I learned a phrase that I've never forgotten: "It's not better or worse it's just different." I've found it very useful when surveying and learning about other cultures. Sometimes when you look at small segments of a culture you might be disenchanted, but when you look at the culture as a whole it becomes difficult to make overarching value judgements. Like people, cultures have positive attributes and negative ones. In our arrogance and egotism we sometimes focus on another's negative attributes while downplaying our own.

Personally, I really enjoyed your post. It reassured me that as a whole, South African culture has many wonderful attributes and people. And while you have been very honest in sharing the negative side, you are also keenly aware and in touch with all that is beautiful in your country.

Your post also shed light as to your own personal preferences, such as for warm weather, close contact with relatives and community, etc. And what suits one person, rarely suits all. That is part of what makes us all unique and interesting. For me, I live in a cooler climate w/freezing temps and snow in winter and I love it. I love having four distincts seasons. I was one of those who ran from California as I personally don't like crowds and big city life (although even in Cali there are lots or rural areas as well). But in truth the important thing in choosing a place to live is that it meets your own preferences and needs and it sounds like SA does that for you. And that is what is matters. Unfortunately, there will always be critics out there, but the only one you need to please is you and your family. And for those of us hell bent on learning about and experiencing other cultures - your posts on SA have been fascinating and very enjoyable. Please keep them coming.

and btw - best wishes for a great week back at work

[Sandra]

Tertia, I wish I had written this earlier in the day! I live in Canada and did live in Cape Town for two years in the early nineties. I have been back 4 times and not a day goes by that I do not think of Africa. I also travelled throughout southern Africa.

When I was there I heard two sayings that capture the magic of Africa. The first is that once your breathe the dust of Africa, it never leaves you. And the second is that Africa is like a vine that grows around your heart.

I will never forget and always miss the sounds and the smells and the taste. It was an amazing time living there. Apartheid laws were beginning to be repealed (Mandela was released 2 months prior to my arrival). I have never seen such economic disparity. I have also never seen such beauty nor experienced such friendliness from people of all races. I think it is easier here in the west to ignore the privilege that many of us enjoy - in Africa, if you are a "have", you cannot avoid seeing daily the "have nots".

I don't have rose coloured glasses about it - I was there longer than a brief holiday. I have South African friends who chose to leave for Australia, the UK and Canada. And I have South African friends (English and Afrikaaner) who chose to stay and help rebuild. Neither is the "right" decision and neither is an easy one.

Anyhow, Cape Town is my second home. When I get off the plane and step on to the tarmac I breathe in and smell Africa. Tertia, one of the reasons that I read your lovely blog is to hear daily of someone's life in the Cape, the mother city. Have some Woolies chocolate mousse for me and relax with the latest Femina or Fair Lady. You live in a challenging country. You live in a beautiful country. And you get to be part of an amazing move to democracy, a peaceful move to democracy. N'kosi sikileli Afrika.

P.S. the weather in the Cape was the best I have ever been in! Except for the pesky winds in the short winter though.

[Sue]

Tertia,
I read the last post and thought nothing negative about it! Jillian was over the top and I had been trying to formulate a response...but came and read your latest post first. Please, don't feel you have to justify anything....SA sounds wonderful, and if everyone would just be honest, there are probably negatives (and positives) about anywhere one could live.

Why would anyone be so presumptuous (sp?) to think that you should just pack your lovely family up and relocate just because there is some crime? To leave your family (which if she had read any of your previous posts, she would know how close you all are) and start over someplace new, not knowing anyone?? When I had Clare I was about an hour from my family - not far, but with a newborn? An hour was too far in some instances.

You don't need this, especially since I suspect some of the caveish-ness is because you're going back to work soon. You (and Marko) are doing the very best you can for your family, and that is all that matters. Please keep doing what you're doing, because you are G&D and I love hearing all about it!!

[Abby]

Sweetie, I'm sorry that some people are idiots who don't understand that how they feel about things isn't the right way for every one. People who are that self involved and who clearly can't see beyond their own mindsets totally anoy the hell out of me!
Don't take it down. As many people above have pointed out, much more eloquently that I, it's YOUR blog!!! And if they don't like it, *&$% 'em!
Two other things: 1)I'm pretty sure that Jillian can't possibly have any kids. I can't see some one with kids saying something like that. (OK, maybe I'm being niave now!) 2)I know you started the pill, but as Ellen pointed out, you're also going back to work...I'm really wondering if you won't feel better this time next week when the 1st day back is over. Just a thought.

[Lou]

only one stupid person. There is hate everywhere- if you have found happiness where you are =- then be here and love it - share your love with others. I grew up in Fargo, north dakota (usa. Most people think it is a frozen tundra with nothing to do- but i adore it. I live in Cali now w/ lot sof nice weather and lots of crime. There are horrible things to be said of anyplace. No one wants sad ideas about their kids brought up. Every mother is already acutely aware of how fragile life and inncence is. To suggest it is cruel.

You are G&D. Be happy, Sweet Tertia!

[Angela]

Tertia, I read your post twice and struggled to find anything even remotely offensive in it! All I got was that you love your country and your family - what can be wrong with that??? I hope you feel different about it when you wake up tomorrow (today here).

Take care and all the best with your return to work.

[Jill]

The only thing offensive about that post was Jillian's comment. It actually made me flinch. I'm sorry you had to read it. Keep writing about SA. I love that you love where you live.

[Crystal]

Its your blog hon, and in my opinion that means its your business. People dont like it, then maybe they should not read it. I'd leave the post as it is, most of us are sensible enough to know that you didnt mean any insult to anyone :)

[Kristine]

I hadn't yet read your last post, so after reading this one I went back to check it out. Couldn't have offended me even if you had been trying to. I understand exactly what you're saying about your country- the good and the bad, it's your home. That's how I feel about the U.S.
Hope the cave makes you feel better- but come back out as soon as you can!

[Anne]

Question...if Jillian had found your diary underneath your bed and read it, would she have found it necessary to write in red pen and correct you on where *she* thought you were wrong? No.
This is your blog to do with as you wish. If you want to remove the post/block jillian from ever commenting again/crawl into a cave, you go ahead. It's your life and your decision. For my part I love hearing about how things are the same and different...it gives perspective. If other people have no manners, no dignity and no integrity then that is their problem and boy, what a problem!

[andrea]

Didn't upset me mate - but it takes a lot to offend an Ozzie!!!!!

[RDS]

Tertia, sorry to see you got a visit from the American Taliban (a new and upcoming tribe that is infesting American society with intolerance and an unwillingness to try and understand anyone or anything beyond the borders of North America).

[Ren]

T, dear,

Yes, actually, I did notice that you hadn't posted yesterday, and I missed hearing from you. I loved your post on why South Africa is home to you and there was NOTHING offensive in it whatsoever. I really enjoyed it, actually. You are G&D!

[bp]

Dear Tertia,

Controversy is big business, haven't you read the news lately?

So what if you pissed off a few people, or even a lot of people, for that matter? I do it on a regular basis, i'm still alive and so are they.

In fact, they secretly admire me for it, and many have told me so.

If they are mature, grown up individuals they will get over it.

If not, so what? Let them sulk!

It is probably more then just the pills. You have been stressed lately over the job thing, it is a MAJOR thing, to leave your babies all day!

Give yourself some slack! And good grief, leave that gorgeous and devine post ALONE!!! Let those who were offended come back to it again and again till they see how ridiculous they were!

JEESH!!!!

[Janonymous]

It was a beautiful post which clearly showed your love for your country. Never apologize for that! I can't imagine how it was offensive.

We live in a much-stereotyped/mocked state in the US, but my family has been here for many generations and I informed my husband (who is from a different much-maligned state!) before marriage that my children would never be born anywhere else. It is so important to me to share my family's heritage with them, good and bad. Besides, I am quite the hothouse flower and cannot live north of I-20.

And NOTHING could entice me to live in California. I love to visit, and understand why some people want to live there, it's just not for me. So what?

Jan

[jacqueline]

Bah! I read it and nodded in some places, and tipped my head to the side in others with a love of puzzlement and also smiled at other parts. I am an Australian who moved to Canada. I totally relate. I also disagree in places. So what? Vive la difference!

I love you Tertia... don't ever change. :-)

[Sandy]

Tertia, as you know I too am a South African (born and bred for the first 23 years of my life.) I decided to move to the USA because my parents moved over here with my kid brother almost 18 years ago - I too hated to live far away from my family.(They moved so I did too - in hindsight, near my folks ARGHHHH - only joking)

I went back to SA and was shocked and sad to see the change in my country...Happy because apartheid was evil and deserved a fast - quick death, but sad because of the violence, crime, and murder of many close friends...(JHB was my home town, not the Cape where Tertia lives which is much safer)

But it was not the crime rate or even the prices that send me back to the USA - I missed America, the people, the climate (FL like Durbs, parts of CA like JHB, and Cape Town) America is like the world to me - every state different, unique and interesting...some states you also need bars on your windows, and others you can roam around for a midnight walk in your skivvies and be safe!

I have lived and seen the best of both countries...but Never Ever would I a fellow SA soon to be proud American (well I hope to be soon - taking that oath and naturalization process) think to condemn Tertia for supporting a land so wants to live in! I would hope that anyone moving to another country was not doing it because of fear of rape, murder etc, but because they truly feel home in their country...America is home to me, but not because I am scared of being raped or having my children raped...but because I love the diversity of this proud nation, that can pull together in times of "war - 911" and remain truimphant to the end!

Whoever it was that posted that Tertia should move because of fear of rape or whatever (the post is missing should really consider where the fearful would move to...I for one feel that the USA has enough of the "I hate it here, but oh well it is safe" people here...

What you(can't remember who it was) are asking Tertia to be is a coward, and that my fine friend, the G&D Tertia will never BE!!!

Sandy

[M]

Tertia,

You can say ANYTHING you want to say. This is YOUR BLOG!!! hello? did someone forget that minor point. This is a place where you can bare your soul, let your thoughts loose. You are letting people into your life and they should just shut up and be supportive. This world is filled with so much hatred, uglyness, sadness - why can't everyone just be a little more understanding, open minded obviously your intent in that post wasn't to offend ANYONE!

I think you are G&D, i hope you are feeling better. Don't let this get you down.

Lots of love,
M

[Mete]

Home is where the heart is! That is what I got out of your post. Leave it!!

I love my home country because I was born here and my family is here. Nothing else. I believe country loyalty is the same as religious loyalty - 99% of the time, what we know first is what we believe to be the definition of perfection.

Be proud of your home and proud of your post. Ignore stupid people!!

[Sonya]

First time commenter here just wanting to add my own words of support. I agree that your original post was a beautiful summary of your complex and personal relationship with your home country. I think Jillian was just being a know-it-all and probably typed without thinking. I have to say I think she's a bit naieve about California. I spent the first 23 years of my life there trust me there are PLENTY of people living with bars on their windows. My apartment in grad school had razor wire around the back fence ...

I had the wonderful opportunity to visit SA in 2002 to build houses in Durban with Habitat for Humanity. I was so captivated by the people, the sights, the warmth of your country. Africa really does get in your veins! We took a side trip to Kruger National Park and it is my all time top travel experience (and I've traveled all over the world).

Be gentle on yourself. You're adjusting to the pill and to the thought of going back to work. It's a bit of a tough time. But you'll manage and you'll have a new routine and life will be good again. Just think how tickled your babies will be to see you come home in the evening!!

[Molly]

Hey Tertia,
My brother lives in Joburg and yes, they have considered moving back to NYC. They have been victimized by crime and many of their friends have too. But his wife is a proud South African, they have such a lovely place (they could never live that high in NY) and they spend SO much time outdoors. They keep themselves involved in bettering their country to the extent they have time (with their 2 kids). They think about SA's problems and they read papers and they engage with the world they live in- JUST like you are doing with these thought-provoking blog posts.

No place is perfect- you can never run far enough away to escape humanity's dark side. The US has the highest incarceration rate in the world, and plenty of inequality and brutality. I once wanted to be an int'l human rights lawyer but I decided that I belong in the fight to better my OWN home before trying to fix someone else's. And home is the key: home is home is home. Stay where your heart is!

And PLEASE look into changing scripts for the pill. There are LOTS of different kinds of pills and they DON'T have to wreck havoc on your emotions (I got off ortho-tri-cyclen after 1 year b/c it was making me too moody). /hugs/

[gaymommy]

hey tertia,
first off:
I was SO sad not to see a new post yesterday. I was v.v. worried that this is what might happen once you are busy with work and family. Don't leave us!

secondly: don't censor yourself. i love your blog, especially the aspects of SA, and the babes, of course.
your blog is fabulous.
getupgrrl, you are fabulous too.

[Kate]

Tertia,
I love you and I lurk on your blog all the time.
And I'm going to be honest and say that I think you are being too sensitive.
I do think that raising your kids in a high-crime area is a big decision and that aspect should be thought through. Whatever decision you make is okay, but I don't think it was at all horrible for Jillian to bring that up.
It can be a scary world, wherever you are.

[Mauela]

Oh,hon'... my heart is just breaking for you right now.

Not because some nitwit ethnocentric ignorant who has probably never travelled beyond the bounds of her own country... just like the man they call their President before he was elected to office... lives in some naively utopian state of denial.
Fuck 'er! And anyone else with such myopic vision that they are able to say such incredibly mean-spirited things and then fall into a deep slumber fuelled by her self-perceived superiority. Honestly... these people are NOT worth batting an eyelash over.

My concern however, is for you... you sounded so sad, and so beaten. Whether it's the pill or just this particular day of the week... this too shall pass. Trite, I know. But true.

Rest well tonight, darling Tertia... and know that out here in the rest of the world... there's yet one more on the list of hundreds of people wishing you every conceivable ounce of peace and happiness. I don't even know you... but you are undeniably one of my heros.

Don't let the fuckers get you down!!!

Much love,
Manuela
Vancouver, Canada

[Mauela]

Oh,hon'... my heart is just breaking for you right now.

Not because some nitwit ethnocentric ignorant who has probably never travelled beyond the bounds of her own country... just like the man they call their President before he was elected to office... lives in some naively utopian state of denial.
Fuck 'er! And anyone else with such myopic vision that they are able to say such incredibly mean-spirited things and then fall into a deep slumber fuelled by her self-perceived superiority. Honestly... these people are NOT worth batting an eyelash over.

My concern however, is for you... you sounded so sad, and so beaten. Whether it's the pill or just this particular day of the week... this too shall pass. Trite, I know. But true.

Rest well tonight, darling Tertia... and know that out here in the rest of the world... there's yet one more on the list of hundreds of people wishing you every conceivable ounce of peace and happiness. I don't even know you... but you are undeniably one of my heros.

Don't let the fuckers get you down!!!

Much love,
Manuela
Vancouver, Canada

[Stephanie]

Hmm, I've been out of touch. First, big hug. I read your post and found it very touching- I wasn't offended, as an American (from the north, where it is cold!). I'm sorry people hurt your feelings. That's unnecessary, cause all you were doing is explaining why SA is right FOR YOU. If others t6ook it the wrong way, then they are too sensitive.
For what it's worth- I have never, in my whole life, livged more than an hour away from my parents. And you know what? I'm glad of it. With luck I never will. My stepdad died Tuesday, and that means I was close enough for my mom to call in the middle of the night when her world crashed down around her. There's nothing bad about that. My living close means I can take care of them when I need to. That's importaqnt to me.

[Mauela]

Oh,hon'... my heart is just breaking for you right now.

Not because some nitwit ethnocentric ignorant who has probably never travelled beyond the bounds of her own country... just like the man they call their President before he was elected to office... lives in some naively utopian state of denial.
Fuck 'er! And anyone else with such myopic vision that they are able to say such incredibly mean-spirited things and then fall into a deep slumber fuelled by her self-perceived superiority. Honestly... these people are NOT worth batting an eyelash over.

My concern however, is for you... you sounded so sad, and so beaten. Whether it's the pill or just this particular day of the week... this too shall pass. Trite, I know. But true.

Rest well tonight, darling Tertia... and know that out here in the rest of the world... there's yet one more on the list of hundreds of people wishing you every conceivable ounce of peace and happiness. I don't even know you... but you are undeniably one of my heros.

Don't let the fuckers get you down!!!

Much love,
Manuela
Vancouver, Canada

[journeywoman71]

You are not a fuckup!

Lady, I won't leave New Jersey because I don't want to be too far from my parents. I love my place of birth just as much as you love yours.

"And you ask me if I'll leave [my country] but how? I cross over borders but I'm still there now."

[lorrie]

I live in Columbia, SC, in an idyllic suburb. last year.... Across the street, a panty thief broke in and finding only a bachelor living there, trashed the house...One month ago, 5 houses down from us, a Vietnamese couple brought home the cash from their restaurant's Sunday lunch meal, were followed by armed bandits who broke in and held them at gunpoint while they tore up the floor to get to the safe, which they took...Yep...such a lovely, safe neighborhood.

[cc]

don't listen to people being so silly. i'm not from SA but i would say that country needs dedicated, committed people like you guys to stay. good on you!

[Moxie]

1) It's the pill. Absolutely. Consider changing kinds.

2) Most of the Americans I know are very aware of the fact that our country is moving to a more individual as opposed to collective society and we're all wondering what to do about it. I don't think we should be sweeping this under the rug--honest exchange and public discussion is the only thing that can get us out of this tailspin.

3) I did notice your lack of posting, but didn't want to complain about only getting to see Adam and Kate for an extra day.

4) I completely understand what you mean about the weather, because I couldn't live any place without the four seasons. When I lived someplace that was warm all year it just seemed like things were off-kilter in my internal systems. So I totally hear you. I think the climate and land of our hearts become physically part of us.

5) Be good to yourself in the next few days. This transition is hard.

[Mollie]

All I can say is thank God the SA surgeon who performed the c-section to deliver my daughter decided that Victoria, BC was the place to be. Who knows why he moved here? I don't care. He's supposedly the best obstetric surgeon on Vancouver Island, and he sure did a damned fine job cutting and sewing.

Selfishly, sometimes I wish Tertiasshole would decide that Victoria, BC was the place to be, but I know she's got her reasons for staying put. Ah well. Misery and assholes both love company.

Anyway, T, I hope you're feeling better.

[Kristie]

I don't think you should apologize OR take that post down. You have every right to want to stay in your homeland and you have some very valid reasons.

There are ups and downs to living anywhere. I didn't think you were being rude or generalizing other places. And I think SA sounds wonderful thanks to your posts. Very enlightening and ADULTS understand we have to take the good with the bad.

And Jillian, what an absolute ass. Someone should pluck you in the eyeballs for saying the stupid, stupid things you said.

[Lisa V]

Tertia
Fuck the losers. You owe no one anything from this blog, it's yours. You said nothing offensive
Maybe you are feeling caveish because of going to work? I will be thinking of you and hoping for a good day for you and the babies. You are always G & D.

[Allison]

Tertia,

You don't owe anyone an apology; if people are offended because you said you didn't like cold weather or you liked individualism or that you didn't want to leave the country of your birth/and your parents... well then fuck them! There was NOTHING offensive about that post, and you my dear are entitled to how you feel; if people don't like it, they can click on the 'x' up in the right hand corner.

I hope you get to feeling better; I've never enjoyed the side effects of the pill; and pooh on Jillian too for her little comment. Hang in there!

[21stCenturyMom]

Tertia,
I'm sorry you have had an anxiety attack over your post because you got a negative response. Others have gone to great lengths to assure you that there is nothing wrong with the post (except that humorless beyotch, getupgrrl.. geez!) so enough said on that.

I just wanted to reiterate that if the pill you are on continues to make you feel anxious and crazy talk to your doctor - there are 10s if not 100s of brands/formularies for birth control. No need to keep taking one that leaves you feeling unstrung. Also, the anxiety of going back to work is surely putting you over the edge. Peace, strength and faith on that one. From my experience I feel comfortable saying that once you get used to it, it will be okay - I promise.

[wessel]

Tertia, there is nothing wrong with your blog--sometimes it's the readers who have a bit of an issue, shall we say.

I wish I had parents that I loved and wanted to be near--if I did, I would never think of leaving them. Nothing pathetic in that, and your children will prosper from a relationship with good, loving grandparents.

About crime--no, I could not live in SA because the crime would freak me out. But it's all in what you are used to. America is horribly violent, so many perverts, freaks, and raging lunatics abound there. But there are people who think me crazy and reckless for moving to Jerusalem--hello!! There is virtually no violent crime here in terms of child abductions, rapes, muggings, shootings, whatever. Virtually NONE. I walk around by myself at midnight, through the center of the city, and I never, ever have fear. (Obviously, I stay in Jewish parts that are familiar to me.) I remember in America, being unable to walk from the grocery store door to my parked car at dusk without feeling heightened anxiety because there was a car jacker or a serial rapist on the loose. Such is life in America. In Israel, very small children run all over the city by themselves and ride the busses to school unaccompanied all the time, because everyone you meet is likely to be a good person, and there is a strong feeling of community--your child is my child. But everyone knows you could be on the wrong bus or in the wrong cafe at any moment of any day. You could be walking along the street when the bus beside you blows up. Everybody knows that--it is burned into our consciousness. What is danger? Are Americans living in an LA suburb leading a safer life than me? I certainly don't think so, but they do. To some extent, it is relative and subjective. You don't have to justify why you remain in SA. It's your home, and the pros and cons are in some sort of balance in your mind.

I'm sorry for the J. comment. That one made me cringe too.

[Shylah]

I hope that you don't take it down, T.

Everything aside, this is your blog. Your space. Your journal. This is where you go to share bits of your life in a country few of us know much about. I live in California, but I think it's a different California from Jillian, because there's crime here. The city my parents live in, ten minutes away, has the second-highest homicide rate in the state, second only to LA county. Does that mean I should pack up my daughter and move her to France? Of course not. For all it's faults, I still love my country, and have no desire to live anywhere else (no, it has nothing to do with the fact that I don't understand the metric system used by the entire world. not a bit.)

The people who got offended by your statements are obviously people who either don't read you much, or are just fucking blind. Anyone who has taken any time to read your posts and get to know the Tertia we all love would know that you'd never say anything degrading. They'd know that you respect our love for our own countries, and that you love yours. They'd know better than to resort to scare tactics because they can't find anyone else to piss on.

Please don't take it down.

[lisa]

When I first read your descriptions of SA poverty/crime and saw the stats, it scared me. But you know what? Where I live (Hawaii) there's a lot of the same stuff that goes on. True, Honolulu has nearly the lowest crime rate for a big city in the entire US, but there are places that it would be dangerous for me, as a white person, to go.

I moved here from California to escape the "cold" (I'm a tropical plant myself) and some of the crime and because there is a much greater feeling of connectedness here than anywhere else I've ever been. So I can relate on many levels.

Sadly, I left my family behind and I miss them greatly, but I just couldn't live near them because I hate the oppressiveness of my hometown so much. I know I would be miserable living there.

I think you are courageous for staying and trying to make your part of the world a better place.

It's so easy for others to judge based on a statement or two. I'm sorry that people could be so rude as to attack you for your choices/decisions/feelings. Personally I really enjoy everything you write, and I hope you don't stop, or start listening to mean people.

[Jenn in AK]

Um, Tertia, I think you can see how loved you are by everyone. Anyone who was offended by your post needs to get a spine. You love SA for the reasons you said and that's great.

As for Jillian, she must have a terribly boring life to have to post such hateful things. Kate and Adam will be able to KICK ASS, don't you worry about them.

You are unique, Tertia, and I love reading about your family, your culture, your life because it is different from mine. You made many good points and I agree with a lot of them.

Hugs to you, Jenn

[MollieBee]

I hope you feel better today T. I am here, I am listening, and I am always interested in what you have to say.

[Serina]

If I was there with you I would give you a big hug and tell you not to change a damn thing. Then we would sit on the floor (so we couldn't fall down) while we drink copious amounts of wine. There would be laughter and much use of the word 'asshole'. But, OMG! Tertia, you have to go to work tomorrow! I'm so sorry, now you have a hangover and it's all my fault!
You know, it's a good thing I'm not there, really!

[Jennie]

Tertia, as another pill popping hormonal mess of angst all i can really say is, just be yourself people like jillian suffer that ever green eyed disease "tall poppy syndrome".

your blog is wonderful to read it gives me hope and gives me perspective who'd a thunk there was a world outside my lil box?...

don't stop being you to please some malcontents, their comments are hurtful and they do sting but sweetling as much as they hurt you they have to live within their own skin imagine the pain they suffer daily for that!...

chin up darlin i for one want to be just like tertia when i grow up :o)

[BeckiK]

I HONESTLY did not find one thing offending by that post! Jeez, people are rude! I can't believe you offended anyone! That thought never crossed my mind while I was reading it. That post put beautiful visions in my head of South Africa!

[Cherith]

Tertia, I am truly sorry that you were hurt by those hateful comments. Your writing about the sense of community in your country brough tears to my eyes. I would absolutely love to visit/try living there. I really would. That feeling does not exist much in my area. Colorado, USA, btw. I would love to raise my children in an area rich with history and curlture and a feeling of community. The only community/culture we have here is at your local Walmart or McDonalds, both of which I avoid. And when I cannot avoid them it is a culture of "me first!" and "How can I get ahead of everyone else?" So sad. There are pockets here and there of what you describe, but my overall impression of this country is as I have previously stated. I think that the nasty post acutally typifies the sort of lack of community, closeness and bad attitude that you often find in this country. What a shame that we all cannot come together with the intention of supporting, even when we disgree, as opposed to judging and condeming.

[Stacey]

Meh, they'll get over it. Feel better soon.

[e]

I'm (Northern) European- English, and there are parts of Europe where I feel like shriveling up and dying because of the weather (England, mostly). I would never want o live in Northern Scotland, or any Scnadinavian country. I need light, and unless someone has ever experienced proper light levels, it is impossible to imagine how bright and optimisic one feels in adequate light levels. I agree with you, in other words.

Also I do wish that people learned to say nothing if they can't say it nicely- your commenters, I mean. I haven't read the comments, but they seem to have upset you. I can relate to the Pill thing.

[elin]

I am having trouble understanding why that post would be offensive to anyone. I thought you were stating why you wanted to stay in South Africa based on your feelings and experiences. We each have our own taste for climate, families, society. I have never been to South Africa but I can assure you there would be aspects of it that would not appeal to me. That is not to say that there is anything wrong with your country. It is a matter of preference and choice. We have those preferences and make those choices based on our own experiences. It's a good thing we all don't want to live in the same place or we'd have some real problems!